2015-04-11 5:49:28 ¶ ●

~HJack69~: y’know,
~HJack69~: i know for a fact mox still misses me
~HJack69~: but her aim is getting better!!
~HJack69~: eeeeeeeYYYYYYY

2015-04-14 21:01:02 ¶ ●

~HJack69~: anybody know the fastest way to get rid of a caffeine hangover
~HJack69~: im pretty sure nisha has hidden everything on the station with even an ounce of it
~HJack69~: it’s like she’s out to GET me or smth
~HJack69~: im calling m u t i n y

2015-04-14 21:11:10 ¶ ●

## wait till the panic attacks kick in thats always been my favorite part of caffiene withdrawl

~HJack69~: points!! at this!!
~HJack69~: all the more proof that my gf is evil
~HJack69~: and u guys should send me all your coffee
~HJack69~: chop chop i don’t have all day, kids

2015-04-14 21:31:22 ¶ ●

## I don't think you need more coffee. You need tea. Get your energy levels low enough so that you won't be a threat."

~HJack69~: what who the hell drinks friggin’ tea anymore tea is gross
~HJack69~:
~HJack69~: also can someone tell me who the hell this kid is

2015-04-14 21:41:39 ¶ ●

fragmentedangel replied to your post:~HJack69~: anybody know the fastest way to get rid…

> Drink Tears. It’s more cost effective.

~HJack69~: yeah but harvesting them is such a pain in the ass
~HJack69~: oh yeah I can hire people to do frivolous bullshit for me now that I’m frickin’ rolling in cash
~HJack69~: thanks babe !

2015-04-14 21:49:51 ¶ ●

jackofakind replied to your post:I don’t think you need more coffee. You need tea….

> realнero: why are you yelling
> realнero: you have an intercom right there we talked about this

~HJack69~: but yelling at you is so much more fun
~HJack69~: also while you’re at it, uh
~HJack69~: bring me caffeine

2015-04-14 21:52:57 ¶ ●

## Sex helps

~HJack69~: hmm
~HJack69~: noted

2015-04-14 22:03:01 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

jackofakind:

> realнero: Nisha threatened me not to
> realнero: You said I had to take orders from her

~HJack69~: who is ur boss here, tim
~HJack69~: do it and i’ll uh,
~HJack69~: give u a raise
~HJack69~: or somethin’ i dunno just save me from this h e l l

2015-04-14 22:27:52 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

jackofakind:

> realнero: I’d like to get paid in the first place
> realнero: fine
> realнero: she’s your girlfriend so you get to deal with her when she finds out

~HJack69~: yeah but guess what kiddo
~HJack69~: if she does find out somehow, just y’know
~HJack69~: any old way
~HJack69~: i’m gonna repeat any punishment i get on ur a s s

2015-04-14 22:29:42 ¶ ●

asthehero replied to your post:Sex helps

> repeatedly likes this

~HJack69~: u would

2015-04-14 22:48:53 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

inoverhishead:

> CodeMonkeyJ: That just seems like cruel and unusual punishment…
> CodeMonkeyJ: Then again, it’s Nisha
> CodeMonkeyJ: Drink lots of water?
> CodeMonkeyJ: Also- migraine meds usually have caffeine in them too

~HJack69~: at this point i’ve built up an immunity to any and all headache meds
~HJack69~: even the weird unconventional ones
~HJack69~: trust me i have tried some shit okay
~HJack69~: besides i need like, so much to fix this shit it’s not even funny

2015-04-14 22:51:22 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

asthehero:

> `> what it works`

~HJack69~: well maybe u should come over and
~HJack69~: prove it to me
~HJack69~: w i n k s

2015-04-14 22:57:53 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

jackofakind:

> realнero: yeah that’s some great incentive
> realнero: not really
> realнero: what happened to rewarding good behavior?

~HJack69~: i have yet to see any good behavior
~HJack69~: also all i wanted was a soda tim
~HJack69~: a soda !!
~HJack69~: more yelling about mutiny !!

2015-04-14 23:24:45 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

asthehero:

> `> now that you mention it i also feel a headache coming on
> > wow gee i better get that taken care of
> > doctors orders`

~HJack69~: i’ll
~HJack69~: light the candles

2015-04-14 23:34:31 ¶ ●

~HJack69~: f u c k
~HJack69~: remind me to never cook bacon in the nude

2015-04-15 0:04:58 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

wickedgunslinger:

> 9UN5L1n93R: Hahaaa
> 9UN5L1n93R: I was wondering what the screaming was about
> 9UN5L1n93R: I’m hungry. Hurry up

~HJack69~: omg hang on it’s hard to ECHOtext and carry plates at the same time
~HJack69~: also look how hard i worked u better kiss my boo-boos better for me

2015-04-15 0:11:22 ¶ ●

asthehero replied to your post:~HJack69~: f u c k ~HJack69~: remind me to never…

> > truly the hero we all deserve

~HJack69~: om g shutu p
~HJack69~: i’d like to see you do better

2015-04-15 0:17:14 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

wickedgunslinger:

> 9UN5L1n93R: Oh yes, you’re an amazing lover.
> 9UN5L1n93R: I’m just so lucky
> 9UN5L1n93R: Whatever would I do without you?
> 9UN5L1n93R: Get in here before I gag myself

~HJack69~: i dunno that kinda sounds like fun
~HJack69~: but seriously keep talking
~HJack69~: i just love the way you stroke my ego

2015-04-15 0:42:48 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

asthehero:

> `> nah i claim timeline divergence
> > you can cook me bacon in cute aprons though`

~HJack69~: old busted hotness wishes he could cook as good as me
~HJack69~: and hey this show ain’t free, baby, even for someone as prestigious as myself
~HJack69~: can’t say i’m not tempted tho

2015-04-15 1:25:45 ¶ ●

## Please accept this sexy "Fuck the Cook" apron, with our condolences.

~HJack69~: u say that like i dont already own like, seven of them
~HJack69~: but thanks i appreciate the sentiment
~HJack69~: the sentiment being that i’m sexy of course

2015-04-29 2:31:52 ¶ ●

~HJack69~: where the fuck is my new assistant
~HJack69~: i need a goddamned back rub
~HJack69~: and a nap someone come do all my paperwork for me

2015-04-29 2:41:49 ¶ ●

~HJack69~: this just in !!
~HJack69~: i’m holding a no-holds-barred, fight-to-the-death tournament to fill my assistant position
~HJack69~: as i seem to have uh
~HJack69~: misplaced my other one whoops
~HJack69~: just line up in the cafeteria and I’ll watch from up here

2015-04-29 2:55:36 ¶ ●

jackofakind replied to your post:~HJack69~: this just in !! ~HJack69~: i’m holding…

> realнero: it’s hard to write a report when I am a planet away sir

~HJack69~: well whose fault is that
~HJack69~: oh wait yeah probably mine
~HJack69~: well hurry up and get your sweet ass back here !!
~HJack69~: i need you to make me coffee the interns keep making this black sludge it’s h o r r i b l e

2015-04-29 3:28:39 ¶ ● ⬀ ⬈

jackofakind:

> realнero: I left them instructions they should have been able to get that right
> realнero: are you really going to die without coffee for a few hours?

~HJack69~: i might do !! what d’you know
~HJack69~: nevermind i found the booze stash
~HJack69~: goodbye timmy boy i knew thee well

2015-04-29 4:34:23 ¶ ●

## 'Scuse me, sir? Are non-Hyperion viewers elegable for th' secretary position?

“Hm– I dunno, you look kinda… bandit-y to me… You sure you’re not a bandit? Cause Hyperion policy– and by that I mean my policy– says to shoot you on sight– but of course, no bandit would be dumb enough to actually, echo me, right? That’d just be– friggin’ hilarious.”
“But uh, yeah, sure– why not, right?” Dramatic voice. ”Enter the Ring of Cafeteria Slaughter!”