international house of paincakes

02-Jan-18 4:19:20 AM ¶ ●

You can also start at the beginning by clicking here

it’s kind of sad that i ran out of homestuck characters to use as one chapter plot devices and had to resort to using ocs. at least they’re not in it for long

07-Jan-18 4:57:38 AM ¶ ●

sorry for making jake the creepiest character in a cast of creepy characters. gosh he sure just does looooove skulls

Chapter 9 of Vanitas vanitatum is up!

(you can start at chapter 1 here)

10-Jan-18 8:03:06 AM ¶ ●

okay there’s this part in this fic where “dirk has a fantasy about bangin two johns” and i was so torn between this selfcest spitroast image and a stupid ass joke image that i colored two of them before eventually deciding. anyway, the jokey one made it in the fic. but here’s the colored-in alternate version.

(chapter 10 of vanitas vanitatum is up!)

(or— what in the fresh hell is going on here? start with chapter 1)

12-Jan-18 1:24:27 AM ¶ ●

Hnnnggggg I love this dirkjohn fic so much and the way you draw John is also hngjsiebdj <3 <3

you’ve been lured in by that charming smile

16-Jan-18 7:33:43 AM ¶ ●

in the only writing class i’ve ever taken in my whole life, my instructor called the act of plotting “juggling flaming chainsaws”

anyway here’s three more chainsaws

Chapter 11 of Vanitas vanitatum is up!

(you can also start at chapter 1 here)

18-Jan-18 5:07:45 AM ¶ ●

I am also seconding how hngjsiebdj you draw John

thanks anon! have some cheesecake

20-Jan-18 5:53:35 AM ¶ ●

Is John also hngggg when he is being the Patrician?

thanks for giving me another excuse to draw USDA PRIME GRASSFED BEEF COOKED RARE

21-Jan-18 8:33:31 AM ¶ ●

thank you so much for writing john as a machiavellian lil shit in your catacombs i never knew that i needed that but i did?? it's such a good concept and you make it so believable and i wish i was better at articulating how much i enjoy it but it's just!! so good wow

thanks!!! have a fancy splash image

((this is in reference to Vanitas vanitatum, btw.))

27-Jan-18 1:38:45 AM ¶ ●

honestly whenever i see the annoucement post for vanitas vanitatum and read the part of "no one asked for this" im just. no. no i asked for this fr o m my s o u l. ive been asking for this from the v depths of my being and fuck its good. seriously. theres not to many long dirkjohn fics, especially ones that update regularly and fuck if it isnt good. the attachted art is gorgeous and to be perfectly frank: i love your characterizations and how each of them has a unique skillset to them.

thanks so much!!! have a UNIQUE SKILLSET JOHN

((in reference to vanitas vanitatum, of course))

30-Jan-18 5:31:19 AM ¶ ●

im love how u draw and write john... whats his deal im so excited to find out!!!! ur updates make my whole day dude

thanks!!!! have…. john riding a horse? these are getting weirder

this image is incorrect because there is a 0% chance John actually knows how to ride a horse. this is very clearly dirk’s Ultimate Fantasy and only that.

((in reference to Vanitas vanitatum, of course!!!))

30-Jan-18 6:56:34 AM ¶ ●

cyanideoreo replied to your post “im love how u draw and write john… whats his deal im so excited to…”

are those his actual eyes or eyes drawn on his blindfold in sharpie by john

i mean, this is a fantasy au so he clearly paintbrushed it on

31-Jan-18 2:10:54 AM ¶ ●

... does John ride sidesaddle? If so, is this due to (in Dirk's brain) a particularly vigorous rogering?

“rogering” is a good word. but nah. idk i thought that in this fantasy world where there aren’t any bullshit gender-specific modesty pressures, sidesaddle riding would be more of a class based status thing. you know, because you can afford to have someone help you mount the horse and lead you and teach you how to do it and stuff. also john would have to have a big ass nightmare horse to carry his big ass nightmare self so maybe it’s just more comfortable to ride it that way. but dirk probably didn’t think of the comfort levels, he just wants his fantasies to be sociologically accurate, dammit

although it’s not like john can do any of this shit. he probably would just like, float on top of the horse, use his 5th level D&D charm monster spell on it, and proceed to do ‘sweet horse tricks’ which would probably be weird, uncanny valley pranks involving whatever he could accomplish with a giant mind controlled draft horse.