... does John ride sidesaddle? If so, is this due to (in Dirk's brain) a particularly vigorous rogering?

“rogering” is a good word. but nah. idk i thought that in this fantasy world where there aren’t any bullshit gender-specific modesty pressures, sidesaddle riding would be more of a class based status thing. you know, because you can afford to have someone help you mount the horse and lead you and teach you how to do it and stuff. also john would have to have a big ass nightmare horse to carry his big ass nightmare self so maybe it’s just more comfortable to ride it that way. but dirk probably didn’t think of the comfort levels, he just wants his fantasies to be sociologically accurate, dammit

although it’s not like john can do any of this shit. he probably would just like, float on top of the horse, use his 5th level D&D charm monster spell on it, and proceed to do ‘sweet horse tricks’ which would probably be weird, uncanny valley pranks involving whatever he could accomplish with a giant mind controlled draft horse.