the whole point is that she shouldn’t have died like there are 15 huge signs within the story saying This Should Not Have Happened harrow erases it from her mind because she can’t bear that it happened she literally blots out the event it is so terrible! You can find gideon’s sacrificial love compelling without seeing at as a Good thing. Damn I don’t want to make soup out of my own marrow in real life either but it did kind of rule on page!
if u don’t come out of gtn a firm believer that the universe can and should die if it means gideon gets to live then idk man can’t relate