## Preface

Shackles of the Past
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/27007264.

Rating:
  Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Relationships:
  Dabi | Todoroki Touya/Takami Keigo | Hawks, Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Todoroki Natsuo
Characters:
  Takami Keigo | Hawks, Todoroki Natsuo, Original Characters, Dabi | Todoroki Touya
Additional Tags:
  Feelings, Internal Monologue, Family Feels, Healing, Personal Growth, Pigeon Verse
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 16 of Pigeon Verse
Stats:
  Published: 2020-10-14 Words: 3,471 Chapters: 1/1

# Shackles of the Past

by EloFromMars

Summary

> Touya leaves Keigo in Australia and goes back to Japan.

Notes

> Here we go for a new cycle! I promise Pigeon will reappear soon :p

> Big thanks to Aphra and Kii for the betaing/live commenting <3

See the end of the work for more notes

## Shackles of the Past

Touya finishes packing his bag, gathering his books and notebook that found their way into Keigo’s mess after just a few days, making sure to grab the souvenirs he bought for Saya and Ichiro. He keeps his hands busy to avoid thinking about tomorrow.

Two arms snake around his waist and a firm body is pressed against his back. Keigo’s wet hair tickles his cheek as he buries his face in the crook of Touya’s neck.

“You sure you don’t want to stay a while longer?”

Touya smiles and pats Keigo’s tanned forearm. “I need to go back.”

“Let me at least drive you to Brisbane.”

“Nah. Just take me back to Byron Bay. I don’t want awkward, cheesy goodbyes at the airport.”

Keigo sighs but doesn’t try to convince him once more. They eat their last dinner and just sit side by side in front of the Combi, watching the dark skies in silence.

“You’re going back to Natsuo’s place?” Keigo asks after a moment.

“Mmh mmh. I promised the kids that I would come back. I owe them two pillow fort nights and an ice-cream date.”

Keigo chuckles and laces their fingers together. “Lucky them.”

Silence falls again. Touya can hear the faint sound of a guitar playing further away, of laughter and conversations. The breeze coming from the ocean brushes against his skin soothingly. He’s going to miss this.

“Are you going to look for an apartment?” Keigo asks again, startling Touya from his wandering thoughts.

“Eventually, yeah. I can’t live with my brother forever. Why?”

Keigo squirms and retrieves a set of keys from his pocket. He hands them to Touya, who stares at them with a frown. He recognizes the key chain, that dumb chicken leg he got with a KFC order more than a decade ago. These are his keys. The ones he left on the kitchen counter after their last night together. He remembers how hard it had been to leave them behind, along with the last feather. His throat constricts but he hurries to push away the memories. It’s behind him. Behind them. Moving on, Touya.

“If you want a place to crash in the meantime that doesn’t involve Deku and Ground Zero’s Excellent Adventure 3 first thing in the morning...The address is the same.” Keigo gives him a crooked smile. “You can stay there as long as you want.”

“But—”

“I’m not asking you to move back in. I’m just offering you an empty place to stay. I’m not going to be back before mid-March. You’re free to use it in the meantime.” Keigo presses the keys into Touya’s hand. “Or longer.”

Touya’s fingers close around the keys and he smiles tentatively. “You’re sure about this?”

Keigo shrugs and looks back at the night sky. “Like I said, the apartment is empty half of the year.”

Touya chuckles. “Such a shame.” His thumb follows the smooth plastic of the chicken leg, feeling the small dents left by Pigeon’s baby teeth. “I wasn’t sure you kept that condo.”

Keigo huffs. “No way I’d renounce that view. And I can’t be assed to move out, to be honest.”

“That, or you’re too territorial to change nests.”

Keigo pouts at him but his eyes glint faintly in the dim light. “Shut up.”

“Uh-uh.” Touya rolls the key chain between his fingers. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Leaving Keigo at Byron Bay is harder than Touya expected.

Just two months. It’s nothing.

Except it’s everything. Now that he’s gotten Keigo back, Touya is not inclined to let him go ever again. But at the same time, he needs to go back. He feels like he still has to sort some shit out on his own, to learn to be alone again before being able to be fully with Keigo. He doesn’t want to use him as a crutch. No more of that bullshit.

The drive to Byron Bay is quiet, both of them locked up in their own heads, but their hands remain interlocked. Touya watches the landscape, fills his lungs with the salty scent of the ocean, takes in the openness that he will definitely not find in Tokyo.

They share a last coffee on the seafront, waiting for Touya’s bus. They exchange barely a few words but their bodies talk for them, searching from any point of contact, like a futile attempt to stock up the other’s presence and warmth.

Their last kiss is sloppy and rushed and, too soon, Touya is away from Keigo’s arms, curled up on a hard seat, in a too-cold bus. For once, he’s glad he can’t shed any tears but the heavy weight on his chest is painful. He knows he’s making the right choice but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like a bitch.

Two weeks were all it had taken for him to fall back in love with Keigo. If he ever fell out of love in the first place.

Despite being sure he’s doing the right thing by going back to Japan, he still asks himself at least five times what the hell he’s doing once in the airport, that close to just hopping back in a bus and going back to Broken Head. But he doesn’t. He passes the customs. He passes the boarding. He sits in his cramped seat, sends one last text to Keigo before turning off his phone. He takes his pills and is out like a light before the plane even takes off.

The cold that welcomes him when he lands in Tokyo makes him crave the burning Australian sun. He should have stayed, he thinks once more as he puts back on his coat, beanie, and scarf. No one is here to pick him up today, everybody is working. He doesn’t mind. He doesn’t really like the idea of relying on anyone. He’s a grown-ass man, he can handle himself.

Except —

Except he feels suddenly overwhelmed by the crowd. He didn’t feel like that when he arrived in Australia, despite being in a foreign country. Maybe because he was too focused on getting to Keigo, or too caught up in his own head to pay attention to his surroundings. The atmosphere was also different. More chill. More relaxed. Tokyo’s airport buzzes with an undercurrent of feverish energy that makes him antsy. He turns up the volume of the music already blasting into his ears, a playlist Izuku had sent him to “update” his musical tastes, and makes his way through the terminal, weaving between the crowd of people, focused on his objective. Touya forgoes the cab option to reach the train station. Fortunately, it’s not rush hour yet. He’s not sure he would have been able to handle being squished between foreign bodies.

It still feels a bit strange to be completely by himself though, to not have to conceal himself or endure stares. Once again, the realization that he really did leave Dabi behind him, that he’s free to be Touya without the weight of his alias crushing him, hits him like a truck. Being Touya in jail was easy. Only his therapist and his family had been aware of the progressive change. Being Touya in Australia, with Keigo, in the midst of strangers who didn’t know the first thing about his past, had been as easy. Almost like wearing another mask.

But being Touya here, among people who knew of Dabi, who didn’t realize or didn’t care about the journey he took, it was something else entirely. He knew he might have to fight for his spot in the sun. And he would. His new life was worth it.

He steps in the half-empty coach and finds a seat by the window. No one pays attention to him and, once again, he’s thankful for his new appearance. The knot of anxiety twisting his gut slowly ebbs away, fading with every text message he receives from his family. Keigo remains silent though. Touya tries to not pay it any mind. He’s probably busy paddling in the waves at this time of the day and will answer later. Probably. Touya plays with the set of keys with the chicken leg keychain in his pocket, a reminder that doubting is stupid now. They’re going to be fine.

After almost two hours of commute, Touya finally reaches Natsuo’s quiet neighborhood and he feels instantly better. The house is empty and quiet, a balm for his nerves. Natsuo’s home is a safe place where the remaining tension fades away.

There’s a pile of drawings on his rolled futon in Natsuo’s study, welcome-back gifts from Saya and Ichiro, and a sticky note on the fridge, covered with Natsuo’s scribble informing him that there are leftovers for him if he feels like it.

Honestly, all Touya wants is a long shower and a nap before the kids come back from school. He’s making himself a coffee with Mayu’s fancy Italian coffee machine when his phone pings.

[Mayu] I’m going to be stuck at work for longer than expected. Could you go and pick up Ichiro and Saya at school?

[Touya] Yeah sure.

[Mayu] You’re a lifesaver. I’ll message the school so they don’t give you trouble. Thank you!! Welcome back home!

Touya checks the time. Barely one and half hours before the monsters finish classes. So much for a long nap. It’s fine though. Having to look after his niece and nephew will keep him busy enough to not think about the longing twisting his gut every time he lets his mind wander back to that Australian beach he left almost a day ago.

Just two months.

He bundles himself up in a hoodie Keigo let him steal and leaves for the school. It’s not very far away, barely twenty minutes walking, and Touya takes his time. He stops by the Konbini to pick up a pack of strawberry Pocky, something he hadn’t had the time to indulge in since he got out.

There are already people waiting in front of the school gates and Touya stops a bit further, not really willing to mingle with mothers and toddlers. He munches on his treats, waiting for the bell to ring. When it does, he let the biggest crowd of moms pick up their spawn before coming closer. He ignores the lingering looks, trying to spot a shock of white hair in the horde of brats flowing out of the school.

“Saya!” he calls, when he finally catches the sight of her white curls and mouse ears, her hand around Ichiro’s.

Saya looks around and a big toothy smile lights up her face as soon as she sees him. The tugging feeling of longing subsides and disappears completely when Ichiro lets go of his sister’s hand to bolt toward Touya, who picks him up and squishes him against his chest. “Yo munchkin.”

He huffs when Saya headbutts him in the stomach, nuzzling his hoodie with a happy squeal. “You came back!!”

“We pinkie-promised, right?” Touya answers, pinching her ear.

“You’re the uncle?”

Touya startles slightly and looks at the woman who just spoke. She’s standing on the other side of the gate, leveling Touya with a cold gaze. Her grey hair is pulled into a tight bun, increasing the sternness of her wrinkled face. Touya frowns, not really liking her tone. Ichiro stops his babbling as soon as he feels Touya tense up. “Yeah, I am. What about it?”

She purses her lips. “It’s my duty to make sure of the identity of the person picking up the children.”

Touya huffs. “Something is telling me that you know perfectly who I am, Sensei.”

The teacher frowns. “I do know, indeed. I’ll have a word with Todoroki-san about it.” She looks at Saya who hides slightly behind Touya’s legs, her fingers tightly clutched around the hem of his hoodie. “Saya-chan, be careful with the role model you pick. Even if they’re family, it doesn’t mean they’re good people.”

Saya hides a bit more and Ichiro looks at them with wide eyes.

“Do you hear me, Saya-chan?”

“She heard you perfectly,” Touya snaps back. “If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of spilling your venom into innocent ears. Let’s go home, munchkins.”

He turns on his heels, Ichiro tightly secured on his hip and Saya holding onto his hoodie. “Fucking bitch,” he grumbles, bitter anger simmering into his chest.

“You said two bad words,” Ichiro gasps.

Touya huffs and shoves the pack of Pocky in his nephew’s hand. “No snitching, Munchkin.”

“No snitching,” Ichiro replies with a giggle, two pink sticks already in his mouth.

The rest of the walk back home is quiet. Saya seems to be deep in thoughts, the slight crunch between her brows reminding Touya of Shouto’s expression when he was thinking. Ichiro is falling asleep, his little body going slack between Touya’s arms.

Once home, he settles Ichiro under the kotatsu and prepares some snacks for Saya and himself. The contempt in that teacher’s eyes makes him want to burn something but he reins in his temper, at least for Saya’s sake.

The girl remains silent though, which is a feat in itself. Saya is usually a chatterbox, babbling about everything going through her mind without any filter. But right now, she’s still frowning, fixing the table without seeing it. She barely reacts when he gives her her snacks.

Touya feels like he should try to make her talk, to try to figure out what’s going on in her little head but how do you address a kid? An adult, he can deal-ish, but a 7-year-old? Saya finishes her yogurt and looks at him with a very serious face.

“Why was Ori-sensei mean to you?” Saya finally asks in a small voice.

Touya sighs and runs a hand in his hair. Here we go. “Probably because of all the bad things I did in the past.”

“But you’ve been grounded for so long,” Saya retorts, her white eyebrows tightly knitted. “Papa always said that you must not keep hard feelings after being grounded. On neither side.”

“Your dad is right. But some people— “ Touya bites his lower lip. God, how is he supposed to explain that? He’s not good at this, goddamnit. He can’t exactly tell his niece that he killed people, committed arson, basically started a war against heroes and that most people might not be so inclined to forget about Dabi and let Touya live his life. At least not right now. “Some people keep those hard feelings. And I really did bad bad things so I can’t be too mad at them.”

“But I don’t want people to be mean at you. It makes me sad.”

Touya scoots closer to Saya and wraps an arm around her small shoulders. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I’m afraid that it’s going to happen a bunch of times. But let them talk, ‘kay?”

She nods. “You’re not doing bad things anymore, right?”

“No, I’m not. I don’t want to be grounded again.”

“Okay.”

“And if people bother you about me, you come and talk to me. Or to your parents, alright?”

She nods again. She pulls a book and a notebook from her school bag and starts on her homework in silence. Touya looks at her, guilt gnawing at the back of his mind. Maybe it’s not such a good thing for him to get involved in the kids’ lives after all. He can deal with his past, his siblings can deal too. But Saya and Ichiro? He doesn’t want them to get stained by his poor life decisions. They don’t deserve this. Ichiro mumbles in his sleep and rolls closer to him. Touya’s heart clenches as he runs a hand in his nephew’s unruly mane of white hair. Remaining out of their lives would be a heartbreak, but he would do it without second thought if it meant they could be happy and safe.

His train of thought is interrupted by Natsuo arriving, all smiles and loud talk. Ichiro wakes up immediately to cling to his father and Saya greets him, but she’s still lacking her usual spark. Touya catches the brief frown on his brother’s face.

Yeah. Maybe he should take a step back. He doesn’t want to create them more problems than he already has.

Natsuo works his magic, though, and soon enough, Saya is back to her usual self.

It’s only once the two terrors are finally tucked in bed that Natsuo and Mayu sit with Touya with serious faces.

“What happened?” Mayu asks.

Touya scrunches his nose. “One of her teachers is apparently not very fond of me.”

“Ugh. Let me guess, Ori-sensei?” Natsuo groans.

Touya nods. “I’m not a good role-model, according to her.”

“That bitch,” Mayu fumes, her ears twitching in annoyance.

“I tried to explain to Saya that some people might still be mad at me but—” Touya turns his mug of tea between his hands. “I’m sorry. I should probably not be involved in their lives. Just say the word, and I’ll move out. I can go crash at Keigo’s until I find another place.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Natsuo cuts him off.

Touya looks up, catching his brother’s wide eyes. “What?”

Mayu smirks. “There’s obviously a lot to unpack here. But first off: you’re not going anywhere until you think you’re ready for it. We will talk with the kids but we want you to be in their lives, Touya.”

“Yeah bro, you’re staying. They both asked about you every day since you left.”

“But that Ori lady is right. I’m not exactly the perfect role model.”

Natsuo waves him off. “If anything, you’re the perfect example of what not to do and the consequences of bad decisions. They will feed on your experiences, bro. If handled correctly, it will make them stronger.”

“I don’t know, Natsu,” Touya replies, rubbing his face with his hand. “I don’t want them to have to deal with — I don’t know, bullies or something just because of me. You know how mean kids can be to each other.”

Mayu places her hand on his. “Yes, we know. But we’ll be extra attentive about that. Trust us. And trust them. They’re clever kids.”

Touya looks at his brother and sister-in-law, the guilt still there but less devouring. “Considering their parents, they can’t be anything else.”

“Oh dear, a compliment. Mayu, it’s the best day of my life.”

Touya groans. “Dumbass.”

“You just said I was clever. You can’t take it back.”

“Watch me.”

Mayu chuckles. “Alright alright, now the juicy stuff.”

“Oh yeah, right.” Natsuo smirks and rubs his hands together. “So? Keigo and you?” he makes an obscene gesture and Touya throws the abandoned Shouto action figure at his face.

Natsuo avoids it with a laugh. “I take that as a yes.”

“Deets, Touya. Now,” Mayu orders.

Touya hates how his face heats up all of a sudden. “There’s nothing to say. We talked a lot. Made up. Sorta. I don’t know.”

“Did you kiss?”

“Did you bang?”

“Mayu, you’re such a charmer.”

“I know honey, that’s how I scored you.”

“Oh my god, shut up, both of you.” Touya puts his face in his hand. “You are the worst, seriously.”

‘Nah, we’re amazing. So? Are you a thing again or not?”

Touya glances at Mayu’s smug face and rolls his eyes. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“I don’t know, Natsu. We’re still figuring it out.”

“But you can crash at his place.”

Touya shrugs. “He gave me back my keys.”

“Your keys?”

“Yeah. That sappy ass kept the keychain and everything.”

Mayu and Natsuo exchange a look before staring at Touya. “Damn,” Natsuo mumbles.

“That’s the cutest shit I’ve ever heard. I’m going to get cavities.”

“What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

Natsuo pokes at his arm with the head of Toy Shouto. “Are you going to use those keys?”

“Maybe? I mean, I’m not going to squat your study for the next ten years. Might be a good solution before finding my own place.”

Mayu hums. “Right.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” she replies with a knowing smile that irks Touya. “I’m glad you two made up, somehow. How is he doing?”

Touya can’t help his smile. “Surprisingly good. Well, not surprisingly but you get me. He’s living the life in Australia. He’s really—” Touya trails off, losing himself in the memories of these two blessed weeks. God, it’s stupid how much he misses him already. “Yeah, he’s good.”

“And you’re totally smitten. Not that you ever stopped,” Natsuo cackles.

Touya splutters. “That’s—”

“The complete truth. But it’s not a bad thing, Touya. Chill.”

Touya grumbles under his breath, burying his nose into Keigo’s hoodie. It still smells like him, just a little bit, and his heart seizes.

Just two months.

## Afterword

End Notes

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