college jadekat!!!! that would be so cute and hilarious especially with your awesome writing style

16TH CENTURY ITALIAN UNIVERSITY AU WHERE SWEARING IS OKAY BUT BOOBS ARE NOT

Oh gosh, these chest bindings are absolutely unbearable! But it’s worth it just to get into this place, just for the experience of getting an education. You’re so going to be secret girl-pope one day, goddammit, or at least a cardinal.

You make sure no one’s in the hallway when you slip into your room. It always helps to be extra safe before you let everything free! You close the iron door tight, throw off your robes onto the straw bed, and start unbinding. Yes, hell yes, boobs are now out and about.

You hear a knock on your door. Crap! You’re screwed. Pretend you’re not here…

“Jake?” says the voice. Oh no, it’s Karkat! He’s your friend too, he’s never going to forgive this… If he opens that door you’re screwed! “Jake, are you there? I’ve got some shit ass assignment I’m supposed to drop off for you.”

You wait in dead silence for five seconds. Maybe he’ll leave? Oh, nope, he’s opening the door. Shit.

You rush him before he can fully get in, pulling and slamming him against the opposite wall while you kick your door shut. Good thing he’s kind of a wimpy university scholarly type, otherwise this would be a challenge.

Even though he literally cannot look down right at the moment, you know he knows, judging by that gigantic blush on his absolutely stunned face and how you’re really pressing up against the guy.

“Not. A. Word.” you stage whisper.

He starts to stammer, but it’s not as loud as usual, which gives you a little bit of hope. “I-I-I- How. How in the actual fuck did you- fucking hell, this is such a sin right now. I am going to hell just for being in this room.”

You tighten your grip around his collar, continuing to whisper. “You’ll be going to hell much sooner if you say anything about this!”

His eyes open wide, and you can watch him go through the inner turmoil of ratting out a friend who is suddenly quite attractive vs Jesus laws. The former side wins. “Okay.” he whispers. “Okay. Fuck, just let me out of here so I never have to think about your mammalian chest sacks ever again.”

You nod, and let him scurry out of the room, eyes cast downwards, shutting the door behind you. Well, that wasn’t half as bad as it could have been. Besides, at least somebody knows now?

And the weirdo conservative types with repressed anger always make the best lays.