the other day i was thinking about how the first time i read htn, i was waiting the whole book for a twist about john. specifically, a twist in personality i was waiting for him to ‘drop the act’, so to speak, and reveal himself as a cruel, intelligent manipulator instead of the most pathetic piece of man i’ve ever read. but then the twist happened, and it completely blew my mind bc even after the twist, he still is just like that. he exploded the heart of one of the few people who maybe ever really loved him, but he’s still just like that. and that hurt even more. the aspects of his nature that briefly endeared me to him suddenly became repulsive and honestly insulting. mercymorn is right, how dare you sit on the couch and discreetly eat peanuts. how dare you tell the child begging you for absolution to get a hobby. he can’t even do fascism right. he literally just exists to eat hot chip and lie and that’s so INSULTING. it’s INSULTING. JOHN GAIUS’S EXISTENCE IS SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE.