I guess there’s no delaying this album’s introduction anymore. It is time to dive headfirst into a world of cheeky cephalopods and their quest to thwart an honest, hardworking mariner with student debt.
To fully appreciate this album, I think I’m going to need a little bit of help.
Powerful help.
TIME FOR SQUIDDLES!
By Alexander Rosetti
WELCOME TO HOMESTUCK! THE ONLY WEBCOMIC THAT FEATURES NOT JUST ONE, BUT MULTIPLE MUZAK COMPOSITIONS! IT MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING THAT FEATURES MULTIPLE MUZAK COMPOSITIONS, BESIDES ELEVATORS, OF COURSE! THIS ONE’S GOT JUST THE RIGHT MIX OF SMOOTH AND SILLY!
By Seth “Beatfox” Peelle
PEPPY, FUNKY SQUIDDLES MUSIC! THAT WAH-WAH SYNTH IN THE BACKGROUND GIVES IT JUST THE RIGHT FEEL! BUT IT’S THE BRIDGE AT 1:30 THAT’S MY FAVORITE PART!
By Alexander Rosetti. Original (Carefree Victory) by Mark Hadley
A FUN HARPSICHORD DITTY THAT DRAWS INSPIRATION FROM CAREFREE VICTORY! THERE’S A LOT OF ORIGINAL FLAIR TO IT, TOO!
By Michael Guy Bowman
THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL! THE BIT WITH THE OVER-AMPLIFIED ELECTRIC GUITAR THAT STARTS AROUND 1:50 IS A COOL DEPARTURE FROM THE OTHERWISE BRIGHT, CALYPSO LATIN TONE OF THE REST OF THE SONG!
By Malcolm Brown
NOW WE’RE TALKING! HOMESTUCK’S MUSIC SPANS ALL GENRES AND ALL INSTRUMENTATION, YET ACCORDION IS RARE! THIS ONE SCRATCHES THAT PARTICULAR ITCH! I CAN TOTALLY PICTURE A GRIZZLED LONGSHOREMAN, STANDING ON A DREARY DOCK, MANICALLY HAMMERING OUT THIS TUNE ON THE OL’ SQUEEZEBOX! PROBABLY WHILE DANCING A BAWDY JIG!
By Mark Hadley
MELLOW AND RELAXING! LIKE SEEING A STARRY NIGHT REFLECTED IN THE SEA, I SUPPOSE! THE RISING STRINGS AND HARP PLAY OFF ONE ANOTHER WELL!
By Erik “Jit” Scheele
A BIT OF A LULLABY IN ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND HARMONICA! ALL YOU NEED IS THE CRACKLE OF THE FIRE AND A SQUIDDLE IN A TEN-GALLON HAT TO TOP OFF THE PICTURE! I’D IMAGINE THEY’D BE REALLY GOOD AT PLAYING THE GUITAR, TOO! WHAT WITH ALL THOSE ARMS! TOP TRACK? TOP TRACK!
By Robert J! Lake
IN ITS FIRST HALF, IT’S A BOOKEND TO THE TITLE TRACK! RJ’S WEIRD ETHEREAL, BREATHY VOCALS ONCE AGAIN FIND A GOOD FIT! THEN, AFTER ALMOST A FULL MINUTE OF DEAD AIR, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE THINGS START TO HAPPEN!
THE SONG BETRAYS THE DARK UNDERPINNINGS THAT INSPIRED THE CARTOON SQUIDS, OF COURSE (NO BETTER WAY TO CLOSE IT OUT, I THINK)! THIS ALBUM CAME OUT MONTHS BEFORE THE MEMORABLE FLASH THAT FEATURES THIS SONG! IT’S REMARKABLE HOW WELL THE ART AND THE SONG FIT TOGETHER: A COMBINATION OF MR. ROGERS AND H. R. GIGER!
By Robert J! Lake
JUST THE THOUGHT OF GANGSTA SQUIDDLES IS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME LAUGH! MAYBE PLUMBTHROAT’S PISSED OFF AT THEM BECAUSE THEY BLEW HOLES IN HIS BOAT IN A SWIM-BY SHOOTING! OCEANSIDE, MOTHERFUCKER!
AND THIS SONG’S SEEN A SURPRISING AMOUNT OF RECENT ATTENTION: ASTRO KID CUT A REMIX FOR LOFAM 3, AND RJ JUST KICKED OUT A NEW REMIX YOU CAN FIND HERE!
By Alexander Rosetti. Featuring Toby “Radiation” Fox as Skipper Plumbthroat
A SAD TALE OF A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER AND HIS STRUGGLE WITH DEBT! IT WOULD BE PITY-INDUCING, IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT THIS GUY SEEMS TO WIN HALF THE TIME AND KILL MOST OF THE SQUIDDLES!
By Michael Guy Bowman
THE FAINTLY CONDESCENDING “WELL, OF COURSE, CHILD!” MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT!
By Alexander Rosetti
THE QUINTESSENTIAL KIDS’ SHOW THEME! IT’S REALLY WELL CONSTRUCTED. BUT… MY GOD, THOSE FREQUENCY-SHIFTED VOICES ARE LIKE A HURRICANE WIND OF SUGAR CRYSTALS!
RATING: 6 / 13 – IM MAX OVERJOYED ABOUT STUFF
Whoa… whew. Came down off that Trickster Mode high just in time for a fair and honest review. Whoa.
It speaks to the power of the comic that an entire, professional album was written for a meta-fictional children’s show that exists within the world of Homestuck. There’s plenty of real children’s shows that don’t have a soundtrack as extensive as has been established for the Squiddles.
So, on to the album. It’s silly, it’s saccharine… it’s the sort of thing that’s just so far outside of my normal musical tastes, I have a hard time being fair to it. But knowing that this album was written with a really specific purpose in mind, I think I’ll look at it through that particular lens.
The music’s up to the same professional standard as one might expect from the team: this could support a TV special, I have no doubt. There’s two aspects I particularly like: the wry, self-aware humor (see Mister Bowman or Catchyegrabber), and the dark undertones (Squiddles the Movie Trailer, Let the Squiddles Sleep). It’s a bit of a wink and a nod in a sea of high-pitched squeaks and accordion.