## Preface

Breaking through the walls
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/24950668.

Rating:
  Explicit
Archive Warning:
  No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
  M/M
Fandom:
  僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Relationships:
  Dabi | Todoroki Touya/Takami Keigo | Hawks, Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Todoroki Natsuo
Characters:
  Takami Keigo | Hawks, Todoroki Natsuo, Todoroki Fuyumi, Todoroki Rei, Todoroki Family (My Hero Academia), Midoriya Izuku, Original Characters, Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Todoroki Shouto
Additional Tags:
  Feelings, Feelings Realization, Introspection, Letters, Epistolary, Character Development, Family, Family Feels, Family Issues, flangst, Pigeon Verse, Fanart, Pining, Angst and Fluff and Smut, so many feels, so many
Language:
  English
Series:
  Part 15 of Pigeon Verse
Stats:
  Published: 2020-06-27 Completed: 2020-08-01 Words: 22,925 Chapters: 4/4

# Breaking through the walls

by CrazyClara, EloFromMars

Summary

> Dabi has been caught. He's in jail for the next 13 years and decides to write to Hawks to sort out his many feelings.

> Sequel of Bad Habits

Notes

> Another addition to the Pigeon Verse. Clara and I are visibly unable to let it go! But this one is some kind of closure :3

> I hope you guys will enjoy this.

> A huge thanks to Kii and Hotshott for their support, enthusiasm and betaing (love you guys <3)

## Dear Keigo

Letter 1

How do I even start this? Dear Hawks? Or dear Keigo? I don’t know if you’re still using your hero name… Bit weird to use your first name, though. Ha well, who cares? Let’s go for Dear Keigo. So…

Dear Keigo,

You probably wonder why you’re getting a letter from me. Can’t blame you. It’s my therapist’s idea. Yeah, you read correctly: I’m seeing a therapist. Part of the program of the prison, apparently. Mandatory stuff, rehabilitation bullshit, whatever. So I’m stuck twice a week with that woman, and I’m supposed to talk about what I feel. You can imagine how well it’s going. She told me to write down what’s going on in my head if I don’t want to talk about it with her (which I don’t, thank you very much). And since I sure as hell ain’t going to write in a goddamn journal for anyone to find, I’m writing to you.

Why you? Ha! That’s an answer for another time. Or for never. I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’ll keep up with this penpal thing. Probably not.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough for the first letter.

Give a kiss and a scratch behind the ears to Pigeon. And tell her I miss her.

...How do I sign this? Ha well, if we’re going for first name basis, I guess I can sign with my old name.

Touya.

Letter 2

Dear Keigo,

I suppose I shouldn’t have expected an answer. You’re probably busy and/or still don’t want to talk to me. Which is fair. Don’t mind me while I’m using you as a wall to bounce my thoughts against.

I’ve started the new treatment for my burns this morning. I don’t know what they expect to achieve here but the therapist told me that working on my physical appearance will help my mind to heal, or something. Can’t say I’m really against it. It’s pretty nice to not be in pain constantly. My mind is definitely clearer and it makes me realize a bunch of things. I’m not saying I regret anything I did. What’s the point anyway? What’s done is done; regrets won’t change anything, right? Right. And I still firmly believe that there’s something rotten in the way things work in this world. You are one fine example of that, if you ask me (I know you don’t but I’m telling you anyway). I hope you realize it too now and that you tell them to go fuck themselves. I don’t really have access to news here, so I don’t know what you’re up to. I just hope that you’re taking time for yourself.

Give a kiss and a scratch behind the ears to Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 8

Dear Keigo,

It’s been 3 months since I’ve been locked up in here. Time is really a weird thing, don’t you think? I feel like it’s been 10 years already and at the same time, I feel like my trial was just yesterday. I never thanked you for the lawyer, by the way. I didn’t realize it was you until he told me so, after the verdict. So yeah, thank you, I suppose. 13 years is always better than a lifetime sentence. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do once I’m out, but I guess I have plenty of time to figure it out.

I mean, I don’t think anyone would be inclined to hire a former Villain. Might have to find me a sugar daddy or something. Anyway, that’s a problem for future me. For now, I’m just enjoying the 3 meals a day, lying in bed all day long with nothing to do except reading and writing to you. And therapy. It’s not so bad, actually. She’s poking me about talking about my family and all. There’s too much to unpack, sister, I’m not quite ready for that. I hate my father, that’s all you need to know at this point.

I sometimes wonder how he deals with things now that all the shit is out there. Your favorite hero was not that heroic after all, huh?

Anyways, take care. Give a scratch to Pigeon for me.

Touya.

Letter 12

So you’re never going to answer me, huh? Silent treatment and all? I mean, that’s fair. I burned your fucking wings, after all. I’m just the asshole who ruined your life, and the lives of a whole lot of people. Why would you even give a fuck about me?

I suppose I can’t blame you but heh, I’ve never been a fair and reasonable person, right?

Or maybe you’re just too busy to spare a moment for me? I’m just the scum of society, only good for living off of the honest taxpayers’ money or something. Ha, such a joke.

Fuck you, Keigo.

Letter 13

I’m sorry. It was a bad day. Dear old dad seemed to think it was a good thing to visit me.

It’s okay if you don’t answer me; I have no right to ask you for anything.

Take care of yourself and Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 21

Dear Keigo,

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote to you. I don’t think you were especially concerned, but just so you know, I’ve caught the flu and been half-delirious for a week. Even with the Quirk suppressor, my body is still shit.

I’ve dreamed of you and Pigeon a lot. I think. I’m pretty sure I did. I miss home I miss you.

I’ve lost a bit of weight again. The docs are not really happy about it. But heh, I’ll live.

Speaking of, I hope you finally learned how to cook properly now that I’m not there anymore to pester you with veggies. Now that you’re not flying around anymore, you’re going to grow a pouch and a fat ass if you keep eating only KFC and nuggets. I should have trained Pigeon to hiss at junk food.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 26

Dear Keigo,

So apparently, I’m going to be allowed to receive visits starting next month. Believe it or not, they told me I’ve been behaving well enough. I deserve a pat on the back, don’t you think?

I don’t know who the fuck is going to want to visit me. Pretty sure you’re not going to come, since you’re not answering my letters, but I wanted to let you know. Just in case.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 27

Dear Keigo,

Well, believe or not, I actually received visitors. My brother came by. I mean Natsuo, not Shouto. It was strange. The fucker is actually the size of a mountain now. And still as awkward as I remembered.

I’m not sure about how I feel about all this. And I’m pretty sure Natsu doesn’t know either. It was so weird, Keigo. I didn’t know what to tell him and I felt like he had a lot to tell me but didn’t know how? Odd how I’m still able to read him, even after all those years apart… Some things can’t be forgotten, I suppose. He’s studying psychology, can you believe it? I should offer to be his dissertation subject. Plenty of things to say about my case, I’m sure. My therapist is having a field day every time we talk, let me tell you.

I don’t know if Natsu is going to come back. Is it bad of me to hope that he will? We were pretty close before everything happened, you know? I didn’t realize how much I missed him until he showed his dumb face. Or rather, I didn’t allow myself to miss him...I think...I don’t know.

Anyways. Take care of yourself, always. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 33

Dear Keigo,

Natsu came back. It was a bit easier for both of us. Less awkward silences. He talked to me about college and all. He has a girlfriend now, it seems pretty serious. I never thought I would have the chance to speak with my brother about girlfriends, to be fair. It’s not bad...it’s even pretty amusing. He’s still so easy to fluster.

Fuyumi wants to come too, apparently. I don’t know if I really like the idea of seeing her, honestly. Things are more complicated between us...kinda. Whatever. We’ll see what happens.

On another note, I’m starting to run out of books to read. Well, at least the interesting ones. I guess I could still dive in the scientific stuff but I feel like I’m not going to understand shit about it. I suppose that’s the problem when you stop going to school at 15… Maybe I should try to see if I can take some classes or something.

It’s not like I have anything better to do, right? Now I’m wondering how far you went into your studies.

I realize how little I know about you. Even after spending months together, I don’t even know what your favorite color is. Or if you had siblings. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since I didn’t tell you shit about me either but...yeah, I think it makes me a little bit sad? Maybe. I don’t know.

What’s your favorite color? If you tell me red, I swear to god, I’ll smack you. (Pretty sure you’re not going to tell me anything but hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask).

Take care of yourself. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 36

Dear Keigo,

Fuyumi was with Natsuo today. She changed. A lot. More than Natsuo changed. She’s not as meek and whiny as I remembered. Good for her, I suppose. Not as good for me, though. She gave me an earful after she was done crying, and I could barely open my mouth to answer. I mean, I probably deserved it, but it was quite unpleasant, if you ask me. Natsu didn’t even try to defend me, that bastard.

But hey, at least she didn’t try to play the peacemaker or pretend like nothing’s wrong. At least for now. Bright side: she promised to send me more books, which is a good thing. I tried to read some scientific essays, like the thing from that dude in a wheelchair? Stephen Hawking? I don’t know if you ever heard of him. He seems like an interesting freak but seriously, he lost me after the first two paragraphs. Maybe I’ll give a try to the philosophy section. Might be more accessible for what’s left of my brain cells. And maybe it will make me wiser, who knows?

Take care of yourself. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 41

Dear Keigo,

Fuyumi visited alone today. Natsuo was taken with exams and stuff. She talked to me about my mother.

I don’t know how to feel about this. I want to splatter Enji against the walls for what he’s done to her. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I was not even able to accomplish the one thing I promised myself I’d do.

I’ve read somewhere that revenge wouldn’t bring me peace. But what am I supposed to do then? Huh? Can you tell me? What am I supposed to do with all that hate? I don’t know how to get rid of it, Keigo. I can’t forgive him. I don’t want to forgive him. He doesn’t deserve any of it. He should be the one crawling to our feet and begging for forgiveness.

I don’t want to feel anymore.

I feel like shit.

I want to go home.

Letter 42

Dear Keigo,

I’ve been silent for a while, I know. I mean, I’m not sure you really care. For all I know, you don’t even bother to open my letters…

It’s fine.

I just needed time to process all the noise in my head. I talked with my therapist and she told me that maybe I was afraid to let go of my hatred toward my father. I ain’t afraid of shit. And certainly not that. Why would I be afraid? He doesn’t deserve anything other than my hatred and contempt.

Nobody visited me this week.

It’s lonely. Lonelier than usual. I mean, it’s New Year and shit, everybody is busy.

I hope you’re doing okay.

Happy New Year, Keigo. I hope it will be better than the previous one.

I love you.

Take care of yourself and extra scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 55

Dear Keigo,

A year has passed. Twelve more to go. It sounds scary when I put it like that. Honestly, I wasn’t even expecting to live that long. But apparently, life is not done with me yet…

Anyways, I heard from Natsu that you left Japan to go traveling. Good for you, go have fun. I think we can all agree that you deserve it. I wonder who you left Pigeon with. I trust you to find a good place for her.

On another note, I’ve started to take classes. Just general ones at the moment, nothing really specific. But it’s a good occupation. The other guys with me are absolute morons though, barely able to read two kanji. Ugh, I just hope that my reputation is still bad enough that they won’t come to me for help. Can’t be assed to be a tutor, seriously.

I hope these letters will find you at some point, wherever you are.

Take care of yourself.

Touya.

Letter 71

Dear Keigo,

Welcome back to Japan. I hope that this year of traveling was fun for you.

I told you in my last letter about my mom finally being released from the ward where she was kept for all those years, right?

Well, she’s officially out. She’s living with Fuyumi at the moment. Natsu told me that she was a bit overwhelmed by normal life. Can’t blame her. I bet I won’t fare any better when I get out of these walls.

I think the first thing I want to do is stuff my face with decent soba. I miss that.

Anyways. I hope you’ll get Pigeon back soon if you haven’t yet.

Take care.

Touya.

Letter 77

Dear Keigo,

Mom visited me today. It was...I don’t know how to describe it. I was happy to see her I suppose but—

I don’t know, man. Conflicted feelings and all. The last years we spent under the same roof were harsh. She tried but…

Fuck, she could have just left and taken us with her. Asked for divorce like any normal person? I don’t know. I wasn’t in her shoes, but when you see two of your kids being beaten within an inch of their life, you don’t stay, right? Right?

Hah. I guess I’m still angry.

I’ll stop here.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 83

Dear Keigo,

I suppose you know but my brother has graduated from U.A. Full-fledged hero and all. He and his two friends, Green Nutjob and Angry Pomeranian, are apparently starting their own agency. Looks like they’re walking in your steps, right? Not sure if it’s a good thing or not. Shouto still hasn’t visited me. I’d like to see him sometime.

But I understand that it must not be easy to make your way in the hero industry when your brother was on the Wanted List for so long. And your father is now a well-known abuser. Almost feel bad for him but I admire his dedication.

Do you miss it? Hero work, I mean? I have no clue what you’re up to these days. Maybe I should ask Natsu and endure the teasing. I don’t know if it’s worth it.

Anyway, whatever you do, I hope it makes you happy.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 102

Dear Keigo,

Shouto visited me for the first time today. After 3 years of being locked up here, he finally showed up. He’s not really the chatty type, unlike the green bean who accompanied him. That Deku just gave me a migraine after 15 minutes. So many questions, seriously.

They wanted more info about Shigs, about how he was outside of “the job”. First time people have actually asked me about that. Not that I could tell them a lot, but Deku seemed satisfied. I don’t know how it’s going to help them to catch the Boogeyman but heh. Maybe if it does, they’ll drop a good word for me or something.

Shouto barely said 3 words but damn, if looks could burn, I’m pretty sure I would be a pile of ashes right now.

Maybe he’ll come back alone.

Wait and see, huh? Not that I have any other choice.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 135

Dear Keigo,

I’m done with the burn treatment. After almost 3 years, I’m done. No more skin grafts, no more medication aside from the Quirk suppressors, no nothing. I’m not sure you’d recognize me, honestly. I’m struggling myself every other morning when I see my face in the mirror. You can still barely see the scars, but no more staples, no more looking like a Frankenstein monster. And it’s funny, now I realize that I look more like my mother than the old bastard, save for the eyes. It’s a relief, seriously.

But you know what the best thing about this is? No more pain. Barely an itch here and there but no more feeling of burning alive, of being a melting candle, y’know? I’ll probably have to take those Quirk suppressors until the end of my days but that’s nothing. Damn, I wish Overhaul’s bullets were still a thing. Get me rid of that fire once and for all. I wonder how the twisted fuck is doing without his hands.

Anyway, I digress. I mean, I can digress all I want; not like you really care, huh?

What I wanted to say is that being free of that pain makes me see things differently. You really put up with me when I was at my lowest, didn’t you? All those nights spent in the pool and the bathtub because my damn Quirk was going haywire? All those times where you stapled me back? There was more than your double-agent gig, wasn’t there? Or maybe the loneliness makes me read too much into it.

I don’t know. I still think about our last night. Sometimes I wish I never left that bed. But I realize now that it’s a selfish wish. Whatever your feelings toward me are or were, whatever my feelings for you are, you deserve the space to heal.

I’m not asking for your forgiveness here. And what good will apologizing do? You will still be wingless and I will still be locked in jail. Plus, I have no right to ask you for that. I hurt you beyond reason, I’m aware of this. I’m not making excuses. I know what I did and I deserve what came my way. I deserve your silence and I should probably stop writing to you. I know that. But you also know me: I’m a selfish asshole who doesn’t know how to let go. I guess I can apologize for that.

This letter is getting way too long and I’ll probably end up spilling more bullshit if I keep going, so let’s stop there, shall we?

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 175

Dear Keigo,

Well, it took him six more months but Shouto finally came back. Alone this time. I don’t know if he’s just plain awkward or just absolutely clueless on how to start a conversation, but the first fifteen minutes were painful, let me tell you.

Then he asked me if I wanted to play shogi with him. Anything better than uncomfortable silence, right? Plus I haven’t had the chance to play in years. So yeah, I played shogi with my little brother (who is 2 heads taller than me, that fucker. Taking after dear old dad, apparently.) and he beat my ass fair and square. I was rusty, okay? Next time, I’ll put him back in his place. And if I raided the library for all the shogi books I could find, you’d be the only one to know. So you better shut your trap, okay?

I’ll keep you updated on the progress in the shogi adventure.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 183

Dear Keigo,

So, Shouto is apparently a creature of habit. It’s been 3 months and every Sunday, he’s here with his shogi board.

It took a while but he talks more now. I know that he started playing shogi with his friend Iida at first (Ingenium now) and then with his best friend Bakugou (Ground Zero). I don’t know what baffles me the most: the rabid pomeranian playing shogi or my weird brother being his best friend. But hey, I can’t really judge. I’ve been absent from his life for so long, I can’t say that I know him all that well.

I asked him about Shigs but he refused to answer. They’re still after his crusty ass, apparently. Never thought he would last that long, honestly. Kudos to him, I suppose? Or not? I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t write that kind of thing. Ha well.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 203

Dear Keigo,

Mom came today. Alone. Looks like she’s getting back to her life. She told me she was going to pick up her Literature degree where she left it when she got pregnant with me. She’s living on her own now, not far from Fuyumi’s place, apparently, but alone. Shouto found her a little house with a garden. They have family dinners and all now.

Maybe I’ll be able to attend one when I’m out. I think I’d like that. Maybe we could go together.

Anyway, speaking of study, the therapist poked me again about getting a degree. I still don’t know what to do, honestly. I’m still not over the fact that I’m alive and in somehow good shape?

What was your dream job when you were a kid? Before the HC took you in, I mean.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 232

Dear Keigo,

Happy Birthday, wherever you are.

Shouto told me that you kinda dropped off the radar again and nobody knows where you go, except your emo intern. Seems like the bird needs to migrate during winter? I mean, nothing’s stopping you, right? I’m just curious.

I’ve talked with Mom a lot lately and she convinced me to not settle for some bullshit degree in mechanics or something, just because I need to do something. So I signed up for a literature thing, like her, with a minor in business. Just because it could come in handy at some point. Mayhaps.

I’m going to need to take more classes to catch up with college-level first, but since I have nothing better to do, it shouldn’t take long. It’s sure going to keep me busy for the next 5 years or so, innit? Just 4 more years to go after I graduate. Except if I push to the Ph.D…

Look at me, making plans and stuff. Dr. Yuki Touya (my mom’s name. No way I’m keeping the old fart’s), Ph.D. in books. Quite like the sound of that, actually.

Anyways, I hope you’re happy and not alone today.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 267

Dear Keigo,

I’m going to be an uncle??? Can you believe that? Natsuo’s girlfriend is pregnant! I’d never thought this kind of news would make me so happy. You should see my brother’s dumb face. He’s literally glowing. It took him several tries to tell me without turning into a sobbing mess.

So yeah, in 6 months’ time, there’s going to be a new addition to the family.

I’m sure Natsuo is going to be a great dad. After all, he had an example of how not to be a great father.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to see the little fucker… Prison is not exactly the best playground, huh? And by the time I’m out, they’ll be like what? 7 or 8?

Hah. Way to make me feel sorry for myself now. Good job, Touya.

Ha well, at least I won’t have to change diapers or have vomit on my clothes. I’ll be out just in time for the fun things. If Natsuo allows me into his spawn’s life, obviously. I hope he does.

I want to be there, you know? It’s stupid, but I feel like I have a second chance to make things...not right, but different. Maybe. I don’t know.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a family of my own, Pigeon and you were so at least I can try to be the cool uncle? Because I’m sure as hell Shouto won’t be. He’ll be the uncle to go to when you need money or something but he won’t be the cool Uncle. I’ll fight for that job if I have to.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 303

Dear Keigo,

It’s a girl! She has her mom’s mutation! A cutie with mouse ears and a little tail. They named her Saya. Natsu looks dead on his feet but he’s visibly happy. Mom moved in with them temporarily to help Mayuko. She’s the proudest grandma ever, apparently.

The old bastard sent a gift too. Natsu is a bit torn about it. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with him but he doesn’t want to deprive his daughter of her grandfather either. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes at the moment. If I ever have children (biggest ‘If’ ever), I sure as hell wouldn’t want the fucker anywhere near them.

Shouto told me that he’s changed. That he has regrets . He apparently gave Shouto and his mates a hand when they started their agency, something like that. I don’t know Kei… Do you think people can really change?

I just don’t want him to hurt them again, or to taint Saya or something. I don’t want her to go through the same hell we went through. She deserves the best life possible.

And Shouto should hurry the fuck up and stop Shigs. Be useful or something. We have a niece to protect now. And that crusty fucker is sure as hell not making the world a safer place.

Have you ever thought about children?

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 327

Dear Keigo,

I’m officially starting college today. Well, not really, but you get me. I’m excited. It feels like a new beginning. For the first time in years, I have a clear goal ahead of me.

Wish me luck!

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 374

It’s been 6 years.

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

I’m sorry

It’s been 6 years and not a day passes without me thinking about it, I

I still have nightmares about how it felt to burn your wings, I can still smell it, I feel awful

It’s been 6 years and

I’m sorry, Keigo.

Letter 390

Dear Keigo,

Since it’s winter and you have mysteriously vanished again, I don’t know if you heard the news but Shigs has been stopped. Deku lost an arm in the process but it’s over. Shouto is feeling guilty about his one-armed boyfriend but I’m sure the green bean will be fine. He’s resourceful.

I don’t know how to feel about this. All of the LoV stuff and Shigs and everyone… it seems like it belongs to someone else’s life.

I still feel like they had a point but definitely not the right methods.

I hope Shouto and his people understand that. I have the feeling Deku might. There’s something in his eyes that reminds me of Shigaraki when he was not completely unhinged.

But it’s not really my problem anymore.

Or yours.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re okay.

I miss you.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 403

Dear Keigo,

I met my niece for the first time today. She is so small. Like, ridiculously small. How can you be that tiny?

Natsu says she has my chin. I think it’s stupid. How can you tell that a baby with a round squishy face has a dude’s chin? Poor nugget. She’s cute but damn, she’s so loud. I think she could break glass if she put her mind at it. I’m pissed I wasn’t able to hold her. Maybe next time. I’ll bug Shouto about it. Perhaps if he’s there to make sure the big, bad villain is not going to hurt his goddamn niece…

Anyway. I asked Natsuo if it was okay to be part of her life and he looked so stunned, it was both endearing and hilarious. He told me that she will need a “cool uncle in her life since Shouto can’t play that part.” I’m glad my brother and I agree on that point. And relieved that I’ll be able to be in Saya’s life. Another thing to look forward to, right?

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 427

Dear Keigo,

Fuyumi came to visit today. I haven’t seen her in almost a year. I had news from Mom and Natsu, nothing really consistent, but apparently she was busy with work or something. I knew it was plain bullshit.

She felt bad because she spent time with our father and didn’t know how to deal with that guilt and face me at the same time. I mean, she’s an adult; she does whatever she wants, it’s not my business. Hasn’t been my business for almost a decade. But she felt guilty, nonetheless. I don’t understand her, Kei. It’s just confusing. If she wants to waste her time with him, that’s on her, not me. She doesn’t have to feel guilty or whatever.

Ha well, I suppose our brains are not wired the same way.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 429

I should have known. I fucking should have known. Fuyu came back and she asked me if it would be okay to meet the old bastard again.

How about the fuck no???

I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to see his face ever again. I don’t want to listen to his bullshit apologies or whatever lies come out of his mouth.

I don’t want to see her, either.

Go be your daddy’s girl, Princess, as always, and leave me the fuck alone.

Fuck this shit.

Letter 430

Apparently, I have to learn how to forgive and forget. Fuck no. Absolutely not. Why would I forgive him after what he’s done to me? To us all?

They can all be happy that I’m not going to try to kill him again. I just want to move on with my life, for fuck’s sake. And I’m pretty sure I don’t need to forgive him or whatever bullshit to do just that.

Fuck it. Fuck that. They can all go suck dicks in hell.

I’m so fucking done.

Letter 431

Dear Keigo,

I haven’t written to you in a while. Is it 5 months? 6? I don’t really know. I was really in a bad place and needed to process things on my own, I suppose.

I mean, I have probably 20 letters that I didn’t send you in the end because it was just the same angry words all the time and I had enough clarity of mind to not subject you to that bullshit.

I don’t know how many hours I spent in my therapist’s office and at the gym just trying to process. I finally came to the conclusion that my anger toward Enji was justified and valid but that I had to let go of it. It defined me for so many years that it’s been hard to do that. I’m not saying that I’m over it, but at least I know I’m on the right path. I think. I feel like I am. He doesn’t deserve my time and energy. I want to reach indifference. That’s all.

All that also leads me to the next point: I’m going to stop writing to you all the time. I’m not going to stop altogether because I still love you I’m still a selfish bastard, but I came to the realization that what I’ve done to you might have led you to feel the way I feel (felt?) toward Enji.

For all I know, you might not even open these letters, or maybe you’ve moved out and they’re lost somewhere in a post office.

I need to stop relying on you. You need to move on as much as I do. I think. I don’t know.

Anyways. Thank you for keeping me sane for the past 7 years.

Take care, Kei, always. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 435

Dear Keigo,

Quick heads up: I got my master’s degree in Literature. Onward to get that Ph.D. now.

Wish me luck. Or don’t. It’s okay.

I hope you’re doing well.

Always on my mind.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 440

Dear Keigo,

Quickest thesis ever written and validated. You’re officially talking to Dr. Yuki Touya, Ph.D. in Books and Pretty Words. I don’t think I’ve seen my mother so proud and I don’t think I’ve ever felt prouder of myself. I don’t know what I’m going to do with that fancy degree but honestly, I don’t care. I proved to everyone and myself that I was actually able to accomplish something. And it feels great.

Take care. Extra scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 442

Dear Keigo,

I’ll be released on December 15th. I don’t think you really care but I wanted to let you know. Six more weeks and I’ll be out.

I’m scared, not gonna lie.

Excited but scared.

I’ll crash at Natsuo’s for a while. I have a niece and a nephew to tame. (Yes, I have a nephew now, too. His name is Ichiro and he’s four and he’s the cutest monster ever. Can’t wait to see him.)

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

Letter 443

Dear Keigo,

This will be the last letter, I promise. Last night in my cell. Last time on that crappy chair that fucked up my back and that wobbly desk. Can’t say I’m going to miss them.

Again, even if you were a silent wall, I want to thank you.

I never told you but you’re the best thing that happened to me. I’m sorry I fucked up everything. I should have abducted you and run away somewhere.

But whatever happened, I have no regrets.

So thank you, Kei. For everything and nothing.

Be happy.

Take care. Scratches for Pigeon.

Touya.

## Broken Head

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

No matter how many breathing exercises and yoga routines he's made, Touya is unable to find sleep that night. His uncomfortable mattress seems even more uncomfortable than before, and his thoughts don't seem to want to shut up. After one more hour of turning on the narrow frame of his bed, Touya gets up.

He sits on the creaky chair where he’s spent thousands of hours and opens his notepad. One last time. The very last, he promises himself.

The pen traces the familiar characters.

Dear Keigo,

And his mind finally settles down. He doesn't write a lot, nothing compared to the pages and pages he blackened during the past thirteen years. Just a few words of gratitude scribbled to the man who kept him sane during that decade. His silent rock.

Words come easily, unlike the first letters he wrote. He doesn’t try to make pretty sentences — he never does when he writes to Keigo; he just lets his feelings pour through the pen. It feels like putting some order on a shelf, and his anxiety level decreases.

Even without being physically here, even without saying a word, Keigo acts like a counterweight. He keeps Touya balanced, somehow. A silent crutch he’s still trying to let go of. Maybe it will be easier once he’s out for good. But at the same time, Touya knows he will have to restrain himself from looking for Keigo. The gnawing idea of being able to just try and see him, even if it’s from afar, makes his chest tighten.

But he won’t. He doesn’t want to force Keigo into facing him. The next move will be Keigo’s or won’t be.

Touya folds the paper, slides it in the pre-stamped envelope, and writes down the address. Home's address. Even if he can't call it that anymore, Keigo's apartment will always be his definition of home.

He doesn’t take the small bag the prison guard hands to him. Dabi will stay in that tiny prison cell while Touya will walk free. All he needs are his books, his notepad, and the last envelope.

The skies are grey, full of cold rain or maybe snow if they’re lucky. The wind blows hard, rushing between the high walls surrounding the alley leading outside.

Almost there.

Touya’s gut twists in a mix of nervousness and anticipation. Natsuo promised he’d be there to pick him up but what if he’s not? What if he forgot or got too busy with the kids? What if -

His thoughts are stopped by the loud buzzing of the heavy door opening. The guard grunts a ‘Good luck’ and Touya steps outside of the prison for the first time in thirteen years. He blinks, overwhelmed by the lack of walls around him.

A high-pitch squeal quickly followed by a small body slamming into his stomach snaps him back to the present.

He looks down and meets a pair of grey eyes and a smile with two missing teeth. Saya’s little, scrawny arms squeeze his waist with all their strength. “Hello, Uncle Touya!”

He chuckles and pinches one of her mouse ears, half-hidden in a mane of white, curly hair. She looks more and more like Natsuo. “Hey, chipmunk.”

She lets go of him and grabs his hand to drag him where Natsuo waits for them, standing next to a dark mini-van. Natsuo grins wide and engulfs Touya in a bone-crushing hug as soon as he’s close enough. Touya doesn’t fight it, on the contrary. He returns the hug, squeezing Natsuo fiercely for a long while. He’s out. God, he’s out.

Natsuo sniffles in his ear and Touya chuckles. “Hi, crybaby.”

“Hey, dummy. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s Dr. Dummy, please and thank you. And you saw me last week.”

Natsuo punches him in the shoulder. “You know what I mean, douchebag.”

Saya gasps next to them, her hand still firmly clutched around Touya’s fingers, as if she was scared someone would take her uncle away again. “Papa! You said an ugly word.”

Natsuo pats his daughter’s curls. “I know, but I’m allowed to when it’s Touya. We have a special rule.”

She squints her eyes, her ears twitch. “Does it apply to me?”

“No.”

Touya leans toward his niece and whispers loud enough for Natsuo to hear. “I’ll teach you. But not a word.”

She giggles and nods frantically, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Natsuo groans, opening the door for his daughter. “I feel like I’m going to regret having you around.”

Touya hums, amused, and lets Saya climbs into the car before sliding in the passenger seat. Saya falls asleep after five minutes and quiet settles down in the car, now that she’s not filling it with her chattering.

Natsuo glances in the rear-view mirror with a fond smile. “She barely slept last night and was up at like 5.” His eyes briefly catch Touya’s. “She was impatient to come and get you.”

Touya turns slightly in his seat to look at his sleeping niece. “She’s a good kid.”

“She really is. Ichiro begged to come with but I thought that one was enough at first. They can be overwhelming when they’re together.”

Touya hums and watches the traffic going around them, the people on the streets, the Christmas lights, and decorations everywhere. It almost feels surreal. He really is out. Free to do whatever he wants. Go wherever he wants.

It makes him dizzy and he has to close his eyes for a few moments.

Breath in.

Breath out.

“You okay, bro?”

Touya takes another shuddering breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just…”

“Yeah, I get it. Time to re-adjust.”

Touya nods. “I’ll be fine.

“Of course you will. But let me know if you need space, okay?”

“Yeah.” Touya looks away from the bustle of the city to focus on the car in front of them. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing. Everyone is waiting for you, you know?”

“Everyone?” Touya asks, suddenly a bit concerned.

“Chill bro, Enji won’t be there. Just Mom, Fuyu, Shouto and Izu. That’s all.”

“God, Shouto and Greenboy are really playing the long game.”

Natsuo snickers. “Izuku asked Mom’s permission to ask for Shouto’s hand last week.”

“He didn’t.”

“He sure did. Mom was laughing so hard, she was barely able to speak two words on the phone. I think it’s cute. Bit old school but cute.”

Touya smiles and straightens suddenly in his seat. “Hey, can you stop there briefly?”

Natsuo slows down the car. “Where?”

“Post office.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.

Touya gets out of the car and hurries to the mailbox. He toys with the envelope for a few seconds. It feels like a goodbye. A new chapter or something like that. He stares at the envelope, runs his fingers along the kanji forming Keigo’s name. It’s hard to let go but he has to. He can’t keep hoping for something that won’t happen.

Moving on.

“Bye, Birdie.”

He slides the letter in the box and goes back to the car.

“It was for him?”

Touya nods. “The last one.”

“He never answered?”

“No.” Touya shrugs. “It’s fine. I just hope he’s okay, wherever he is.”

Natsuo pats his brother’s knee. “I’m sure he’s good.”

The rest of the ride is quiet, at least until Saya wakes up again and resumes her babbling as if she never stopped. They leave the highway and Natsuo drives them into a suburb area, the kind of place that would have irked Touya thirteen years ago but now, he enjoys the fact that there’s less traffic, fewer people. It’s quiet and peaceful, far from the beating heart of the city. Natsuo stops the car in front of a small house, with a tiny but neat garden. Saya leaves the car and takes Touya’s hand once more, dragging him towards the house.

“I need to show you my room! I have all this cool merch from Uncle Sho and Uncle Izu! And even from Uncle Kats! Do you know Uncle Kats? He’s a bit scary but he has the best bad words ever! He forbids me from saying them but I will tell you anyway! But no snitching okay? And not in front of Ichiro because he’s going to snitch to mom and I’ll have to put my pocket money in the jar.”

Touya blinks, still a bit dazed by how fast his niece talks. She opens the door and toes off her sneakers. “Moooooooom! Uncle Touya is here!”

Touya doesn’t have the time to hear Mayu’s answer because the words are drowned in a piercing screech and a small tornado with wild white hair and bright blue eyes exits a room on the right, bolting directly toward Touya’s legs.

Touya opens his arms and picks up his giggling nephew. If he has to be completely honest, Ichiro is a copy-paste of himself, and the little boy actually does have the same chin as him. Ichiro shoves his Shouto action figure in Touya’s face for him to look at, gushing about how cool it is. Touya snickers at the face of his baby brother on a doll. Even as a toy, he looks a bit constipated.

“Ichiro, calm down. Let your uncle breathe.”

Touya shakes his head and tightens his embrace around the warm little body. “It’s fine, Mayu.” He smiles at his sister-in-law. “Hi. Thanks for having me.”

Her mouse ears and nose twitch, just like her daughter’s. “Nonsense. We’re happy to have you. Come on in. Your mother should get here soon.”

Saya guides him again, her hand apparently glued to his, and Ichiro keeps chatting his ear off, which, honestly, is more than fine for Touya. It might be a bit ridiculous, but he clings to them as much as they cling to him. Their presence is grounding, reassuring. He feels welcome and actually wanted. Not that he questions Natuso and Mayu, but it’s harder to doubt children’s feelings.

The rest of the day is an emotional roller coaster that got Touya’s head spinning. So much that, after the scrumptious lunch Natsuo and their mother cooked, he shamelessly curls up under the kotatsu with his nephew tucked against him and Saya clinging to the back of his shirt. His head rests next to his mother’s legs and she pets his hair like she hasn’t done since he was a kid, as cold as in his blurred memories. Her voice is soft as she discusses the last book they’ve read with Fuyumi, Mayu, and Sho. Natsuo and Izuku have retreated in a corner to play shogi. It’s comfortable. The voices of his family surround him like a blanket.

For the first time in years, Touya feels safe. Only Keigo has ever been able to make him feel this way. He pushes that thought away and pulls a sleeping Ichiro closer to him instead. He buries his nose in the soft white hair, breathing in the smell of his kiddie shampoo. He drifts, not quite sleeping but not quite awake either.

It’s not a dream. He’s out. He’s free. He has something he would never have thought he’d have one day. The familiar pressure behind his eyes is there and he closes his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat. Everything’s going to be fine now, he’s certain of it.

The futon in Natsuo’s study feels too warm and it’s too quiet. He doesn’t miss the constant noise from the prison but it’s unsettling and sleep keeps escaping him. He glances at the phone Shouto got him, and sighs. 3 am. He can feel the exhaustion of the day weigh on him but he can’t sleep.

He sits up, the duvet pulling around his waist and he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes with a groan. Maybe just a glass of water and he’ll try again. Or maybe just watch some TV.

The house is quiet. He tip-toes in the stairs and is surprised to find the light above the kitchen sink turned on. Mayu is sitting at the table with a mug of something, her face lit up by the screen of her phone. She raises her head when he steps in the small kitchen.

“Trouble sleeping?” Her voice is soft, barely above the whisper.

“Yeah. Too quiet.”

She hums and gestures him to take a seat at the table. He pours himself a glass of water and joins her.

“Why are you awake?”

She gives him a secretive smile. “Pregnant woman’s problems.”

Touya blinks once and a wide grin spreads on his face. “Number 3?”

“Number 3.”

“How long?”

“Just two months. Not a word, okay?”

Touya nods, a bubble of happiness expanding in his chest. He’s finally going to be there for the diapers and the vomit in the hair and the first steps and first words. “Congrats.”

His voice is a bit broken but Mayu doesn’t comment on it, patting his hand gently. “Thanks. Oh, since we have finally a bit of quiet…”

She stands up and rummages in a pile of letters on the counter. She hands a postcard to Touya. “It arrived for you in the mail today.”

“For me?”

She nods, all smiles. Touya frowns, intrigued. It’s a postcard of some beach in Australia. Broken Head. Weird name. At the back, there’s an address scribbled and just the letter ‘K’.

He stares at it for a long while, thoughts whirling into his mind. “Mayu...Is it -”

He looks up at his sister-in-law, confusion and hope mingling in his chest. “Do you think it’s -”

She shrugs, amused. “I don’t know, Touya. How many people knew you would crash here after being released?”

“I -” He looks back at the postcard, the tip of his finger brushing against the K. “I don’t understand. He didn’t give me a sign of life in thirteen years. I -”

“There’s nothing to understand, Touya. Do you want to see him, yes or no?”

Touya drops his head into his hands, his forehead pressed against the postcard. “I -.” His breath is shaking. “Yes. Yes, I want to see him.” He chuckles, and the sound is wet with the tears he can’t spill. “Fuck yes, I want to see his dumb face.”

“So go and find him.”

“In Australia? I don’t have this kind of money, Mayu.”

She clicks her tongue. “You have your share of the money your father gave us as compensation after his trial.”

Touya scrunches his nose. “I don’t want his money.”

Mayu flicks his forehead. “Don’t be dumb. Money is money. He’s waiting for you, Touya. Just go.”

One week later, after another long talk with Mayu and Natsuo, and a heartbreaking discussion with Saya and Ichiro (“No, I’m not going back to jail. I’ll be back very soon. I promise”) Touya is in the car with Shouto, on his way to the airport. Once again, he barely slept. Too many things on his mind, too many conflicted feelings, but -

Shouto stops the car near the curb. “Alright, we’re there. Have a nice trip, Touya.”

Touya doesn’t move, his hands tightly clenched around his bag, eyes focused on the glass doors leading to the terminal.

“Touya?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m going. I’m -”

“You okay?”

Touya glances at his baby brother. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Do you already feel sick? I thought you took medicine.”

“Shouto, I’m fine. I’m just -” Touya groans. “I’m just nervous.”

“About what?”

Touya huffs and ruffles Shouto’s hair. So clueless. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll text you when I’ll land. Thanks for the ride.”

“Sure…”

“See you, Shou.”

Touya never took a plane in his life, never left the country, and here he was, about to go on a trip to the middle of fucking nowhere, going after a man who simply sent him a goddamn postcard after more than a decade of silence, without any explanation. He feels so stupid. And still -- still his heart is beating a bit faster at the idea of finally seeing Keigo. He doesn’t know what to expect but if Keigo asked him to come, it’s definitely an encouraging sign, right?

The security check is a hassle and half, thanks to his past as a criminal but he bears it patiently, answers the questions, opens his bag, and lets them search him thoroughly. It’s fine, it’s worth it. He’s going to find Keigo, it’s a good enough reason to let some gross dude pat his bony ass, searching for a weapon or something.

The medicine he takes just before taking off knocks him out and he sleeps through most of the fifteen hours of flight from Tokyo to Brisbane, waking up only to eat and look at the clouds and the ocean down there, before falling asleep again.

Passing the customs in Australia is weirdly more chill. His English is rusty and the Australian accent makes everything harder but he manages. The heat that welcomes him as soon as he exits the airport is startling. He left winter for summer, and he hurries to shed off his unnecessary layers of clothes. After a few moments of struggle, he finally finds the bus that will take him close to Broken Head, where Keigo is supposed to be.

He curls up on his seat, looking at the landscape that is so different from what he knows. He still has a hard time realizing that a week ago, his only view was the gray wall of his cell and the little square of sky he could catch if he tilted his head a certain way. Everything here is open, big, and still a bit wild. The bus drives along miles and miles and miles of white-sand beaches, small towns, and bigger cities. By the time he arrives, the sun is already low and Touya is dead on his feet. At least, no jet lag. Small mercies.

The bus leaves him in Byron Bay. It’s still warm and the atmosphere is so relaxed that Touya immediately feels at ease. He has no idea what awaits him but whatever happens with Keigo, he sure as hell will enjoy his stay here.

After checking the GPS on his phone, Touya adjusts the strap of his bag and starts walking in the direction of Broken Head. He really hopes he won’t have to walk for two hours before reaching his final destination, and fortunately, after barely ten minutes strolling on the side of the road with his thumb up, a pick-up truck stops for him.

“Hey mate, where ya going?”

Touya smiles at the blond man behind the wheel. “Broken Head.”

“Hop in, dude.”

“Thanks!” Touya climbs in the passenger seat, relieved. For once in his life, everything seems to be easy.

“You’re going there for surfing?”

The accent is heavy but Touya starts to get used to it. “Nah. Meeting a friend. We haven’t seen each other in years.”

“Oh, that’s cool, mate! Where are you from? Japan?”

Touya chuckles. “That obvious, huh?”

“Pretty much. You’re not a friend of Kei, by any chance?”

“Kei? As in Keigo?”

The blond man laughs. “He’s the only Japanese guy staying at Broken Head.”

Touya’s heart race in his chest, a bubble of hope and anticipation nestled in his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s the one I’m going to meet.”

“He should still be out there, the waves were good today. I just need to find his tacky van.”

The blond drives for five more minutes before slowing down. “He’s usually around here. The man has his habits after all those years. Ha, here we go! That’s his van, here!”

Touya blinks at the red and black Volkswagen Combi parked next to the beach. “This?”

“Yep, no doubt mate. It’s his. He should be on the beach or in the water.”

“Thanks.”

“Have fun! Catch you around!”

Touya leaves the pick-up truck and his driver drives away with a honk and a wave by the open window. Touya answers the wave absentmindedly. His stomach is made of lead, his legs are shaking and he feels numb all of a sudden.

He stumbles past Keigo’s Combi to reach the beach. He gets rid of his shoes, his toes immediately sinking in the white sand. The waves are crashing, loud and regular, bringing a salty scent to his nose. There are a few surfers still in the water but the beach is completely empty. It looks like the postcard tucked in his bag. It feels completely surreal but at the same time, Touya has never felt so alive.

He walks toward the water, his eyes strained on the dark figures surfing the waves. Is Keigo one of them? It doesn’t help that they all seemed to be blond. How is he supposed to spot Keigo like this? Plus, the setting sun is blurring all the colors into a kaleidoscope of red and gold.

He stops at a good distance from the crashing waves, still scanning the bodies moving on the water. One of the surfers finally leaves the group, using a smaller wave to reach the beach, hopping from his board as soon as the water reaches his calves.

And Touya stops breathing. He knows this figure. He knows this way of walking. He recognizes the familiar hand gesture pushing wet hair away from his face.

Keigo is here. He emerges from the ocean like a goddamn greek god and Touya doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s frozen in the sand, the Australian sun blinding him as surely as the man walking toward him without a care in the world.

And then Keigo sees him.

Gold catch blue.

Time stops.

A warm smile, as warm as the sand between Touya’s toes, blooms on Keigo’s face and he resumes his walk until he stands in front of Touya, blond strands matted against his tanned face. The scar under his eye is barely visible, faded with time and sun. Did Keigo always have freckles?

He looks at Touya and keeps smiling, genuine. Happy. True.

“Hey.”

His voice seems to do the trick and the world comes crashing down around Touya. He remembers that breathing is actually a thing. That words exist. That he has a brain and that he usually knows how to use it.

“Fuck, what are you so hot for?”

Most of the time.

Keigo bursts out laughing and plants his red board decorated with wings in the sand. “Always the charmer.”

Touya blinks, trying to reboot his brain. “Don’t judge me. I just spent thirteen years with only my hand for company.”

Keigo snorts and reaches behind him. He unzips his suit and wiggles his arms out of it, revealing a toned chest, and flat stomach. “Poor you. Must have been hard.”

“Uh-uh. You have no idea,” Touya answers, ogling shamelessly at the body offered to his sight and marvelling at how easily they fall back in their usual banter.

“See, I haven’t grown a pouch and a fat-ass while you were away.”

The words take a moment to reach Touya’s brain but when they do, his eyes snap back to Keigo’s face. The blond smirks, that annoying, know-it-all, lopsided grin. God, Touya missed it so much. “You’ve read my letters.”

Keigo hums and rolls the suit around his hips. “Maybe. Come on, Hotstuff, I think we have some catching up to do.”

Touya follows him without a word, mind going a million miles a minute. Until he spots the scars on Keigo’s back. They’re still visible but they’re faint now, like the one on his face. A pang of guilt twists Touya’s gut, his brain scrambling for words of apologizes but everything vanishes as soon as Keigo looks over his shoulder and smiles at him. His mind slows down and he smiles back.

Keigo secures his board on the roof of his van and hops on the driver seat. Touya climbs next to him and snorts at the dreamcatcher hung at the rearview mirror.

“Do you also have a guitar at the back or -?”

Keigo gives him a half-smile, golden eyes glinting with amusement. “A ukulele actually.”

“Oh my god.”

“I’ll play ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ if you’re nice.”

“Please don’t.”

Keigo chuckles and starts the engine. “Damn, and here I was, thinking you’d enjoy being serenaded.”

“If you do that, I swear to god, I’ll shove that ukulele up your ass.”

“I’d rather have something else shoved up my ass, thank you very much.”

Touya huffs, the bubble of happiness in his chest growing more and more. Keigo is here, he looks happy and content. Healthy. Peaceful.

The drive is quiet, except for the old rock songs playing and the creaking sound every time Keigo switches gears. The summer wind rush through the open windows. Touya’s gaze wanders from the landscape to Keigo’s profile, and back to the landscape.

The sun is setting on the ocean, coloring everything in golden red.

Touya startles when a hand grips his. He looks at the tanned palm covering his pale one and then at Keigo. The blond doesn’t avert his eyes from the road but there’s still a smile floating on his lips. “That’s my favorite color.”

Keigo’s skin seems to glow and his golden eyes reflect the sunset light. Touya can’t take his eyes off him. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t have to. Touya swallows the lump in his throat and intertwines their fingers. Here, in this van, on the Australian coast, his fingers tightly clenched around the hand of the man who haunted his mind for all those years, Touya finally feels like he’s coming home. He doesn’t need anything more.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s an amazing color.”

Chapter End Notes

> As usual, the art has been made by my wonderful partner in crime Clara. The idea of surfer Hawks comes from Tere who was nice enough to lend it to us :3

> MORE ART!! by the wonderful Nitrocelxius on Twitter! Check this unfairly hot Surfer Hawks :3 A treat for your eyes *0*

> Stay tuned! Pretty sure we're not quite done yet :p

> Twitter

> Tumblr

## I wish -

Chapter Notes

> Hhhhh i lied, it was not over XD Might add another chapter. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING MLKQSJD

> Big thanks to Kii, Rosie and Clara for the tears, screams and betaing :3

> Mind the change of rating and enjoy the feeeeels :3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Keigo drives them back in town, his fingers leaving Touya’s to be able to switch gears and Touya hates it very much. He doesn’t want to let go of this hand ever again if given the chance.

“Did you get your soba when you got out?” Keigo asks as he slows down to enter a supermarket parking lot.

Touya smiles fondly, both at the memory that immediately pops in his head and at the fact that Keigo gives him another proof that he’s read all the words he wrote him. “Yeah. Shouto took me to his favorite soba place before I left. It was good.” It had been a nice lunch, in a very small shop Izuku and Shouto apparently found during one of their patrols.

“Just good?”

Touya chuckles. “Best soba ever. But I might have been a bit biased. Everything tastes better than prison food honestly.”

‘You’ll have to take me there. To get a second opinion.”

Touya’s grin widens. “Sure. Whenever you get your ass back to Japan. My treat.”

“How nice of you.”

“I know, I’m very generous.”

Keigo snorts and parks his Combi among dozens of other vans with tacky colors and pick-up trucks. Touya noticed that Keigo doesn’t even bother to put shoes on or change his suit to something more conventional to go inside the supermarket, just a loose white tank top hastily thrown over his head. Touya follows, his knuckles brushing against Keigo’s. He doesn’t want to push but -

Keigo sends him a knowing smile and links their fingers together again. “So, what do you feel like eating tonight? You still don’t eat fish I suppose?”

Touya shrugs, weirdly happy that Keigo remembered that detail, even after all those years. “Nah, still not my thing.”

“Meat it is, then.”

The aircon inside the supermarket is chilly, sending a shiver along Touya’s spine. Since his Quirk is inactive thanks to the Quirk suppressor, he’s become more sensitive to the cold. And he found out quickly that he really didn’t like it. Keigo doesn’t seem bothered. He grabs a basket and shoves it in Touya’s free hand, before dragging him through the aisles of the shop. Most of the customers look like Keigo. Hot. Blond. Tanned. Half-naked. Shoeless. Keigo greets some of them quickly, his English fluent and easy, like the smile that stretches his lips at any time. Touya looks at him, unable to find something to say despite the million things he wants to tell and ask Keigo. The fatigue of the trip and the relief of having his hand just where it’s supposed to be makes his brain hazy and slow. Keigo doesn’t comment on it, filling their basket with food and drinks and humming along the songs playing in the supermarket.

Touya still manages to gather enough brainpower to fight Keigo about paying for the groceries. “You treated me enough, let me do it this time.”

Keigo chuckles. “Where did you get that money? Did you find a sugar daddy already?”

Touya huffs. “Nah. Let’s say it’s all the pocket money dear old dad owed me.”

The smile falters. “Oh.”

“Don’t make that face, it’s fine. Ish. Let’s not think about it, shall we?”

Keigo nods and the grin is back, to Touya’s greatest relief. He doesn’t want anything to ruin their night, especially not his father. It will be something to be addressed at some point. Probably. Maybe. But certainly not tonight.

Keigo takes them next to a camping site on the ocean side, his spot far from the rest of the campers, half-hidden between bushes and medium-size trees. They have a direct view of the crashing waves and there’s a narrow sandy path leading to the desert beach. Keigo parks the Combi where the grass is already flat, proof that it’s used on a daily basis. There are clothes hung on a rope between two trees, and a green hammock that looks like the best napping spot ever.

Keigo opens all the doors of his Combi, plugs a thick cable to the side of the van, the gestures assured and well-practiced. He switches on several lamps and lanterns, their warm glow chasing away the shadows of the dusk. He retrieves a towel from the clothes line and stops in front of Touya who’s still standing in the middle of the grass. Keigo looks at him, visibly amused. “Why don’t you just go and rest while I shower and prepare food?”

Touya blinks and drags his eyes away from the hammock. “Mmmh? I can help you cook.”

Keigo snorts. “It’s okay, man. I gained some cooking skills while you were away. I promise I won’t burn anything. Just go have a nap, I’ll wake you up.”

Touya is way too tired to argue any further and makes a beeline to the tempting hammock. He carefully climbs in and settles down with a content sigh. The leaves above his head appear almost black in the darkness. He closes his eyes and can hear the faint sound of the waves, mingling with the noises of Keigo shuffling around. The slight sea breeze brushes his face. It’s peaceful without being quiet and Touya is out like a light in a matter of seconds.

Something warm brushes against his face and stirs him up from his slumber. He groans and flutters his eyes open, his eyelids still weighing a ton. He blinks owlishly at the face hovering over his, disoriented. “Keigo?”

“Nah, it’s Santa Claus.”

The warm hand retreats and Touya keeps staring, his sleepy brain still trying to reconnect everything. “Santa Claus is not supposed to be hot.”

Keigo bursts out laughing and it gives birth to a smile on Touya’s face. “C’mon, sleepyhead. Time to eat.”

Touya awkwardly climbs off the hammock, his legs still half-asleep, and he follows Keigo to the barbecue where meat is already sizzling, next to freshly cut veggies. The smell of grilling meat is mouth-watering and Touya stops next to Keigo who flips a piece of beef on the other side, recoiling slightly as flames rise up where grease hits the coals.

The orange light of the fire dances on the tanned skin of Keigo’s chest, reflecting on the piercings adorning both of his nipples. Those are definitely new and they most certainly appeal to Touya. He internally slaps himself but still presses a bit closer, unable to stay too far from Keigo, despite his best attempts to rein in his impulse. He doesn’t want to appear clingy and needy, or pressure Keigo into something he might not want right away but it’s hard. Keigo’s warmth acts like a magnet.

Keigo bumps slightly against his shoulder without looking at Touya, just a reassuring touch, a silent ‘I’m here’ that puts Touya’s mind at ease. He plates their food and they sit at the small plastic table settled in front of the van. Keigo retrieves two bottles of beer from the small cooler that he uses as a seat, uncapping them on the edge of the table, and hands one to Touya.

“Cheers?”

Touya smiles and clinks his bottle against Keigo’s. “Cheers.”

“Alright, let’s eat! I’m starving.”

They eat in relative quiet, the silence only broken by the sounds of the other campers further away, and the soft music coming from a small speaker settled in Keigo’s Combi. Touya still burns to ask questions but he doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t want to break the comfortable peace between them by diving head first into the heavy subjects. So he goes for the one question that seems easy and quite neutral.

“How’s Pigeon?”

Keigo smiles and retrieves his phone from his pocket. “She’s fine. A very old lady now but she’s still mewling at the birds.” He hands Touya his mobile, unlocked on a picture of a fluffy black cat.

The sight of his girl sends a pang to Touya’s heart. “She looks so big.”

Keigo chuckles. “Yeah, she’s a spoiled princess. Fumi can’t resist her.”

“Fumi?”

“Fumikage? Tokoyami? My former intern.”

“Oh.”

The last time Touya encountered the kid had been on that fateful day. Keigo resumes, not noticing or deciding to not comment on Touya’s obvious trouble. “Yeah, he looks after her every time I’m away. I used to take her with me here but she’s too old now.”

“Do you -” Touya stares at the picture of his cat for a while longer. Well, more Keigo’s cat than his now but - “Do you think I could see her at some point?”

“Well yeah. She’s still your cat.”

“She might not recognize me.” The mere thought makes Touya stupidly sad.

“Pretty sure she will.” Keigo pats his hand. “Don’t worry about that. Eat.”

Touya finishes his plate in silence, and Keigo doesn’t try to start the conversation again. He shows Touya the showers while he cleans the dishes and when Touya comes back to the van, he’s welcomed by the sight of Keigo sitting on the floor of his Combi, stroking the cords of his ukulele, seemingly deep in thoughts.

Touya hesitates for one second before making his presence known. “Is this how you expect to serenade me?”

Keigo startles slightly and a smile spreads on his face when he catches Touya’s eyes. “Is it working?”

“Not really.”

“Damn.” He puts the instrument away and stretches his arms above his head. “Ha well, can’t be helped I suppose. I’ll have to find another way.”

Touya shakes his head, amused.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something? Or you tired?” Keigo asks again, hoping from the van.

“I haven’t watched a decent movie in years. Deku and Ground Zero’s Excellent Adventure 3 doesn’t count.”

Keigo blinks. “Wha-”

“My nephew is a big fan. I think I’ve watched it around ten times in one week.”

Keigo snorts. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I have a few downloaded on my laptop. Let’s update you, shall we?”

“Sure.”

“Come on then.” Keigo climbs back in his van and Touya follows. He freezes at the sight of Keigo crawling on the large bed occupying the back of the van. Keigo reclines against the many pillows, already propping his laptop on his legs. He glances curiously at Touya. “Problem?”

“You want us to share the bed?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I can sleep in the hammock.”

Keigo blinks, confused. “Dude, no. You’d be eaten alive by the mosquitoes, trust me. Plus it’s kind of freezing during night.”

“But -”

“Touya, come on. We can share a bed, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Doesn’t have to mean anything, huh? Weird way to formulate things. Touya shuts down his hopes and climbs inside, sliding the door shut behind him. He joins Keigo on the surprisingly comfy mattress and takes the right side. Just like before.

“Sooooo I got action stuff, drama stuff, romantic stuff - no, you shut up - comedy stuff. Depends on your mood.”

Touya fluffs up a pillow and rolls on his side, staring at the laptop screen. None of those titles seems familiar so he just picks one at random.

“Oh good, this one is fun.” Keigo switches off the lights and presses play. He scoots a bit closer. “You can see?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

The pillows under his head are soft, Keigo’s presence next to him is warm and despite his previous nap, Touya finds himself drifting after a little while. He’s lulled by the sound of the movie, falling slowly but surely asleep. He barely realizes it when fingers run through his hair, familiar talons gently scratching his scalp. He hums, a deep, warm feeling of contentment coiling in his chest like the softest blanket.

There are words whispered in the cocoon of Keigo’s bed, words his almost fully asleep brain doesn’t really manage to make sense of but he feels himself smiling in his sleep.

I missed you.

Keigo faintly hears the sound of the door sliding open and close quietly. It’s way too early for him to wake up though. He curls around an abandoned pillow and goes back to sleep, unbothered until the sun filters through the closed curtains and the heat inside the van becomes unbearable.

He kicks his sheets away and sprawls on the mattress like a starfish, sleepy eyes wandering on the patterns drawn on the ceiling, a painting of red wings in the Aboriginal style done by one of his friends a few years ago.

His thoughts drift and he closes his eyes again, the memory of Touya showing up on the beach yesterday still feeling so unreal. Keigo sent the postcard without expecting an answer. He’d tried so hard to find the right words to write down, but everything seemed too much and not enough at the same time so he resorted to just sending the address of Broken Head, hoping Touya would understand. And he did. Even after hurting each other so violently, even after thirteen years of silence on his end, Touya still understood him on a core level.

Keigo knows they still need to talk, to settle things, and get to know each other again, but now that Touya is here, he wants to be optimistic. He wants to believe that maybe something good will finally come out of all of this painful mess.

He rolls out of his bed and opens the side door, welcomed by the cool sea breeze. He breathes in, letting the rays of sun hit his face like gentle fingers. He’s used to slow mornings now, to wake up without an alarm blaring into his ears, without having to rush, without the constant knot of anxiety in his gut. His shoulders are free from any burden except for the ones he agrees to take on. He doesn’t have to fight the fear of not being enough, of not being fast enough. It took him time to understand that slow was also a good thing. He stretches his legs in front of him and enjoys the song of the honeyeaters and flycatchers for a little while longer. It’s a good morning.

Once the remnant sleepiness has been washed away, he prepares a pot of coffee on the small gas stove and fills two mugs before heading to the beach. As he suspected it, he finds Touya there, facing the sun and going through his yoga routine. Keigo takes a moment to just watch him and acknowledges all the differences.

Dabi doesn’t exist anymore, that’s for sure. He told Keigo in his letters that he got treatment for his burns but Keigo didn’t expect such a drastic change. He almost didn’t recognize him yesterday, until he caught his eyes. That shade of blue has haunted for long enough to be able to recognize it anywhere. It made his few encounters with Endeavor even more complicated.

The white hair was a surprise though. He didn’t know why but Keigo was certain that his hair would be red. But white is better. It suits him. The absence of horrendous scars and staples is also a nice change. Keigo has always thought that Dabi was pretty in his own weird way but Touya? Damn, Touya is just breathtaking.

Keigo looks at the muscles rolling under the pale skin of his bare back, muscles that he’s pretty sure didn’t exist on Dabi, but that’s also a nice upgrade in his book. But beyond the physical appearance, there’s something completely different. It’s in the way he carries himself, in the way he talks and looks at you in the eye. Touya doesn’t slouch. Touya smiles and it actually reaches his eyes. Touya looks at you with the same intensity than Dabi but there’s something more gentle in his gaze. Caring. Not calculating. Keigo has caught those glimpses in the past, when Dabi’s mask slipped long enough to show a more vulnerable side, and that’s probably one of the reasons why Keigo has never been able to let go of him completely, despite his best effort. Rumi and Fumi always joked about the fact that hawks mate for life anyway, that he has cucked himself by falling for Dabi. Now that he’s looking at the man stretching gracefully on the beach, with a swelling heart and rush of feelings he hasn’t felt in years, he thinks that maybe there was some truth to that joke.

Touya finally spots him and he grins. “Enjoying the view, Mister?”

Keigo smiles back, his very core warmed up by the expression on Touya’s face. “Very much so.”

Touya walks toward him and grabs the mug of coffee Keigo hands him. He takes a careful sip and gives a surprised look to Keigo. “You still remember how I take my coffee.”

Keigo chuckles. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who takes four sugar in his coffee. It’s hard to forget.”

“Thanks.”

Keigo hums noncommittally, watching the waves crashing on the beach, simply reveling in the presence of the man next to him.

“What are the plans for today?” Touya asks quietly, his shoulder brushing against Keigo’s.

“Find a good spot for surfing.” He glances at Touya. “Want to give it a try?”

Touya snorts. “Me? On a board? Yeah, right.”

“Oh c’mon! It’s going to be fun.”

“For you, maybe. For me, I’m not so sure.”

“You won’t know until you try. What do you have to lose anyway?”

“What’s left of my dignity? My good mood?”

Keigo laughs and slings an arm around Touya’s neck, the gesture so natural he doesn’t even question it. “I promise I won’t tell anyone if you suck at it.”

Touya digs a finger in his ribs. “I highly doubt that.”

Keigo’s loose grip turns into a half headlock and he nuzzles the soft white hair, so much softer than when it was dyed in black. “Humor me.”

Touya freezes for a second and his head settles in the crook of Keigo’s neck. Touya’s arm wraps around Keigo’s waist in some kind of half-hug. Keigo feels the ghost of lips against his shoulder when Touya grumbles a “Fine, you bastard.”

It’s so easy to fall back into this kind of casual touch. It’s as if they never stopped, and at the same time, it awakens a hunger in Keigo’s chest that doesn’t seem to be sated. Keigo has to use all of his willpower to let go of Touya. He doesn’t want to rush into things, or reproduce the same mistakes as when they were too young and too desperate to actually use their brains instead of their dicks to sort things out.

But god, is it hard to not just close his arms around Touya and not let go. Given the way Touya clung to him last night, and how Keigo himself has a hard time not reaching for Touya, Keigo is well aware that this craving is shared, that they are both starving.

Later, though. Hopefully, later, they will be able to reconnect physically. For now, he just wants them both to be on the same page. He releases his embrace and Touya takes a step back, faint pink coloring his pale skin as he looks away. Keigo grabs Touya’s hand, indulging himself with this small point of contact, a way to let Touya know that Keigo wasn’t pushing him away.

Keigo finds them a nice spot for a beginner with small-ish waves to allow Touya to get the feel of it. He lends him a bodysuit and Touya bitches and curses at the tight thing while Keigo slides in his like a second skin. It’s not really different from the spandex he used to wear as a Hero but it can be tricky for a newbie.

“You’re so useless,” he chuckles as he helps Touya to zip the suit in the back.

“Shut the fuck up, it’s annoying as hell.”

“But it will keep you warm while in the water. And avoid you turning into a piece of overcooked bacon again. The sun is pretty nasty here, snowflake,” Keigo adds, handing sunscreen to the pale man.

“Don’t call me snowflake,” Touya groans, slathering cream on his face.

“It’s really fitting though.”

A hand covered in sunscreen pushes Keigo’s face away. “God, I forgot how annoying you could be.”

Keigo smears the cream on his own face, smiling at the pout. Touya looks way too cute for a grown man, especially with that kind of face, and it’s clearly doing things to Keigo’s heart. “I can’t call you Staples anymore, though,” he says quietly.

The pout turns into a soft smile. “Nope, you can’t.”

Keigo reaches for Touya’s face, his thumb rubbing a leftover of cream on his cheek, following the faint trace of an old seam, mesmerized by how soft it feels. Touya’s blue eyes widen slightly but he doesn’t pull away. “You look good,” Keigo whispers before withdrawing his hand once more.

Touya regains his composure quickly, a well-known smirk playing on his lips. “Well, anything better than the Eldritch creature look, right?”

Keigo smirks. “I don’t know, I was kind of fond of the Frankenstein monster. Made me look even hotter.”

Touya throws the tube of sunscreen to his face. “Ass.”

“Some things don’t change.”

Keigo retrieves a surfing board on the roof of his van, handing it to Touya. “It was my first one,” he explains. “It will treat you well.”

Touya stares at it, skeptical. “If you say so.”

“Come on, let’s go before the waves become too big for you.”

Keigo spends the next hour explaining everything to Touya, just the way Jason and Coleen explained to him when he started surfing the first time. He shows him the moves while still on the sand and he has the feeling that Touya could actually handle it. The motion to stand up on the board is quite close to some yoga movements after all and he knows that Touya has a good sense of balance. He’s seen him in enough weird positions that shouldn’t be humanly possible to be sure of that.

Some people start to arrive on the beach, most of them with surfboards tucked under their arms. The waves will start to grow soon, as the tide changes, so better hurry before they become too much to handle for a beginner and turn into the perfect playground for people like Keigo.

After an hour, Keigo is confronted with the biggest mystery ever presented to him. Touya can’t stand on a surfboard. No matter what, even on the smallest wave possible, Touya will fall.

He stares at the spluttering mess emerging from under the water with disbelief. “I think I’ve never seen someone suck as much as you do.”

“Oh fuck you! It’s because you’re a lousy teacher, that’s why!”

Keigo blinks, holding the board for Touya. He looks like an angry wet kitten, with his white locks stuck in front of his eyes and his cheeks red with exertion and annoyance.

“I’m a very good teacher. I taught Fumi, Rumi, and a bunch of other people and everyone was just fine.”

“Well, your dumb surfboard doesn’t like me and I hate it too. I think it’s cursed. You should exorcise it. Or burn it.” He rips off the leash from his ankle. “I need a fucking break.”

Touya leaves the ocean, surfboard, and a bemused Keigo behind him, stumbling in the growing waves. Keigo follows, part amused, part concerned. Touya stops his fuming walking once he’s back in the shade of the tree, next to the van, struggling with the zipper of the suit. Keigo leans the board against the Combi and unzips the suit for Touya, helping him remove his wet arms from the sticky fabric.

He lets his hands rest lightly on the slim waist, his thumbs brushing against the cool skin. “You okay?”

Touya doesn’t look at him but doesn’t move away either. “‘m fine.”

“It’s okay if you can’t surf, you know?”

Touya remains silent for a moment and Keigo waits.

“It’s important to you though.” Touya’s voice is low, barely audible.

Keigo frowns, confused. “Yes, it is.”

“I don’t want - ugh. This is stupid.” He moves away from Keigo and opens the door of the van, sitting on the edge to roll the legs of the suit off.

Keigo crouches in front of him, a hand on Touya’s pale knee for balance. “Hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

Touya looks at him in the eye, face still flushed, and there’s an expression of angry embarrassment on his face. “I don’t want to disappoint you. There, happy?”

Keigo blinks before snorting, squeezing the knee under his palm. “I’m not disappointed, you moron. Amazed by how bad you are at this, yes, but not disappointed.” He stands up and shrugs. “You do you, man. If you feel better chilling on the beach with a book, it’s fine by me.”

Touya hums, finishing to get rid of the wet suit. Keigo tosses it on the roof to dry before looking at Touya who still looks defeated. “No need to look so down, I promise it’s fine. There’s a parasol somewhere in the back, and snacks and beers in the cooler. You don’t mind if I go back surfing?”

Touya finally gives him a half-smile. “Nah, go be a dude-bro playing in the waves.”

Keigo rolls his eyes and takes his own surfboard. “Enjoy the show, snowflake.”

The sun keeps rising in the sky, the sea breeze is nice, and the waves are just how he likes them. Plus, every time he glances at the beach, he spots the obnoxious yellow umbrella and Touya lounging in its shade, his face half-hidden behind a book, and that sight fills him with untainted happiness. It’s stupid but he really feels that everything is just how it’s supposed to be.

When the tide is low again and the waves too small to surf properly, Keigo takes a break. He plants his board in the sand, wiggles out of his suit, and crawls under the umbrella, next to Touya.

Touya lowers his sunglasses to glance at him. “Having fun?”

Keigo hums and opens the cooler to grab a beer and a pre-made sandwich. “What are you reading?”

“An essay about consciousness as a scientific concept.”

“Sounds boring. How is it?”

“Not too bad. I’ve read better takes but the writer has the merit to have a different opinion, I suppose.”

Keigo wolfs down his sandwich and takes two long gulps from his beer bottle. He rolls on his side and leans his head on his palm, looking at Touya. “You’re so smart, Mister Snowflake.”

Touya flicks his forehead. “It’s Dr. Snowflake for you, surfer boy.”

“Congratulations on that, by the way, Doc. You’re now officially the smartest of us both.”

“Not sure about that. It’s just a piece of paper.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.”

Touya smiles and Keigo can see the pride blooming on his face. “I don’t. It’s not going to give me any job. Except if I want to teach literature, which I very much don’t.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“Can’t be assed to deal with dramatic teenagers who don’t give a flying fuck about books.”

Keigo snorts and flips on his back, staring at the yellow fabric, fingers crossed on his stomach. “Fair enough. I’m sure you could be a good teacher though, being yourself a dramatic edgelord.”

“Fuck off.”

Silence falls between them and Keigo dozes off, worn out by the last hours spent taming the waves.

“What about you?”

“Mmh? What about me?”

“You’re not spending all your time surfing, are you?”

Keigo cracks an eye open. “Maybe I am.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“Just a hunch. So?”

Keigo chuckles and closes his eye again. “I’m taking pictures while I’m here and sell them once I'm back.”

“Surfer, photographer, ukulele player. Can you be more cliché?”

“Hey! Rude.”

“And nothing else?”

Keigo shrugs. “I have a pretty nice pension from the HSPC. Being a crippled former hero has its perks, I suppose.”

Touya’s remains silent for so long that Keigo opens his eyes again. The expression on Touya’s face is dark, and knuckle-white fingers hold the book in an iron grip.

“Touya?”

“I’m sorry.” Touya removes his sunglasses and his crestfallen expression hits Keigo directly to the heart. “I’m so sorry. I - “

“Touya, it’s -”

Touya glares at him and Keigo closes his mouth. “Don’t tell me it’s fine. It’s not fine, Kei, and I’m not sure I’ll ever apologize enough for -”

Keigo sits up and pries Touya’s hand away from the poor book. “Hey, look at me. I had more than ten years to get over it. I’m still alive, I’m healthy and I’ve never been freer in my entire life.”

“But your wings -”

“- are in the past. It’s in the past, Touya. I moved on.”

Touya’s fingers around his are cold and Keigo rubs his thumbs on the pale skin.

“How? How could you forgive me?”

Keigo gives him a crooked smile. “Therapy, travel, and letters from a certain inmate.”

Touya lets out a shuddering breath and his fingers intertwine with Keigo’s in a tight lock. Keigo uses his free hand to push away the white strands falling in front of Touya’s face. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve hated you for the longest time. Well, not hate but feelings are messy. I didn’t know if I wanted to throw you from a cliff and throw myself off just behind you, become amnesic, or have you back in my arms and never let go ever again.”

Touya’s breath hitches and the blue eyes burn him with how intensely they stare into his. Keigo gives him a half-smile, trying to keep the memories of the raging fight he had to endure inside his own head buried deep. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Focus on the present.

“My wings had defined who I was for too long, shaped my identity - or rather lack of. They were everything I had, or so I thought. So yeah, I needed some time to adjust after -” Keigo shakes his head and holds on tighter on Touya’s hand. “I never forgot what you told me after that last night we spent together.”

Touya frowns. Keigo smiles softly. “You told me to live.” He raises their linked fingers to his lips and presses a light kiss on Touya’s knuckles. “So I did. Thank you.”

Touya gasps and retrieves his hand as he had been burnt. “Don’t -” His voice is broken and he stares at Keigo with bloodshot eyes. “Don’t thank me. Don’t - Not when I - “

Touya’s breathing is labored and he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. “I almost killed you, Keigo. I would have if we hadn’t been interrupted. Don’t thank -”

Keigo cups Touya’s face. “Stop.”

Touya’s words die on his parted lips and he looks at Keigo with wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights. Keigo runs a thumb on Touya’s soft cheekbone. “Stop. We both fucked up. We both have blood on our hands and we will never be able to get rid of it. We paid the price for it. You’ve been locked-up for thirteen years and I lost my Quirk and wings.” He leans forward and presses his forehead against Touya’s, reveling in their closeness. “But now, we’re both free to do whatever we want. We can decide where we want to go, who we want to be with, and nobody will have a say about it. We are free , Touya. It just took us time and a few detours to get there. But we’re here and we’re good.”

A wracked sound escapes Touya and Keigo presses a kiss on his forehead, letting his lips linger on the pale skin.

“What are we, Keigo?” The voice is weak, hesitant.

“Do you really need a label?”

Touya chuckles wetly. “We’ve never been really good at those.”

“Not really, no.”

Keigo lets him go but stays close. Touya’s hands rest on Keigo’s crossed legs, the white skin standing stark on the tanned one. “Sorry about that.”

Keigo shrugs. “I think that was a necessary talk anyway.”

Touya nods. “God, I feel drained now.”

“Same.” Keigo lays down on his side, using one of his arm as a pillow and Touya mimics him. Their hands find each other again and Touya closes his eyes. Keigo looks at him falling asleep, just as he did the night before. He watches the tensed features go softer, the rise and fall of his chest slowing down. He smiles fondly at the quiet snores escaping the parted lips every now and then. He brushes a white strand of hair away from the sleeping face. Touya scrunches his nose and instinctively scoots closer to Keigo, curling around their linked hands.

Keigo feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, or at least part of it. The words he had kept locked up for over a decade have finally started to pass his lips. He didn’t really expect Touya to react so violently to it. Of course he knew that Touya felt guilty about what happened but Keigo thought, probably stupidly, that time would have appeased the sleeping man, the same way it appeased him. The loss of his wings were still haunting him every now and then, especially when he was back to Japan but the phantom pain had stopped years ago. He learned how to live without his extra limbs, without his sixth sense and found some kind of peace.

He hopes that Touya will find that peace too. They both deserve it.

It’s been three days since their talk on the beach. There has been more since then but nothing as heavy or painful, just mundane things, mostly on Keigo’s part. Touya didn’t have a lot to say, aside from some things about his family, the books he’s read in his cell, his studies and the boring life of an inmate. So he listens. He drinks every word falling from Keigo’s lips like a parched man in the desert. He wants to fill the gaps, get to know the new version of the man in front of him. And honestly? He quite likes that upgraded version of Keigo. The seeds of it were already present in Hawks, buried under layers of lies and deceptions, under the burden of responsibilities and duties he never asked for. Hawks’ wings have burned but Keigo’s have spread wide, just like a phoenix reborn from his ashes. There’s so much joy and freedom radiating from him that it’s sometimes more blinding than the Australian sun.

And Touya is very much in love.

He gives a little push to restart the slow swing of the hammock, his forgotten book resting on his stomach as he watches Keigo tending to his surfing board, humming along to the song playing on the speaker next to him. The atmosphere around them is quiet and peaceful, and something warm swells in Touya’s chest. Not for the first time, he’s struck by the realization that he’s not dreaming. He’s really outside of his tiny cell and Keigo is really there, at hand’s reach. Touya has just to say a word to have an attentive pair of golden eyes on him, a smile and an answer.

Keigo’s phone buzzes and he glances at it, the light of the screen illuminating briefly his features.

“Oh! There’s apparently a meteor shower tonight. We should try to catch it.”

A fond smile rises up on Touya’s face at the sight of Keigo’s obvious enthusiasm. “Sure.”

Keigo sends him an excited glance. “Let’s have dinner on the beach then. I’d be mad if I missed it.”

Touya hums and leaves the hammock to saunter toward the barbecue grill. “I didn’t know you were an astronomy nerd.” He starts the fire easily and rummages through the cooler to start on the veggies. After the first night, they fell back in the old habit of Touya cooking for them both, without having to say a word about it. It just felt right. And honestly, Touya missed the simple pleasure of preparing a meal.

Keigo chuckles. “That’s actually what I wanted to do when I was a kid.”

“What? Astronomy nerd?”

“Something along those lines. Or gardener. I was not really decided.”

“You’re awful with plants though,” Touya retorts. He crouches next to the small gas stove and places a pot of water on it for the rice.

“Hey! That’s not true.”

“You managed to kill a goddamn cactus.”

“It’s because I didn’t have time to take care of them at the time!”

“A cactus, Kei. A cactus.”

Keigo pouts, arms crossed on his chest and Touya ruffles his hair, resisting the urge to kiss the pout away. “It’s fine, you can still be an astronomy nerd.” His hand lingers briefly in the blond locks and Keigo leans in the touch, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Thank you, you’re too kind.”

Touya retrieves his hand and huffs. “Yeah, I know.”

The casual touches have become more and more frequent, let it be hand holding, half-hug, fingers brushing against a back or wrapping briefly around the nape of a neck. Just enough to maintain some form of contact but barely enough to satisfy the hungry monster nestled under Touya’s ribs. He’s craving for more, so much more, but he doesn’t want to take the next step. Not now. Not quite. Something is still holding him back. He’s scared of driving Keigo away from him if he’s too pressing. Now that he has him back in his life, Touya isn’t sure he would be able to let him go anymore. Even if he has to wait thirteen more years, he will. As long as Keigo is still part of the scenery, even if it’s just as a friend, Touya will be content. The greedy, selfish part of himself will have to deal with it.

The beach is deserted that night, save from the mosquitoes who seemed to especially like Touya’s blood. No bonfire, no drunk/high ukulele-guitar-djembe players to ruin the atmosphere. It’s just the two of them and Touya is quite happy about it.

“I really missed your stir-fried,” Keigo sighs after wolfing down half of his plate in silence.

Touya snorts. “I can see that.”

“I never managed to recreate it. You’ll have to teach me.”

“Or you can just ask me to cook for you.”

Keigo gives him a crooked smile. “Yeah, I can also do that.”

After they finish their plates, Keigo sets up his camera and they turn off the two small lanterns they’ve brought with them. Touya slowly gets used to the darkness and the Australian sky unravels in front of his eyes, taking his breath away once more. Never has he seen so many stars or the Milky Way in all its glory. He feels insignificant, his turmoils and troubles irrelevant and petty compared to this vastness. Touya brings his knees to his chest, unable to tear his eyes away from the sky. The soft whooshing sound of the waves mingles with the melodies playing on the speaker Keigo took with them. His mind is at peace, time seems to slow down again as he feels like he’s falling into the starry night. He gasps as the first shooting star crosses the black canvas, quickly followed by another one, and then a dozen. A wide grin splits his face in two.

Keigo’s body comes brush against his and Touya leans against him without looking away from the literal rain of stars.

“We should make a wish,” Keigo murmurs.

Touya hums. “Maybe. I don’t really believe in that.”

Keigo chuckles. “You’re such a party-pooper.”

“And you’re such a sap.”

“Perfect balance, I suppose.”

Touya smiles and falls backward with a content sigh. Keigo follows and their hands find each other, like magnets. Touya plays with the calloused fingers, traces the shape of blunt talons, maps every inch of the familiar hand.

“What would you wish for?”

Touya hums. “Just be happy, I suppose.”

Keigo remains silent for a heartbeat, two. “What would make you happy?”

“Lots of things.”

“Such as?”

“Getting the new book from Nishiwaki. Eat cold soba with my brother again. Watch Deku and Ground Zero’s Excellent Adventure 3 with Ichiro. See Pigeon. That sort of thing.”

“I was expecting something more - mmmh-”

“Big?”

“Dramatic.”

Touya shakes his head, amused. “I’ve learned to appreciate the simple things.”

Quiet falls again, and the last shooting stars disappear.

“Hey?”

Touya turns his head and meets Keigo’s eyes. “What?”

Keigo rolls on his side and his face hovers above Touya. It’s a sight Touya hasn’t seen in years and his heart skips a bit. Keigo is so close his breath tickles Touya’s nose. “What is it?” he asks again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I wish -”

Touya presses a finger against Keigo’s lips with a smile. “Don’t say it, otherwise it won’t become true.”

Keigo drops his forehead against Touya’s with a quiet laugh. “Who's the sap now?”

Touya smirks and nudges their noses together. Keigo is so close, it’s intoxicating. It’s like being exposed to your favorite drug, to your worst habit, to the sweetest temptation. And Touya has always been weak to temptation. He tried and tried but he can’t anymore. His lips brush against Keigo’s smile, the ghost of a kiss, a featherlight touch but enough to make Touya’s heart beat a little bit faster.

Keigo startles slightly and Touya pulls away, words of apology ready to fall from his lips. They’re sealed on his tongue by Keigo’s mouth chasing blindly after Touya’s. It ravishes it in a hungry kiss that steals the air from his lungs. Touya’s hands cup Keigo’s face and pull him closer, always closer. Keigo’s flavor invades his mouth, saturates his tongue and Touya feels like he’s about to burst. Keigo hums against his lips and one of his hands slips under Touya’s shirt to rest on his hip. His thumb brushes the skin and Touya shivers. That spot used to be covered with scarred tissue, numb to the touch. But not anymore. He can feel the rough tips of fingers skimming his skin, pressing and kneading possessively into his flesh, claiming that small portion of Touya's body. It's overwhelming and not enough at the same time. It awakens a new kind of craving in Touya’s gut. He now wants Keigo’s hands everywhere, he wants him to touch every inch of healed skin, he wants him to christen his new body, to map and claim. He wants Keigo to mark him and make him his. Because Keigo is everything Touya wants, everything he needs . There’s never been anybody else and Touya doesn’t want any other hand on him. Not now. Not ever.

Keigo is his wish upon a star, the center of his universe, the gravity that has kept him grounded for all those years.

He tries to convey all of those feelings into that all-compassing kiss, in the caress of his tongue against Keigo's, into the content sigh that escapes him when Keigo pulls him closer and tangles their legs together.

They break the kiss to catch their breath after what seems to be both an eternity and just the blink of an eye. Touya stares into Keigo's wide eyes, his breath labored, the deafening sound of blood rushing into his ears and heart pounding against his ribcage. His thumbs brush against sharp cheekbones and he marvels how familiar and still completely foreign it feels. He forgot how perfectly Keigo's face fits between his palms, how good it feels to be kissed by those chapped lips. His whole body is tingling, Keigo's hand on his hip is the epicenter of a raging wildfire that turns his blood into magma.

"Let's head back," Keigo whispers in a broken voice. "I don't want you to be devoured by the sandflies."

Touya blinks, snapped back to reality, and when Keigo moves away from him, Touya lets him go despite the urge to pull him back.

They gather their things in silence and Touya follows Keigo on the narrow path leading back to their campsite.

“Where are you going?” Touya asks, trying to keep a neutral tone when he sees Keigo take a left instead of a right to go back to their spot.

Keigo gives him a sheepish smile and shows him their dishes. “I don’t want to be invaded by flies tomorrow morning. Or have to fight a dingo in the middle of the night.”

Touya stares at Keigo for a second, confused and maybe a little hurt. He hides his trouble with a disinterested shrug. “I’m going to bed then.” He turns his heels and tries to ignore the cold suddenly seeping into his bones.

“I - Um. Okay.”

Touya waves him off and keeps walking.

Did he cross a line? Keigo seemed to be as much into it as he was though. Guilt and anxiety rear their ugly heads, tainting the perfect moment they just had with doubt and hurt.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, reining in his feelings once more. It’s okay. It’s fine. He promised himself that he wouldn’t be a greedy bastard anymore and would respect Keigo’s pace, that he’ll wait. And he will. He will. Keigo is worth it.

Touya slides the door of the Combi open and makes his way to the bed in the dark. He tries to distract himself with his phone, playing a mindless cat game, curled around his now-favorite pillow. It was just a kiss, nothing much. And still --

Touya has finally felt like he was able to breathe freely again with Keigo’s mouth on his.

It’s fine. Forget about it.

He hears Keigo’s steps coming back and forces himself to unstiffen his shoulders. He focuses on the cat in his game that looks an awful lot like Pigeon.

Keigo shuffles around the van, following through his nightly routine. The van moves when he climbs in and slides the door close. Touya doesn’t move when the mattress dips next to him, eyes focused on his screen and the pixelated Pigeon.

He freezes when a warm body slots against his back. Keigo’s arm wraps around his waist to pull him close and a pair of lips skims against the nape of his neck.

“Sorry,” Keigo whispers against his skin.

“What for?” His voice sounds cold and disinterested, even to his own ears.

“I - “ Keigo hums, visibly struggling with his words. His arm and body move away, putting an unwelcome distance between them.

Touya watches the animated cat that crosses his screen without seeing it. He slams a lead blanket on his feelings and forces the words to pass his lips. They need to be said, even if it feels like bitter poison on his tongue. “It’s fine Keigo, you don’t owe me anything. It was just a slip, it won’t happen again.”

“No. Touya, no, that’s not -”

Touya locks his phone and there’s no more light in the van. “That’s not what?”

“I just -” Keigo falls silent again.

Touya sighs. “Look, I’m going to tell you this once and you do whatever you want with it. My feelings for you haven’t changed. I know I fucked up big time, I told you things I still regret to this day, I did things that, no matter what you say, I will always feel guilty about. The only thing I will never regret is the life we had before all that bullshit happened. I still love you but I’m not expecting you to return those feelings. You don’t have to do anything or force yourself to -”

“Shut up.”

Touya purses his lips, hugging his pillow against his aching heart.

“Don’t you think I tried to forget you? I tried to move on and replace you. But it didn’t work. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can’t. You’re always here.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Touya asks, his tone still as cold as the blood pumping in his veins.

“It means that I can’t let go of you, you jerk,” Keigo answers with annoyance.

“Well, I’m sorry, Keigo but you’re the one who asked me to come here. You’re sending me fucking mixed signals here, man, and as much as I love you and I’m willing to wait for you to make up your mind, you’re not making things easy.” Touya sits up in the bed, forehead pressed against the warm screen of his phone. Touya takes a deep breath in and a deep breath out, putting a tight leash around his temper. “Sorry about that,” he mumbles.

Keigo shifts and his hand wraps around Touya’s nape. Part of Touya’s tensions leave immediately. “I’m sorry, Touya.”

“It’s fine. I’ll leave tomorrow.”

The fingers around his neck squeeze lightly. “Don’t.” Keigo’s voice is quiet. “Please, don’t leave.”

Touya sighs, feeling strangely defeated. “What do you want, Keigo?”

“You.”

Touya remains silent, ignoring the hope mingling with the hurt in his heart. “You didn’t seem very sure of it.”

Keigo’s fingers tangle in his hair, pulling gently. “I’m sorry it came off that badly, it’s not what I meant. Let me start again: it’s always been you, Touya. Even when you were still Dabi, it was you and no-one else. Even when we were at our lowest, even when we almost killed each other, even when we tore each other apart, it was always you. I can’t forget you. I don’t want to.”

Touya presses the heels of his palms against his eyes to alleviate the painful pressure building behind them. “You’re such a fucking sap,” he finally says with a broken voice.

“I know. Stay, please.”

Touya remains silent, the weight of those words sinking in, carving their way to his heart, undoing knots of uncertainty and doubts as surely as the fingers playing with his hair. He takes in a shuddering breath. “Alright then.”

The fairy lights running all around the ceiling of the van are suddenly switched on and Touya squints in the sudden light. He turns his head and meets Keigo’s eyes. A lopsided smile stretching his lips.

“What?” Touya groans.

“I’m surprised it took us so long to have our first fight.”

Touya slams a pillow into Keigo’s face. “Asshole.”

Keigo’s muffled laugh brings a small smile on Touya’s face. Keigo puts the pillow away, his smirk turning into something softer. “I want to kiss you again.”

Touya huffs. “You don’t need my permission for that.”

“Good, I was not planning on asking.”

Touya rolls his eyes and pulls Keigo towards him, reclining against the pillows once more. He parts his thighs to allow the other man to settle here, chest to chest, arms caging Touya’s head. Touya shifts to adjust his position and sighs contentedly. Keigo's weight on him is just right, heavy but just the right way, his sharp edges and curves matching perfectly with his own.

He links his arms around Keigo's neck and smirks. "So? What are you waiting for?"

"Just enjoying the view."

“I think you forgot how not patient I am,” Touya groans.

Keigo's chuckle is lost against Touya's waiting lips and the dance they started on the beach restarts as if it never stopped. The embers of the furnace lit up earlier come back to life in Touya's gut. The hurt and the doubt fade with every slide of lips. Keigo leaves his mouth to nibble at his jawline, to drop feather-light kisses on the column of his neck and Touya is gone. Where he could only feel the pressure of Keigo's lips before, now he feels like his nerves are on fire, raw and exposed. A broken moan falls from his lips, taking him by surprise.

"You can feel this now?" Keigo asks softly, his breath tickling the sensitive skin of Touya's neck.

"Yes. Yes, I can."

Keigo smiles with satisfaction. "That's good."

And starting at that moment, Touya's previous wish comes true. Keigo doesn't leave one inch of his skin untouched, unmarked, unclaimed. He caresses and kisses, nibbles and licks, bites and sucks, and Touya vibrates like a well-tuned instrument between loving hands. His clothes disappear one after the other until he's down to his black boxers. Keigo has thoroughly avoided this part, leaving Touya aching in the most delicious way.

"You are way too dressed," Touya pants, but his attempt at glaring falls apart when Keigo bites at the tender flesh of his inner thigh. He groans and bucks his hips as a burst of pleasure shoots directly to his rock-hard cock. "Fucking tease."

"Mmmh. I just need to check if your weak spots are still the same."

"Why would - oh fuck." Touya shuts his eyes at the sensation of Keigo's fingers skimming his balls and his hard length through the fabric of his underwear.

"Oh."

Keigo sounds so disappointed all of a sudden that it snaps Touya out of the fog of pleasure.

"What?"

"No more dick piercings?"

Touya blinks, his brain cells trying to process the words and the disappointed pout. He snorts. "I couldn't keep them in jail, moron. In case I tried to stab a guard with my Jacob’s ladder."

"I'm going to miss them."

Touya pushes on his arms to sit up and squishes Keigo's cheeks between his hands. He nips at the tip of his nose with an amused smile. "I can always get them back."

“That would be nice.”

Touya hums and slips his hands under Keigo's tank top. He racks his nails against his ribs and Keigo lifts his arms, allowing Touya to get rid of the useless piece of cloth. Touya smirks at him as his thumbs press against the bars shot in Keigo's nipples. "I must say, I really love those."

Keigo groans and he digs his fingers in Touya's thighs.

"It's very pretty." A slight tug. "An excellent choice."

"Glad you appreciate them."

"I very much do." His mouth and tongue replace his fingers and he revels in the sounds that fall from Keigo's lips. Touya’s hands palms at his back and he can feel the slight bumps where the wings used to be, but Touya refuses to think about this. Not now. He trails lower and slips under the waistbands of Keigo's shorts and underwear to grab a handful of ass, kneading into the firm muscles.

Keigo wraps his arms around Touya's head and presses his chest against his lips and his ass against his hands with a raw moan.

Touya stops his ministrations to look up at Keigo, at the flush on his tanned skinned, at the glazy golden eyes. "I want you to fuck me."

"Such a sweet talker."

"I'm a poet. I have a degree and all."

Keigo snorts and pushes on Touya's shoulders until he rests again on the mattress. With a smooth movement, he rolls Touya's underwear from his hips and along his legs, dropping a kiss and a bite on his ankle as he goes. He gets rid of his own clothes and Touya's gut contracts at the sight of Keigo's cock, already hard and flushed at the tip.

Keigo rummages in one of the small drawers and retrieves a bottle of lube and a box of condoms.

Touya smirks. "Ambitious much?"

Keigo mirrors his crooked smile. "I have no intention of stopping at round one."

"I see we're still on the same wavelength."

Keigo settles back between his legs and pours lube on his fingers. He leans forward and captures Touya's mouth once more while he pushes a finger inside him. Touya clenches around him with a moan. Since the last time they shared a bed, no-one has touched him this way.

"Relax, snowflake."

"Stop calling me that," Touya groans but forces himself to unclench his ass.

Keigo is slow and careful, his mouth rarely leaving Touya's own. He pushes a second finger and crooks them, finding Touya's sensitive spot right away. A full-body shiver runs down Touya's spine and his fingers tangle in the blond locks.

Keigo keeps moving his fingers, massaging Touya's prostate and stretching him gently. Pleasure rises in Touya like an unstoppable wave. It’s too much, it’s too quick.

"Fuck, Kei, I'm -" Keigo presses against the bundle of nerves once more and Touya's vision goes white. The sudden orgasm leaves him like a boneless doll on the bed.

"Already?"

Touya blinks, his brain frazzled by pleasure. "Shut up. Thirteen fucking years, Kei."

Keigo laughs and removes his fingers. "Do you need a break?"

Touya groans. " Hell no. I want to feel you. Now."

"You sure?"

Touya clicks his tongue and wraps his legs around Keigo's waist. "I’m not made of glass. Fuck me stupid, Kei."

"Since you ask so nicely."

Keigo rolls a condom on his cock and slathers it with more lube, sliding calloused hands under Touya's back to lift his hips, as he’s weighing nothing. Touya wraps his arms around Keigo's shoulders and loses himself in the golden eyes as Keigo presses his cock against his lube-slick hole and breaks through the rim of muscles.

He drops his head on Touya's shoulder with a quiet gasp that echoes Touya's moan and keeps pushing in slowly, inch after inch, until he bottoms out. He remains there, still, breath already labored. Touya relaxes, getting reacquainted with the feeling of being stretched by Keigo’s cock and boy, did he miss it.

"Fuck. I forgot how hot you were," Keigo whispers in the crook of his neck.

Touya hums and tightens his embrace. He rolls his hips to encourage Keigo to move. The slow friction against his prostate is burning and he digs his nails into the muscled back. It's already too much but he doesn't want it to stop. He bites into Keigo's shoulder to muffle his shout as Keigo shifts his hips and increases the pressure against his overstimulated nerves. It's painfully perfect and something Touya has craved for far too long.

Keigo pulls on his hair and ravishes his mouth into a sloppy kiss, swallowing Touya's shouts of pain-pleasure. His soft cock bounces on his stomach with every motion but it doesn't take long for it to fill up again. The pain ebbs, replaced by new waves of mind-numbing bliss. Keigo picks up his pace when Touya starts to meet his thrusts with rolls of his hips.

A wracked sob shakes Touya's whole being as he clings to Keigo, breathing in his familiar scent, tasting the salt on his tanned skin, the sweetness of his lips.

"I missed you. I missed you so much."

Keigo buries his face in the crook of his neck and there's wetness on the abused skin. His fingers tighten in Keigo's hair, his legs lock around the rolling hips sending him closer to the edge. He presses blind kisses on the sweaty locks, murmuring loving words and promises.

"I love you." Keigo's whisper against his ear is a broken sound.

They fall together, drowning in pleasure and feelings they both tried to tame for so long.

Finally, he's back where he belongs. Finally, he's back home.

Finally, he feels complete again.

Chapter End Notes

> Twitter

## These streets

Chapter by EloFromMars

Chapter Notes

> Alright, final chapter this time, I promise XD I'll move on to the next part of the verse next time so make sure to subscribe to the series if you want to know what will happen next! ^^

> Big thank you to Rosie, Kii, and Clara for the beta and support <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Keigo is drifting in some kind of hazy torpor. The light filtering through the red curtains is dim and grey, and thunder is rolling in the distance. He doesn’t have a clue about what time it is nor does he care about it. He smiles contentedly when he hears the first drops of rain on the roof of his Combi. Today is going to be a rainy day and for once, he’s not going to be grumpy about it.

Touya is wrapped against him, his chest against Keigo’s back, his arm tightly secured around his waist. His slow breath tickles Keigo’s shoulder blade with every exhale and Keigo closes his eyes again, thoughts drifting. Last night had been draining, both physically and emotionally. Keigo hadn’t planned on it to go that way so quickly but staying away from Touya any longer had revealed itself impossible. The more time they spent together, the more they weaved the loose strings back together, the more Keigo felt unable to maintain any kind of distance. Unable and unwilling.

He had been blindly in love with Dabi, clinging to him, and to that wobbly relationship they both entertained for months, a mere illusion to push back the loneliness and all the ugly they both had to face. Just a childish bandaid that hurt way too much the day it was ripped off, leaving an open wound that took years to heal completely.

But Touya is making his heart beat faster again, makes him feel things he didn’t think he would be able to feel ever again. The feelings that had been just embers with the occasional spark during the last thirteen years had picked up again, burning as bright, if not brighter, as soon as he saw Touya on the beach.

Dabi has been a collapsing supernova that sent him drifting into space for years, lost, hurt and angry. Touya is a sun that caught Keigo in its orbit and doesn’t seem to be willing to let him go anywhere. And Keigo doesn’t want to go anywhere. He’s not scared. Unlike when he was with Dabi, now, there’s nothing to be scared of anymore. No feeling of impending doom or something equally ominous. Keigo promised himself that he would take things slow but slow doesn’t seem to work for them. Hopefully this time, they won’t crash and burn and just leave both of their lives in shambles.

Keigo is optimistic though. Touya seemed calmer, more composed, almost serene most of the time. He’s not hiding his feelings anymore; he wears them like a suit of armor, just as Dabi had worn his poker face. It’s unsettling to be confronted with so much bluntness and raw emotions, almost overwhelming but it’s relaxing. It’s easy. Keigo doesn’t have to try and interpret every word escaping Touya’s lips to try and figure out if there’s a hidden meaning behind them. Touya said he loves him and Keigo believes it, wholeheartedly.

Keigo slithers his fingers between Touya’s and dozes off again.

He wakes up once more to the feeling of wandering lips on his shoulder and neck. His hum turns into a sleepy moan when he feels the head of Touya’s hard-on catching against his hole. Touya pushes his hips forward, slowly, carefully, until he’s fully sheathed inside Keigo, stretching him just the right way. Touya doesn’t move right away. His hand wanders against Keigo’s stomach and up to his chest. The tips of his fingers skim against the golden metal shot into one of his nipples before settling back on his belly. Touya buries his face in the crook of Keigo’s neck and drops a light kiss.

“Morning,” he whispers.

“Mmmh morning. I thought you’d have had your fill last night,” Keigo answers, shifting just slightly to adjust his position and a full-body shiver runs down his spine as Touya’s cock moves inside him.

“Not quite.” Touya nibbles his shoulder and Keigo sighs, content. “I just need to feel you.”

Keigo chuckles. “You’re such a sap.”

“Don’t care. No one will believe you anyway.”

“Uh-uh.”

Rain intensifies, lightning illuminates briefly the inside of the van and thunder clasps just above their heads, sending vibrations into the bed. Touya pulls him closer and his cock presses against Keigo’s prostate. It sends a jolt of pleasure directly toward his own half-hard dick. He gives a shallow roll of hips and a soft groan falls from his lips at the sensation of Touya’s length rubbing just the right way against his walls.

Touya hums and thrusts slowly inside him, never pulling back more than necessary, as if he was unwilling to put more than a few inches between him and Keigo’s body. Touya nibbles at his shoulder, his hand pressed flat against Keigo’s stomach, keeping him flush against him. Keigo closes his eyes again. His mind wanders with the mellow waves of pleasure rising up inside his gut. He doesn’t think about anything else; nothing other than how good it is to have Touya back, to have this unnatural warmth pressed against him, to be able to let his emotions take over and not feel guilty about it.

Just as he did last night, Touya whispers loving words and praises that wrap around Keigo’s mind like the softest blanket, sweet nothings that mean everything. Keigo comes undone with Touya’s name on his lips, softly spoken and almost covered by the sound of the heavy rain. Touya thrusts just one more time before coming too with a shudder and a groan muffled in Keigo’s shoulder. He remains there, still buried deep inside Keigo and Keigo doesn't make a move to get away.

Touya caresses his belly; his side and thigh. Soft fingertips map every inch of his skin, linger on the small scar on his hip, a memory of an encounter with a coral reef. Keigo is about to fall asleep again, his mind fuzzy with pleasure and deep contentment when Touya's fingers skim against the scars on his back. Keigo's eyes shoot open. He doesn't move and tries to remain as relaxed as possible.

Touya traces the length of the twin marks and Keigo hears his breath hitch. He doesn't say a word, not yet, giving Touya time to get his thoughts in order.

"Does it still hurt?" Touya's voice is small and broken.

"No. The phantom pain stopped a few years ago."

"Do you miss them?" The fingers against his back are shaking.

Keigo stares at the red curtain in front of him. "Sometimes. Not as much as before."

Touya shifts, and pulls out and away, leaving Keigo empty and suddenly cold. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Touya remains silent and Keigo finally rolls on his side. Touya’s handsome face is twisted in a pained grimace and he looks away as soon as he catches Keigo’s eyes.

“I’m fine, Touya, I promise.”

Touya shakes his head. “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. And I don’t expect you to forgive me either. I-”

Keigo presses a finger on Touya’s lips. “Enough.” He pauses for a moment, looking into those eyes, into the right shade of blue. He smiles. Or at least he thinks it’s a smile, he’s not sure. “I’ve already forgiven you.”

Touya blinks. “I - How? Keigo, I crippled you. I -”

Keigo closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to think about this. It’s behind him. All that pain and hatred, all that hurt, both physical and emotional, that crushing feeling of uselessness, the feeling of not being himself anymore - all of that is in the past. There’s no point in dwelling on it. No, there’s no need to look back. Hawks burned with his wings.

“It’s in the past, Touya. I told you I’ve moved on.”

“I don’t understand. It’s impossible. Why would you even -”

Keigo groans, suddenly irritated. “You know, not everyone holds on to grudges for decades.” He regrets his words as soon as they pass his lips, especially when he sees the expression on Touya’s face, the way his eyes widen and his lips part in something close to shock.

For a while, the only noise is the rattling sound of the heavy summer rain on the roof. Keigo sighs. “Sorry, that’s not -”

“No. No, you’re right. It’s not because I don’t understand why that -” Touya purses his lips. “I just need to deal with my own guilt, it’s not your burden to carry.”

Touya’s words take him by surprise. He expected some harsh comeback, like last night, but Touya proved again that he’d changed. He grew up, as much as Keigo did. Keigo scoots closer again, chasing after the heat of Touya’s body.

“It might not be my burden to carry but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you come to terms with what happened.”

“It’s not your job to help with that, Kei.”

“Maybe. Do you want to know how though?”

Touya shifts on his back, staring at the ceiling. He looks tired all of a sudden. “How what?”

“How I forgave you.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. As you said, you moved on. I don’t want you to poke at old wounds and stir shit for my sake.”

Keigo can see the way Touya is closing off, how he puts on a mask so close to Dabi’s inexpressive face it’s almost hurtful. Keigo clicks his tongue, annoyed. He moves and climbs on Touya, straddling his narrow hips. “That’s my decision to make, Snowflake.”

Touya looks up at him, still impassive. “Indeed. I’ve never been able to stop you from flapping your mouth anyway.”

Keigo rolls his eyes. “God, you’re so annoying when you’re like this.”

“Like what?”

“Hiding behind a cold face.” He squishes Touya’s cheeks between his hands. “I told you I love you, right? It was not a fluke, it was not in the heat of the moment.”

Touya’s eyes flutter but he remains silent and Keigo takes that as an encouragement to keep going. His hands leave Touya’s face to rest on his chest. He can feel Touya’s heartbeat under his palm and it’s beating fast. Too fast.

Keigo stays silent for a moment, the sound of the rain and thunder a white noise in the background. Now that he has to talk, he doesn’t know where to begin. But he wants Touya to understand that he needs to move on too. If they want to walk together on the same path again, he needs to leave his burden on the curb.

“I hated you,” he starts in a low voice, looking at his fingers splayed on the white expense of Touya’s chest. “So much. I hated you as much as I hated myself. I lost everything on that day. I lost my career, I lost my Quirk, I lost my purpose but most of all, I lost the only thing that really mattered to me, even if I didn’t realize it until it was ripped out of my hands. And no, I’m not talking about my wings,” he clarifies. “After all had been said and done, the Commission threw me away like a useless puppet, as you can imagine. I might have succeeded in my mission but I stopped being useful to them. What could a Quirkless hero do, after all? Especially one with so much blood on his hands.”

He pauses and Touya stares at him with wide eyes. His hands rest on his side, curled into tight fists and Keigo wraps his fingers around them, forcing them open. He runs his thumbs into Touya’s warm palms, a soothing gesture for both of them. “So yeah, the first months were hard, especially after our last night. I wanted to go after you. No clue what I would have done if I’ve ever found you. Probably punched you in the face again.”

“I would have deserved it,” Touya grumbles.

Keigo smirks. “Probably. But you got caught before I could make up my mind. And then you started writing to me.”

“I’m sorry about that, Kei. Another selfish dick move on my tab.”

Keigo shakes his head with a wry smile. “Don’t be. That’s partly what prevented me from jumping off a cliff.”

“I -”

Keigo shrugs, swallowing the hard lump in his throat. The memories of those dark days were really not something he liked to think about. Everything was blurred, every day spent in a daze of physical pain and heartache until he numbed everything with alcohol and meds. “I was in a very bad place. I didn’t know how to get back up. Until Fumi, Dark Shadow, and their stubbornness kicked my ass to a therapist All Might recommended.”

“Your intern seems really attached to you.”

“He’s not my intern anymore. He’s the little brother I’ve never had. I owe him a lot.” Keigo chuckles, a bit bitter. “The number 2 hero saved by his 16-year-old intern. Pathetic, huh?”

Touya links their fingers together. “No, it’s not. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep moving. He was just there to push you in the right direction.”

“Mmmh. He’s been patient, that’s for sure. A true hero.” Keigo shakes the guilt and shame off. “I was such a mess, Touya. Even after I started therapy, it took me a while to get my shit together again. I probably consumed every alcohol and every drug available to try to numb the pain. To stop my brain from working for five minutes. To just get a small reprieve.”

He scrunches his nose. It was hard not to hate that pathetic version of himself. “Rumi found me one day, completely wasted in the middle of the afternoon, half-passed out on the floor next to my toilet. ‘Once you’ll reach rock bottom, you won’t have any other choice than to go up. Or die,’ she told me. That night, I left. Once I sobered up enough, I decided that I couldn’t stand to walk in those streets where everything reminded me of you, of us, of how much it hurt to have my back and my heart so empty.” Keigo closes his eyes and clenches his fingers around Touya’s. “So I packed a bag, I dropped Pigeon at Fumi’s place, and went to the airport. I took the first plane that was leaving and ended up in Thailand. And for the first time, I felt like I was able to breathe again. Nothing reminded me of anything there, everything was new, nobody knew me, nobody cared.”

Touya raises his hand and wipes the few tears that started to spill from Keigo’s right eye. Keigo chuckles wetly and sniffles. “Sorry. God. Anyway. I started to reinvent myself over there. Learned how to be Keigo again, or at all, in the first place. I didn’t have any other choice after all. They didn’t know Hawks and even if they did, I was no longer that person. I didn’t have the wings, didn’t have the status anymore. But I realized that I didn’t need any of this for people to like me. So I kept going. Kept moving. It was not rainbows and butterflies every day but it was better. Easier. I filled my empty self with new things, new experiences. Built a new me that I actually liked. And when I decided to come back, it was easier. Went back to therapy and started to actually move on and heal for real.”

“When did you forgive me?”

“The day I arrived at Broken Head for the first time, ten years ago,” Keigo answers with a small smile.

The memory is still vivid in his head. The desert beach, the surfers playing in the waves, the setting sun, and the salty wind against his face. He remembers how he dropped his worn-out backpack and just sat down in the sand to simply be. He can still feel the sudden peace that had washed over him, how he felt like a weight had been removed from his shoulder. If he still had his wings, he wouldn’t be there. He wouldn’t have seen all the things he’d seen, wouldn’t have met all the people he’d met, would still be stuck in a role, in a cage, unable to get away, unaware of how empty he was. That evening, on that beach, Keigo had realized that he never had been so free. And that Touya had been the one who had set him free in the end, the one who had torn apart the bars of his golden cage. That day, Keigo forgave everything because, for the first time in his life, he had felt happy.

“You gave me my freedom, Touya. How could I still be angry at you? Yeah, it sucks that I can’t fly anymore. Yes, you broke my heart into a million pieces and hurt me more than anyone else. Yes, you were an asshole. I tried to forget about you, tried to settle down with other people because it would have probably been the healthiest thing to do. But it didn’t work.” He smiles and this time he knows he succeeds. “I don’t think I can replace you with anyone. No one can be as much of an ass as you are.”

Touya stays silent for a long while, just looking at him. He untangles his fingers from Keigo’s and pulls Keigo down. Keigo shifts to make himself comfortable on Touya’s chest, his head nestled in the crook of his neck. Touya wraps his arms around his back and squeezes him tightly. “Thank you.”

Keigo hums and presses a kiss on the pale neck. “It’s okay, Snowflake.”

“God, stop with that.”

“Nah.”

“I’m going to dye my hair black again.”

Keigo laughs. “It’s not going to stop me from calling you Snowflake. I know the truth now.”

The sound of Touya’s small chuckle is a relief and tension leaves Keigo’s shoulders for good.

Rain dies down, just a faint pitter-patter on the roof.

Keigo’s stomach grumbles. “Breakfast?”

Touya hums. “Yeah. Pancakes?”

“And this is another reason why I love you.”

Touya snorts and squeezes him harder. “You’re ridiculous.”

Chapter End Notes

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## Afterword

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