October 2021

To ruin/improve your day: even more old pictures of Rhys smuggling AI Jack out of Atlas in the form of an increasingly massive and assholish Handsome Ratch.

Cartoon: Handsome Jack in the form of a sunglasses-wearing ratch sits grinning on Rhys's shoulder. Rhys eats popcorn worriedly. ALT
Rhys is in bed asleep, holding a cutely snoring tiny ratch Jack.ALT
Rhys is in bed sweating and desperately reaching for a fan, as a giant Ratch Jack steals the bed, wraps himself around Rhys, and steps on Rhys's head. ALT

Smuggled Ratch Jack: Small; cuddly; easily concealed in carry-on luggage; snores cutely; kind of like a cat

Smuggled Ratch Jack + 6 months: Enormous; covered in horns; impossible to hide; snores like a giant ratch; kind of like having a huge ratch tread on your face every night at 3am while warming the nest to a cosy 40 degrees celcius; … also still kind of like a cat.

A motionless Handsome Jack clone body lies in a tube, as Rhys unsuccessfully tries to drag Ratch Jack down from the ceiling to be plugged into it. Ratch Jack is clinging to a metal beam with all four legs as Rhys struggles to drag him off. ALT

TFW you spent 40% of the R&D budget building a brand new Jack, and now Mr ‘put me in a ratch and I’ll use your intestines for dental floss’ won’t wear it, because no level of human Handsomeness can ever match the sheer body-confidence, contentment, and ability-to-eat-concrete of being a Massive Ratch.

Also when ratch who used to be alllll buddy buddy with Jack come round and echolocate Rhys and are all “scrrrrrrrrrsccrreeeeeeeshhhhhhhhkkrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” and you just don’t say shit like and get away with it.

But sometimes you just have to adapt to these things.

Glad everyone came out of this with no issues whatsoever.