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ok so I’m obsessed tonight about THIS John&Gideon parallel here:

NtN John 1:20 ->

He said, You were screaming. I wanted you to stop, I wanted … I wanted you. I wanted you like a caveman wants a wildfire … or the sun. I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn’t say anything … I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I’m ready. You kept screaming and screaming … ALT

HtN ch 48 ->

I spent all that time drowning and surfacing in you, over and over and over, and all because in the end you could not bear to do the one thing I asked you to do. I wanted you to use me, you malign, double-crossing, corpse-obsessed bag of bones, you broken, used-up shithead! I wanted you to live and not die, you imaginary-girlfriend-having asshole! Fuck one flesh, one end, Harrow.ALT

John and Gideon both begging and pleading to be USED, to be taken, to be a conduit for greater things. and this was originally going to be a “girls when they are like their father” kind of post but the thing is, what immediately follows each quoted section is where Gideon DIVERGES from John. John begs to be used, and when there is no answer he lashes out. he gives up

like a baby in pain. So I tried to hurt you—I did hurt you. I reached out for you, and it hurt you … but I wasn’t strong enough. The caveman. The wildfire. The Neolithic priest staggering in front of the falling star.ALT

he *lets go*, he lashes out, he hurts her, framing the rest of this sequence like it’s NOT his fault when it 100%, absolutley definitely IS. “one little nuke” like there even is such a thing. and nefarious use of the passive voice here, like all these nukes just… happened, like oh well. SAM sites opening up like wildflowers and not humans making decisions. he’s throwing in the towel!! nukes into nukes into nukes, like it wasn’t his fault the first one fired!!!!

He said, I let go. In the body they’d paid me to puppet, I gave the command. That command was heard round the world … so many men with so many fingers on so many buttons. The world went down in dominoes. Launch one nuke, you’ll get twenty thousand anti-air missiles in response. SAM sites open up all over the earth, like wildflowers. One little nuke … then a lot of bigger nukes … Christ, why’d we have ’em? Nukes into nukes into nukes. They came out of subs and bunkers and scrambled jets. The funny thing is, it was all to try to make the other ones stop firing … like an old comedy sketch.ALT

which is UNLIKE, of course, Gideon, who when Harrow did not come back, did NOT lash out. she did not give up, instead reaffirming her devotion and drive to protect Harrow, even when she wasn’t there. even if Harrow may never come back. even if she still felt thrown away and betrayed.

already gave my flesh to you, and I already gave you my end. I gave you my sword. I gave you myself. I did it while knowing I’d do it all again, without hesitation, because all I ever wanted you to do was eat me.ALT
whenever you're ready, i said. don't worry honey. i'll keeo the home fires burningALT
always your sword, my umbral sovereign; in life, in death, in anything beyond life and death that they throw at me and theeALT

and yknow, I’ve posted before about how Gideon’s suicidal devotion to Harrow is bad for her and it truly is SO bad for her but also like. she is already dead here. anyway Gideon Nav is her father’s daughter in so many ways but she is not like him in this!!! she is BETTER!!!! like what if John didn’t give up. what if in his rage and pain and grief he was able to do what his daughter did. what if he said ok, beloved, I’ll keep the home fires burning. what if he let the trillionares go. always your sword. whenever you’re ready.

anyway

line drawing guy having agoniesALT