May 2023

stickandthorn:

If there is ever a live action adaptation of Gideon the Ninth, the ONLY acceptable way to do it would be in the style of a competitive reality TV show. Each of them has a one line introduction like *from beneath the deep veil of a goth nun habit* “I am the Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus, the greatest necromancer of my generation, and I did not come here to make friends. I came here to win.” And then we cut to the creepy Eighth guy in an interview segment and he’s saying “those heretical shadow cultists? I can’t even eat with them around. Whether I win or loose, I KNOW I’m not letting that creepy bitch ascend to Lyctorhood.” And then Teacher starts narrating “it’s only day one, and the competition is already heating up, but we still have a long way to go to find who the Next Top Lyctor will be. Now let us pray.” There’s those dramatic zoom ins and those drum sound effect and someone gasping whenever a body is found. Whenever someone storms off it’s filmed like when a cameraman follows someone storming off the sound stage after a particularly bad fight going “I’m done, I’m fucking done.” Harrow keeps telling the cameras to stop following her. After Ianthe says something deeply fucked up at the worst time, it cuts to her in a confessional segment going “Listen, I just tell it like it is, and I’m not afraid to stir the pot.” Do you see my vision?