JOHN GAIUS? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JOHN GAIUS GOD DAMN FOOL CORPSE COLLECTING PEANUT EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT NECROWHORE PRIME KINDLY CLOWN OF THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN GOTH MOTHERFUCKING JOHN GAIUS. STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JOHN GAIUS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP CONSTRUCTS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE A REVENANT IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME. if i wanted to get into the river beyond and god said ‘i’m waiting inside’ i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down. if i have to deal with john gaius speaking one word in person to alecto in the next audiobook not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to reread the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive. i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects lyctors but i am just mad because i am angy. he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of warhammer 40k and wanted the irl version ill go ham. BETTER have had a cavalier make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him. paypal.com/IFuckingHateJohnGaius. chapters not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his lyctoral lab and I lost it. where the fuck is john gaius if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt. crusty old man. ill punch john and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final necromantic theorem he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish. im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when john died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone. everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true jesus metaphors
I’m imagining this is Mercy pacing a hole in the rug in her quarters, or shoving her face in the scream hole.
thinking about. the tritendarii. thinking about “dad wanted a matched set” and “we didn’t want anyone to seperate us” and “i need you” and the responding “i need you”, and “i wont tell her” and “she could have taken me” and “she can insult me as she likes”. i’m thinking about “try taking coronabeth’s memories from me, i’d kill you myself”. and god. fuck. whatever the fuck is going on in their dynamic we have only scratched the surface. ianthe might have been the necromancer but i don’t believe for a second that it was such a simple power dynamic.
one flesh, one end – that’s the THING with twins, isn’t it? they had spent all of three nights apart in what, 21, 22 years? before ianthe killed naberius and left coronabeth crying on the floor and saved her life. it makes sense then that ianthe has such distain for harrow’s choice to forget gideon. telling harrow she’s running away, etc. i don’t think it’s just ianthe being mean and having a crush. i think ianthe really does think it cruel and horrible that harrow chose to forget gideon, and she doesn’t understand harrow’s decision as one of love. it’s not compatible with how she views the world. she could never kill coronabeth, but she would never, ever forget her. and because of naberius, ianthe was able to neatly sidestep the terrible requirement of lyctorhood, that says you kill and consume the person closest to you. because ianthe only ever cared about coronabeth. other ppl have already written abt ianthe probably knowing the necro-cav dynamics as consumption from the start, so she prevented the person closest to her from becoming her cavalier, and prevented her cavalier from becoming the person closest to her, etc etc, so i won’t re-trod it here
and i think coronabeth probably relates to gideon “i already gave you my flesh, and i already gave you my end” “all i ever wanted you to do was eat me” “you rolled a rock over me instead of giving up your own damn aganda” nav a LOT. i’m sure coronabeth offered to be ianthe’s cavalier. im sure she begged ianthe for it, in secret, and im sure ianthe refused. corona (and gideon!) want to be consumed, it’s the ideal kind of love that has been modeled to them by society, that’s what they offer to the person they care about most in the world, and that is exactly what is denied to them by those same people.
“it’s for your own good”, harrow and ianthe say.
“that’s not the point”, gideon and coronabeth reply
i completely fucking hate you. i don’t even remember about you most of the time. i would die without your attention. i am most myself when i am opposing you. you know me like no one else and you can hurt me like no one else. i will never trust you. i don’t know who i am without you.
i want you to need me like i need you. i want you to hurt like i am hurting. i want to be the only one to see you weak. the thought of losing you devastates me. …i don’t want to examine that.
Not soulmates but it always had to be them and they weren’t destined to be together but they were doomed to be but also it took everything for them to get here and also it was never supposed to happen but also it always was and had to happen this way. Hope this helps
God, Gideon Nav is a butch woman in a sci-fi/fantasy story who’s allowed to just be butch! She wasn’t the only girl raised with 8 brothers, she wasn’t “made that way” in response to some horrible trauma, she’s not disguising herself as a man to join some army or exclusive group while yearning for the day she can revert to feminine presentation, she’s just a woman who is masculine presenting. And yes, many of her interests and goals are based on physical strength, but like…the book doesn’t make it weird, yaknow? And all of this is made more important by her specifically being a mixed race butch woman of color! We really need to appreciate that more
its been a while since i read the books and i dont have time to read them again before the next one comes out so can you give me a really really intentionally bad recap of the story so far
Intentionally bad? My pleasure! I also haven’t read the books in a minute so we’ll see how this goes
Book 1: Bone Bitch and Bone Butch come from the planet of nun goth with left grief. They attend a scavenger hunt where the real treasure was supposed to be the friends they made along the way. These would include: the military, the 1%, punks, wholesome parents, badass nerds, an Imposter, Religion™, and each other. Wholesome mystery turns horror story as they fail to understand the assignment and instead play Among Us. Bone Bitch, one nerd, and Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss survive.
Book 2: Bone Bitch puts Bone Butch in a box for her own good and immediately forgets she has done this. Bone Butch doesn’t like this very much while recounting the tale to Bone Bitch from inside the box.
Bone Bitch undergoes an underdog training arc and must learn how to be Bone Bitch Supreme while actively being hunted by Jod’s family, who she lives with. After some letters and bad soup Bone Bitch ends up in a river bubble where she fights a sword haunted by mommy issues with the help of found family and a lot of fanfic tropes. Bone Butch gets to take over the wrong body for a while and uses this as an opportunity to confront Dad.
Meanwhile, several different entities are attempting to take down Jod: devil in a box, mommy issues, black hole with bees, protagonists of a different story who work for mommy issues, and Jod’s reluctant polycule.
Nona lives in a genre where the back blurb is, “How do you deal with the world’s most embarrassing family — AND school?! How do you cope when the biggest jerk in the universe … turns out to be your secret crush’s out-of-town cousin?!?!”
