thinking about Cam in BOE custody and holding so tightly onto Palamades’ bones before she even knew for sure he was really in there, through BOE torture and electric shocks and Judith & Crown’s… everything and how she didn’t talk for weeks. “Cam was gone”. hollowed out and gutted and razed to the fucking ground by grief. and she was grieving Palamades, of course, but how much of that grief was also for Dulcie, who Cam found out was dead maybe fifteen seconds after Palamades himself exploded?

im thinking about how she and Pal and Dulcie had been exchanging letters for over 10 years and Cam had saved every one. EVERY single one. sharing your whole life your whole self with two people that you love and then suddenly you’re alone. two parts of her gone, one of them she didn’t even notice until it was too late. she didn’t notice. grief and guilt and destruction. she never got to say goodbye to either of them. what the fuck.