2001, 7 MONKEYS, AND A PIE.

By

Rod Kent



FADE IN:

1. EXT. MOVIE SET - DAYTIME

A plastic mini-fig, TOM CRUISE, is reading a script, another 
plastic mini-fig, PIE THROWER, with a pie in hand, walks up 
to him.

			PIE THROWER
	Mr. Tom Cruise?
		
			TOM CRUISE
		(turning around)
	Yes?
		
The Pie Thrower throws a pie at Tom Cruise.

			PIE THROWER
	Mr. Kubrick sends his regards.
				
EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY - TWO WEEKS EARLIER

A DIRECTOR mini-fig, seven APES, and a monolith.

TITLE: 2 Weeks Earlier.

			DIRECTOR
	CUT! 
		
The director storms of the set.  One of the apes accidentally 
knocks over the monolith.

EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY - FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER

We see seven apes around a monolith, one grabs a bone and is 
about to throw it up in the air.  He stops.

TITLE: 15 Minutes Earlier

			APE #2
		(looking towards the camera)
Excuse me, but what's my motivation, 
way do I want to throw this bone up 
in the air?
		
			APE #3
		(looking towards the camera)
I'm sorry, I wasn't on my mark.  Can 
we start from the top?
		
			APE #4
		(looking towards the camera)
Excuse me too, but I felt my 
performance wasn't on par.  Do you 
agree?
		
			APE #5
		(looking towards the camera)
Can you do something about the 
lighting.  I can't work under these 
conditions.
		
			DIRECTOR (O.S.)
	CUT!
		
EXT. MONKEY CAGE - DAY - TWO WEEKS EARLIER

Several apes are in a cage, they are sitting around, suddenly 
the Apes start jumping up and down, and pounding their chest.  
The Director and the ZOO KEEPER walk up to the cage.

TITLE: 2 Weeks Earlier

			ZOO KEEPER
These are the monkeys.  So someone 
is finally going to do it?
		
			DIRECTOR
Yes, we start production in two 
weeks.

INT. MONKEY CAGE - DAY - FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER

Several apes are in a cage, they are sitting around and 
talking.

TITLE: 5 Minutes Earlier


			APE #1
Well, I think the way to achieve 
peace in the Middle East is to...

			APE #2
		(interrupting)
	Oh no, it's him!
		
			APE #3
How do I look, I'm not ready for 
this, I need more time to learn my 
lines.
		
			APE #1
	Ok guys, were on, break a leg.
		
Suddenly the Apes start jumping up and down, and pounding 
their chests.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY - TWO MONTH EARLIER

We have two mini-figs, KUBRICK, and the Director, Kubrick is 
on his death bed giving his dying request.

TITLE: 2 Month Earlier

			KUBRICK
I have two last requests.  One, I 
want you to do a remake of 2001.
		
			DIRECTOR
	Why?
		
			KUBRICK
I was going to do it myself, right 
after I finish that stupid porn 
film, EYES WIDE SHUT.  But it 
doesn't look I going to be able to 
do it now.
		
			DIRECTOR
Yeah, with the advancements in 
computer graphics we won't have to 
use actor dress up in monkey suites 
this time.

			KUBRICK		
No, you don't understand.  I was 
never happy with the opening scene 
to 2001.  So I had been training 
monkies for the last twenty five 
years to do it.  And they are 
finally ready.
		
	DIRECTOR
Ok, for you I will do it.  And the 
other the favor?

	KUBRICK
I never got a chance to properly 
thanked Tom Cruise for his great 
performance in EYES WIDE SHUT.
 
EXT. MOVIE SET - DAYTIME

A plastic mini-fig, TOM CRUISE, is reading a script, another 
mini-fig with a pie in hand, walks up to him.

			PIE THROWER
	Mr. Tom Cruise?

FADE TO BLACK: