October 2015

Thank you guys  :’)

Now there are 10 000 of you turkey feathers following me <3

When I started tumbling, I totally expected this to be a lonely blog. 
Once I’m done with one of my crazy projects in a few weeks, I’ll do something special :3

                                                                                      Click to Listen

                                                                                      Click to Listen

im-absolutely-flawless sent me these great playlists that I’ve been listening to while I draw up the Until Dawn fan arts. 
They’re quite perfect for me to get the feels for Josh’s lovely twisted side. :3

source links:
http://8tracks.com/imabsolutelyflawless/i-m-out-of-my-mind
http://8tracks.com/imabsolutelyflawless/i-m-a-little-dysfunctional

A Quick Note

I’ve gotten a lot of cool and sweet comments regarding my last -Until Dawn Josh’s Survival fan comic - and I’m determined to reply back to all of them/ make a few postings for some. However, the next two weeks are the last big deadline crunch for one of my jobs so it might take a little longer than I’d want to. Thanks guys :)   

cyberratting:

First ficlet inspired by @danji-doodle ‘s comics. you should all check them out.

---

Josh’s grip on his hand was close to crushing; Chris could actually feel the small bones grinding against each other, and he could barely keep a wince off his face as he glanced back at his friend.

It wasn’t hard to read his face, even though half of it was obscured by the white mask. Josh’s eyes had always been his most expressive feature, after all. Even though he was so different to the boy Chris had grown up with, some things seemed to never change - from the crooked smile that was now just a little more crooked, to the big eyes answering his gaze for a split second before flitting back to the mall, seemingly trying to take in everything at once.

People were parting around them to get to the entrance at their back and throwing them short, uninterested glances before looking away again.

Chris wondered what they were seeing - they probably thought Josh was merely sick, what with the perpetual shadows beneath his tired looking eyes and the mask wrapped around his lower face.

Nobody looked like they had an inkling of what lay beneath and that more than anything else relaxed Chris back into giving Josh a friendly nudge with his shoulder.

“Dude. You’re breaking my hand.”

Josh jerked and looked down to where he was clutching at Chris, then loosened his grip.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. Chris could see a small flush climbing onto his cheeks from beneath the mask and grinned with a sad twist to his lips.

“Come on. Let’s go to GameStop, eh?”

Josh didn’t look convinced at all but he was docile in letting Chris pull him along. He stayed close behind him, looking miserable and wary whenever Chris caught a glance at him through the reflections in the store windows.

It was hard to keep an optimistic front when he was confronted with the aftermath of what had happened a year and a half ago now. Would it never just end? 

He still woke up in the middle of the night drenched with sweat - then felt guilty when he remembered how it’d been Josh hunting him in his dreams, clothed in a dirty overall and his skull mask hanging around his neck.

Since he got the call from Mrs. Washington half a year ago, the dreams had gotten worse even though Josh was so very docile - so much more gentle than the lovable asshole he’d been before everything had went to shit.

“We’re here.”

Chris startled out of his thoughts and looked up at the sign, then down into the store lined with video games.

“Oops. Well - let’s go. You should get back into the scene, dude. Haven’t played some good and honest game in way too long if you ask me.”

Josh looked like he was close to god damn bawling, a trembling whine reaching Chris’ ears before he squeezed his hand and resolutely pulled him inside.

One of them had to be brave today, after all.

.o.

Josh looked dazedly down at the game in his hands. He looked exhausted even though they hadn’t been inside the mall for longer than half an hour. He was slumped against the sidewall of the building where nobody was likely to come around and see them.

“You okay?” Chris asked, unconsciously stepping closer and shielding his friend with the bigger bulk of his body.

Josh still was looking at the game and nodded slowly and dream like. The corners of his eyes were crinkling a bit and Chris caught himself thinking about pulling down the mask and looking for that crooked, sharp fanged smile.

Instead, he pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his parka and felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

Thank you cyberratting for this adorable ficlet, I’m quite enjoying it :3      
I giggled at Chris saying, ‘eh’
How so Canadian of him lol 
I don’t know if they are Canadian but Blackwood is in Alberta according to the creators. If anyone knows what the canon is one this, please let me know. 

Related comic posts: [ #ExorJosh Master Post ]

Some  ExorJosh  Headcanon Ideas.

I’ll be off from tumblr for about a week due to work but here are some head-canon ideas and infos on ExorJosh I’ve collected, thought of, and received.
If you want to write ficlets or bits of ideas on ExorJosh, you don’t have to follow these but it might interest you.
 
Also, Thank you to those that are mentioned in this post for sending me interesting ideas.  

Related comic posts: [ #ExorJosh Master Post ]
=========================

Some FACTS/CANON:

Josh’s father is a movie mogul. Thus Josh dreams of following his father’s footsteps in becoming a film producer, making him very knowledgeable about special effects and movie props. Josh became very close to his sisters due to his father becoming too busy with his work.

Josh made a [Remembrance Board] for his sisters that says, ‘never forget’  (this broke my heart)

Josh was diagnosed with a mental disorder(either schizophrenia or BPD ) back in 2006 (age11) with multiple re-occurring ‘incidents’

Josh is skilled at drawing. [Josh’s drawing]

Chris is fully aware of Josh’s need for psychiatric medications even though he doesn’t know the extent of how much, and the details of [Josh’s medical treatments.]

on exorcism:
While there are no clean cut rules to the lore of Wendigo, each Native tribes have very distinctive beliefs regarding this lore.
There is something called ‘Shaking Tent’ ceremony with in Native culture that could potentially be part of Josh’s exorcism. I need to do more research on this but it is a ceremony done to call upon the ‘higher beings’ in order to get help or cure the un-explained illness or to fight off evil spirits.

Limited coverage for mental health: Even with the free-health-care in Canada, The Canadian Health Act does not cover treatments by a psychologist or psychotherapist unless the practitioner is also a medical doctor. Which means, Josh’s medical costs are likely to be fully out of his parents’ pocket.    

=========================

My Thoughts:

•  I wanted Chris to be the first to find out about Josh’s survival since he is the best friend who closely stuck by Josh even after being aware of Josh’s mental disorder.(People are often horrible towards mental patients without understanding.) 
• Due to the tremendous amount of medical bills (psychiatric and wendio treatments) that Josh has caused his parents, I imagine that Josh would feel too guilty to ask for cosmetic surgeries like multiple skin grafts, and full teeth implants even though it is available to him.
  I think for now, he would endure living with only the first mandatory skin graft that was done to close up the gap on his mouth area and to repair his right eyelid. This would have scaring and possible discolouration but functional. (Also, I personally find heavy scars visually appealing)   
• It would probably take a long time for Josh to be himself again even though he tries to ‘Josh around’ here and there with a bit of awkward results.     
• With all the in-door time that he spends away from public, Josh could do a lot with his interests towards movies and visual art(esp drawing). 
• I think Josh would have to be put on a puréed diet(aka. babyfood) for a while after he got exorcised due to the injuries with-in his mouth and due to the poor digestion from all the physical and mental trauma.   
  

=========================

Ideas Received:

@ficcyshit said: 
This is an excellent AU. ( Thank you! :3 )
Wendigo first showed up in Native American lore. Where I live, most of the local tribes have very specific beliefs and views about consumption.
Things like only taking what’s needed, and giving back as much as possible, things like honoring the animals or fish they ate, because their energy and life lives on in each person to allow them to continue their own life.
So the wendigo could be experiencing some residual memories or thoughts from those they’ve eaten. That can drive the wendigo to further violence and instability, and so on. 

•     (Regarding this, It’s interesting to me how Josh’s schizophrenic/BPD symptoms would go in combination with these spiritual hallucinations. If the residual memories continued even after the exorcism) 
  

Wendigo are spirits/demons/creatures of starvation. 
The most common story told about them is of people being snowed in and forced to resort to cannibalism to survive. It’s entirely possible that an instance of wendigo is an instance of possession. 

@milkminority​ said:
In until dawn I reckon the curse would only work on the mountain. The whole issue is that a bunch of people pissed off the mountain and released the wendigo spirit of the mountain. why would it even bother to work off the mountain? no mountain spirit gonna ditch it’s home mountain. I reckon if someone was to remove a wendigo from the mountain the person would revert back or die And the wedigo would fight back crazy hard. Imagine them gettin josh off the mountain. hannah could of been saved.

• This idea would definitely help with how they managed to successfully exorcise Josh away from the mountain. As milkminority said, Hanna could’ve been saved if she was found and taken away earlier in the process of transformation like Josh was at the end of the game.. but as we see her in the game now, I don’t think her damaged body can survive exorcism.  
  

@ask-lancelot-and-kahmunrah said: ​
My headcanon is that Josh can no longer eat flesh and has to become either vegetarian or vegan. Flesh (or maybe even animal produced products) might trigger the Wendigo spirit to come back again. This headcanon doesn’t entirely belong to me though.

• This could prompt some very cute fic or fan arts :3
  

@thekoontzy said:
I dunno if ya ship Chris/Josh. But i believe that after this they start their friendship up and a few years later they try dating. It is awkward and there are issues. Josh is prone to be light sensitive some days and have bad days. Chris happily gets black out curtains and works around those days. They set up a panic room just in case so Josh feels safer living with people again and in control. They make it work cause they are best friends first and understand what they both went through.

• This is quite sweet <3 Chris would definitely do everything he can to lower Josh’s anxiety. 

@charon-the-cheeky-drake said:
… ‘joshs first time eating solid stuff again’ … with someone helping him through the ordeal and embarrassment of eating with those remaining fangs and sharp teeth. I bet it would make eating normally extremely difficult.

• Ahh… this would indeed be very cute = w =  we shall see…

@the-best-medicine​ said:
…Do you think he might be somewhat tempted when someone gets hurt enough to bleed. But, not enough to go rogue, but enough to make him agitated and possibly angry/scared/outraged?the wendigo spirit is gone/subdued, but it probably had lasting effects on his psyche (Asking as someone who has flashbacks/urges based on previous trauma) Also I think a slightly lankier Josh would be cute? hunching over a lot at first before getting more comfortable around people/with himself 

• @silverheartlugia2000 also asked about other little quirks Josh might have now post-exorcism. (Anything different about his senses, posture or behavior? Make any odd sounds?)
• This are some great points to think about but also, I have yet to really thought out whether Josh is fully free of wendigo or not. I do think incidents of violent fits or panic could make some very interesting story events. 
• as for physical quirks, I think that could be very cute and I might do something on it but feel free to write or draw stuff as you imagine.  

 @zzsleepyzz said: 
…Did they automatically believe in the wendigo posession? They could’ve read the reports by the other survivors but it’s still a bit unbelievable, ya know? Did the other survivors find out about Josh’s survival and do their best to let the parents know it’s the wendigo or was it just like… Chris and maybe Sam??

• Parents will do anything to save their child even if it seems crazy.
  (Josh used to be close to his dad)
  
• My idea for ExorJosh head canon is that, Chris is the first one that hears about Josh’s survival after the exorcism.
  
• According to the canon, Josh’s parents already had trouble with the Native tribes of the Blackwood area(a letter in the main lodge) and they have interests in native American Myth and Legends (their book in upper cabin). Also, with the possibility of the hired-investigators retrieving the dead-wendigo-hunter’s note book (from the basement untouched by fire) for Josh’s parents, I don’t think the exorcism is a difficult thing for them to resort to especially after trying everything medically possible first.  
  

@friisks​ said:
josh constantly wearing a scarf to cover his mouth but his voice is muffled and no one has any idea what he’s saying.

• Ahh- I almost forgot to add this one!! This is suuper cute XD!! 
  I like this a lot <3 

 @rosenrot234​ said: 

While I enjoyed the overall message the game did with that particular ending with Josh, I am glad to see all the stuff here saying he deserved better.

Considering my depression and BPD, it really meant a lot to see people wanting to help Josh. Thank you.
——————————————————————————————–

What made me feel more for Josh is actually the fact that he either has schizophrenia or bipolar.
Not that I lightly think these are just some cool conditions to have, but the complicated and delicate nature of of his psyche due to these conditions made him the more beautiful character for me.
I personally appreciate people with schizophrenia or bipolar(or any other mental conditions) who share their experiences because they helped me with understanding my own brain’s capabilities and thus, helped me to cope with the fear towards my excessively frequent sleep-paralysis.

well.. I made it about myself but…  I want to say, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
(Edited: BPD is the acronym for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder.)

Regarding Josh’s Mental Health

fazikku said:
Gotta chime in; I have BPD (diagnosed by a doctor) and i can hardly recognize ANY legit BPD symptoms in Josh’s behaviour. schizophrenia, on the other hand, is a very likely illness for him to have since a lot of his antics and symptoms go well with schizophrenia’s criteria. just wanting people to know not to think people with BPD act like Josh does; i personally take huge offense in that. 
————————————————

EDITED: Miscommunication on my part.
( BPD is the acronym for borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder)

I mistakenly assumed that BPD is for bipolar disorder as the previous response posting was regarding depression and Josh.

————————————————
I didn’t mean any offence in my response regarding Josh’s conditions and I do take this topic very seriously so I apologize if I caused any unintended hard feelings.

To clarify, I left my assumptions vague between schizophrenia and bipolar disorder because I’m not in a place to diagnose exactly what Josh might have and I understand that there are several different types or combinations of these disorders that can cause crossovers of symptoms which are different in each person to person.

I completely believe in you saying that, Josh’s symptoms are very hard to relate to as a person with Bipolar,especially for people with Bipolar type 2 or cyclothymia which I assume you already know are the milder and the more common type that does not experience any psychotic symptoms.

However, I can’t simply cut to a conclusion of saying that Josh must not have bipolar, because bipolar people with severe mixed-episodes can experience psychotic symptoms as severe as Josh’s.

From what I understand, mixed-episodes-type is more likely to happen in individuals whose onset happened/started at adolescence like in Josh’s case.  

Not only that, in his medical record, he has history of depression and manic episodes which would prevent a simple diagnose of  schizophrenia due to the presence of mood disorder. The fact that Josh is completely off the pill during the entire game yet he appears to be in a normal or positive-hypo-manic state for the first half of the game makes it even more ambiguous for me because it seems to me like a case of an ’episode’ that happens more in bipolar, not schizophrenia.

My *guess*in detail is that he *could* have severe schizoaffective disorder (mixed-episodes biopolar) because Josh shows different episodes of normal to manic states (happens in bipolar) with the severe psychosis(more common in schizo). 

However, you’re absolutely right in saying that psychotic symptoms like what Josh had is not true to all people with Bipolar and

A LOT of people with Bipolar do not have psychotic symptoms at all. 

And these conditions are very manageable with the right treatment.

=======================================
Again, If I caused any trouble, I do apologize and thank you for chiming in to clarify.

Personal take on Josh’s Mental Health

whyarewescreamingatgames said:
…I was wondering what your take on Josh’s mental state and the conditions he was diagnosed with… 
———————-

As I’ve mentioned in the previous posting, my best GUESS is that he *COULD* have severe schizoaffective disorder (mixed-episodes biopolar) because Josh shows different episodes of normal to manic states (happens in bipolar) with the severe psychosis(more common in schizophrenia).

In terms of my personal take on where Josh might be with his illness since he got exorcised, I imagine that, as a lot of mental patients do, Josh probably isn’t too fond of taking multiple Antipsychotic Medications due to the side effects. However, the fear of hurting his loved ones again as he did on the mountain would make him endure and willingly suffer through the side effects that he doesn’t like. Maybe even the symptoms that he is supposed to report to the psychiatrists if he feels that the particular medication showed any amount of effectiveness in stabilizing himself. This could also have a little to do with self-punishing attitude that he might have developed after the game.
————————–

In his medical record, it is actually shown that he doesn’t respond too well to a lot of the treatments that usually work well enough for other people.
However, according to canon, it appears that he was still carrying out friendly and outgoing life style especially during college where he developed a bit of party-animal streak.
(more canon profile on companion app here: http://theexorcismofemily.tumblr.com/tagged/ud-profiles)

When he started having trouble with the lose of his sisters however, it seems that his symptoms got a lot worse and they were having even more trouble figuring out the right medication for him. It is also stated that, he was studying psychology before dropping out due to the trauma of losing his sisters.

I’m not too sure on what has been tried, but in the record, ECT for sure was only considered and not proceeded.

Last year, I was some sort of cyborg chick.
This year, I’m some kind of Gothic ghost…person.

…because I love Halloween but too lazy to dress as anything specific.

Happy Halloween Munchkins<3
(p.s. that’s how I went into work. Art geeks take their jobs very seriously.)