dirkjake awkward sexcanons

It’s always a crapshoot whether Jake’s ridiculous vocabulary is gonna be a turn-on or a complete boner killer during dirty talk. Same with Dirk’s deadpanning.

It took Dirk ages to get any stamina. At first, he’d just think about how he was with Jake holy shit and blow in his pants.

Dirk loves all Jake’s body hair… when he isn’t picking it out of his teeth.

Jake has an overactive gag reflex and is terrible at giving head. He can barely take any. Dirk loves it anyway because holy shit Jake English is giving me the succ

Jake always wants to bang during sparring matches, while they’re exploring, after four days of heavy work and no showers… basically at all the filthiest, stinkiest times.

They both sometimes say incredibly embarrassing shit in the heat of the moment that they have to dance around later. Or even right there, in the heat of the moment.

Dirk keeps trying to hold Jake up and keeps dropping him.

Dirk’s godawful eating habits make his jizz taste awful. Jake is always whining about it and trying to make him eat more fruit salads and less doritos.

Jake always wants to aggressively cuddle afterwards despite being sweaty and smelly and slimy.

Jake sometimes falls asleep if it’s late enough while Dirk is wide awake. Dirk is a baby about doing anything early in the morning when Jake is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.