I’m like, so this is about houses or some noise? That’s fine, I’m sure that’s like fucking dynamite in a handbag for some brosephs. But all I’m saying is, when do you get to thrash anything?
Tracks I’m not a fan of will get slapped with the #bluh tag. KEEPIN IT MAD FAIR AND BALANCED, YO.
Written by George Buzinkai. Produced by Clark “Plazmataz” Powell and Michael Vallejo
For the record (a snarky web-blog counts as ‘the record’, right?), I don’t hate this track. And I know many people are a fan of it, being the inspiration for many songs on follow-up albums. I think that’s why I can’t get into it on its own: the melody is much more effective as an accent for something bigger.
When combined with other songs, the two become much greater than the sum of their parts. I’ll explain more about what I mean later on, when we start hitting some of the songs that incorporate Doctor as a part of their structure.
Remix by Gabe Nezovic
This remix isn’t really effective: it dilutes the original track with a heavy, muffled beatline, rather than taking it in a new direction or putting a new twist on it.
By Alexander Rosetti and Toby “Radiation” Fox. Meows supplied by Michael Guy Bowman. Original (Chorale for Jaspers) by Michael Guy Bowman
It’s sort of a novelty song, fair enough. But I can’t get past the mad, distorted cat noises.
By Toby “Radiation” Fox
I mentioned that Black was almost a little too electro-thrash for me: this song took a rocket-sled past the ‘too electro-thrash’ line. It’s a strange combination of 60’s science fiction computer sounds, electric guitar, and Snoop Dogg.
By Toby “Radiation” Fox
Yeah, it’s a novelty song. And the first part is clever and entertaining: Nicolas Cage probably sets a record for ‘largest quantity of batshit crazy packed into a career’. I’ll check with Guinness on that.
But frankly, even a song like this starts running on fumes in the middle when the entire set of lyrics consists of the word ‘boner.’ I guess that was the plan.
By Erik “Jit” Scheele
Source: Homestuck
Shocking, I know. Yet I cannot tell a lie. I can’t even enjoy this song on an ironic level. It just makes me want to punch Dennis in the face. He was so wasted, ha ha, I mean damn.
By Erik ‘Jit’ Scheele, Original 'Beatdown’ by Curt Blakeslee
It’s a different take on the two source songs, but one that abandoned the best part of each, I think. It plays as though it’s building up to a payoff that never really comes.
Image source: Homestuck
Maplehoof’s Adventure (By Michael Guy Bowman) is another album-only bonus track on Homestuck Volume 7.
I travel to the South a fair bit, where sweet tea is king. Here in the North, once the sugar stops dissolving in your iced tea, that’s it, it’s sweet enough. In the South, the laws of chemistry aren’t allowed to get in the way: it must be sweeter. The tea is heated to near boiling and even more sugar is dumped in. Then it’s cooled back down again. It shouldn’t be possible, yet there it is. It’s Trickster Mode iced tea.
That’s what I think of when I hear this song. Just ridiculously saccharine sweet.