06/08/2016 22:02:39 ¶ ●

## It’s Not a Shipping Grid

okay so i got requests for this one, and then dropped off the face of the planet because it took me 78 years to finish. So without further ado:

There are 21 confirmed and 52 teased <3 relationships, 6 confirmed and 12 teased <3< relationships, 7 confirmed and 2 teased <> relationships, 4 confirmed and 6 teased o8< relationships, and 6 confirmed and 8 teased relationships that aren’t in one specified quadrant.

Karkat wins the ‘most loveable’ award, having been in relationships with 3 different people (<> with Gamzee, o8< with Jade, unknown with Dave) and been crushed on/flirted with by no less than 7 different people (<3 from Nepeta, Eridan, Cronus, Meenah, Davepetasprite, o8< from Kanaya, and Something with Terezi)

Eridan manages to beat even Cronus for ‘Most desperate’ with 9 unrequited Crushes.

Finally, (Vriska) wins ‘most broken-hearted’ with 6 different relationships that are now over. Vriska only had 4 relationships.

All of these relationships are listed in the long version, here.

06/08/2016 22:02:44 ¶ ●

## It’s Not a Shipping Grid (the long version)

okay, from the top:

There are 21 confirmed Matespritships (and human relationships) in Homestuck. They are:

1. Rose and Kanaya
2. Dave and Terezi (GO Timeline)
3. Jade and Davesprite (GO Timeline)
4. Sollux and Feferi
5. Tavros and (Vriska)
6. (Vriska) and Dead!John
7. Jake and Dirk
8. (Vriska) and Meenah
9. Latula and Mituna
10. Porrim and Aranea
11. Meulin and Kurloz
12. Rufioh and Damara
13. Rufioh and Horuss
14. Spades Slick and Ms. Paint
15. WQ and WK
16. Dad and Mom
17. Mindfang and the Summoner
18. The Condesce and Colonel Sassacre (Beta-verse)
19. The Condese and Colonel Sassacre (Alpha-verse)
20. Nanna and her unknown husband*
21. Trickster!Jane, Trickster!Jake, and Trickster!Roxy*

Then there are 52 <3 crushes, flirting, and discussed relationships that never were confirmed:

1. Mindfang and the Dolorosa (kind of a relationship? but like. mind control)*
2. John and Roxy (mutual flirting)
3. Cronus and Eridan (mutual flirting)
4. Rufioh and Aradiabot #100502 (mutual flirting)
5. Dave and Rose (mutual ‘ironic’ flirting)*
6. John and Dave (mutual ‘ironic’ flirting)*
7. Roxy and Lil Hal (mutual ‘ironic’ flirting)*
8. Dave and Jade (mentioned at least once by both)*
9. John and Rose (mentioned multiple times by John)*
10. Meenah and Vriska (mentioned by both, but no flirting)
11. Davepetasprite^2 and Jade (mutual flirting)

Unrequited crushes:

1. Dave -> Jane (freudian slip)
2. Dave -> Roxy (freudian slip)
3. Rose -> Jane (freudian slip)
4. Dave -> Rose’s Mom (freudian slip)
5. Roxy -> Jake
6. Roxy -> Jane’s Dad
7. Roxy -> Dirk
8. Roxy -> Jane
9. Jane -> Jake
10. Lil Hal -> Jake (one-sided something from Lil Hal)
11. Jake -> Aranea
12. Karkat -> Jade
13. Tavros -> Jade
14. Nepeta -> Karkat
15. Kanaya -> Vriska
16. Vriska -> Kanaya
17. Eridan -> Feferi
18. Eridan -> Jade
19. Eridan -> Nepeta
20. Eridan -> Karkat
21. Gamzee -> Tavros
22. Cronus -> Karkat
23. Cronus -> Meenah
24. Cronus -> Mituna
25. Cronus -> Latula
26. Cronus -> Kurloz
27. Cronus -> Hussie
28. Cronus -> Aranea
29. Cronus -> Tavros
30. Meenah -> Karkat
31. Davepetasprite^2 -> Karkat
32. Jasprosesprite^2 -> Nepeta
33. Jasprosesprite^2 -> Jane
34. Dualscar -> the Condesce
35. AR -> PM
36. WV -> PM
37. Bec Noir -> PM
38. Hussie -> Vriska
39. Hussie -> Meenah
40. Hussie -> Rufioh
41. Vriska -> Nic Cage*
42. John -> Liv Tyler (actor, not bunny)*

There are 6 confirmed Kismessisitudes in Homestuck:

1. Spades Slick and Snowman
2. Jack Noir and BQ (beta session)
3. Eridan and Vriska
4. Gamzee and Terezi (GO Timeline)
5. Mindfang and Dualscar
6. Unnamed parents of Calliope and Caliborn*

There are 12 <3< crushes, flirting, or discussed relationships that were never confirmed:

1. Karkat*
2. John and Terezi (mutual flirting)
3. Dave and Karkat (discussed in the GO Timeline)*
4. Vriska and Terezi (‘rivalry’ discussed several times)*
5. Karkat and Vriska (discussed)*
6. Jade and Jadesprite (implied via visual parallels to other kismeses)*

Unrequited crushes:

1. Gamzee -> Dave
2. Karkat -> John
3. Eridan -> Rose
4. Rose -> Jasprosesprite^2
5. PM -> Bec Noir
6. Mindfang -> Redglare

There are 7 confirmed Moirallegiances in Homestuck:

1. Nepeta and Equius
2. Vriska and Kanaya
3. Eridan and Feferi
4. Gamzee and Karkat (Go Timeline)
5. Vriska and Terezi (Retcon Timeline)
6. Mituna and Kurloz
7. Horuss and Meulin

There are 2 implied Moirallegiances:

1. Draconian Dignitary and Bec Noir (all but stated)
2. Diamonds Droog and Spades Slick (implied by virtue of his name being diamonds, plus jn’s and dd’s relationship)

There are 4 short-term Auspisticisms in Homestuck, but no long-term:

1. Vriska o8< Kanaya o8< Tavros
2. Karkat o8< Jade o8< Karkat
3. WV o8< CD o8< Liv Tyler (bunny, not actor)
4. Spades Slick o8< Doc Scratch o8< Snowman

There are 6 o8< crushes or flirting:

1. Kanaya had a crush on Karkat and Gamzee (Karkat o8< Kanaya o8< Gamzee) (GO Timeline)
2. Kanaya had a crush on Karkat and Dave (Karkat o8< Kanaya o8< Dave) (GO Timeline)
3. Rose had a crush on Gamzee and Terezi (Gamzee o8< Rose o8< Terezi) (GO Timeline)
4. Eridan flirted with Kanaya (Eridan o8< Kanaya o8< Vriska)
5. Eridan flirted with Terezi (Eridan o8< Terezi o8< Sollux)
6. Eridan flirted with Feferi and Sollux (Eridan o8< Feferi o8< Sollux)

There are 6 relationships with no defined quadrant or with vacillation:

1. Equius and Aradia (<3 / <3<)
2. Aradia and Sollux (<3 or <>)
3. Dave and Karkat (who the heck knows) (Retcon Timeline)
4. the Disciple and the Signless (‘transcends quadrants’)
5. Latula and Porrim (<3 or <3<)
6. (Vriska) and (Terezi) (whatever was going on in Remem8er) *

And finally, there are 8 crushes or flirting with no defined quadrant or with vacillation:

1. Karkat and Terezi (mutual flirting) (<3 / <3< vacillation)
2. Tavros and Dave ( ‘ironic’ flirting? that seems to be red and black)*
3. Vriska -> Tavros (<3 / <3< vacillation)
4. Eridan -> Equius (unspecified quadrant)
5. John -> Roxy (??????)*
6. Sollux -> Gamzee (<3 / <3< vacillation)
7. Kankri -> Latula (‘complicated unrequited feelings’)
8. The Condesce -> Helmsman (she was “enamored of him”)*

Bonus leprechaun romance:*

1. Itchy/Die (horseshoe pot of gold)
2. Clover/Doze (rainbow red balloon)
3. Fin/Trace (heart diamond)
4. Crowbar/Cans (moon star)
5. Clover -> Spades (unknown)
6. Clover -> Caliborn (unknown)
7. Clover -> Caliborn (star heart horseshoe)
8. Lil Seb -> Clover (heart clover)

*Not in the charts because they weren’t explicitly romantic enough, or were most likely a joke. The ones between players are in the little animation tho

06/08/2016 22:10:00 ¶ ●

It’s Not a Shipping Grid BONUS: The shipping grid

EDIT: Dang it, I forgot Eridan -> Nepeta (<3)

10/08/2016 07:31:53 ¶ ●

Jade’s letter to John is 443 words long, while Jake’s letter is the reverse, 344 words long.

10/08/2016 07:44:10 ¶ ●

pointlesshomestuckstatistics:

> Jade’s letter to John is 443 words long, while Jake’s letter is the reverse, 344 words long.

These letters, combined with Rose’s final GameFAQ entry (238 words), are all the words written or spoken by characters in the pages between acts 4 and 5. So the total non-narration word count between the Kid arc and the Troll arc is 1025.

10/08/2016 18:39:31 ¶ ●

## Hey, on that unrequited cruch thing, I think you forgot how eridan had a crush on nepeta and actually asked her out but nepeta ended up refusing!

You’re right, I did! I’m not sure why, I know exactly where he says that, I guess I was just distracted. Thanks for telling me, I changed the list and the charts. Can’t do anything about the animation though.

15/08/2016 13:31:23 ¶ ●

## Homestuck Deaths Part 3: The One With the Actual Statistics

shaulaantare:

> pointlesshomestuckstatistics:

> > There are 211 deaths of named characters in Homestuck, plus however many aradiabots and ghosts died.

> > The only characters who never die in any form are PM, Serenity, Casey, GCat (Ambiguous ending for sprites and ghosts notwithstanding), and possibly Squarewave, Sawtooth, Vodka Mutiny, and Li’l Seb. And Jane’s dad, depending on whether you consider him a version of John’s dad or not.

> > On average, each character dies about 2.37 times.

> > The main 22 players, however, die an average of 5.18 times each.

> > Also fun fact: 16 people get decapitated in Homestuck, and only 2 of them are Dirk. The other 14 are: Jack Noir (2), Hegemonic Brute (2), Diamonds Droog (1), Crowbar (1), Sawbuck (2), Black King (1), White King (1), Aimless Renegade (1), Violent J of ICP (1), Spidermom (1), and Hussiebot (1).

> > Dave is responsible for 5 of these.

> > [Part 1] [Part 2]

> > Some crappy graphs under the cut

> > Keep reading

> Small correction: All the trolls’ dreamselves died. Shouldn’t those be marked as ‘dream phantom’ deaths in the deaths by character list?

actually no, because ‘dream phantom’ was the term I was using for when a living person died while dreaming in a dream bubble. I only singled those deaths out because I was pretty on the fence over whether dying in a dream even counted as actual death, even if that dream DID take place in a physical location. Dreamselves are actual flesh and blood people who die and leave a corpse behind, so I just counted them as regular old deaths.

23/08/2016 05:06:11 ¶ ●

just a heads up that I’ve got some life stuff going on right now and all my current requests are for extremely long term stuff like “how many panels does each character appear in” so things might be a little slow for a while. but if anyone has any requests that don’t include every single character, I’d be happy to do a few of those to fill the void.

24/08/2016 08:21:08 ¶ ●

## this blog should have way more followers!!!! you go to so much effort for this and this should be appreciated more!!!

thank you so much???? like holy crap that’s so nice!!

29/08/2016 02:33:25 ¶ ●

## Pesterlog Statistics: Act 1

[Act 2][Act 3]

Spoilers: The one who speaks the most in act 1 is John. It’s John. Shocking, I know. But here’s some statistics anyway:

There are 3258 words spoken/written by characters in Act 1, spread between 28 pesterlogs, 1 Serious Business Conversation, and 1 note from Dad (plus 13 words from repeated pesterlogs).

The average pesterlog length is only 113 words, with the longest at 516 words and the shortest at 2 words.

The most developed relationship is John and Rose, with 23 pesterlogs and 1734 words between the two of them.

The least developed relationship is John and Jade, with only 2 pesterlogs and 139.

The most unbalanced relationship is John and Dave, with Dave talking almost twice as much (1.9) as John.

The most balanced relationship is John and Jade with John talking only ~7% more than Jade.

Graphs and breakdown under the cut!

Note: a conversation (as opposed to a pesterlog) lasts until at least one of the participants signs out of pesterchum.

John says, on average, ~43% less than his friends during conversation.
Rose says ~75% more than John during conversation.
Dave says ~90% more than John during conversation.
Jade says ~7% less than John during conversation.

John says 1143 words total. He averages 45.7 words per pesterlog across 25 pesterlogs and 163.3 per conversation across 7 conversations.

- John ->Rose: John says 630 words total, averaging 33.2 words per pesterlog across 19 pesterlogs and 210 words per conversation across 3 conversations.

- John’s minimum (greater than 0) contribution to a pesterlog with Rose was 2 words, and his maximum was 89.
- John’s minimum contribution to a conversation with Rose was 46 and his maximum was 509.

- John ->Dave: John says 441 words total, averaging at 88.2 words per pesterlog across 5 pesterlogs and 147 per conversation across 3 conversations.

- John’s minimum contribution to a pesterlog with Dave was 21 words, and his maximum was 131.
- John’s minimum contribution to a conversation with Dave was 81 and his maximum was 229.

- John ->Jade: John says 72 words total, in only 1 pesterlog.

Rose says 1104 words total, all to John. She averages 50.2 words per pesterlog across 22 pesterlogs and 368 per conversation across 3 conversations.

- Rose’s minimum contribution to a pesterlog with John was 1 word, and her maximum was 157.
- Rose’s minimum contribution to a conversation with John was 74 words, and her maximum was 949.

Dave says 839 words total, also all to John. He averages 1677.8 per pesterlog across 5 pesterlogs and 279.7 per conversation across 3 conversations.

- Dave’s minimum contribution to a pesterlog with John was 23 words, and his maximum was 259.
- Dave’s minimum contribution to a conversation with John was 235 words, and his maximum was 345.

Jade says 67 words still to John (crazy, I know). She averages 33.5 words per pesterlog/conversation across 2 pesterlogs/conversations.

- Jade’s minimum contribution to a pesterlog with John was 15 word, and her maximum was 52.

Dad writes 9 words to John in a note.

grayslacks66 says 58 words in the Serious Business Conversation.

wellPressedAttire says 30 words in the Serious Business Conversation.

officeurchin1280 says 4 words in the Serious Business Conversation.

2busy4this says 4 words in the Serious Business Conversation.