## Preface

Standing on your own two feet
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/27477070.

Rating:
  Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Relationship:
  Dabi | Todoroki Touya/Takami Keigo | Hawks
Characters:
  Takami Keigo | Hawks, Todoroki Natsuo, Todoroki Rei, Dabi | Todoroki Touya
Additional Tags:
  Returning Home, Introspection, Internal Monologue, Feelings, Melancholy, Nostalgia, emotional journey, Brother Feels
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 18 of Pigeon Verse
Stats:
  Published: 2020-11-09 Completed: 2020-12-17 Words: 10,066 Chapters: 3/3

# Standing on your own two feet

by EloFromMars

Summary

> Touya leaves Natsuo's place and takes a trip back to the past.

Notes

> Still no Pigeon...I SWEAR TO GOD SHE'LL BE THERE SOON. I've written it already! :D Be patient.

> Big thanks to Tor for betaing <3

## Home

“I think I’m going to give it a try.”

Natsuo looks away from the TV screen to focus on him. “Give what a try?”

“Live on my own.”

“Oh. Going to Keigo’s?”

Touya caresses the cover of the book he’d been reading. “Yeah. Temporarily. But I want to see if I can manage.”

Natsuo clasps him on the back. “Well, you know that you have your futon here if it’s still too early in the end.”

Touya smiles at his brother, grateful. “I know, yeah.”

“And maybe Ichiro will finally go back to sleep in his own bed.”

“I’m going to miss my bed warmer, that’s for sure.”

“When do you want to go? If you wait for this weekend, I’ll give you a lift.”

Touya shakes his head. “I think I’ll go sometimes this week. Don’t worry about me bro, I can take a train.”

Natsuo watches him with a blank face and Touya knows he’s trying to read him with his psychiatrist’s eyes. He tries not to squirm under the analytic gaze of his brother and summon a confident smile even though he doesn’t feel all that confident.

He has mulled over the idea for the past week, weighing his options, checking the apartment renting websites, crunched numbers, to come to the conclusion that the money from Enji would only take him so far. He will need to get a job sooner rather than later and unfortunately, Natsuo’s neighborhood was not exactly flooded with job opportunities, unlike downtown. The central location of Keigo’s apartment will definitely help so yeah, rational decision, all that.

Probably.

Natsuo nods and pats Touya’s knee. “If you’re sure.”

“I am. For all we know, I’ll be back at your place the same evening.”

Natsuo smirks. “Doubtful. The kids are going to miss you.”

“C’mon, I’m not leaving for the other side of the world.”

His brother shrugs. “They got used to having their Uncle T around to indulge all their whims.”

They remain silent for a while and Touya takes in the peaceful atmosphere surrounding them. He can hear Mayu and the kids upstairs, bathing, and the scent of the dinner they shared earlier is still floating around. Touya feels safe here, at peace. Natsuo offered him a haven, somewhere to take his time and get reacquainted with ‘normal life’ without pressure, and Touya couldn’t be more grateful for the chance he’d been given. Without his brother and his unconditional support for all those years, Touya doesn’t know where he’d be today. He’s not certain that he wouldn’t have fallen back in his old self-destructive habits, not sure he’d be able to feel that peaceful. If Keigo had been an ideal, a distant light that kept Touya moving forward, Natsuo gave him something real, something grounding, like an anchor stopping his drifting life.

Touya smiles at his brother. “Thank you for letting me stay for so long.”

Natsuo snorts and ruffles his hair. “Don’t mention it. You’re just going to be on babysitting duties for the foreseeable future.”

“As if any other babysitter would be able to handle your monsters.”

Natsuo chuckles and bumps his shoulder against Touya’s. “I don’t know if you’re the one handling them or if they’re the ones who have you wrapped around their pinkies.”

Touya smirks. “Probably a mix of both. We understand each other.”

“Yeah, that probably has something to do with you three being agents of chaos or something.”

“Oh, most definitely. I wonder if the next two will get their Gremlin cards as well.”

There’s a strange mix of glee and fear blooming on Natsuo’s face. “Don’t remind me. I’m still processing the twin thingy.”

Touya chuckles. “You still have a bit more than five months to brace yourself for the incoming storm.”

“Very encouraging, bro, thank you.”

“I’ll mourn the loss of your hearing.”

“And sanity. Don’t forget my sanity.”

“I thought it was already long gone.”

Natsuo punches his shoulder. “Ass.”

“Always.”

On Thursday morning, after walking Saya and Ichiro to school and promising Ichiro that he’d come and see them very soon, Touya takes a train for Tokyo downtown with the small bag containing the entirety of his belongings. It was not much but Touya was used to not having a lot of personal things anyway. He doesn’t need much, to be fair. Clean clothes, his notebooks and pens, a few books, his phone, and all set. At least, he doesn’t have to carry around a first-aid kit and a surgical stapler anymore. Or questionable painkillers. Just his Quirk suppressors. He knows that popping in every two months to the doc to get a new prescription is a way for the government to keep an eye on him and his activities but honestly? He doesn’t really mind. Past him would have cursed and fought it, but present him doesn’t give a flying fuck. They want to keep track of his whereabouts? Fine. They’ll get bored before him. Touya is dead-set on settling down in a very mundane, quiet, and peaceful life where his main concern will be his growing family and maybe Keigo, depending on how their situation evolves. He still thinks that the system is fucked up, that the world would be better without heroes, but he’s done with fighting. He lost too much and he’s not ready to lose more. Plus, after a long talk with Deku in the dead of the night, just after Ichiro got his Quirk, in Natsuo’s quiet kitchen, he’s confident that the new generation is more aware of the flaws of their society. Touya knew that the green bean was clever, he showed it multiple times, but that was the first time Touya saw the somewhat disillusioned side of the young hero. Deku told him things that night that Touya never thought he’d hear in the number 5 hero’s mouth, some things that would have horrified all the suits at the Hero Commission but that gave Touya hope. Deku listened to what Touya had to say too. They talked about Stain’s ideals, about Overhaul’s motivations behind his fucked-up schemes, about Shigs’ will, and not once Deku told him he was completely wrong. Not once the hero refuted all his arguments like he was some kind of lunatic. So maybe —

Maybe Deku and Shouto’s generation will succeed where Hawks and Dabi failed.

Touya will try to trust them and support them if he can. But he won’t get involved anymore. And if whoever monitors Touya has nothing better to do than to watch him making a fool of himself playing heroes and villains with Ichiro and doodling endlessly with Saya, it’s not his problem. Past him would have thrown a fit about this but present him doesn’t care. All his and his family’s dirty laundry had been painfully exposed during his trial, dissected, analyzed, and been extensively commented on. There’s nothing to hide anymore. All he wants now is to be left in peace. Live a simple, tranquil life and not expose his family and potentially Keigo to more unwanted publicity.

The train is still a bit packed but he finds a seat by the window, reading on his phone a novel his mom sent him. He wants to finish it before they see each other tomorrow for their bi-weekly lunch. Those regular meet-ups really helped him to get a sense of routine and balance, the kind of normal life he never really quite experienced. It’s pleasant. And as the cherry on top, he and his mother are getting along better than he ever thought possible. They don’t talk of the past anymore, they’ve been through this twice when he was still locked up. There had been harsh words and tears and a fair amount of colorful curses but in the end, they purged the wounds and gave themselves time to heal. His mother is not just his mother anymore. She's a friend and a support, someone he knows he can rely on and who won’t judge him.

He gets out of the subway a stop before the one next to Keigo’s place. Despite the cold of February trying to seep in his bones and the threatening clouds above his head, he wants to walk. No, it’s not stalling. It’s just —

Whatever.

The wind tugs at his scarf and he tightens it around his neck. He hasn’t told Keigo he was going to go to his apartment. He really doesn’t know how he’s going to handle being back to this place of all places. There are so many memories attached to it and he’s afraid that the most painful ones will overcome the happier ones. He talked about it with Rei during their Tuesday lunch and as usual, she understood. She told him that she would probably never be able to set a toe in the family mansion where Enji still lives but what he has with Keigo is different. Her confidence gave him the small boost he had needed to actually consider the option. And still, he couldn’t find it in himself to tell Keigo. It’s stupid but he doesn’t want to disappoint Keigo if he’s unable to stay in the end. Keigo would probably understand but —

Yeah.

Touya wants to be as free of pressure as he can to do that.

As he walks toward his destination, he recognizes the familiar streets, notes the new shops that opened or replaced old ones. The ramen shop where he and Keigo used to get takeaway has been turned into a flower shop. He counts at least two new bookstores and a tattoo parlor, along with a fancy hairdresser that probably costs a lung and a kidney to get your hair trimmed. He’s almost certain Keigo goes there for his high-maintenance mane. Touya’s favorite coffee shop is still there though, just like the conbini at the corner. It brings him an odd sense of relief.

He slows down and stops at the entrance of the familiar alley leading to the back entrance of Keigo’s apartment complex. His mind is flooded by memories that seem to belong to someone else. The night he found Pigeon. The countless times he walked that path to go back home, loaded with groceries bags, hurrying under the rain, stumbling half-drunk and high on painkillers, limping after some nasty encounters. He contemplates it for a while, shivering in the cold wind. The last time he took that alley was the last time he saw Keigo before getting arrested. That specific memory still leaves a bitter taste at the back of his mouth. The old wound pulses slowly, the reminder of all the things they both fucked up and the pain they brought upon themselves.

God, they were so young. Young and foolish. Confronted with things way bigger than them, too heavy for their frail shoulders.

But underneath all that suffering, there’s an underlying current of something warm and soft. Something that still beckons him to this day.

He shakes his head and turns his back to the alley. He won’t take that path again.

He stops by the conbini to buy just a bit of food for his lunch and dinner at least. If he decides to stay longer, he’ll stock up the fridge properly but for now, baby steps.

He rounds the corner and reaches the main entrance of the apartment complex. It’s the first time that he uses it, and it sure is nicer than the service entrance. The lobby is wide and bright. The white marble floor reflects the fancy golden moldings on the ceiling and Touya’s steps echo between the white walls.

“Good day, sir. May I help you?”

Touya startles at the sudden voice and turns his head towards the sound. An old man is sitting behind a small counter, all squeezed in a fancy suit. His little hat rests on an almost bald head, stained with aging spots. But his gaze is sharp as he gives a once-over to Touya.

“Um, yeah, hi. I’m just going to crash at Takami’s place for a few days. I have keys and all,” he answers, fishing his set of keys from his jacket’s pocket.

The old man squints his beady eyes. “Very well. Do let me know if you need anything.”

Touya gives a tentative smile, not sure he likes the way the old geezer is staring at him, as if he was trying to detect lies or something. “Ha, yeah. Sure. Should be alright. Thanks, man.”

“Of course, sir. I assume you know the floor?”

“Yes, I do. See you around.”

Touya hurries toward the elevator and uses the electronic badge to unlock the doors, feeling the intense stare of the old man on his back. He hastily punches the last floor button, giving a crooked smile to the concierge still looking at him.

He’s fine. He has the right to be there. He is allowed to use the main entrance and to associate himself with Keigo.

The ascension is slow, giving enough time for Touya’s creeping nervousness to come back. The large hallway has changed. The walls are now painted white instead of the tacky burgundy Touya hated so much, and the carpet has been removed and replaced by a hardwood floor, shiny and well-polished.

Touya stops in front of the door of Keigo’s apartment, his fingers tightly clutched around his keys. It’s so quiet. No scratching at the door, no meowing, no music.

He takes a deep breath in and slides the key inside the lock. He unlocks the door with a soft click, pushing away the memories of Keigo’s distraught face as he stood on the threshold with his emaciated face and gruesome scar. It’s in the past. Keigo is fine now.

He steps in and closes the door behind him. The apartment is dark and cold, everything is still and silent. But something settles in Touya’s chest. He recognizes the scent. He recognizes the shapes in the semi-darkness.

He understands well now that the concept of home is more about people than places but this—

This is home.

He drops his bags on the floor, toes off his sneakers, and pads quietly towards the curtains. He opens them wide, one after one, flooding the living room with light. On the balcony, the table and the two chairs where they used to share late-night cigarettes and morning coffees are still there, surrounded by more flower pots and plants than before. Keigo really did pick up on the gardening thing.

Touya turns around and takes in the large living room, the open kitchen, the tall cat tree still pushed against one of the floor-to-ceiling windows. It hasn’t changed much except for the bookcases being fuller, the walls less naked, now covered with framed photos and paintings. There are more pillows on the cream couch, the carpet is new. Trinkets and knick-knacks litter the shelves, probably memorabilia of Keigo’s trips. Touya looks at everything, his fingers leaving prints in the dust. He inspects the books stacked and smiles when he recognizes the titles. Most of them are books Touya mentioned at some point in his letters. He grabs a worn-out copy of The Divine Comedy and the book opens directly on a page. Touya’s breath catches in his chest. He recognizes the paper stuck between the pages, neatly folded in two. He goes to sit on the couch and unfolds it. It’s one of his letters, precisely the one where he talks about that book and how much he enjoys the Inferno part. Sure enough, the marked page is the one he’s talking about.

“You absolute sap,” he murmurs with a fond smile, his fingers tracing the familiar shape of his writing. He re-reads the letter and a few pages of the book, lost in his memories. The words on the page send him back to his tiny cell, where his letters to Keigo were one of his only ways to keep track of time, in the passing weeks, months, years. The past thirteen years have faded into some kind of a blur. Just a succession of dull days and long nights with his thoughts for only company. Keigo really did keep him sane, a lighthouse to guide him to where he was supposed to be.

He doesn’t know how long he remains still, absorbed by his reverie. He re-reads the centuries-old words an Italian poet laid on a piece of paper and how they spoke to him directly at this exact time, how he found some kind of comfort and reassurance in them. All the books he read were like stones on his path of healing. They fed his thoughts and guided his journey, as cheesy as it might sound. All those writers and thinkers helped him understand his feelings and showed him how to articulate his fury into something coherent.

The cold of the apartment is what snaps him back to the present. He closes the book, shivering, and puts it back on the shelf. He goes back to the entrance and fumbles with the very high-tech screen that controls the heating system. He curses at the stupid thing until he finally gets the hang of it. He never had to preoccupy himself with heaters, being a walking furnace himself, but the Quirk suppressors had really lowered his internal temperature, even though he keeps running hotter than your average Joe.

He puts his groceries away in the empty fridge, connects his phone to Keigo’s sound system, and fills the silent apartment with music. It feels a bit more alive already. He makes himself a cup of coffee and goes back to the bookshelves.

He opens every book and it’s like taking a trip to the past. He finds the rest of his letters in a small basket, between a buddha in a snowball and a framed picture of Tokoyami napping on the couch with Pigeon curled up on his stomach. She almost goes unnoticed on the young man’s black shirt.

Touya reads every single letter. Some are more crumpled than others. The one where he apologized is the worst of them all, all wrinkled and torn at the corners as if it had been crushed in a very angry fist, which is probably the case. But Keigo didn’t throw it away. Touya’s heart is filled with a mix of guilt and love for that too-forgiving man. Keigo always had a heart of gold, selfless and kind, even when hidden under layers and layers of lies and deceit. He had just been overtaken by the shitty situation the assholes from the Commission put in him. Keigo had made bad decisions, things Touya is certain still eat him alive. They both have too much blood on their hands, but it doesn’t change Touya’s conviction that Keigo is and has always been intrinsically a good man. The fact that he read and kept those letters is another proof of it. Not for the first time, Touya muses that he really doesn’t deserve him. All he did had been to hurt Keigo over and over again, in the worst ways possible. And still —

Still, Keigo has always been here.

Selfishly, Touya is absolutely not willing to let him go. He doubts he will ever find someone who will understand what he went through as well as Keigo does. It’s not like Touya wants anyone else anyway.

Morning passes in the blink of an eye and Touya’s stomach reminds him that lunch could be a good idea. His chest feels tight all over again as he opens drawers and cabinets in the kitchen and finds everything at its place. Keigo seems to never have changed the way Touya organized the kitchenware. It’s probably simply because Keigo is a creature of habits but it still makes Touya feel warm inside.

He cooks a quick lunch, chatting on the phone with Natsuo who wants to make sure he’s okay. And Touya is. He really is okay. He feels like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

He spends his afternoon in his corner of the couch, bundled up in one of the plush blankets Keigo fancies, reading to his heart’s content, daydreaming, sipping a coffee on the balcony when the sun briefly pokes its head between grey clouds. The time where he usually goes to pick-up Saya and Ichiro rolls by and yes, he misses them already but the quiet and not having to care about anything aside from himself is also more than nice. Before everything happened, Touya would have hated being alone with his thoughts, would have tried to drown out the noise in his head with drugs, alcohol, and shallow company. Being around Keigo when he was still “only” Hawks had started to appease him, allowed him to get more comfortable with himself. Until shit hit the fan at least. But now — Now it was okay to be alone with himself. Most of the time at least. He feels like he’s finally getting his shit together, that he can stand on his own two feet without any crutch, that he can be his own person, and that it’s okay.

When night descends, he turns on the lights, closes the curtains, like he did dozens of times in the past. He chases away the sudden vague of nostalgia and longing that washes over him by heading to the bathroom. For once, he’s going to enjoy a long bath without toys and water being thrown at his face by an overexcited Ichiro. And to be fair, the large round bathtub is probably one of the things he missed the most in Keigo’s apartment.

Dinner is also a quiet thing. Touya browses through the many streaming platforms available, opting for a movie trilogy released while he was locked up in jail. He chats with Keigo by text, not telling him where he is yet. He will tell him tomorrow, depending on how the night goes. But he has a good feeling about it.

When he finally starts to feel sleepy, Touya turns off the TV, turns off the lights, and is confronted with a choice he’s pushed away all day long.

On the left side of the corridor is Keigo’s master bedroom. What has been their bedroom for a few months.

On the right, the guest room, as comfortable as the other one. Touya knows it, they tried the bed a handful of times back then.

He remains frozen in the middle of the hallway like a moron, heart racing and mind overheating. He mentally slaps himself and follows his instinct. He opens the door on the left and stops at the entrance, once more invaded by memories of all the times he crossed that threshold, alone or following the red wings. He walks slowly towards the large bed as his mind is invaded by the recollection of hundreds of kisses shared in the quiet of the nights or in early mornings, of their sleeping bodies tangled, content and warm. He swallows the lump in his throat and skims against the soft fabric of the sheets with something close to reverence. His heart squeezes and flutters and Touya finally faceplants on the bed with a groan. He shoves the melancholy away to just enjoy the sensation of soft fabric on his cheek.

He finally rolls on his back, stretching his legs and arms, eyes closed. He muses that it’s the first time he actually has the chance to enjoy a proper bed. Not a squeaky, hard bed in a prison cell, not a futon on the floor of Natsuo’s study, not a bed in a van. A proper, decent bed. His bed. He rolls under the comforter, burying himself in the many pillows and breathing in the scent of Keigo’s laundry soap. He finds his favorite pillow to hug, the other one that fits perfectly his head. After one last text to Keigo, Touya is out like a light, surrounded by Keigo’s smell, by familiar noises and familiar things.

He just misses one thing to be completely back home.

Four more weeks.

## Moving forward

Chapter Notes

> Glad you enjoyed the last chapter, guys!

> A big thank you to Kirn and Kii for the support and betaing <3 You guys rock.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Touya wakes up the next morning after a dreamless night, probably one of the first in a long, long time. He stays curled up under the fluffy comforter, simply enjoying the calm and the heaviness of his body sinking into the mattress. He feels rested and somehow content. No-one is screaming, no-one is tugging at his covers to drag him out of bed to watch something, or play, or solve a dispute.

Everything is quiet and peaceful.

There’s something special about this quiet though, as if everything was muffled. Touya knows that specific brand of quiet. He rolls on his side and presses the switch above the headboard. The curtains open with a swishing sound, letting the dim, grey light of the morning chases away the darkness. Touya groans at the sight offered to him. As he suspected, a thick layer of snow covers the railing of the balcony and the floor. Snowflakes are still falling at a lazy, steady pace.

Touya buries himself deeper under the comforter and looks at them swirl, his mind still numb with sleep. He reaches for his phone on the nightstand and smiles at the usual ‘ Good morning Snowflake’ text message waiting for him.

He snaps two pictures in response, one of the balcony and one of himself, half-hidden under the grey covers.

[Touya]: 2 pictures sent.

Pretty appropriate this morning. I’m going to be ultra stealthy today.

He doesn’t have to wait for long before his phone vibrates with an incoming video call. He picks up and Keigo’s grinning face appears on the screen. “Morning summer boy.”

“You’re at my place.”

Touya rolls his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“ Why didn’t you tell me? When did you arrive?”

“I arrived yesterday morning. I wanted to give it a try before telling you. Y’know, in case it didn’t work or something.”

Keigo hums but his smile lingers, soft. “How do you feel?”

Touya stretches with a content grunt. “Good. I missed sleeping in a real bed.”

“Not gonna lie, I’ll be pretty happy to have it back too.”

Touya worries his lower lip. “ You don’t mind me sleeping in your bed, right? If it bothers you, I can take the guest room’s one.”

Keigo huffs. “No, I don’t mind, don’t be stupid. So, what are your plans for today, Elsa? Are you going to go build a snowman? A little Olaf to keep you company?”

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up.”

Keigo starts humming that annoying tune and Touya groans. “You’re lucky you’re on the other side of a screen, otherwise I would punch you.”

Keigo bursts out laughing and Touya can’t remain grumpy much longer. “ Sorry, sorry. So? Lazy day today?”

Touya looks at the snow falling and scrunches his nose. “Mom wanted to have lunch downtown but honestly, I don’t feel like going out.”

“Why am I not surprised? ”

“Shut up. I don’t like the cold.”

“This is why you should have stayed with me. You could have avoided winter.”

“You know why I left.”

“I know, yeah.” Keigo remains silent for a second. “Hey, do you want me to tell Fumi to drop you Pigeon?”

Touya blinks, and his heart skips a beat. “For real?”

“I mean, if you’re staying there, might as well relieve Fumi from his cat-sitting duties.”

He doesn’t try to hide the smile creeping on his face. “I wouldn’t mind some company, that’s for sure.”

“I’ll message him then. And tell your Mom to come over if you don’t want to go out.”

“You don’t mind?”

Keigo rolls his eyes, visibly amused. “ Touya, my place is your place. You can invite whoever you want. Just make yourself comfortable, ‘kay?”

Touya smiles. “You’re too good to me.”

“Oy, none of that.” Keigo pauses again, his expression turning softer. “ I’m glad you took up on the invitation.”

“Don’t go all sappy on me now,” Touya chuckles.

“I’m not sappy. I’m just happy,” Keigo mumbles.

“You’re a sap.”

“Shut it.” He looks above his shoulder. “Alright, I gotta go, I’m missing out on good waves.”

“Okay. Have fun.”

“Will do! Love you, byyyyyye.”

“Bye Kei.”

Touya startles when the intercom buzzes loudly. He reduces the heat under his pot of miso soup and hurries to open the building door for his mother. Rei agreed to meet him at Keigo’s place with a bit too much eagerness for Touya’s peace of mind.

He feels stupidly nervous at the idea of having his mom here. He never had the chance to have guests anywhere so far. Like guests that actually mattered. The one-night stands he managed to drag to his shitty apartment obviously didn’t count.

Rei knocks on the door he left half-opened and steps in the living-room, her pale cheeks rosy with the cold. She smiles at him, a tote bag full of her last book purchases probably. “Hello, baby.”

“Hey, Mom.” He takes the heavy bag with a chuckle and settles it on the kitchen counter. “You could kill a man with that.”

“Don’t make fun of your mother, young man. They had the full collection of the Brontë sisters for a reasonable price. I needed it, obviously.”

“Obviously. Do you want something to drink?” He opens the fridge. “I have tea if you need to warm up. Or white wine. Beers.”

“White wine would be nice, but only if you drink with me.”

Touya pours them two glasses. “I wouldn’t dare leave my mother to drink alone. Lunch will be ready soon.”

Rei hums and walks toward the large windows with her glass, looking around with curious eyes. “It’s a very nice place.”

“It is, yes.”

“So that’s where you lived before—” She stops to glance at him above her shoulder.

Touya smiles softly. “Yeah. Not for long though. Six months maybe.”

“I see. Where—”

“You don’t want to know, Mom, trust me.”

She purses her lips but drops the subject. It’s not the first time she tries to know about his life as Dabi but Touya can’t find it in himself to reveal to his mother, of all people, how he lived on the streets, the things he did to survive until that sleazy bastard found him. Giran had been both his life savior and a goddamn curse. Sometimes he wonders what became of the old man. Nobody ever managed to catch him and knowing him, he must be busy nursing a skin cancer on a beach somewhere, with a margarita in his hand, a cigar in his mouth and probably a few airheads around him to keep him company. At least, that’s what Touya hopes.

He plates their food and fills two bowls with steaming miso soup. Rei perches on a stool and Touya settles next to her.

“Thanks for the food,” she murmurs before digging in. Touya waits for her reaction, a bit nervous. “It’s very good. I didn’t know you were such a good cook.”

Touya doesn’t stop the feeling of satisfied pride blooming in his chest. He bumps his shoulder against his mom’s thin one. “You gave me solid bases. And since Keigo was an absolute mess in the kitchen when we met, I picked it back up and improved, I suppose.”

Rei looks at him with a soft smile. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Startled by the sudden question, Touya blinks owlishly. “Yes? Why?”

Rei's fond chuckle covers briefly the music playing in the background. “I knew that you had feelings for him. You never hid them. But I’ve never realized how deep they ran.”

Touya remains silent, poking at a carrot with his chopstick. “I know we both have things to still figure out. But—” He sighs. “I want it to work. Whatever it is. But what I don’t want is to rely on him only.”

“You need a job.” Rei completes.

“I do. And probably my own place.”

“Well, I might have something for you then.”

Touya looks at his mom, confused. “What do you mean?”

“So the shop where I bought those books, they’re about to sell their business.”

“Okay. And?”

“And I talked with the owners several times now. I think I’m going to buy it.”

“The shop?”

“No, the owners and their cat. Of course the shop,” she giggles.

“And what does it have to do with me?”

“I need someone to help me. And I know that you got a degree in business. So, I was thinking, if you’re willing, we could become associates and run it together.”

Touya stares at Rei’s smiling face. She takes a sip of white wine, waiting for him to process. “Mom, that’s—”

“Unexpected, yes, I know. But I have a good feeling about it. The shop is very cute. It would need a bit of redecoration but honestly, it’s good business. They have a lot of customers and the spot is just great.” Rei’s cheeks color as her enthusiasm grows. She unlocks her phone and shows pictures to Touya who listens, his mom’s excitement rubbing on him. “It would be so wonderful! I’m sure Izuku and Shouto would be more than happy to give a hand as well! They’re both bookworms after all! We could organize such nice events and everything. Oh Touya, don’t you think it would be wonderful? It could be a place for Saya and Ichiro to come after school when they will be older!”

Touya chuckles, a bit dizzy at the picture his mother paints for him. It sure would be nice to run his own business, being surrounded by books all day, having something just for himself, something he could nurture and make grow. But he couldn’t help but think about the impact his past could have. He didn’t want to spoil his mother’s project with his mistakes.

Rei stops talking, probably seeing his sudden change of mood. “What’s on your mind, baby boy?”

“I really like the idea, Mom. I really really do. I think it’s an amazing project. But I’m not sure anyone would like to lend money or trust someone with a business when—”

Rei raises her hand and Touya stops talking. “Touya, don’t let your past hold you back. You made mistakes, you paid for it. Time to move on.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it. I’m just saying that not everyone would be so inclined to let me ‘move on’,” he answers with a shrug. “It is what it is. Associate yourself with an ex-convict might not be the best business move.”

“We’ll convince them.”

Touya hums, skeptical. He takes their empty plates to drop them in the sink and starts the kettle.

“Touya, we will. Trust me, yeah?”

Touya stares at the mugs where he dropped two bags of green tea. He wants it. Now that his mom ingrained the idea in his mind, he wants this to happen more than anything else. He feels like this is his chance to finally have the normal life he’s craving for. But he feels like the ghost of Dabi is still present, like a chain around his ankles preventing him from moving forward.

He startles slightly when Rei presses her hand on his back, jolting him from his thoughts. “Touya.”

He looks at her and she smiles softly. Her cold fingers cup his cheek, gentle and soft.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“It’s okay, baby boy. I just want you to give yourself a chance to have something nice, okay? We’ll find a way. I can take loans on my name, we can ask Shouto to vouch for us. We’ll make it work. Don’t settle for some kind of lame job just because you think you don’t deserve better.”

Touya huffs. “What? You don’t want your son to be a Starbucks barista?”

Rei frowns. “If that makes you happy, I won’t argue. But it would be a waste of potential. You have a Literature Ph.D and a Bachelor degree in Business, for god’s sake.”

“It was just a good way to pass time in jail.”

“Touya…”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He wraps his fingers around his mother’s. “We’ll go and see the shop and I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Alright. I’m sure you’re going to love it. It’s a really really nice place.”

Rei doesn’t let him think about it for too long. Despite the snow, she manages to convince him to come with her the next day. Touya bitches and groans but in the end, he’s curious to see the shop himself.

After a quick shower, he opens the door of the walk-in closet in Keigo’s room, hoping to find some warmer clothes than what he owns at the moment. The shelves and hangers are less full than in his memories but still fuller than any average closet. Keigo probably got rid of his old clothes designed to accommodate his wings. Touya shoves away the guilt that’s trying to make its way into his chest and focuses on his task. He goes through the shelves until he finds a pair of boots and a warm sweater in soft white wool. He pauses as he goes through the extensive collection of coats, his eyes caught by a familiar hoodie. He frowns and unfolds the sweater. His heart skips a beat as he recognizes it. It’s his. It’s one of the hoodies he used to wear a lot back in the day. He looks at the other clothes folded on the shelf and a shuddering breath racks his chest. Those are his clothes. It’s not a lot. Just a pair of sweatpants, two worn-out t-shirts, and a pair of washed-out jeans but it’s his. Keigo kept them. What for? Touya isn’t sure. Did Keigo always expect him to come back? Did he keep them as a token of their past?

Once more, Touya realizes that the roots of their shared feelings are deeper than he ever thought hoped they would be. He folds back the hoodie and settles it on top of the small pile of clothes. He doesn’t know if Keigo expected him to find all of those, or didn’t really care if he did or not, but it only comforts Touya in his conviction that neither of them will ever be able to let the other go. He still doesn’t believe in forever but the strings connecting him to Keigo are way too intricate, and he’s very unwilling to try and untangle that mess.

He bundles himself up in Keigo’s thick coat, very similar to his hero one minus the slits for the wings. Touya had to cut the label off, proof that Keigo never wore it so far. He doesn’t know if it’s because Keigo had run away from winter for the past ten years or if it’s because he didn’t want to wear it. To be fair, whoever thought it was a good idea to give him that needs to take one or two tact lessons. However, Touya is glad Keigo hasn't got rid of it. The coat is comfy and warm and the high collar doubled with fur protects him from the cold wind blowing hard. The snow has momentarily stopped but the skies are still low and loaded with more. He just hopes that it won’t start again before he’s back home.

He rides the subway until he reaches Tokyo’s central train station, where he’s supposed to meet Rei. His mom is already there, waiting for him with two cups of coffee and a wide grin. She leads the way out of the busy train station and in the crowded streets. They walk for ten minutes, enough time for Touya to curse against the slippery curbs. Rei laughs at his misery and hooks her arm around his to prevent him from falling on his ass.

“It’s there,” she finally announces as she stops in front of a small shop with a brown wooden exterior, almost like those old European shops he always sees in movies. There’s a large grey cat lounging on the books exposed behind the window, its yellow eyes staring at them. “This is Mochi,” Rei explains. “He doesn’t come with the lease.”

Touya chuckles. “A shame.”

“I know, right? Let’s go in.” Rei pushes the door, eliciting a chime of the bell above it.

“Irasshai! Oh! Yuki-san, it’s you! Welcome back!”

“Good morning, Sasakawa-san. How are you today?”

The old man behind the small counter smiles, showing the large gap between his front teeth. “Same old, same old. That cold is not good for my arthritis.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Ha! You brought your son. It’s nice to meet you finally. Your mother told us a lot about you.”

Touya glances at his mother. “Did she now?”

“Only good things, I assure you.”

“Yes, only good things about my Touya. Can we take a look around?”

“Of course, of course! You know where to find me if you need anything.”

Rei grabs his hand and tugs on it to make him move. The shop is bigger than he expected, with wooden material everywhere. It gives the whole place an antique vibe that Touya doesn’t dislike at all. The sound of traffic outside becomes more and more muted as they venture further. At some point, Rei lets go of his hand to go and check the poetry aisle and Touya is left to his own devices. He wanders around, taking in the peaceful atmosphere surrounding him. It smells like paper and beeswax, with an underlying fragrance of coffee. He peruses through the bookshelves, curious. It’s obviously a mix of second-hand books and new ones, an idea he enjoys a lot. It gives people with less money the possibility to still buy books and as someone who struggled for most of his life, it’s something he would definitely keep going.

Next to the kid’s book aisle where he finds several ones for Saya and Ichiro, there’s a corner with postcards and tourist knick-knacks that nobody seems to have used in years. He stops there and he can picture colorful bean bags here and his niece and nephew sitting there with books in their little hands. He could sit with them and read them stories. Maybe he could find a way to bake some cookies or chocolate cakes for their post-school snacks. His fingers tighten around the cover of the books as ideas keep running through his mind, of ways to improve the shop without altering its soul. He wants this. He wants this so badly.

He startles slightly when Rei appears next to him. “What do you think?” she asks softly, several books stacked between her arms.

“It could be a kid corner here,” he answers with a half-smile.

“It could.” She bumps into his shoulder. “So it means you’re in?”

He takes another look around and nods. “I think I want to give it a try at least.”

The smile his mother gives him is probably the brightest one he’s ever seen on her. And for his mother’s smile, he will do anything. He will fight for his spot in the sun, he will make his mom proud and he will show everyone that it’s possible to change.

Move forward and don’t look back.

Chapter End Notes

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## Her

Chapter Notes

> Is she going to be there? Or not? Schrödinger Pigeon :3

> Enjoy <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The snow hadn’t stopped falling in the past three days and, aside for his outing with his mother to see the shop, Touya hasn’t set a toe outside. The fridge and cabinets are stocked with enough food to hold a siege and Touya and the apartment's central heating finally came to an understanding. All Touya has to take care of is his own ass and the accounts records and files the shop owners sent him two days ago. Rei hired a lawyer and an accountant to go over them but Touya insisted he wanted to take a look at it.

Analyzing numbers is definitely not his favorite thing and he almost wishes he had paid more attention to Skeptic’s boring ramblings about budget and finance. The man was an ass but he definitely had a way with numbers and money. Touya asked Keigo for help, given he ran his own agency for years, but the only advice this dumb chicken was able to provide was: get an accountant to do it for you.

Touya didn’t want to do that though. If he was doing the whole running a business thing, he wanted to be able to understand everything. No way he’d get screwed over by someone, nu-uh, not happening. So he skimmed countless websites and chats, summoned his memories from his Bachelor’s degree, ordered half a dozen finance textbooks, and got to work. It was tedious but a good occupation, keeping him busy enough to not think about Keigo, or the fact that he might own a business in the incoming months, or that he was actually, really, finally starting to have a normal life.

Enough thinking, more acting.

But it was hard to stop overanalyzing everything after spending 13 years doing nothing but that.

His phone chimes from somewhere and Touya has to move all his notes and open books to try and find the fucker. Cursing under his breath when a pile of spreadsheets falls from the coffee table, he finally gets his hands on the device. His brows furrow at the unknown number on the screen.

[Unknown number] Good day, Todoroki-san. I’m sorry to come back to you just now but I was away for a mission. I can drop you Pigeon tonight if it’s convenient for you. Tokoyami.

Touya stares at his phone for a whole minute before he starts typing an answer with shaking fingers.

[Touya] No problem. And yes, it’s completely fine with me. Drop her whenever, I’m not going anywhere with all that snow. Thank you!

[Tokoyami] Very well. We should be here around 8.

[Touya] Perfect! See you then!

Touya re-reads the few words again and again, trying to process the fact that he’s finally going to see his girl. After all those years, he’ll finally be able to stuff his face in her soft fur and listen to her purrs. Even if she doesn’t recognize him, it’s fine. He will spoil her so much that she will learn to love him again. Hopefully.

Without wasting another minute and ignoring his previous promise to not set a foot outside before the end of the snow episode, Touya stands up and grabs his coat, keys, and wallet, and shoves his feet in Keigo’s boots. It’s freezing in the lobby, the ridiculous marble stones doing nothing to warm up the large entrance of the building. The old geezer behind his counter nods politely at Touya as he steps out the elevator.

"You ain't too cold down there, old man?" Touya asks, slowing down.

"We make do, sir. Be careful out there, it's slippery."

"I will."

The wind that welcomes Touya outside makes him shiver from head to toe, and the snow keeps falling from the heavy clouds hanging above Tokyo, spurring him to hurry toward the conbini. The old man was right, it's slippery as fuck. Traitorous ice is hidden under a thick layer of fresh snow, and more than once, Touya is about to fall on his ass, barely catching himself to the walls or lampposts. That's it, he hates winter. Next year, he'll stay with Keigo until spring. Or not. He can't really leave his mom running the shop for six months while he's doing fuck all on an Australian beach. Ha well.

After thoroughly raiding the pet aisle for treats and toys she will probably never use, he purchases two pieces of fresh salmon, one for him and one for Pigeon, and, in the spur of the moment, add a hot tea to-go.

The concierge accepts the steaming cup with a surprised but grateful smile when Touya drops the warm drink on the counter and his thank-yous follow Touya to the elevator. Damn, Touya should tell Keigo to provide the poor guy with blankets or a heater, or something. Those are no decent work conditions for such an old fart.

Once back in the warmth of the apartment, Touya has a hard time focusing on spreadsheets and diagrams. The numbers dance in front of his eyes, not making sense anymore. He looks at the time every two minutes, picks up a book, and gives up after reading the same sentence for the fifth time. He texts Keigo but doesn’t get any answer. His guts are a knot of nervous excitement he doesn’t know how to alleviate.

It’s stupid, really, getting restless like this over a cat.

But Pigeon is more than that.

She has been the first piece of “normal” in his chaotic life. For better or worse, she allowed him and Keigo to settle in some kind of domesticity they would probably never have achieved otherwise. It’s hard to tell how things would have gone down if he and Keigo had remained just casual fuckbuddies holding a blade to each other’s throats. The outcome had already been horrendous, but Touya would probably have not held back. Because in hindsight, he had realized that he did hold back on that day at the crumbling building. He made excuses for the longest time, argued with himself that it was because he was reaching his limits, that he needed to save strength to confront Endeavor, and made his great reveal, the peak of his pathetic existence, the accomplishment of many years of planning.

But in the end, he knows deep down that he could have killed Keigo easily, just burned him to a crisp. And yet he didn’t. Even in his crazed state, with his mind swarmed with a mix of painkillers and drugs, fueled by adrenaline and sheer madness, he unconsciously held back, hiding his hurt and heartbreak behind lies and crude words.

He turns on the TV to stop thinking about the past but the universe seems to have decided otherwise. His attention is caught by a news report of a villain incident in an overcrowded mall. Several heroes are still here to help the cops and the paramedics evacuate the injured civilians while one of them is talking to the camera. The woman looks young and vaguely familiar with her brown bob and pink, round cheeks. She answers the questions with a smile but her tension and impatience are palpable in the hard lines around her stretched lips. It’s a smile Touya had witnessed too many times on Keigo’s face, on Deku’s.

Touya brings his knees to his chest, something cold and ugly pooling in his stomach like a ton of lead, a well-known cocktail of guilt and self-hatred. It’s unreasonable, he knows it. He has nothing to do with it, he doesn’t even know those villains but —

But it used to be him provoking worry and fear in the heart of millions of people. It used to be him hurting heroes and low-lives alike and laughing about it. He can feel the weight of his past sins on his back. Blood and ashes still stain his now unscarred hands, and probably always will. He knows why he did it and he still doesn’t think that his ideals were that fucked-up. Well, not all of them at least. But the means to reach them?

The woman answers one last question and leaves the scene, ignoring the calls of the journalists. The camera refocuses on the blond reporter and Touya keeps staring at the screen without seeing it anymore, the remote a dead weight in his hand. It’s his legacy right there, the only thing he will leave behind him. He didn’t succeed in anything except maybe setting a shitty example for lost souls. What did he accomplish in his life really? He broke his family, killed dozens of people, hurt the most important person in his life in the most painful way, and spent almost half of his life behind bars. And all of this for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Heroes are still there. Villains are still lurking. The system barely moved despite Touya’s efforts and sacrifices. His whole existence is just the most pathetic, unfunny joke anyone has ever told.

He glares at the pile of business plans and spreadsheets on the coffee table and in a bout of anger, he sends them flying. What is even the point in all of that? He’s just going to ruin his mother’s dreams, once more, and makes a fool of himself. He doesn’t seem to be able to do anything else, anyway. He should just disappear, change his name again, leave the country now that he’s free to do it. It will probably be a relief for everyone.

His phone buzzes in his lap but he doesn’t even check the notification, locked-up in his own head. Whoever is calling is probably doing it out of pity or some other stupid feeling that pushes them to check on him. Family duty or something as hypocritical. What reason do they have to put up with him? He never gave them any good reason to.

Anger simmers under his skin and tightens his chest, making it hard to breathe. Touya refuses to acknowledge the underlying current of deep sadness that tries to overwhelm him. There’s nothing to be sad about. He brought it upon himself, after all. Reaping what he sows and all that bullshit.

His phone buzzes again and would he have had his Quirk, he would have probably burned the thing. But he doesn’t have his fire anymore. The only thing that made him interesting had been taken away from him too.

When the device goes off for the third time, Touya finally looks at it. Three missed calls from Tokoyami and a text “We’re almost here.”

He re-reads the text several times, thrown off his self-hatred spiraling. Realizing how deep he descended in that too-familiar rabbit hole, he forces himself to focus on his breathing.

Count to 10. Breath. Count to 5. Breath.

The anger subsides slowly but the knot in his chest is still painfully tight. He startles when the doorbell echoes in the apartment. With a slight delay, Touya rises on his feet, still a bit rattled by his episode. He feels cold and dizzy but he forces a neutral mask on his face as he opens the door.

“Todoroki-san, greetings.”

Touya blinks. The vague memory of the student who stood between him and Hawks on that fateful day has changed. He’s taller and broader but the same fierce determination glimmers in his red eyes. His black coat is covered with a thin layer of melting snow, and Touya shivers as the cold of the hallway hits him.

“Hello.” His voice sounds hollow, even to his own ears.

The birdhead man tilts his head to the side, his expression hard to read but something shifts in the red irises. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes I’m - I’m fine.” Touya finally realizes that they’re still both standing at the entrance door. “Come on in, it’s freezing.”

Tokoyami hums and follows Touya inside, stopping briefly to remove his heavy boots that he keeps in hand.

“Do you want to drink something to warm you up?” Touya asks, his eyes focused on the cage the hero is carrying, wrapped in a heavy black blanket.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stay. I’m on my way to work and I don’t want to run late. Shinso will rip me apart if I am.”

“Ha, yeah, thanks for dropping by. Is she -”

“Yeah. I gave her something to calm her down so she might be a bit drowsy. She hates being trapped in a cage,” Tokoyami explains and there’s a look in his eyes that Touya can’t quite place. “Just let her wake up and get out of the cage by herself, she’ll be fine.”

Touya forces himself to remain as calm as possible and not rush toward the cage like he wants to. Tokoyami settles the cage on the floor, next to the couch. He glances at the paper scattered on the floor but doesn’t comment on it, to Touya’s relief. “Do you mind if I use the balcony?”

“Uh? Yeah, no, sure, go ahead.”

“Have a good evening, Todoroki-san. Call me if you have questions about Pigeon.

“I’m sure we will be fine.”

Tokoyami nods and heads to the balcony. Touya watches him with wide eyes as a black figure emerges from his body and covers him entirely, extending until it forms two black wings. Touya had completely forgotten about the kid’s Quirk and it definitely didn’t look like that last time they met. The hero hops on the railing and takes off in the winter night without looking back, reminding Touya of a pair of red wings he’s watched leaping off the same balcony countless times.

Touya remains still for a heartbeat before turning on his heels and looking at the cage. Now that he’s alone, he’s feeling oddly nervous. The chances that Pigeon doesn’t recognize him are high and his heart aches at the mere idea.

Slowly, he makes his way to the couch. With careful gestures, he unfolds the plush blanket and opens the door of the cage. His breath catches in his chest at the sight of the ball of dark fur asleep inside. She’s bigger than before, of course she is, but she’s still small compared to other cats.

She’s right there, at hand’s reach and Touya can’t avert his eyes. Her ears twitch when his breath hitches in his chest and she opens a lazy blue eye. A quiet mrew filters from the confines of the cage and she closes her eye again.

Touya can’t resist any longer and runs fingers into the fur. She’s warm and soft to the touch and the soft vibration of her purr against his palm makes him grin like an idiot. He pets her just for a while longer, the remnants of his existential crisis subside and he can think straight again.

He retrieves his hand and looks at the mess he made. With a sigh, Touya gathers the scattered spreadsheets and notes but stays next to the cage, unwilling to leave Pigeon alone.

It takes twenty more minutes for some movements to start to happen in the cage. Touya remains still and quiet, all his attention focused on the open door. Pigeon emerges slowly, and freezes when she sees him.

“Hey baby girl,” Touya says softly, offering the back of his hand for her to sniff. It reminds him of the first time they met, in that dark alley, under the pouring rain. She hesitates for a heartbeat before coming closer and smelling his hand. It takes barely one second before she shoves her head almost violently against his palm with a loud meow. She climbs in his lap and tries to move up his chest to reach his shoulder.

Touya chuckles, picking up his cat in his arms. The pressure behind his eyes is awful but it doesn’t matter. Pigeon has recognized him. Even after more than 13 years of separation, she still recognizes him. She rubs her face against his, her purrs so loud against Touya’s ear that they cover the sound of the TV. He coos nonsense in answer, scratches all her favorite spots, and breathes in the scent that he missed so much.

He’s really home. The tight knot in his chest finally unravels completely, a weight lifts from his shoulders, chased away by the purrs and the rough tongue lovingly licking his temple and grooming his hair.

His phone buzzes and he accepts the video call blindly, his face half-hidden in Pigeon’s flank.

“I see you got your daughter back.”

Touya peers at Keigo’s smiling face on the screen. “I did.”

“You crying yet?”

“Shut up, I don’t cry.”

“Only on the inside.” The smile is soft, and there’s a glimmer in Keigo's eyes that is not entirely due to the setting sun. “I miss you.”

Pigeon meows and paws at the screen, trying to reach Keigo. Touya smiles and puts the phone away from the inquisitive cat. He smiles back at Keigo. “So come home.”

Keigo hums and looks above the camera, probably at the beach and the ocean. “Maybe. Will you be there?”

Touya cradles Pigeon closer to his chest with his free arm. “Only if you want me to.”

Keigo’s smile grows an inch. “Who else would keep me warm?”

Chapter End Notes

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## Afterword

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