Homestuck Deaths Part 3: The One With the Actual Statistics
There are 211 deaths of named characters in Homestuck, plus however many aradiabots and ghosts died.
The only characters who never die in any form are Ms. Paint (Thanks @internmarce, I can’t BELIEVE I forgot her), PM, Serenity, Casey, Bec, GCat (Ambiguous ending for sprites and ghosts notwithstanding), and possibly Squarewave, Sawtooth, Vodka Mutiny, and Li’l Seb. And Jane’s dad, depending on whether you consider him a version of John’s dad or not.
On average, each character dies about 2.37 times.
The main 22 players, however, die an average of 5.18 times each.
Also fun fact: 16 people get decapitated in Homestuck, and only 2 of them are Dirk. The other 14 are: Jack Noir (2), Hegemonic Brute (2), Draconian Dignitary (1), Crowbar (1), Sawbuck (2), Black King (1), White King (1), Aimless Renegade (1), Violent J of ICP (1), Spidermom (1), and Hussiebot (1).
Dave is responsible for 5 of these.
Some crappy graphs under the cut
Dirk dies more than anyone if you include splinters, but if you don’t, that honor goes to Dave.

Jack (unsurprisingly) kills more than anyone else, causing almost ¼ of all Homestuck Deaths.

The main cause of death in Homestuck is stabbing (big surprise), although explosions were also popular.
