February 2023

my thought about modern au gideon is that she would have plenty of beautiful well-adjusted women fawning over her if she just tried to look outside her social circle of weirdo freaks. but she will not she's into this.

Interesting proposition seeing as the canon universe is populated exclusively by weirdo freaks, and so we have no frame of reference for non-weirdo freaks’ reaction to Gideon. I have several thoughts: 1) I totally buy any and every woman fawning over Gideon however 2) I totally buy Gideon as a total loser with zero game who chooses the wrong dialogue option on every occasion but also 3) she deserves to have some fun mutually fulfilling flings with women who aren’t actively trying to kill her, her friends or themselves but on the other hand 4) would she even be able to parse desire or affection directed at her if it didn’t go hand in hand with convoluted ritualistic violence?

Anyway I would love to see her being surrounded by adoring smart self-actualized women but be unable to perceive them because her childhood nemesis who’s had a perpetual nosebleed all winter has been sitting at the back of the library for 13 hours straight and hasn’t spoken a word that entire time, thank you anon

theriverbeyond:

sexiest Ianthe Tridentarius moment

when she was chewing on her own hair and biting Babs for fuel at Canaan House

biting chunks off herself & teleporting through pools of blood vs Silas

“spoke too soon, old news” saving everyone’s ass vs Cytherea

on her knees in unmistakable supplication begging Harrow to turn around

covered in blood getting her arm chopped off and then regrown by Harrow

“i love a little gal on gall”

on the video screen in Bab’s very dead corpse body wearing leather pants

threatening to remove all of Cam’s limbs and then stabbing her in the stomach

“i bet you say that to all the boys” before peacing out

other (list in tags)

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yuck-pfaugh:

What’s your favourite one-star review of “Gideon the Ninth”?

Sentence structure is absolutely weird, and noticeably wrong.

If you are looking for well written female characters this book is not for you.

A book [this] offensively PC and inclusive does more damage than good.

Take “lesbians” […] There are slight hints… Blink and you’ll miss them.

Plot twists that are never set up.

Lazy, uncouth American terminology.

Too much gleeful depravity for me.

She vomits on a canvas and calls it art.

I disliked someone using God’s name in vain.

It is nice, in a childish way.

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Shout-out to Amazon reviewers for providing such a wealth of material that it was tough to narrow it down! Honourable mention (i.e. it wouldn’t fit in the text box) goes to: “A major part of the book’s ending hinge’s on a relationship between these two characters which is never established earlier in the book.”

thebestpigeon:

liesmyth:

yes yes “Ianthe thinks she’s the main character” this, “she thinks it’s a romcom” that, but I’d actually unironically Would read The Tridentarius Cut of tlt. imagine it.

it’s called The Prince Ascendant or something in that vein. gripping political space opera with a dash of romance to make you swoon and some smut and blood to spice it up. the cover is Ianthe holding her rapier in one hand, Babs’s half-chewed heart in the other. the blurb says “she could eat you alive and you WILL say thank you”. Ianthe autographs all copies whether you want it or not

Jod: Ianthe why did I get an email saying it is now galactic law to own and study “The Prince Ascendant”

Ianthe: My lord I am simply invested in the peons having a solid grasp of what goes on at the top of the ziggurat. I find transparency is very important for any government

Jod: I just think its weird to make people read your fanfiction

Ianthe: Its not fanfiction! It was fact checked by an independent arbiter!

Kiriona: yeah i added in, like, way more tits

sophelstien:

best of my favorite ianthe lines

should we hold hands, in girlish solidarity?

alas. i have a bad personality and a stupefying deficit of attention.

you know. for…sex reasons.

okay. all right. okay. wow. fine.

anyway! back to me, prince ianthe naberius.

why, your fist is so big, and my butthole is so small.

happy birthday.

how politely expressed!

my sweet, i only die of longing for thee.

op you forgot (tell me in the tags)

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does. does she say the your fist is so big line to gideon


Boy does she! And Gideon is shockingly into it.

(Narrator voice: she was ready to laugh at her goddamn jokes.)

Looking in from the outside I honestly thought the Gideon/Ianthe ship was a fandom joke but now I’m not sure. Good for them. Let Gideon fist that morally questionable butthole.

They’re a fandom joke and they’re two losing sides of a love quadruple and they’re sister princes ruling the galaxy and they’re fucking nasty on the regular using none of the conventional holes. Hope this helps

my friend and i were debating which tlt characters would be the worst to have in a women's studies class with you (john was off-limits) and we settled on ianthe and gideon. would you agree?

This is such a fantastic discussion prompt. I think you’re underestimating Silas’ potential to be insufferable; that boy has never seen a topic he doesn’t have rigorously formulated moral objections to. But Gideon and Ianthe as a duo would be such strong contenders. Between the bad sex jokes, performative nonchalance, inability to shut up, concurrent desperation for and aversion to attention, and gender confusion-induced defensiveness, that would be a real shitshow

contributing to the "would gideon be successful with normal women" discussion: i think gideon might inspire an "i can fix her" instinct in a lot of well-adjusted women, which, combined with the hotness, might turn her personality into a buff rather than a nerf. of course she would notice or understand any normal romantic advances is another question entirely

See I don’t think she gives off the right fixer upper vibes. She’s not actually brooding or mysterious or stoically hurting, she’s not dark and explosive, she doesn’t play hot and cold. In a universe without the silence oath and face paint she wouldn’t even be particularly intimidating. She’s loud and goofy and deflects tension like a champ. She deals with conflict and discomfort by making a big fool of herself. Her coping mechanisms are specially designed to annoy you so much you forget to be worried about her. I think rather than “I can fix her” it’s gonna be “I bet I can find much better use for that mouth”

kangaruthi:

chekhovs-tantrum:

milliebobbyflay:

paired with their often intimate and violent subject matter, i find the incidental way tamsyn muir frames women and their bodies throughout the locked tomb series to be refreshing bordering on radical

consider harrowhark; in the first book we see her as gideon sees her. she’s a hideous ghoul with a flat ass and no tits, she’s a delicate sopping wet beauty with a sharp face and angel bow lips, she’s a triumphant and awe inspiring master necromancer screaming and fighting drenched in her own blood. the shape and condition of her body is allowed to take on meaning contextually based entirely on the situation and how gideon feels about their relationship in any given moment

she then spends the second book hobbling around with a sword twice her size, ripping apart her body to use as a weapon and passing out in her own vomit, struggling to eat and sleep – she and puts herself through absolute hell and never once thinks anything of it, and we’re made to mourn this not as the desecration of a beautiful woman but as a manifestation of a human being’s despair and self loathing, and we see this specifically contrasted against the care gideon tries to take when inhabiting her body during the last act

it’s jarring, in nona, when we’re suddenly made aware that her body could be perceived or valued as a commodity, when pyrrha is assumed to be nona’s pimp. it feels strange and horrifying when we learn alecto’s form was modeled for a doll, learn that she was given a woman’s body as a display of ownership, an alternative to being consumed, and as we’re processing this we watch gideon, paul, and ianthe, immediately setting aside their conflict in a desperate scramble to preserve harrow’s body for no reason other than because it is harrow’s and they love her

feminist fiction often focuses on women’s relationship to a body which is valued more than the person within it – and that is a worthy experience to explore – but as a transsexual butch(ish) dyke, i have never really had the privilege of seeing my body as a precious commodity, never felt like it couldn’t or shouldn’t be a sight of violence and disgust, and as a result the locked tomb books have made me feel seen in a way that few other works of fiction have?

we as an audience are not made aware of how attractive any character would be outside of the context of our lesbian POV characters’ perspectives, their relationship to patriarchal beauty standards is an utterly irrelevant detail we’re never told and only occasionally glimpse through implication. the women in the locked tomb books are simply free to exist, to have experiences and feelings, to love and hate and grieve and suffer and die like anybody else, and to have those experiences reflected in their physical vessels

it’s a perspective that’s so fundamental and obvious that to praise muir for it for it feels almost patronizing, but i also think it’s a huge part of what’s made the series so resonant for so many queer women and i feel that that’s worthy of highlighting and celebrating

This is what I love about Muir, and Pratchett did this really well before her. All the femme characters have a spectrum of body types, and it’s only mentioned in service of a) plot or b) characterization.

And then there’s something so freeing about Nona’s attitude of seeing beauty in every single body as well. We get two books of “yeah whatever, it’s a body, it’s really just here to get shit done,” and then you have a book absolutely saturated with “every single part of every single body is gorgeous. Except for Barbie, who is the only ugly person in this universe.”

I didn’t know I needed that role model of someone who looks with love and admiration at every single human feature and appendage. Nona thinks your ears are a marvel and I want to live with that energy.

carys-the-ninth:

carys-the-ninth:

Without further ado:

The Locked Tomb Threesome Generator

Please put yours in the tags.

OH SHIT I FORGOT BABS

frontline-titties-of-the-ninth:

Harrow.

Even though I long to call that little body language expert of yours a hack and be done with it, I’m not going to say that I didn’t want it. Because unlike some people, I am not a serial liar. And, on occasion, I can even process complex emotions without purging their source from myself entirely.

At any rate. Put yourself in my shoes, Nonagesimus. You’ve been starved of all companionship except - blech - Ianthe. You were dead for months - felt like years.

And then she touched me with those burning hot little hands of yours, and I thought it was you. I wanted it to be you.

I opened my eyes. That couldn’t be helped, honestly. You were there in the frame of her, and she was all decked out in your favorite shitty color (if not quite as encrusted with bones), and her hair was almost the right length again. But her eyes were all wrong - the same color as mine were before I made the biggest mistake I can’t regret. Worst of all was her face. Not to encourage you, but she doesn’t come close to the force or the depth of your expression. She filled it out with one emotion at a time, and she didn’t have anywhere near the mastery of your eyebrows that you did. When I look back I could kick myself for not calling her an imposter immediately.

I’m not making excuses, but I only had a second to take in all this information. A lot of the more clever remarks above come from later observation. I, fool that I was, was mostly thinking that you came for me. I was looking at the raggedness of your hair and the sharpness of your jaw and the queer unpaintedness of your lips, and I was wanting you in a way you probably would have killed me for.

And that’s when she kissed me.

I didn’t do anything weird! You haven’t had my tongue in your mouth or anything like that. The sanctity of your mouth remains unblemished by all but the corse of the Locked Tomb, unless you count that jaw inspection thing with Tridentarius, which is completely your call to make. I didn’t bite your lip or make a weird noise, or even take your hand. Granted, you can thank the element of surprise for some of that. You don’t have to scrape Nav off your tonsils, is the point - maybe just take a few cold showers and put some extra paint on your lips going forward.

Technically, I have nothing to apologize for.

I’m sorry, Nonagesimus.

violetrashie:

griddlehark au rock band because of reasons🔥

like it? prints/stickers and more availables here in my shop!! <3

meme-sauce:

TLT is wild. The main ship finally shares a scene after 2 whole books and they don’t even talk. Jesus does call the Earth a slut though.