Shit Let’s Be Santa

Merry Christmas everyone! And those that don’t celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays and hope the festive cheer has kept you sane through potentially boring family reunions.

To celebrate the Holidays, I decided to do something a little bit different, and post my Headcanons on what the Post-Game Earth-C Gods would do for the Holidays! We know they still celebrate Halloween, so why not this as well? So without further ado.

John Egbert: Took a few hours of rambling at to convince him to leave his house, but eventually ended up hanging out with everyone. He was the first one to suggest a Snowball Fight, and also the first one to complain that ‘using space powers to launch a full scale snowball offensive is cheating, jade!’ before using his Windy Thing to turn the snow battlefield into a snowstorm.

Rose Lalonde: Takes the Holidays off to relax from her and Kanaya’s duties in the Brooding Caverns, and spends most of the time indoors celebrating Hanukkah. December is Self Care Month, with a hint of cynicism about the way Holidays are exploited as a means of promoting products and bringing in more customers, even though that was all Pre-Game’s Society’s Issues and definitely doesn’t happen anymore in a society where Gods live among normal people and there’s Alchemiters still functional and easily accessible.

Dave Strider: JPEG Artifacted Christmas has become popular on Earth-C and he couldn’t be more proud of that. He wears a fake beard and a Santa Outfit, but still keeps the shades on, delivering raps and sick fires alike to people around the globe.

Jade Harley: Dave may be the Public Figure of Shitty JPEG Christmas, but Jade is the real MVP, a snap of her fingers and her powers zap Christmas Presents to anyone that may be in need of them. The moment snow pours her tail begins to wag excitedly and she can’t help but roll happily around the cold snow, barking and biting at snowflakes on instinct. She’s not even embarrassed by it, she eats a weird bug and doesn’t even care.

Jane Crocker: Spent way too long making a multi-tiered cake big enough to be decorated as a Christmas Tree, and was burnt out for anything more active afterwards. Still, she sticks with Roxy and Calliope, because they’re so excited and it’s hard not to be motivated with that contagious attitude of theirs.

Roxy Lalonde: She LOVES the Holidays, the snow, the lights, the present, it’s a magical time of the year and she adores everything. Always dragging others around, buying meaningful presents for everyone. At the end of the day when she’s exhausted from doing too much, she loves cuddling, wrapped in a blanket, in front of a lit chimney with Calliope and Jane.

Dirk Strider: He loves the Holidays as well, but is more eccentric when it comes to expressing it. He sends hand-crafted presents to every one of his friends, meaningful yet inscrutable and under so many layers of Irony you can’t even tell if it’s a shitpost or the best thing you’ve ever received. Tried to build MECHA SANTA for the Holidays, but ended up having to hunt him down to save Christmas.

Jake English: Has watched every single Christmas Movie ever made, and he’s frankly in love with all of them, and equally in love with every new, shitty Christmas Movie Earth-C produces on a yearly basis. He appears in several Earth-C Christmas Calendars after a Santa Photoshoot, likely with more revealing clothes any Santa Outfit should ever have. Mixed the presents he had prepared for everyone, but they ended up loving their switched presents either way.

Calliope: Sugary, Colorful, Cheery, Christmas is right up her alley and hanging out with Roxy only amplifies her excitement about the Holidays. Sneakily alchemized Christmas Decoration in the shape of her Caduceus Symbol, which everyone thought was fun and tasteful, while she snickered under her breath, knowing no one would ever know what she was doing, definitely not even John who off-handedly remembered having heard something about Cherub Snakes back in the Bubbles. She notices Roxy’s plot to walk her under every piece of Mistletoe they can find, and she loves it. She also incites another controlled Trickster Incident much like during Rose and Kanaya’s wedding.

Karkat Vantas: There’s a list of Movies he’s got ready to watch and a schedule for 12th Perigee and he will stick to it and get insufferably cranky if things are not on time. Knows absolutely nothing about Human Jesus and couldn’t care less about the Fat Red Man in an Antlerbeast Carriage, but it’s obvious he still loves the Holiday. The only time of the year you can actually see him actively wearing red clothing.

Kanaya Maryam: Has learned everything there is to learn about Human Traditions and takes Hanukkah more seriously than Rose. She tries to disconnect from her tasks at the Brooding Cavern, but can get frankly antsy unless Rose is reassuring her to lay back and relax for her well deserved vacations. Initially unwilling, but eventually compliant to become the Star for the Christmas Tree, even if it was just for a single photograph.

Terezi Pyrope: Still out there in the Furthest Ring looking for Vriska. Please come back home, everyone misses you and you’d LOVE all the red shit that’s everywhere this time of the year. Has actually, secretly Alchemized and Sendificated a bunch of presents before she left to the Furthest Ring, ready to be delivered to everyone else. She comes back with ‘presents’ for everyone, in the form of Davepeta, Sollux and Aradia, still alive and well after the Breach. Please Hussie.