April 2025

im writing a Hannibal fic with an oc (a patient suspected of murder) who has anorexia and purges. i've already got my take on it but i was wondering what yours is? i always love your takes and i LOVE rotten meat.

(im really hoping for a great minds think alike moment)

My take on anorexia and purge? Generally speaking I’d say is an attempt at control. What type of control really depends on the context and the character’s backstory. If you want to be more specific, let me know and will happily help you out.

The Fiction of the Self

Opening the mirror.

“People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.”

So begins Fight Club.

Not with a name, but with a question—already casting doubt on the speaker’s existence.

It begins not with answers, but with the dissolution of the questioner.

You have been told you are someone.

You have a name, a voice, a history.

You believe your thoughts come from you.

That the story you tell yourself, about yourself, is real.

Stable. Whole. Linear.

But what if “I” is just a narrative device—

a convenient illusion sewn together from fragments, masks, and echoes of others?

When we begin to open the mirror, we find that it opens back.

I. Ego, Persona, and Shadow: The Inner Theater

Let’s start with the basic triad from Jungian psychology:

- The Ego is the conscious “I” you believe in—the narrator, the one who organizes the story.

- The Persona is the mask worn for others—crafted to meet expectation, to protect, to seduce.

- The Shadow is what remains repressed—instincts, desires, truths too raw or wild for polite exposure.

None of these are “false.”

They are roles. Filters. Distortions.

Each one reveals by concealing.

Imagine your identity as a stage:

The Ego is the actor,

The Persona is the costume,

The Shadow is what waits in the wings, watching.

You think you are the actor.

But often, the mask speaks louder.

And sometimes, the shadow takes the stage.

II. Identity as Performance

Erving Goffman described life as a series of performances. You adjust your posture, your laugh, your gaze depending on who’s watching. There is no “authentic” self waiting behind the mask—only more masks. You are always becoming someone in relation to someone else.

Judith Butler extends this:

Gender is not something we are, but something we do, a repetition of gestures, roles, codes that feel natural only because they’ve been rehearsed.

To perform is not to lie.

To perform is to exist.

But the performance is not you.

It is the surface of something deeper, or more empty.

III. Case Study: Fight Club and the Dissociated Narrator

The narrator of Fight Club doesn’t have a name. Or, more accurately, his name keeps changing. He introduces himself to support groups with fake ones: Rupert, Travis, Cornelius. He is searching for meaning—through insomnia, through consumerism, through identity theft.

Enter Tyler Durden:

The manifestation of what was repressed.

Masculinity without compromise.

Violence without consequence.

Freedom from the dullness of being one thing.

Tyler is not a hallucination.

He is a mask—peeled from the narrator’s own face. The shadow given voice. The persona taken too far.

Eventually, the narrator realizes:

He is Tyler. But also, he isn’t. He is the one who needed Tyler.

This fragmentation isn’t madness.

It’s revelation. The self as story—written in third person, re-narrated, redacted.

IV. The Mirror as a Portal

What is a mirror, truly? A tool of reflection? Or of distortion?

Mirrors show us what we wish to see—

And also what we fear: That nothing is behind the eyes, only a performance perfected by repetition.

In ancient rites, mirrors were portals—not to the self, but to the other side. To look too long was dangerous. You might see yourself split. Or worse—someone else staring back.

V. Final Question: The I as Fiction

So we end where we began:

What if “I” is just a narrative device?

Not a soul. Not a core.

But a sentence in motion.

A lie that believes in itself.

You are not being asked to abandon the self. Only to loosen its grip.

To wonder: What if I am not who I think I am? What if the real me is a shifting stage of masks, mirrors, and desire?

-

Suggested Assignment:

1. Write a two-paragraph monologue from the point of view of your Persona.

2. Then write another from your Shadow.

Do not judge. Do not censor. Let them speak.

How would you characterize Hannibal's memory palace in terms of psychology?

The memory palace is a very real thing, anyone can do it. I do it and it’s so wonderful for many different reasons. It’s a great way to store memory, and for meditation as well. Of course, as anything, it could become an escape mechanism, but honestly I’m not really one to judge escapism since sometimes it’s all someone has.

Regarding Hannibal, I’d say it did serve as an escape, when he was in prison, as well as memorization and yes, he used it as an elegant way to fragment his painful memories as well.

hello milk! feel free to ignore this if it feels too personal.

i read that you’re a psych major, are you also seeking to become a therapist or are you already a therapist? just curious because i love the way you psycho analyze things.

Hello! I am primarily a researcher. I have worked as a therapist in the past, and funnily enough I’ve counseled some fannibals after starting this blog! I guess it’s comforting to talk to someone you can divulge your strange fantasies about freely because you know they appreciate the obscure haha <3