> you should come visit and make me bacon
> and whaaat are you gonna give me in return?
> i mean, i’m all for a booty call but if you what chef jack i’m gonna need a sweeter pot
> the pleasure of my top notch companionship which as you know is quality as hell??
> uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh vintage bourbon?? i’ll mix you drinks ok
> mmm you got me there
> and i can hardly turn down something that sounds that expensive
> fuck it i’ll be right over
[ you’re so PRECIOUS when you’re whining, bruh ]
D’awww, does someone need a break? Is that it?
You sound soooooooo, freakin’ stressed. Which reminds me, oh yeah.
I– I can’t even begin to imagine what that reminds you of. I don’t think I even want to know.
But yeah, you’re damn right– sign me up for a frickin’ vacation, like ASAP. Somewhere nice and sunny, by the water. Also— shutthehellup.
( also also fucking fight me oh my god )
Yeaaaaah, you doooo. [ SINGSONGS AT HIM ] Don’t lie to me, it’s more trouble than you need.
I can’t promise a vacation, like. Not in the biblical sense of the word, but I think I’ve got a super special someone I could introduce you too. Make it worth his while, and he miiiiight – note the MIGHT, babe – put up with you wanting to work on your tanlines and get filthy fucking drunk.
Hell– if he can get me away from Helios for a couple days– no scratch that, weeks– I’ll give him anything he friggin’ wants.
Soooooo what’re we talkin’ here? He the cold hard cash type? ‘Cause I am rollin’ in it, baby– and that shit is no object when my tan lines are involved. Gotta keep up this devastatingly handsome image, you feel me. Also, if this guy’s anything like the last ‘friend’ you introduced me to, I’m gonna need something a lot stronger than rum.
Nah, I’ll let him dictate what he wants. [ adding in a smug: ] He’s brilliant. You’ll see.
Never let it be said that I’m not good at the “sharing” gig !! I’ll shoot him a message, let him know you’re in the market for some R&R and good company. I’m forwarding the coordinates to you now, as well. Takes a bit of subspace travel, but – hey, you’re asking for QUALITY here. Because babe, I will never give you a sub-par experience.
( that sounds shady as hell but i like it )
That ri-i-ight? (sʜʀᴜɢs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʟɪᴄᴋs ᴛᴏɴɢᴜᴇ)
Does it really count as sharing if it’s with yourself, though? Ah, whatever—-
Yeeeesh, that is far– but given how good you are at spoiling me, I’ll take your word for it. Are you, uh, gonna join me on this little island adventure? Or am I meeting up with Mr.Mystery all by my lonesome? I mean– what’s a good vacation without a little introspection, if you know what I mean. ( hehe ) (ᴡɪɴᴋs)
Are you really going to split hairs over something like that? You’re me, I’m you.
But – not entirely. Not exactly. Which is hot. I like that.[ he’s laughing now, something low and tangled wickedly in his chest ]
I dunno’, depends. I can give him the heads up and drop you off on your lonesome, or I can come… facilitate. I mean, you like when I facilitate, dontcha’ JUST? It all depends on you, babe.
Pffff– Hell yeah it is.
( ᴄʜᴇᴇᴋʏ ɢʀɪɴ )
Y’think I’ll need a lot of uh, ‘facilitating’, then? I dunno, in my experience– you can really never have enough. Facilitating, that is. What, uh– what were we talking about again?
Oh yeah–
Well, good fucking thing Vaas doesn’t expect a text in return, or else he’d be really pissed. He sets his phone aside and does nothing while waiting for Jack and not old Jack to arrive. In a sense, he feels like he needs to fucking prepare himself to deal with two Jacks at once, but nah. It’d take the fun out of everything. Jack is a goddamn box of surprises, and there’s nothing bad about that at all. Vaas wouldn’t be as interested in the guy if he was predictable. He sits up with a small groan when he hears that familiar voice right outside of his place, a tiny bit thrown off once he hears two of that same voice. Yeah, he’s not tripping out on drugs right now, so it’s even stranger. He isn’t complaining.
❛ Hiiiiiiiii. I am awake and alive, thanks. You can introduce me to
yourself, buuuuut I would rather have him do it. Haha, holy SHIT!
Amigo, you are like… a prettier version of Jack. I mean, you ARE
Jack, but I have never met fetus Jack. Are we the same age?? We
look the same age. This is fucking crazy. AnywayI’m Vaas, but
you already know that. Welcome to my super fantastic and super
fun island! I would have had a field trip all planned out for you if I
hadn’t fucking forgotten your ass was coming. It is all cool, amigo.
We will improvise, hmm? Shake my fucking hand. ❜ He’s standing
up for you, baby Jack. You better shake his fucking hand.
Jack is immediately regretting his decision to let his older self arrange his– “vacation”. The sun here isn’t as hot as Pandora’s, but there’s sand getting into his boots and the thick humidity makes him feel like he’s dying. He’s been wary about this whole thing from the beginning– and as they make their way inland, it starts to feel more and more like friggin’ bandit-ville in here. Guns, drugs, weird graffiti, tigers in cages– although he had to admit, those were pretty cool– Jack makes sure to stick close as possible to other Jack, least he lose any fingers. He isn’t exactly equipped to take on an entire bandit camp. He’s supposed to be on vacation, goddamnit !!
Next thing he knows he’s in some stranger’s room and glaring at the back of his other’s head while he tries to wake up the man on the bed.
And god, this dude just doesn’t shut up, does he? ( He throws a sharp smirk his older self’s way at the ‘prettier’ comment. ) He opens his mouth, ready to retort about the 'fetus’ thing but shuts it with a click of his teeth when the guy keeps going with his introduction. Vass, he said? Or was it Vaas– whatever. What the hell did this have to do with his vacation? Y'know the sun, the sand, the hot chicks?
“Excuse me– forgotten me?” This guy’s already losing points. He sets his teeth in his other’s direction– practically accusing him with his eyes. He regards the stranger– Vaas– again, and looks at his outstretched hand as he works his jaw.
“Well, aren’t you a freakin’ charmer?” Bandit, hes already labeled him in his head. He doesn’t take orders from bandits, and that certainly sounded like an order.
He resolves to play nice until he knows exactly what the hell his older self is thinking. Despite being the same person ( more or less ), he can’t actually read his own mind; and he knows how much his older self likes to fuck with him. He’s a warning label all by himself. He walks forward, swiftly slapping his hand into the other man’s, grip hard, despite every instinct telling him to punch the guy in the mouth instead.
“Can’t wait.” Older Jack has the loveliest friends.
[ double pistols. wink. eyyy. ]
no get ou t
asthehero: yeah hero sandwich
asthehero: jackjack + third and/or more parties
asthehero: boss jack is top bread, brat jack is bottom bread
hypelios: LAUGHS
hypelios: im fuck ing
asthehero: brat jack has to support all the toppings
asthehero: and fillings
asthehero: ………
hypelios: YELLS
asthehero: get stuffed
hypelios: LAMOFODf
hypelios replied to your post:
woops. did you get the new ones?? i was aiming for /at least/ a million and a half“I didn’t count the half a mil because you seemed to be running outta’ steam by then.”
“I was runnin’ out of ideas. But hey! Now that you’re answering, you can help me come up with some fresh ones.“