## Preface

The drunken rant we don't talk about (but everybody does)
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/50656435.

Rating:
  Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
Relationships:
  Dabi | Todoroki Touya/Takami Keigo | Hawks, Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Shigaraki Tomura | Shimura Tenko & Takami Keigo | Hawks
Additional Tags:
  Drunk Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Cute Dabi | Todoroki Touya, League of Villains as Family (My Hero Academia), League of Villains Shenanigans (My Hero Academia), Villain Takami Keigo | Hawks, Fluff and Crack, Crack, Humor, Idiots in Love, Not Beta Read
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 10 of Villian!Hotwings
Stats:
  Published: 2023-10-07 Words: 3,231 Chapters: 1/1

# The drunken rant we don't talk about (but everybody does)

by TheOtherHalfOfTheShell

Summary

> Touya gets hit by a quirk that lowers his inhibitions, making him pretty much drunk, much to the league's dismay.

> Part of my Villian!Hotwings-verse
> -------------
> "Moving on, he's got stamina for days, literal days he once had me in bed for-," Shigaraki leapt up at that dropping his phone and slapping a gloved hand over the others mouth, "you owe me for this one matches, but sober you would go nuclear if you finish that story."

> Dabi licks his hand.

> Shigaraki took a deep breath, this was going to be a long night.

Notes

> Hi! I'm not dead!

> Finished this up as part of my writober attempt. If you see a grammatical error, no you don't ♡

See the end of the work for more notes

## The drunken rant we don't talk about (but everybody does)

This was not Shigarakis' fault. At all, in any way. He didn't go out recruiting; he didn't bring the weirdos back to the bar, and he sure as fuck wasn't the one that told one of those weirdos to talk shit about Hawks.

Could he have moved a little quicker to stop Dabi from punching them? Yeah, maybe, but he had it coming. How was he supposed to know they had their quirk activated!?

The yellow mist that surrounded their body was a good indicator but Dabi hadn't acknowledged it so why should he?

"...man's abs were sculpted by the fucking gods and it made them so jealous they nerfed his ass back to earth," Dabi continued to babble at the absolutely terrified recruits. He'd been going for a solid ten minutes at this point, it was the longest any have ever heard him speak; all about his gorgeous pretty bird as he says, "like he's a full ass meal and I'm ready to send my soul to the depths of hell over how gluttonous I am for him. And he's so fucking smart!? He…"

They were gonna have to dust all three of these unlucky fuckers, no one outside of the main group could know of Hawks' involvement. Not that Dabi wouldn't do it himself when the quirk wore off out of sheer embarrassment.

Shigaraki thanked whatever spirits sent him the foresight to start recording as soon as he saw Dabi's eyes go hazy, Hawks might let him live as long as he had blackmail.

"Moving on, he's got stamina for days, literal days he once had me in bed for-," Shigaraki leapt up at that dropping his phone and slapping a gloved hand over the others mouth, "you owe me for this one matches, but sober you would go nuclear if you finish that story."

Dabi licks his hand.

Shigaraki took a deep breath, this was going to be a long night.

****

Shortly afterwards, the unfortunate recruits were dragged to their doom and straws pulled to see who'd be babysitting.

Shigaraki was typing out a text updating Hawks on the situation, grumbling about the dirty fucking cheaters he was surrounded by.

Dabi swung himself around on the bar stool again as he had been for the past five minutes, giggling madly, "Shiggy! Shiggy! Tomuraaaa, you gotta try this its - "
Dabi fell gracelessly off the stool and continued giggling from the ground. "How did you get so tall?"

Spirits above his second in command is an idiot.

"Tomura! Can we go to the roof? Where's Keigo? I wanna go stargazing with my pretty bird. You gotta come too, I pinkie promise not to be too gross and in love. I pinkie promise to try at least," he ask waving his pinky up towards Shigaraki.

Toga squealed, "You guys go stargazing, that's so romantic! Tell me more!," she flipped down next to Dabi on the floor, snuggling closer to their normally prickly friend.

"Dude, we literally never clean the floor. Please get up," Spinner cringed.

Spirits, Shigaraki wished Kurogiri were here to deal with this but he'd gone off with Compressband Twice to deal with the failed recruits, how were they supposed to handle an essential drunk Dabi?

Dabi giggled again, Shigaraki managed to turn the video on just in time to catch it, "Birdie loves the stars, he knows all the constellations so he can fly at night easier. Used to sneak out to the roof or the park at night and look at the stars together. They only taught Kei the names of the stars 'cause that's all heroes needed' so I learned all the stories for him; we lay out there for hours with him pointing them out and me telling him how they got their name."

"I can't believe it, you guys are so cute," Toga screeched, shaking Dabis' arm in her excitement.

"Nah, but Kei's cute, he's adorable. 'Specially when I tell him he's cute his face gets all red and his feathers fluff up and he starts chirping and his eyes," Dabi seems to lose himself more, "fuck they're so pretty, I feel like Icarus just falling into the sun every time I catch his eyes."

Shigaraki snorted, the bird was gonna love this.

"My heart is literally exploding, I'm dead. Tell me more," Toga drooled with excitement, knowing this was the best, and only, opportunity she'd get to hear Dabi gushing over his mate so openly.

"He's gonna murder us when this wears off," Spinner whispered. Shigaraki agreed but didn't stop from sending Hawks the recordings, "if I don't kill him first for how many times I'm gonna have to hear 'pretty bird' or 'Dove' tonight."

Dabi lifted his head, "Why are we on the floor? Where's my dove?"

Shigaraki rolled his eyes, bending over to help the other up, "You fell off the stool, Hawks is at work."

"No, he should come home, tell him to come home. Imma go wait in the nest," Dabi grumbled, gangly limbs not helping as Toga and Shigaraki attempted to get him off the floor.

"No, stay down here with us!," Toga pleaded, "it can be like a slumber party!"

"Yeah, I don't trust you on your own right now so you're staying with us," Shigaraki agreed.

Dabi groaned, "I wanna be in the nest, smells like my dove."

Spinner and Shigaraki held back their laughter, "You are so whipped."

"Are we sure Hawks is the heteromorphe?"

Dabi glared at them, then stuck out his tongue sending Toga into another fit of laughter, "I'm leaving."

"No you're not," Shigaraki glared back.

Dabi glanced between them and the door leading to the stairs, mischief gleaming in his eyes, "who's gonna stop me?"

He darted to the side, faster than the others thought he could move in his altered state, "ha, you guys are slow."

"How do we always forget he's had hero training?," Spinner groaned as they stumbled up the stairs after the giggling arsonist, "Dabi get back here!"

"Nope!"

Dabi managed to reach his and Hawk's bedroom, throwing open the door, launching himself into the nest and wiggling around in the fluff.

The other three stopped at the threshold trying to catch their breath watching as Dabi started twirling some of the feathers that littered their room in his hands, "I win and I say I'm staying in the nest."

Spinner recovering his breath first, "maybe we just let him stay here? He's not gonna injure himself."

"But we're having boy talk!," Toga whined.

Shigaraki shook his head, "I don't trust him not to jump out of the window as soon as we're gone to get Hawks to show up."

"I'm Sorry, He'll what?," the other two looked at him in disbelief, Dabis' own head popping up, "oh that's a good idea, Birdie always catches me."

"No!," Shigaraki said firmly, "You promised Hawks you'd stop doing that."

"I ask again, He what!?," Spinner asked, "Wasn't he just yelling at Hawks for throwing his intern off of buildings?"

Dabi groaned, flopping back in the nest, "you never let me have any fun Tomura."

"Spill it, right now. Did Dabi used to jump out of windows to get Hawk's attention?," Toga demanded.

Shigaraki nodded, answering the texts Hawks had sent him, text being a stretch as it was mostly keyboard smashes and emojis but maybe an attempt to come back to base sooner. "Yeah windows, off-buildings, a mountain, I think in front of a train once? Anything as long as it gave Hawks enough time. When we were younger little attention whore would get impatient waiting on Hawks to show up so he'd have Kurogiri portal him to a somewhere and just jump off, Hawks would feel it in the feathers Dabi wears and come catch him, wasn't until Hawks begged Kurogiri to take away Dabis portal privileges that we found out though. Kurogiri grounded him for a month."

Dabi snorted from the nest, "Kei would act sooo mad but we both know he liked being my hero."

Shigaraki pretended to gag, "I hate both of you, get out of the nest and come downstairs. I'm not babysitting you from the doorway."

"No, I'm comfy, you come here."

"If you come downstairs we might be able to catch Hawks on TV," Toga offered.

Dabi dug himself further down in the blankets.

Shigaraki dragged a hand over his face, he wasn't staying up here all night so what would get him back down to the living room at least.

Dabi threw one of the blankets over his head giggling softly as it fell over him, sparking a memory, "Hey patches? Can we build a pillow fort?"

Dabi fought the blanket off his head, staring at the other intently, "did you have a nightmare? Do you wanna sleep in the nest?"

Shigaraki shook his head, ignoring the wide-eyed stares of the other two, "No nightmares, just for fun."

Dabi grinned widely, climbing out of the nest and dragging a couple of the topmost blankets with him, "Let's do it, Where's my phone? Kei will wanna join."

"I had to confiscate it because you kept trying to call Hawks and he can't talk right now," Shigaraki reminded him.

"Are those okay to leave the nest? I thought Hawks was super territorial about that?," Spinner asked nervously, an incapacitated Dabi and feral Hawks was on the tippy top of his nightmare scenarios.

Dabi nodded, "my nest too, I can do what I want. 'Sides we used to have to take it apart every day or the handlers get mad, so I'm good at putting it back together."

Toga squealed, "are we getting lore? You never tell us about your guy's childhood.

Dabi scoffed, "that's cause it was bad, till I met my dove."

Toga cooed as the other two gagged at the soft look on Dabis's face.

"Can we go back to you asking Shiggy if he wanted to sleep in the nest?," Toga asked, "how often does that happen?"

"It doesn't, stop being a pervert, twerp," Shigaraki growled.

Dabi laughed, "yeah not very often, but we-,"

"Please stop, she's gonna take it way out of context," Shigaraki begged.

"Oh, I've got all the context I need," Toga cackles.

Spinner looked apprehensive as they continued downstairs, "I would like some context cause it sounds like Togas throuple theory is panning out."

"I fucking hate all of you, yes I have slept in their nest a couple of times when we were younger. Shut up Dabi, " Shigaraki says as Dabi opens his mouth, "Dabi needed someone to take care of him when he was still healing and Hawks didn't have as much freedom from the commission. The places we were living in were kinda shitty and I wasn't gonna sleep on the floor," Shigaraki admits, "and before you can ask, yeah we all used to make pillow forts together, especially if we woke up with nightmares; We were probably too old for it but none of us got to when we were actual kids and it just helped."

Dabi dropped himself across Shigarakis' back, "do I see a smile? Are ya gonna admit ya like us Tomura? Huh?"

"I am the only thing standing between you telling your entire sexual history to Toga, don't try me," Shigaraki answers.

Dabi giggles, "Awe, love you too."

They finally make it back down to the living room, Dabi swaddling himself in blankets in his and Hawks' chair, dragging Shigaraki down with him and started fixing blankets to tent over them, "where's Birdie? Spinner push the other couch over and connect your fort to ours."

"Our fort? Since when are we all making a fort?," Spinner asked, pushing the couch over anyway as Toga ran to get blankets out of their rooms.

"We suffer together," Shigaraki said, searching for the remote, "ya wanna play mario party I know you secretly love it"

"Its fun cause I'm better than you and Spinner," Dabi giggled.

"You are not!," Spinner scoffed then leaned over to Shigaraki, "he's not right?"

Shigaraki made a seesaw motion with his hand, the arsonist has weirdly good reflexes on the mini games.

"No video games! I wanna do boy talk, so we need a rom-com," Toga said, dumping a pile of blankets on the couch and producing the remote from somewhere in between the cushions. She started flipping through the channels trying to find something, "wait! No no no go back!," Dabi shouted, sitting up from his blanket cocoon, "I saw Kei."

"Ugh, his voice sounds all in love," Spinner groaned, "I want the murderous asshole back."

Shigaraki grinned, snapping a picture of Dabi in the blanket cocoon eyes wide on the screen where Hawks was posing for some ad, "Nah this is the best blackmail."

The commercial of Hawks was quickly over, as soon as it ended Dabis boredom came back.

"Tomuraaaa, where's Kei?," he whined.

Shigaraki grasped on to his last shred of patience, "he will get here when he gets here. Do you think about anything besides Hawks?"

"Murder."

Shigaraki laughed in spite of himself, "you're so stupid."

"Smart enough to know, you could just tell Hawks to say the league called him in for a meeting, they still think he's trying to infiltrate so they can't argue with him dropping everything to make us happy," Dabi argued sticking his tongue out once again.

"How did you come up with that?," Spinner asks, "would that work?"

Shigaraki angrily types away at his phone, Dabi replies, "they used to give us meds that inhibited rational thoughts before putting us through strategy training. Said it was in case we got captured and drugged we'd still be able to make it out. Think I was under for a week once? Before they gave up, I wasn't up to their standards; Said all I did was talk about Birdie and how much I hated them."

"All that trauma and they never taught you how to shut up," Shigaraki snickers, "he'll be here soon."

"Not soon enough, can't Giri warp him?," Dabi asks.

"No, he's busy."

"Are we just gonna ignore what Dabi said?," Spinner asks.

"Not even the worst thing they've told me," Shigaraki shrugs.

Dabi leans past Shigaraki, "why haven't you made a fort yet? Do you not know how? Do you need help"

Spinner glares back, "your fort is just a blanket thrown over your heads."

Dabi stares at him, till Spinner gives up and throws a blanket over himself and Toga, "happy?"

Dabi claps, "yes."

Spinner grumbles, "not even a pillow fort."

"Yeah, Hawks normally just held all the blankets up with his feathers so, " Shigaraki gives as an explanation, "it was our best attempt at a fort."

Toga giggles, "this is the best, did you guys just sit under the covers and do face masks and plot how to overthrow the government?"

Dabi scrunched up his nose, "ew face masks are gross."

"We did plan our take over of a rival gang in a pillow fort once," Shigaraki says.

"I don't know whether to hate you guys or fear you, how did Kurogiri survive?," Spinner asks.

"This wasn't a bar till after Kei and I moved in, " Dabi supplies.

"Focus guys! We don't know how long he's gonna be like this, we need to be asking the important questions," Toga says, "like lets play, Fuck, marry, kill!"

"Ew Toga, that's stupid," Spinner says.

"Fuck Keigo, marry Keigo, murder Endeavor," Dabi answers.

Toga shakes her head, "that's not how it's played and you can't say Hawks twice."

"Fine Fuck Hawks, marry Kei, murder Endeavor."

"Dabi, no," Toga groans

"Move on, that's as good as you're going to get," Shigaraki says.

"Ugh fine, who confessed first between you and Hawks?," Toga asks.

Dabi smiles, "Kei did."

Toga squeals, "yay! Say more! How did it happen."

Dabi's smile grows, "he murdered three of our handlers during a training session and called me mate."

"That is so romantic," Toga says.

"What no it isn't!?"

"Absolutely not, you fucking psychos."

Toga rolls her eyes, "whatever, do you and Hawks-,"

"Spirits above please stop," Shigaraki begs, "ask about anything besides their love life."

"Well I don't see you guys coming up with anything!," Toga pouts.

Spinner jumps in, "can you actually understand Hawks chirps?"

"Oohh good one," Toga says

"Yeah?," Dabi answers, "it's pretty obvious what he's saying if you just pay attention, even Shiggys picked up on some of it."

"Leave me out of this," Shigaraki growls.

"So would you say you speak bird?," Toga leads.

"Now I know you guys aren't taking advantage of a fellow league member in an inebriated state," an airy voice says from the doorway.

"Kei!," Dabi lights up, his face showing more joy and emotion than the others thought him physically capable of, "Finally what took you so long Dove? C'mere! We built a fort!"

Keigo chuckles fondly making his way over to their love seat, "damn Dusty, you bribed him with a fort?"

"This is a group babysitting activity, not all of us can keep an arsonist entertained without bodily harm," Shigaraki grumbles.

Hawks chooses to add to Shigarakis' headache, "I don't know boss, you look pretty comfy right now. Ya sure you didn't just miss our forts?"

"Shut up, bird brain."

Hawks laughs, "just admit you're a cuddle whore."

Most of tonight may not have been Shigaraki's fault but Hawks was asking for it, "Hey staples? What if you got quirked into a worm?"

Dabis face showed confusion as he processed what hed been asked before showing pure panic and turning to Keigo.

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?," Dabi looks up at Keigo with sincerity, as if this answer could change his entire life.

Hawks bit back a grin, "babe, of course."

"You're Sure?," Dabi asks, still panicked.

"He'd probably just eat you," Shigaraki buts in, "bird"

Toga gasp, "that's so true!"

Dabi's eyes widen, "Kei, would you eat worm me?,"

"What? No I wouldn't eat worm you," Hawks says, smacking Shigaraki, "I'm not saving you when he wakes up from this."

Shigaraki laughs, "worth it."

"Say it," Dabi demands

"Touya, I would still love you if you were a worm," Keigo says, trying not to laugh.

"And!?," Dabi demands.

Keigo bites his fist, half screaming in laughter "Babe, please let's just go to bed."

Dabi narrows his eyes unmoving.

"And I would not eat worm you, pretty sure hawks don't even eat worms," Keigo concedes, "can we please go to the nest?"

Dabi mulls over his answer before accepting, "Okay, come on, let's go to bed."

He gathers the blankets up with him, throwing them into Hawks arms, stumbling his way out, "Tomura, are you coming?"

"No, why would I?," Shigaraki asks.

"Because we're going to bed, let's go," Touya says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Shigaraki looks at Keigo for help, he shrugs, "it's not like you don't regularly sleep in the nest."

Toga squeals, "oh really now?"

"For the love of all might, Togas right," Spinner mutters.

"Come on Dusty, I won't even complain about you hogging the pillows," Dabi says.

Shigaraki sighs deeply, they were never convincing Toga they weren't in a throuple after tonight; but tomorrow it would be Dabis' problem.

"Fine, you fucking menace. Just know I am never letting you live this down."

## Afterword

End Notes

> My headcannon is that Shiggy is Dabi & Hawks emotional support platonic boyfriend. No they can't explain it better than that. It makes them happy and that's all that matters.

> Anyway, thanks for reading! Hopefully I'll have more to post soon!

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