29-Dec-13 11:59:00 PM ¶ ●

YO Ü AND I – A Bad AU Jade/Karkat Ficlet Collection & FST

Alternate Titles: Just an Excuse to Get you to Listen to GRRRL PRTY, These Are Actually Terrible, I Wrote This To Fluff Wordcount For NaNoWriMo And You Can Tell, The (Mostly) Refers to the White Castle AU and the White Castle AU Only

-track listings and stories under the cut (stories also posted as annotations on 8tracks)-

Another link to 8tracks is HERE.

THESE FICLETS WILL NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE SONG. Coincidentally, the songs will not make sense without reading the ficlets.

The Girl from Ipanema – Frank Sinatra
Every afternoon, at one o'clock sharp, she’ll walk by the cafe where he sits and broods over his writing, where he gets all fucked up in lyrics and crude poetry and midday alcohol. Every other scumbag in this shithole whistles at her, but he doesn’t, too ashamed and too quiet to try to get her attention. He sips his drink instead, paying attention to the way her tan skin reflects in the glass and trying to think of a way to compare that to a blooming flower.

Immigrant Song – Led Zepplin
As much as she likes stealing nubile northern maidens and stuffing them in her ship, it doesn’t hurt to take a dude here and there. And she’s found a good one, some stable boy whose got a bark worse than his bite. She likes that type, easy to carry off and fun when they start getting some Stockholm Syndrome going on. She hopes the guy has supple thighs this time.

Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monáe
She hides behind the cytron dumpster of Neon Valley’s Ubik bar, praying to every violet star in the sky that those static infusers her sisters gave to her will throw the police off her trail. She sure feels all electric, and not just from the fright of the chase. The last thing he said to her on the rooftop was, “I love you, and I won’t take no for an answer” formed perfectly between his utterly human lips. The confession ripped the laws in twain, and she’s got to move fast for both of them.

Me & You & Jackie Mittoo – Superchunk
He used to be a shitty nightime music show host on the public broadcasting networks. She was the first caller every Thursday after midnight, requesting hard rock and funk and Jackie Mittoo. She was the first caller of the night for years and years, the first regular caller on his personal cell, the first guest star he ever had, the first girl who ever lived with him, and was the first death he couldn’t take. He doesn’t play music anymore.

Scott Pilgrim – Plumtree
Six down, one to go. She fought her way through a history of exes, smashing them into coins and leveling up along the way. Now she’s just got the blind girl with a sharp smile and a sharper cane, and for a second, she wonders if it’s all worth it. Will the fights and yelling and stupid arguments make them break up after this? She’ll get there when she gets there, she supposes, and she takes the time to wink at her dude before beginning the charge.

She Wolf – Shakira
He’s dating the best girl in the whole school, who also happens to be a werewolf. That’s it, that’s the fucking AU. I hope you’re goddamn happy.

Wegula – GRRRL PRTY
This fucking guy budges her at the White Castle, and he’s all teeth and swear words and like sooooo goddamn rude! She wants her hamburgers that will surely give her tummy aches tonight and she wants them now! She tells him this and he “politely” informs her he’s a regular at White Castle in the hours of 3am and therefore he has a royal right to do this. She “politely” elbows him in the face and orders her goddamn burgers.

I Was Born (A Unicorn) – The Unicorns
He trots through the forest, beautiful mane streaming behind him and crushing loneliness dampening his spirits. He hasn’t seen another unicorn in years, much less another intelligent being. Talking to squirrels all the time gets pretty damn repetitive. But then, over the horizon, he sees her. A beautiful and virginal maiden! Finally, someone to have a decent conversation with. Alas, it only takes a few headbutts to realize this beautiful and virginal maiden is only one of those things, and therefore can’t see this fuckwit of a unicorn. Dammit.

Prom Night – Anamanaguchi
He sits at home on the couch, shoveling spoons of vanilla ice cream into his gaping maw, and trying hard to fight back the tears which ensue from a rather dramatic moment in “The Notebook.” This is how he spends the night of his Junior year prom: desperately imagining himself as the lead and the girl of his dreams (currently at said prom with a huge douchebag) as the love interest. At least they get to bone in the movie, because that sure as fuck ain’t happening this year (maybe Senior prom).

Yoü and I – Lady Gaga
Jade Harley, mad scientist extraordinaire, tries to give mermaid Karkat some legs… Or, something like that, Karkat’s in a bathtub and there’s a lot of imagery flying around and it’s all rather confusing. There’s like, a fucking bird lady in this music video. Jade ends up succeeding and Karkat becomes a high fashion model in NYC who inexplicably wears platforms while trekking across Nebraska. They get married or some shit and it was A Very Jadekat Holiday. It was the best AU ever.