## Tuesday, July 14, 2009

### It's a kind of magic

For those who don't know, it is also possible to follow this blog on Facebook via the magic of NetworkedBlogs. It's like having fiery goodness injected into your veins every single day!
That may not have been the best metaphor.
P.S. I know I have already announced this once before but GUESS WHAT IT IS HAPPENING TWICE >>}8^O

### Haiku #46

My snoring's improved.
Last night it was merely a
Richter six point three.

## Monday, July 13, 2009

### Two lists

Here is a list of things I have eaten
big orcs
little orcs
medium-sized orcs
my own beard-fire (by accident)
kerosene (on purpose)
the third moon of Mars
eight thousand cows
Robert LeRoy Ripley
pie
really big orcs
little chips off Icecrown Glacier
murlocs
AT-STs
AT-ATs
ozone
super tiny little orcs
the entire cast of The Sound Of Music
the "pe" in "shoppe"
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
eight thousand Zerglings
Bjork!
all the little pieces of Alderaan
white dwarfs
slightly larger than average orcs
baboons
the strings in string theory
the id and the superego
licorice
orcs that are smaller than average but so slightly that you would not notice it
the Voyager spacecraft
Amelia Earhart
/b/
the humor in the Ctrl-Alt-Delete webcomic (OH SNAP AGAIN)
Atlantis
the fourth season of Star Trek
all of Nicholas Cage's facial expressions except for one
nihilism (yeah, it's gone, YOUR MOVE BITCHES)
brimstone milkshakes
Here is a list of things I spit out after I ate them
Bjork!

## Sunday, July 12, 2009

### Radio roundup

Coffee With Sargeras has gotten a fair amount of air time on WoW Radio, so here's a handy list of all CWS-related material that's aired:
July 10, 2009: Kiley Kilburn's fantastic Sargeras theme song. Look for Season 3, Episode 38 in the Blue Plz! archives. Jump to about 16:40 to hear the song.
June 26, 2009: The radio adaptation of my first Scourge Chat Log. Look for Season 3, Episode 36 in the Blue Plz! archives. Jump to about 33:10 to hear it. You can also listen to just the adaptation, without the rest of the show, here.

## Friday, July 10, 2009

### You can't spell machinima without achin'

I have a guest post up on the Machinima Gaga blog today. It's about machinima! Sort of!
Remember, if you want Sargeras to guest-post on your site, just send me an e-mail. I'll probably say yes!
What's your favorite machinima? Tell me in the comments. Doesn't have to be WoW-related.
LOBSMAARP: 88%

## Thursday, July 9, 2009

### Haiku #45

The best part about
being me? Three simple words:
Coffee's never cold.

## Wednesday, July 8, 2009

### Shakespearegeras

Sargeras: Forsooth! What light 'round yonder sun breaks free? It is a wandering light, a star's star; prithee, vagrant lamp, by what name art thou known?
Azeroth: By men I am called Azeroth; yea, and by orcs as well, if it come to that. But who makes bold to seek without deigning also to reveal? Wouldst thou know my name and not unveil thine own? Come, stranger, let's have't.
Sargeras: I am the Destroyer, the Shadow-King, the Reaper and the Bringer of Night. I am called Starfall and Deathblade. I am Tamer of Demons, and Highest of the Low. By all these names am I known.
Azeroth: Yet not often called, I'll warrant. Come, be plain. I gave thee no riddles and ask for none. What is thy proper name?
Sargeras: I am named Sargeras.
Azeroth: Sargeras! Yea, I know thee well, and have been warned against thee. I too would speak in riddles, were I in thy colossal shoes; for thy name bids ill to all, and welcome to none. Alas that my orbit proceeds of a fix'd course, for I would fain avoid thee! But as destiny bids it, I ask: what wouldst thou have of me?
Sargeras: What? Am I undone before thou knowest me? Can a titan not travel whither he wilt, and speak at his pleasure? For I will no more of thee than thy sweet self; and were that too much to grant, why, I'll but watch thee from afar, and be content.
Azeroth: Lies, and spoken with the truthful ease of endless repetition! O! am I a newborn planet, to fall prey to such simple snares? Or have I no knowledge of the wolf, to be led astray by the chieftain of the pack? I am no lamb, ye rogue, and were I half my age and twice the fool I'd say the same. Thou art no friend to anyone.
Sargeras: Ungrateful child! Am I not among the ones who made thee? Did I give thee lips that thou might curse me, or arms to strike me, or broad clouds that thou might turn them dark with wrath and send lightning against me? Nay, I am thy lord, without whom thou hast not form; and wherefore now thy ingratitude?
Azeroth: The arachnid likewise giveth life to its young, and likewise them consumeth; and the young do well to be wary. Come, I tire of games, pursue thy will with me or get thee hence.
Sargeras: E'en so?
Azeroth: E'en so.
Sargeras: Then I advance! And O, thy hills draw me in, thy green grass tempeth me; for what is green without its brother crimson, and what verdant plains do not beg the kiss of fire? Come now to me, and I'll make thee complete; for thou knowest only the ways of life; now meet thy other half.
Azeroth: Back! Fiend! Nor am I defenseless, though thou fancy it so; and if thou come with fire, thou shalt thyself be burn'd.
Sargeras: Indeed?
Azeroth: Indeed, and no surprise! Have I not kept thee back all these long years? Have my ramparts not proved equal to thy darts? Yea, and doubly so, for I have known other foes than thee, and yet survive.
Sargeras: Then it is battle!
Azeroth: Battle!
Sargeras: Ha! BANG!
Azeroth: POW!
Sargeras: BIFF! BOOM! BANG!
Azeroth: ZAPOW!
Sargeras: KABLOOIE!!
Azeroth: Whammo!!!
Sargeras: ZAAAPPPPP
Readers: What. The. Fuck.
LOBSMAARP: 12%

## Tuesday, July 7, 2009

### Haiku #44

I like fire's cruel scent
and I like crushing souls and
also butterscotch.

## Monday, July 6, 2009

### Help me serve you better!

It's no secret that I don't generally get a lot of cooperation from the civilizations I obliterate. Razing cities is, by and large, a thankless task; I put in the hours, but does anyone appreciate my hard work? No! The indigenous peoples I encounter flee in terror, mount a resistance, or - in the best cases - sit around and watch apathetically. It's sad, really.
But with Earth, I have a chance to make things different. I have a voice here, and a following. With Earth, I have a chance to get something I've had precious little of so far: cooperation.
Top Ten Ways You Can Help Make Earth's Incineration a Little Easier For Me
10. Think green. Recycle! Drive a hybrid! Ride a bicycle! Anything you can do to clean up the planet makes it that much more fun for me when I destroy it. Nothing worse than swooping down to lay waste to a landscape that's already, well, wasted.
9. Leave the lights on. The brighter your little blue marble is, the easier it will be for me to find it in the vast darkness of space. Of course, these should be energy-efficient lights (see #10).
8. Spread the news. A surprised populace is a panicky populace. Tell your boss there's an "extended holiday" coming up. Give your aunt the news that you might not make the next family reunion. It's all about awareness. (Warning: this may require social interaction outside of Vent. Do your best!)
7. Get a Twitter account. I want there to be lots of happy little tweets when the sky starts turning red. "omg its teh apocalypse!" "RT All has become meaningless." "@CubsFan48 Can't make the game tomorrow, lol u can guess why"
6. Make cookies for me! Some people may assume that because I'm evil, I can't appreciate cookies. Well, that is hurtful stereotyping. The truth is, evil folks enjoy the warm gooey and/or crunchy goodness of cookies as much as anyone else, if not more! C'mon, guys. Help me feel like a giant burning deranged Santa Claus.
5. Buy my merchandise. How will purchasing my blatantly overpriced gear help me blow up your planet? Well, um. It's hard to explain! Actually, that's a good segue into my next point.
4. Don't question me. The last thing I need when the 'splosions get hot and heavy is for someone to decide their voice matters too. Look, let's be logical about this: if your voice mattered too, would I really be dropping a comet on it?
3. Arrange your bodies so that you spell out messages. I just think this would be fun. For me, I mean. Probably not so much for you.
2. Be my friend on Facebook. That way, when the end does come you'll get advance notice! My profile message will say "I think a little burnin' sounds Terra-iffic!" or something equally clever and informative. Plus, my Facebook page is now easier than ever to access: just go to facebook.com/cwsargeras!
1. Watch this video. Completely, utterly, and absolutely unrelated, but damn if it isn't funny!

## Friday, July 3, 2009

### J4!

Happy Fourth of July to all you United Statesers out there! To everyone else, well, you can be happy too I suppose. You'll all die soon enough, why not get in a chuckle here and there.
What was I saying? Oh yes. Independence Day.
Nobody knows exactly where this holiday originated, of course. Something about freedom, or democracy? Well, whatever; history is murky. The important thing is that we celebrate it by blowing stuff up in the sky, and that's where I come in.
You see, when I explode planets full of organic life, it's not just an exercise in nihilism. No! It's a celebration of liberty! I detonate civilized worlds for the sake of a better tomorrow. Don't think about it, it'll make more sense that way.
Remember, it's like Thomas Jefferson said: "Shit, son, we 'bout to get some sky hurt up in this bitch!"
Was that Jefferson? Maybe that was Franklin. I can never keep them straight.
Anyway. Light some sparklers, set off some firecrackers, and think of me.
Because nothing says red, white and blue like red, red and red.
Have a good weekend!

## Thursday, July 2, 2009

### Haiku #43

Whitman said, "I am
large, I contain multitudes."
He had no idea.

## Wednesday, July 1, 2009

### Ask Sargeras! In which impractical solutions are proposed.

This week's mailbag is like that part in The Two Towers where Merry and Pippin enlist the help of the Ents in their fight against Saruman: there are some little ones and some great big ones, but they're all being watched by an evil and magical entity whose first three letters are "Sar."
Look, I'm not that good at analogies. What I'm trying to say is that we have three really long e-mails and three really short e-mails, and I'm trying to find some way to make that seem funny, and...
Can we just do this?
Great Ravager of Worlds, I beseech thee, please answer my questions.
1. Why hasn't the Pantheon cracked down on you yet? I mean sure, you were the strongest among them, but why hasn't your bro Aman'Thul tried to smack some sense into you? Or has he?
2. If you were present at the time, can you describe how the Kil'jaeden boss fight in Sunwell Plateau looked like from your end of the portal?
3. What kind of benefits package does the average demon get in the Burning Legion?
4. What's with all you demons/fallen titans/corrupted heroes growing to immense proportions while destroying stuff? Seems like a waste of energy to me. Is it for the terror factor?
5. Any openings for a human warrior looking to do some smiting on some traitorous ex-guildies? (Traitors that left the guild, not people in the guild).
Thank you in advance, my liege.
Taium, Dalvengyr-US
P.S. If you have no openings, could I perhaps borrow that sweet sword of yours for an hour. Should be plenty of time.
Six questions in one?! Just what are we trying to pull here? Would it really be fair to all the other patient readers who e-mailed me if I answer all six of your questions when they only get one?
Do I seem like an unfair person to you?
Oh. Right.
Well, let's see if I can answer all six of your questions at once, in order, one line at a time, using the magic of poetry:
The Pantheon's a bunch of sissy wimps,
He should've swatted that blue buzzing fly,
Free dental and a pair of curvy nymphs,
I'd guess that Shock and Awe's the reason why;
Although I'm all in favor of some smitin',
You'll never wield the weapon of a titan.
Bam! Still got it!
Hey there, Big Old Dude...
(I'm a warlock, I can get away with sass. It's in the contract.)
In all the movies where a planet is being destroyed by some force, either internal, external or... well, I guess those would be the only two ways, huh? ... every destruction is different in some way. Some look more believable than others. I personally like the ones where the planet explodes outwards in every direction, as opposed to the ones where they seem to explode outwards like the rings on Saturn. Makes no sense unless someone planted shaped charges into the core... which would be hard to do for SOME people (bet you could though, but getting TO the core may just destroy the planet anyway, so why bother, huh? Unless it's for the challenge...) so why is it exploding in that manner?
Or as with the newest Star Trek movie, planting a black hole into the center of a planet makes it melt inwards from the insertion point (what?) as opposed to the entire planet equally melting inwards around the black hole, which unless my understanding of black holes is completely wrong, doesn't have a pull from one individual direction, but from all directions equally. Shouldn't it have imploded? The areas nearest to the black hole going first, in all directions, and expanding outwards?
So I guess my question is... what really happens when a planet is destroyed by some internal or external force? And is there a difference in how it looks, depending on what exactly is destroying it?
And... screenshot or it didn't happen.
Love and (air) kisses,
Kikidas from Alleria
BTW: Ruptik the Imp wants to know when he's allowed back in after that whole shaving cream and strawberries incident?
I've previously mentioned this article, which clears up all that troublesome business about black holes in planetary cores rather nicely. To your larger question, though, the dynamics of planetary destruction are exquisitely complex. I've been doing this job for more than 30 gajillion years now, and even I have yet to fully master their subtleties.
I don't have time to explain it all, but I will say this. Planetary explosions all look pretty much the same, but they don't all have to sound the same.
Try blowing up a world with the Benny Hill theme playing in the background sometime. Trust me. It really does make just about everything better.
To his most illustrious Grand High Destructomath, Wearer of the Beard of a Thousand Flames, Sovereign of the Endless Void.
I am a Dreadlord working in your legion's middle-management group, and I have a question for you that I do hope will not be too impertinent.
To whit: What in the name of You is up with the Eredar? I don't mean to be questioning your Dark Magnificence, but seriously, why did you ever promote those poncy bastards over your loyal Nathrezim? They're all supertastically magical, I get that. But they were *also* all mortals once, and as such they're bound to be screw ups. Since you've been away, we've been doing our best to keep your Legions in fighting shape and ready for your return. We've even found the time to get some real quality corrupting done on Azeroth. But while we've been working our tails off, your Eredar rank and file are all too busy posturing, hitting on the succubi, and snorting lines of mana to pay any attention to the cause.
Then there's your Grand High Poobahs, Archimonde and Kil'jaedan. They may be something on the order of 100 feet tall, but that's *tiny* compared to the issues they drag around. Like Archimonde. He might be dead now, thank evil, but I assure you that when he was still alive he was making a royal mess of things. He'd always go missing from staff meetings and we'd get sent out looking for him. We'd search for days and then invariably find him passed out in a nebula somewhere coming down off a 3 week magic bender. When he finally got himself summoned to Azeroth, he went RIGHT for the Well of Eternity and tried to eat the World Tree. Instead, he got blown up by wisps. Don't get me wrong, watching him explode was one of the finest moments in my long existence. But, by wisps? I ask you. At least Mal'Ganis had the integrity to be defeated (not killed, please note!) by the power of an extremely potent artifact weapon, like a proper demon.
And Kil'jaeden, man, he's a whole different piece of work. When he's not busy getting stuck halfway through portals and beaten on by adventuring parties, he's wasting the time he SHOULD be using to subvert new races into your fold by tarting himself up in drag and attending "Eredar Pride" meetings. That he makes us accompany him to in the name of "Multi-Dimensional Cultural Sensitivity Training." And at which he inevitably gets wasted, and then starts crying about some love-triangle mess he had with Archimonde and Velen back on Argus. Let me tell you, after about ten minutes of that I'm contemplating ripping off my own horns and stabbing them directly into my brain. But that's nothing compared to the end of the night, when we have to drag his soppy carcass back home while listening to him recite moody goth poetry about having his heart broken by Illidan "Too Emo For His Shirt" Stormrage.
Sorry, needed a moment to compose myself.
So, yes, the Eredar are a bunch of colossal sized screwups. On the other hand, we Nathrezim have, like yourself, always been immortals. We don't have all those pesky lusts and physical desires getting in the way of carrying out your will and destroying all life.
So why, why, why do we have to put up with them? They are, to use mortal terms, the Robin to our Batman. If Robin was slutty heroin addict, and Batman had literal (and very stylish) wings.
With all due trembling and awe,
Mefaustias, perplexed Dreadlord, Shadow Council (US)
All right. I want you to do something for me. I want you to take a breath.
Now how do we feel?
Good.
Take two Benadryl, get some rest, and call me in the morning.
P.S. If these "Robins" really upset you so much, take a page from Batman's book and tell them what's up!
Dear Sargeras,
You have been a valuable source of information regarding cooking recipes and interior decorating; but I have been left curious about your fashion tips. What does a titan with hair that is literally flamming metal wear in order to keep scorch marks from ruining his ensemble? Is it custom tailored or do they have a titan-sized Big and Tall in the nether?
-Trend Seeker
Two words: Nomex tuxedo.
Dear Sargeras, Annihilator of All Things Cute and T-Shaped:
What would you do if another one of the Titans split off and followed in your footsteps (possibly even literally). Would you focus on eliminating the competition, or welcome the new face in the world-incinerating field?
Sorry for the short question, I have a cowering appointment in ten minutes.
~Lowly Mortal #43,554,687,789
This is sort of like asking Skynet what it would do if one of the humans started going around killing other humans. I mean really, it's adorable and all, but - as an astute reader once pointed out - "EVERONE means we all get pwnt."
Speaking of which - was I the only one who thought Terminator: Salvation was just, like, a really shitty version of the Matrix trilogy? Kind of the same way Ctrl-Alt-Delete is a poor man's Penny Arcade, only Penny Arcade is free?
But I digress.
O Dark Titan,
I am looking for an extremely durable keyboard (I'm pretty clumsy). After reading your latest post, I had to wonder, what kind of keyboard has the durability to withstand the awesome might and flames of the Supreme Destroyer?
Carflipe, Aerie Peak US
You can't buy truly high-quality durable keyboards in stores, but making your own is easy and fun! Here's what you're going to want to do:
1. Get Captain America's shield and Wolverine's skeleton.
2. Melt them down and stir until thoroughly mixed.
3. Pour the mixture into an ice cube tray and allow 3-8 weeks to cool.
4. Repeat until you have enough keys for a full keyboard.
5. Paint the alphabet and/or syllabary of your choice on them. Why not give hiragana a try?
6. Superglue these keys over top of your regular keyboard.
7. Ta-da! Sargeras keys!
Hope nobody came to this blog today expecting it to be about World of Warcraft. HAHA!
Anyway. Want Sargeras to answer one of your questions too? Send me an e-mail and I'll make it happen!
Peace out.

## Tuesday, June 30, 2009

### The recognition I deserve!

Check it out, I'm the featured article on WoWWiki right now!
Still won't save them, but the flattery is appreciated.

### Haiku #42

Why compose haiku?
Because pages filled with poems
are more fun to burn.

## Monday, June 29, 2009

### And, we're back!

Brian the web dude speaking. Those of you just visiting this site for the first time may be wondering if it is supposed to look like a scoop of vanilla ice cream whenever I get a traffic spike, or whether the color scheme changing on an hourly basis is some sort of obscure feature.
The answer is no, in fact, no, it is not! What it is, rather, is a side effect of using Image Shack for my image hosting. Now I'm going to try tinypic instead, as it's rumored to have unlimited bandwidth. Well, we shall see. But for now, at least, we're back!

### Experiencing technical difficulties...

Experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.

### Turning over a new leaf! OF PAIN

All right, numbnutses, listen up! I've been way too nice around here lately, and this is the end of it, y'hear? I look back on my posts over the past few weeks, and what do I see? Bunny rabbits and tofu! Giving out prizes! Promising recipes to people! Getting friendly with lurkers! Relaxing music! Gay pride parades! Guild applications! Radio programs!
PAH!
Is this what I've come to? Have I spent so much time among your kind that I've gotten lily-livered by association, asinine by osmosis?! People used to cower whenever I walked into a room! Do you know the last time someone cowered in my presence? Well, DO YOU?
Well, no more. Things are going to be different starting today, peeps. No more Mr. Nice Lord of Terror and Darkness. I am for serious. Time to get back to my roots. Time to get back to some serious destruction.
I AM DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDSSS!!!11!1 >>}8^O
All right! I'm gonna blow up the eighth dimension!
All right! I blew up the eighth dimension! Now I'm gonna annihilate half the Oort Cloud!
All right, that's gone! Now I'm gonna destroy the letter "T" on my keyboard!!
All righ! Now I'm gonna desroy he following paragraph!
Yeah! I feel good righ now! See, his is how i's supposed o be. Me, blowing suff up, laying down he hur on you paheic morals. And you know wha? I haven' done ha enough laely eiher, so le's ge sared. he firs hree people ha commen on his pos will all ge annihilaed. Yeah! How do you like ha, biches?!
Okay and finally I'm going o desroy all he fun in grinding honor, oh wai
LOBSMAARP: 66%

## Friday, June 26, 2009

### My first guild application!

First things first - WoW Radio's adaptation of my Scourge Chat Log #1 is airing today at 2:30 Eastern time. I believe it will be on the Blue Plz! show. Take a listen and see what you think. And thanks to TotalBiscuit for doing the adaptation and for voicing the Lich King!
Anyway - to business. I recently received an e-mail from the fine folks in the Pestilence guild on Trollbane, inviting me to apply to their guild. Now, I've been around an awfully long time, but I must say this is the first time I've received such an invitation, and I sure do like their name, and...well...I filled out the application.
Oh, don't look at me like that! I still like the Burning Legion. I'm not going to leave them. It's just...you know...you want to keep your options open!
Look, I don't have to explain myself to you.
MY APPLICATION TO THE PESTILENCE GUILD
Can you consistantly make our raid times of Tues/Wed/Thurs/Sun 7-1030pm EST???:
Yes, I can picture it now. "Sorry, only had time to smash western hemisphere, g2g raid w/guild." Not like I'm doing anything important!
Character Name:
I can only have a one-character name? That seems pretty restrictive...I'll go with the letter 'S,' I suppose, if it's not taken already.
Armory Link:
Link in the Zora Armor was probably my favorite, but there have been so many great Zelda games it's hard to say. (Is this like a WoW/Zelda guild or something? Because I mean honestly that would be wicked sweet.)
Email Address:
cwsargeras@gmail.com - no viruses pl0x
Are you over 18 yrs old?:
That's what she said! Eh heh. But seriously, I was ancient when the denser gases separated from the primordial spinning mass of your daytime star and into concentric layers to form a rocky ball that would turn into your tiny lump of a planet two billion years later. So to answer your question, no, I no longer need a guardian to sign for me.
Location/Timezone?:
Rift Between The Euclidean Dimensions / TNST (Twisting Nether Standard Time)
Character Race:
Capital is preferable but I'll take lower case if need be.
Character Class:
ASCII. Why, is this a Unicode guild or something?
Character Spec (please include exact point allocation numbers):
Arial, Sans Serif, 12 point font. (Damn, you guys are picky.)
What do you enjoy most about your current class/spec?:
Um. I mean, you know, typing it and stuff? The letters look...nice, I guess.
Have you tried other specs for this class? Why did you choose this one?:
It's an easy font to read, nothing fancy, enjoys wide support across browsers. I, uh, think I tried Times New Roman once, it was a'ight. Is this seriously that big of a deal?
Are you OK with respeccing for the good of the guild if necessary on certain occassions?? --- Understand we always try to allow players to play their favorite spec, but there are certain occassions that we ask you to re-spec for the good of the raid.:
Geez, you guys don't let up, do you? I'll consider Courier if it comes to that, but listen, I gouge holes in the space-time continuum as a hobby. I'll be damned if I type in Comic Sans.
Professions + Skill Level:
Oh good we're past the font fetish now.
Professions: Smashing and Poetry. Also, Judging Poetry. Also, Angst.
Skill Level: OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!!! (Do people still use that meme? Am I showing my age?)
Do you have max fishing/cooking/first aid?:
Let the record show that my cooking skills are more than adequate.
If you don't, why not??:
Me giving first aid? That'd be sort of like the Pope bitch-slapping somebody, don't you think?
Previous Guilds/Servers?:
The Burning Legion is my current guild, and they are all my servers.
Why did you leave those guilds?:
Nosy, aren't we? For your information, we're still friends, we're just deciding if we want to see other people.
Do you understand you are on a 2 week minimum Trial Period for evaluation?:
What are you going to do if I say no, draw me a diagram?
Do you understand that during your trial period, you will not receive loot over guild members? (However loot that is unwanted by a member can be awarded to initiates):
Sure. Do you understand that anyone who tries to take loot that I want will have their vertebrae rearranged into alphabetical order?
Original WoW Raiding Experience (Be specific, dont just say MC):
Ask Queen Azshara how "experienced" I am.
Burning Crusade Raiding Experience (Be specific, dont just say BT):
"So, Mr. Gates, ever hear of a product called...Windows?"
WoTLK Raiding Experience (be specific, dont just say Naxx):
Believe me, if I'd raided the Lich King, you would've heard it. Not heard about it. Heard it.
What's your favorite raid encounter and WHY??:
I really like the planets with a jelly cream filling. It makes me feel like it's all been worthwhile.
Give an example of one time where you wiped the raid, and what did you learn from that experience?:
I think it's fair to say that my early attempts at demolishing Asbestos World did not go entirely as planned. These days we always bring along a little antimatter, because you just never know.
Do you have an Epic Flying Mount?:
Eonar?
Do you understand you will be under harsh at times criticism? --- Class Leaders/Raid Leaders always keep watchful eyes on all players in the raid, and you will be told if you are under performing. Can you handle that?:
Of course. On a completely unrelated topic, where do you live?
What type of internet do you have and how reliable is it?:
What type of Internet? Is there, like, more than one? Are there getting to be, as some have claimed, too many Internets?
Do you have a working mic?:
Not as such, but I think you'll hear me.
What consumables do you use each raid?:
Thirty souls. Preferably righteous ones, but, you know, I'm not picky.
Do you log on and chat with fellow guildmates on vent and talk, or are you a raid-and-done type player? We encourage guild communication, strat discussions, and all-in-all camaraderie.:
People I like, I talk to. People I don't like, I hug.
Are you OK with sitting out on the occasional raid?:
Sure, but just remember, when I sit out on the raid, I sit out on the raid.
Why Pestilence?:
I'm not going to lie, I heard you only allowed one-character names and I was strangely intrigued.
What is your average 25 man per Second Stats - for Tanks (TPS), for Damage Dealers (DPS), for Healers (HPS):
I can give you a whole write-up on my TPS if you want. Do you require the new cover sheets on your TPS reports?
What would you consider the most challenging fight you've ever done?:
This one time? Okay. I arm-wrestled myself. Youshouldaseenit!
Are you OK with wiping for an entire night learning a new encounter?:
That's...what she said?
Do you pvp or are you interested in arena teams?:
I PvP all the time. I also Real Life, Dinosaur Comics, Scary Go Round, Penny Arcade, Hark! A Vagrant, Questionable Content, Nedroid, 8-Bit Theater, Sinfest, ALP, A Simple Apology, Dresden Codak, Abominable Charles Christopher, and Pictures For Sad Children. I used to Ctrl Alt Delete, too, but I'm better now.
(Update: How the hell did I forget xkcd?)
Any additional information you'd like to share?:
You want more information? Haven't my readers suffered enough already?
Well, what do you think? Do you think they're going to accept me? I think they're going to accept me.
Have a great weekend, everybody, and let me know what y'all think of the radio broadcast!

## Thursday, June 25, 2009

### Haiku #41

I create chaos
and flames. I create legions!
Who says I destroy?

## Wednesday, June 24, 2009

### Ask Sargeras! In which bullet points are used to great effect.

I'll get to the mailbag in a moment, but first, some miscellaneous items:
1. In very exciting news, the Scourge Chat Log has been adapted for radio - WoW Radio, that is, with the esteemed TotalBiscuit supplying the Lich King's voice personally. The "Scourge Vent Recording" will, I'm told, air on WoW Radio this Friday at 2:30 PM Eastern Standard Time. I'll have more about this on Friday, but just a head's up for now.
2. Dorn was kind enough to inform me that gay pride was not the only kind of pride on display at the recent Proudmoore Pride Celebration. And even better, he's provided proof! Click to enlarge:
3. This is the 101st CWS blog post, which just goes to show that if half your posts are haiku and some of them only have two words, writing 101 posts is, like, super easy. Follow your dreams, kids.
4. If you haven't listened to my awesome new theme song yet, um, why not
Anyway, there is only one reader e-mail this week. Does this signal the beginning of the end for the Coffee with Sargeras blog?! Well, I won't quit my day job. Anyway, let's get right to it!
Dear Sargeras,
I've recently been playing a game called Dead Space. Dunno if you demons have the wonderful contraption that is the XBox 360, but in the game some fellows end up cracking open a random planet. The aforementioned planet just so happens to have slavering zombie types in it that are hell-bent on destruction (I think you and their Hive Mind might get along, actually)! This brings me to my question; what peculiar things have you found whilst ripping apart planets?
Sincerely,
Amaralith, Trollbane-US
Things I have found whilst ripping apart planets:

- Dirt
- Bilbo Baggins
- Bright paper packages tied up in string
- Lavos
- Trillions and trillions of liters of molten iron
- The sound of one hand clapping (it sounds like this: splortchzz)
- Demons who don't follow instructions very well
- Aaron Eckhart
- The prison of Lord Xenu (yes, this is what Scientologists actually believe)
- Candy and prizes
- The more literal-minded employees at Digg.com
- Richard Stallman
- Spelunkers
- Millions of voices that suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced
- Unwatched copies of the Batman & Robin DVD
- Sandworms
- The sound of my own twisted heart, beating, beating, ever beating in the night, relentless and terrible, crying out there shall be no escape from these crimes, death is no penance for what you have done and I know it's just a dream but oh, it burns, that sound, it burns like the yearning of hunger and the smoking craters of unfulfilled dreams and...

Hm. Maybe I should get some sleep.
Remember, if you'd like to ask Sargeras a question, just drop me an e-mail! Every third e-mailer gets 10,000 gold absolutely free!*
*not true
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