Awww, is the little baby learning how to cook for himself?
fuuuck you!! i’ve been cooking since i could walk, thank you very much. i just happen to only do it when i’m super stressed. usually i just take bubble baths
Awww, is the little baby learning how to cook for himself?
fuuuck you!! i’ve been cooking since i could walk, thank you very much. i just happen to only do it when i’m super stressed. usually i just take bubble baths
Ohh. Huh. Thanks for giving me that info about you. What’s wrong, cute thing? Want me to give you a massage? Need help with your paperwork? Want to come tan on my island?
yeah, use it wisely, babe.
aaall that and more. also– quick question: how to you feel about bubble baths
Sure sure, whatever you want. I fucking love bubble baths, especially if wine and cigars are nearby. Hygiene and relaxation go hand in hand.
oh wiiiiine, that’s exactly what i need– you’re a goddamn saint.
i’ll go ahead and light the candles.
Go the fuck away, Jack.
Aww, don’t be like that, tiger. We were just gettin’ to the good part.
No, we weren’t. There’s never a good fucking part with you. Fuck you. Suck my dick, you annoying motherfucker.
Of course there is, I’m all good parts, baby. Also, that’s not what you said last night. I believe it was more along the lines of ‘oh god yes more you amazing, sexy, bronze god you’. Heh, yeah, that sounds much more familiar.
Yeaaaaaaah, because that’s totally something I would say, right? Uh huh. Sure, Jack. Sure. Hey hey hey, you like me, right? It’s my birthday. Let me punch you in the face. Or somewhere. Let me punch you somewhere.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
What—- no. You can punch one of my doubles, how about that. Seriously though, just how badly do you want to lose that other hand ? And, y’know, the pleasure of my fantastic company. Which you will lose. Both of. If you come anywhere near me with the intent of any bodily harm.
Your choice, cupcake.
There’s nothing on netflix. asthehero, hypelios fix this you useless assholes.
Ughh, it’s like four am, why are you calling meee—–
Wait– aren’t you like, a pirate ? Why the hell are you watching netflix, go pirate something decent you poor excuse for a bandit. I mean, everybody else friggin’ does it. Maybe actual pirates don’t and it’s some sort of sweet irony. Huh.
Excuuuuuuuse me for not being a stereotypical pirate, dickwipe. What, you want me to go around saying arr, matey and wear a hook instead of a normal fucking hand? My bad, princess. I like using netflix because I’m lazy.
Also, you know, it’s technically not four AM. Time is a fucking social construct and doesn’t really exist in our single dimension, so realistically speaking, I have no idea what time it is, and neither do you. It’s fucking irrelevant, is my point!
Hmm, I’m sensing a costume opportunity. I’m sure you’d look amazing in one of those frilly shirts. Maybe even an eye patch.
It’s four am because I fucking say it is, honeybear. See, I need my freakin’ beauty sleep. Granted, some of us need a hell of a lot more than sleep– but I digress. My point is, stop calling me about stupid shit in the dead hours of my space station, ok, pumpkin ? I’ll send you some DVDs or somethin’– how ‘bout that.
Uh, yeah, no. I’ll dress up as a stereotypical, sexy pirate only if you dress up like a sexy bumblebee.
Honeybear, huh?? So, are you going to suck the honey out of me? Ha. Ha. Ugggh, alright, I’m sorry for calling you this late at night. There’s just no one else to talk to, and you’re fun and I like you and I’m bored.
You say that like I don’t already have several variations of that outfit in the back of my closet.
Thaaat all depends on how sweet you are, baby. And you’re certainly on the right track. Aww, your little bandit friends not so great conversationalists? Or do you really like me that much. I’m so flattered.
Tell you what– since I’m already awake, I’ll let you sneaky-sneak up to Helios and come be lazy and watch bad movies with me in bed. And maybe afterwards, we can break out the costumes– whaddya say, tiger.
ehhh you know fuckhead you don’t exactly have to be the “”“fuckhead president of a multi-billion dollar company”“” to have a slow ass work day like that, don’t be so fucking ignorant
i’m sorry i can’t hear you over how disgustingly poor you bandits are
i’m sorry i can’t hear you over the sound of me rolling around in my stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of money, eridium, guns, power, respect… you know, rich people things. stop being a little shit before i find you and break your nose
it’s cute you think that you’re anywhere close to my 1%. imagine what you have, and then, like, a hundred times that. but hey, keep the dream alive, kiddo. aaand– pass. i do what i want sweetheart, but gosh, i’d just– really love to see ya try. c’mon, i’ll get a good laugh out of it.
i’m pretty fucking pleased with what i have, thank you. and sure, cute little thing. let’s fucking fight, but i mean a fistfight. no weapons, no nothing. just you and me. how’s that sound, you annoying pendejo?
mm, i can always count on you for a good old fashion fight, huh. you’re even worse than nisha. maybe later tiger– i’m in a mood, and i really hate to kill something before i’m done having my fun with it.
