to answer you: yes, I have a daddy kink with Will and I think mine stems from the desire to experience intimacy that is only eroticized but there's still that safety of it being wanted and consensual and seen as tender and paternal. Am I took fucked up? lmao
Thank you so much for answering! And no! Oh my god, of course you’re not fucked up, you are very bright and self aware for knowing yourself like this, there is no shame, it’s a good thing that you are able to channel this into something fun and safe like fiction! And I know exactly what you are saying, it’s very common for those who have struggled with sexuality to feel more safe in fantasies where a figure of fear and/or disgust becomes a figure of desire. It’s a way of taking back the narrative and turning pain into pleasure.
on the musing abouti daddy kinking hannigram, embarassingky enough, i honestly never ever got the daddy kink thing, had an ex who called me by it during sex for a bit and it didnt put me off but i didnt really enjoy it either. then after many many fandoms i stumble on hannibal and for some reason these mfs are the only ones thst do it to me? its really hannibal mkre than will, my dad died when i was 16, and in a way that totally puts my dad on a pedastal he reminds me of hannibal in that he was always the scariest man in any room, capable of great violence, but very intelligent and not necessarily a show off. not good at expressing emotions and causing pain theough any attempt. my memory has forced me to forget a loooot of the negative parts of my relationship i had with my dad even though it was only a few years ago and so i struggle to connect whyy i sexualize normal moments he has with abigail (not that i think he was predatory to her but more so god i wish i was her bc even in that context of a paternal figure id find that so sexually affirming) . and whyyy daddy kink hannibal fics give me a feeling of security, a good kind of embarassment, a weird sense of freedom, and obviously that level of comfort making it feel easier for me to express sexual desires ? idk. maybe i explained it to you. dont feel pressured to reply im just curious if this inspires any rhoughts if not then i appreciate u letting me ramble and open this avenue of thought at least to myself
Thank you so much for having the vulnerability to share! It’s more common than you think! You said an ex called you “by it”, by it, did you mean daddy? If so, are you trans or a cis man? Perhaps neither and your ex was just calling you daddy cause they wanted to haha.
Asking because I have been noticing an interesting pattern in Will vs Hannibal daddy fantasies between cis women and trans men, and I am finding it very fascinating, if you don’t mind me asking, of course!
Either way, we can definitely try to understand this. So by remembering your father primarily as an authoritative yet emotionally distant figure, you create a narrative where his power and intelligence are foregrounded, while his emotional shortcomings are softened. Hannibal fits into this reconstructed memory perfectly, because he is dominant, powerful, emotionally restrained, and yet highly protective (at least in his own twisted way).
The safety found in daddy kink Hannibal fics likely stems from the fantasy of an all-knowing, all-controlling figure who provides structure and approval, something that might have been inconsistently given in childhood. The paternal figure might represent both the superego (moral authority) and the object of forbidden desire (the Oedipal dynamic), making this attraction a way to reconcile those two forces.
Your wish to be in Abigail’s place, even in a non-sexual father-daughter dynamic, suggests that Abigail represents an idealized version of yourself in relation to the father figure. This could be an attempt to rewrite your past relationship, to imagine a dynamic where paternal approval and security are tied to erotic affirmation rather than emotional distance or neglect. Desire is structured around a lack, you crave Hannibal’s approval (as a stand-in for your father’s), and in fantasy, this approval is inherently sexualized.
The fact that “normal moments” between Hannibal and Abigail feel sexually affirming to you suggests that authority and care, when coming from a father figure, are erotically charged due to their scarcity in reality. Because Hannibal, like your father, is emotionally distant and capable of harm, his approval or tenderness becomes exceptional…and that rarity makes it even more desirable. Eroticizing these moments may be a way of regaining control over past emotional deprivation, transforming it into something you can derive pleasure from rather than something painful or unresolved.
The daddy kink fics providing a “good kind of embarrassment” and a sense of freedom points to the psychological relief found in submission within a structured, paternalistic dynamic. Embarrassment implies vulnerability, but when it is safe, when the authority figure (Hannibal) provides approval and guidance, it becomes affirming rather than humiliating. Relinquishing control within a defined structure paradoxically creates a space where deeper desires can be safely explored. The emotional distance of the father figure (Hannibal) makes this dynamic even more appealing because it turns approval into something that must be earned, heightening its value.
Keep indulging in those fics, they help you resolve a lot of unconscious issues, providing a safe way to engage with them! <3
Okay so I am not cis, but I'm not a trans man either, I float somewhere in the gender spectrum of "i have no idea but i sure as hell am not cis". That being said I AM afab. And I find myself very drawn to daddy kink and hannigram, but I dont find myself placing Me in these imagined scenarios. I apply the kink to them, or other ships, but if I try to imagine myself as part of the imagined scene it becomes instantly disconcerting.
I think I've always projected onto fiction but also draw a very strong line between Myself and Fiction. So to put myself in these scenarios, even imagined, defeats the purpose for my mind. I think it helps to know i was sexually abused at a very young age, and again in my teen years, so I wonder if the disconnect comes from not wanting myself to be in a sexual situation but finding coping by putting it onto fictional characters where its not real and thus cannot touch me.
Thought sharing my perspective might be an interesting outlier answer compared to the ones you've gotten so far haha
Thanks for sharing! I think most fans self insert in an indirect way, as in they don’t imagine their literal selves, but rather create a character that they can project into but still remains distant enough for the mind to actually enjoy the fantasy, so I think that might be what you mean? It’s very common. I’d say it’s rare for people who suffered abuse to literally self insert, most of us need the safety of a somewhat different character that we can step into but it’s not literally us :).
Hi, this is for the anon who was talking about using fandom to cope with surviving csa. I’m a survivor too, though I’ve got some more distance on it.
I thought I’d gotten past it.
There’s a story, though, that showed me I still have a lot of work to do. I’m nervous about putting it forward because . . . saying “trigger warning” doesn’t scratch the surface. It’s not about the event itself. In fact you can skip that entirely. It’s about all the unhealthy ways we blindly cope afterward, believing we’re doing what it takes to survive.
I knew it was a dark fic, and I generally like those, but I’m not exaggerating when I say it put me in a full body anxiety attack so deep I almost landed in the ER. I got back into therapy That Day. It was a violent way to crack through the repression, though a necessary one, for me.
But I encourage the other anon to proceed with extreme caution. Especially since Hannibal and Will are generally their comfort characters, and in this fic they’re the aggressors toward Hugh Dancy’s character Adam.
It feels insane to say “this hurts so much, try it!” but the anon talked about feeling seen. Reading that story made me feel more seen in my stumbling recovery than decades of therapists and well intentioned loved ones.
The story is Shelter Us, Harbor Me by lovetinture. It’s is skillfully and wrenchingly well written. If they’re interested, I wrote a follow up story called Seaglass to help process the firestorm of emotions Shelter Us caused and try to get the characters to a place of peace.
I wish them well in their recovery, and I thank you for facilitating such raw and necessary conversations.
Oh, wow, thank you for sharing. I’m curious to understand the plot, so I too will be checking this out! Proceed with caution everyone who wants to read it! And I’m so glad you were able to move through that, anon, triggers can be quite brutal, I’m glad you were able to get help <3.