i kinda want alpha dave and beta dirk to be in purgatory together

eternally attacking killing each other…. cut off your alt bro’s head and say hi to him completely fine the next day by throwing rocks at him

“Do you know how to get poptarts here”

“we’re in hell we don’t get poptarts.”

[throwing his sword at him like a knife at lightning speed] “Not with that attitude”

[dodging it perfectly but completely casually like he’s ducking under a doorway] “literally impossible scenario.”