There are so so so many little things that pile up to make me find John Gaius such a damn fascinating (and favourite) character but I think my favourite little thing has got to be how desperately, viscerally, he wants love and forgiveness but also how I wholeheartedly believe that if he told someone all his sins and they did forgive and accept and love him that he both wouldn’t be able to accept it for a second AND would probably see that person as awful for accepting him. He both wants total forgiveness and love and DOES NOT believe he deserves it in the slightest. I think, anyways.