she’s cute. she’s tall(er than you, which if we are really being honest is not saying much). she’s got genuinely massive biceps. she has made more “your mom” jokes in her one tragically short lifetime than everyone else who has ever lived on your shitty home planet put together. she is the previous owner of your mysterious sword with terrible vibes that you try very hard not to think too much about lest you pass out and hit your head on one of god’s hardwood floors again. i didn’t say her name, but ORTUS NIGENAD popped into your head, didn’t he? also you probably have passed out on the floor now so sorry about that