Showing posts with label scourge chat log. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scourge chat log. Show all posts

## Monday, April 20, 2009

### Scourge Chat Log #3

"He who hears not the music thinks the dancer mad."
-African proverb
"On the other hand, if you actually are crazy, a soundtrack doesn't really help."
-Lews Therin Telamon

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***
[theLichKing]: Oh shit oh shit oh shit
[theLichKing]: oh shit
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: you called, my liege
[theLichKing]: We're fucked
[Kel’Thuz4d]: what did you want
[theLichKing]: We're fucked. Someone leaked one of our chat logs to the Internet.
[theLichKing]: And it got posted, like, everywhere but marthastewart.com
[theLichKing]: And Blizzard got hold of it
[theLichKing]: And now they want to meet with us to have a "powwow" about "corporate policy"
[theLichKing]: We're hosed
[Kel’Thuz4d]: whos blizzard
[theLichKing]: What?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: is that an ice elemental
[theLichKing]: You've got to be fing kidding me.
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be more important than the last time you summoned me
[Killzone’jaeden]: From my dark throne in the depths of the seething chaos in the rift between dimensions
[Killzone’jaeden]: To discuss your heating bill
[Kel’Thuz4d]: one of his ice elementals is rebelling
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and it wants to have a discussion
[Killzone’jaeden]: *facestab*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait whose face are we stabbing
[Kel’Thuz4d]: this is a question of some importance for me
[theLichKing]: GUYS
[theLichKing]: There's no ice elemental. Our chat log leaked and Blizzard's going to fire us.
***User "Sindragosa1337" has entered the chat.***
[Sindragosa1337]: whats t3h h33zy sh33zy
[Kel’Thuz4d]: a blizzard is on fire and its leaking
[Sindragosa1337]: rid1culous
[Sindragosa1337]: as a fr0st wyrm i can s4y wit some auth0rity that the scenario you describe
[Sindragosa1337]: is pretty much ret4rded
[theLichKing]: Kel'thuzad, shut up. Sindragosa, you know who Blizzard is right?
[Sindragosa1337]: and now we're p3rs0nifying it
[Sindragosa1337]: can i leave?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Based on past experience, I'd say our suffering has only begun.
***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: Aaaand I'm right.
[theLichKing]: Anub, you know who Blizzard is, right?
[An00b’arak]: of course
[theLichKing]: Finally. Someone who's not a complete ignoramus.
[An00b’arak]: dq sells them
[An00b’arak]: they are delicious
***User "BlizzardRep" has entered the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: OMG ITS THE GIANT FLAMING ICE CREAM ELEMENTAL
[BlizzardRep]: ...
[theLichKing]: What he means to say is
[theLichKing]: "Hi! How are you?"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *licks the blizzard*
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh gross
[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't know where that's been
[Killzone’jaeden]: Also, since when do you have a tongue
[BlizzardRep]: Everybody be quiet please.
[theLichKing]: Yes sir.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh you call *him* sir.
[theLichKing]: He's from Blizzard. They're the gods of our universe.
[Sindragosa1337]: u mean like c'th0n
[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're the Creators.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: u mean like the titans
[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're behind everything we do.
[An00b’arak]: u mean like that creepy gnome
[BlizzardRep]: Everyone! Please be quiet for a second!
[An00b’arak]: what r titans
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh for Pete's sake
[BlizzardRep]: EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...
[Sindragosa1337]: ...
[theLichKing]: ...
[BlizzardRep]: Now. We have a situation.
[BlizzardRep]: A chat log timestamped March 20, between some of the major Scourge and Burning Legion leaders, has been leaked to the Internet.
[BlizzardRep]: Followed a short time later by another.
[BlizzardRep]: These documents make us look, to put it charitably, ridiculous.
[BlizzardRep]: Lich King.
[theLichKing]: Y-yes...
[BlizzardRep]: You are the face of our expansion. We rely on you to project a good image for our entire brand.
[BlizzardRep]: Tell me. Do you find anything amusing about performing sexual acts...on a potato?
[theLichKing]: No sir. Absolutely not.
[Killzone’jaeden]: *snicker*
[An00b’arak]: amusing, moar like satisfying
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ahem, can u please describe said acts in greater detail
[Sindragosa1337]: XD
[BlizzardRep]: The farmers' groups are already complaining.
[BlizzardRep]: And I'm sorry to say, you fared _best_ out of everyone.
[BlizzardRep]: Kil'jaeden, Kel'thuzad, and Sindragosa.
[BlizzardRep]: Your blatant prejudice is shocking. Our company values diversity above all. I am very disappointed in you.
[Sindragosa1337]: tl;dr
[Killzone’jaeden]: Are you a snow cone or a chatbot? We sort of have a bet going.
[BlizzardRep]: Phylumism, were it an actual thing, would go against everything we stand for as a corporation.
[An00b’arak]: yes thats what ive been saying thank you thank you
[An00b’arak]: >8< >8> <8< <8> >8< spider priiiiiide
[An00b’arak]: free at last
[An00b’arak]: whose awesome
[An00b’arak]: im awesome
[An00b’arak]: whose awesome
[An00b’arak]: im awesome
[BlizzardRep]: Anub'arak.
[An00b’arak]: yessssssssss
[BlizzardRep]: You're an idiot.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Huzzah!
[BlizzardRep]: Azjol-Nerub and Naxxramas have become a laughingstock.
[Sindragosa1337]: is this an 4pril f00ls j0ke
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no bc if it was then kiljaeden be like "Huzzah!"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and teh chat would be like
[Kel’Thuz4d]: Killzone'jaeden stands up and burps mightily "Huzzah!"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: And does the hokey pokey
[Kel’Thuz4d]: And LARPs
[An00b’arak]: listen
[An00b’arak]: we dont have to take this
[BlizzardRep]: Funny thing, you do, actually.
[BlizzardRep]: Let me introduce you to a little script I call
[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: OH SHI-
[theLichKing]: aaaaaaahhhhh
[Sindragosa1337]: t3h p41n!1
[An00b’arak]: oh im gonna start twitching i can tell already
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *literalheaddesk*
[An00b’arak]: here it goes, the twitching
[theLichKing]: OMG
[An00b’arak]: dsuihweoiuefhweuihgweowghazdsdddddddddddddddddddddd
[An00b’arak]: sdlksdfjffhfskl;;;sdhfs;;;;;;
[An00b’arak]: sajdldjksjkl
[An00b’arak]: and were done
[BlizzardRep]: It's not you numbskulls I'm worried about though.
[BlizzardRep]: It's this Sargeras character
[BlizzardRep]: Who started
[BlizzardRep]: An effing
[BlizzardRep]: Blog.
[An00b’arak]: hsjjhskjdkjdkdjd
[An00b’arak]: sry aftershock
[BlizzardRep]: Where the hell is Sargeras anyway?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok about that. I guarantee he did not start a blog
[theLichKing]: Yeah I can back him up on this actually. Sargeras is not what you would call...creative.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...literate.
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...sentient.
[BlizzardRep]: I'm not wrong about this.
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***
[theLichKing]: Oh no not this again
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: What are you talking about, Arthas? I'm just responding to the Blizzard summons as ordered.
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: I respect the wishes of our programmers.
[theLichKing]: Well I don't. Screw you Blizzard!
[theLichKing]: No it's her! She's saying that!
[theLichKing]: No, it was me. I have schizophrenia.
[theLichKing]: It's the whole two-souls-in-one-body thing.
[theLichKing]: I do NOT have schizophrenia!
[theLichKing]: Right, I'm just arguing with myself
[theLichKing]: Nothing schizo about that
[theLichKing]: It's Sylvanas! She's betraying me!
[theLichKing]: "Sylvanas" is what I call my other personality.
[theLichKing]: OMG
[theLichKing]: Make her stop
[theLichKing]: Isn't it interesting that my other personality is a woman?
[theLichKing]: *makes out with self*
[theLichKing]: Ew! Gross!
[theLichKing]: Oh right I forgot I only do it with vegetables
[Killzone’jaeden]: I could listen to this for hours.
[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: OW STOP OKAY
[An00b’arak]: wehgpwhghgrpihwgpghwpwghiugnibgnwiug4nuigrnibniehnrgphngrpiwhaoigwhgoihrg94984hgriruwh
[An00b’arak]: dont mind me
[An00b’arak]: the twitching is oddly enjoyable
[BlizzardRep]: Where is Sargeras?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *shrug*
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'll go get him
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *sings* so ready now for ullll-du-ar
[theLichKing]: Aw man don't get that stuck in my head again
[theLichKing]: Now I'll be singing it for hours
[Kel’Thuz4d]: nah it's easy to get rid of it, just insert something else even catchier
[theLichKing]: NO DON'T
[Kel’Thuz4d]: this was a triumph... im making a note here, huge success
[theLichKing]: It's hard to ohhhhh-verstate my saaaaaaa-tisfaction... AAAARRRGGGGHH
[theLichKing]: *WRATH*
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras isn't available at the moment.
[BlizzardRep]: Isn't. Available.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Um, it's a little thing called
[Killzone’jaeden]: "The Burning Crusade"
[BlizzardRep]: What.
[Killzone’jaeden]: http://www.wowwiki.com/Burning_Crusade
[BlizzardRep]: I KNOW WHAT IT IS
[Killzone’jaeden]: Well you're pretty knowledgeable for a snowcone aintcha?
[BlizzardRep]: ...seriously?
[BlizzardRep]: Does *nobody* here know who I am? What Blizzard is?
[BlizzardRep]: Does nobody get what this is about?
[BlizzardRep]: Does anyone even care about the customers?
[theLichKing]: I do!
[BlizzardRep]: The vote of Mr. Potato Head...does not count.
[BlizzardRep]: Anyone else?
[An00b’arak]: still twitching...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...done.
[BlizzardRep]: Ok fine. Listen, I'm going to explain it.
[BlizzardRep]: In the beginning there was Warcraft, and it was good.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *gets popcorn*
[BlizzardRep]: Then came Warcraft II and Warcraft III. But the people wanted more. And lo, Blizzard looked upon Evercrack, and saw that its power could be turned to its own purposes.
[BlizzardRep]: And Blizzard did smile down from upon its high throne, and release World of Warcraft unto the masses.
[BlizzardRep]: And WoW begat BC, which begat WotLK.
[BlizzardRep]: NOW do you get it?
[Sindragosa1337]: omg tfl;dr
***User "Sindragosa1337" has left the chat.***
[BlizzardRep]: *sigh*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: so wait
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who created the titans
[BlizzardRep]: Yes!
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who bestows patches
[BlizzardRep]: Yes...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who controls the pixels
[BlizzardRep]: Yes.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: then y are u working for dairy queen
[BlizzardRep]: F A C E
[BlizzardRep]: P A L M
***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***
[SARGERAS]: I AM TEH DARK TITAN!!!11
[SARGERAS]: I will... destroy.. the worlds...
[SARGERAS]: *sigh* My heart's just not in it today, guys.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: awww
[Killzone’jaeden]: It's okay, Master. It happens to the best of us.
[Killzone’jaeden]: I myself once went three whole weeks without ripping apart anyone's soul.
[SARGERAS]: Really?
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...no.
[SARGERAS]: I've just felt so...down, lately.
[SARGERAS]: I keep getting all these "Cease And Desist" letters
[SARGERAS]: When all I want to do is write on my blog
[SARGERAS]: And blow up planets
[SARGERAS]: And sell T-shirts at a ridiculously inflated profit margin
[BlizzardRep]: Yeah ABOUT THAT
[BlizzardRep]: Do you have any idea how many copyright laws you've violated in the past month?
[BlizzardRep]: You can't misuse our copyrighted works!
[SARGERAS]: I *am* your copyrighted works
[BlizzardRep]: Aha! So you admit it!
[BlizzardRep]: This is an outrage!
[BlizzardRep]: You will stop what you're doing at once!
[BlizzardRep]: Blah blah blah I'm boring blah blah copyright!! >:O
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: OH NO SHE DIDUNT
[BlizzardRep]: Oh you want a piece of me?
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: bring it lactose boy
[BlizzardRep]: It's on like Donkey Kong
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lets do this thing
[BlizzardRep]: *prepares /GMbeatdown*
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: *assumes dramatic stance*
[theLichKing]: *puts on Angry Eyes*
[Killzone’jaeden]: *chargin his laser*
[An00b’arak]: *wets self quietly*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: STOP!!!
[Kel’Thuz4d]: have we lost our way? turning on one another like enemies? arent we all in this together, really?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: dont we all want EA to fail?
[Killzone’jaeden]: He's right.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: Really?
[Killzone’jaeden]: NO! What are you, dense? We've the villains
[Killzone’jaeden]: GET HIM
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: chaaaaaarge
[SARGERAS]: RAAAAAAAAAAAA
[Killzone’jaeden]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[theLichKing]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so, this is a chat, we cant actually fight
[theLichKing]: Right.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Right you are then
[SARGERAS]: Glad that's settled.
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***
[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: AAGGGH SERIOUSLY
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***
[theLichKing]: Listen I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole chat log thing
[BlizzardRep]: Just make sure it doesn't happen again.
[theLichKing]: Of course. Certainly not. No more chat logs posted again, ever!
[theLichKing]: And if your programmers just have a second sometime to adjust the heat settings in my throne room...
[BlizzardRep]: Get out of my presence!
[theLichKing]: *shiver*
***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***
[SARGERAS]: That went well.
[BlizzardRep]: OUT!!
***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***
[BlizzardRep]: *sigh* Shigeru Miyamoto doesn't have to put up with this shit.
***User "BlizzardRep" has left the chat.***
[An00b’arak]: <.<
[An00b’arak]: >.>
[An00b’arak]: /beatdown
[An00b’arak]: wehwoihweoweihfweihwefoiuhnkjewhiuh3oih3io34iuf3bniouff4iu84h7hwaeiufhiowwf
[An00b’arak]: oweihjfewphwiwehawfpoi3983
[An00b’arak]: owahifewpwhfepwfhewf
[An00b’arak]: weoihf
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ^_^
***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

Hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and thanks to commenter "Alkaliho" for the Lich King schizophrenia idea!

## Thursday, March 26, 2009

### Scourge Chat Log #2

Here's another one I scrounged up. A bit shorter than the first one but it still "brings the lulz" as you kids say these days.
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...and that's how I spent three weeks selling fire extinguishers in Gnomeregan.
[theLichKing]: Hahaha! Oh man, in context it makes perfect sense.
[Killzone’jaeden]: So on a completely unrelated note
[Killzone’jaeden]: When are you planning to get off your ass and help us out with some Burning Crusade action
[theLichKing]: Man, I already told you
[theLichKing]: I don't do that shit anymore
[theLichKing]: I'm all about the freezing. It's, like, the _opposite_ of burning.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Please
[theLichKing]: No
[Killzone’jaeden]: Please
[theLichKing]: NO! Dude if you can't let this go, I'm logging off right now.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Man what is your deal...I don't see why you can't crusade just a little
[Killzone’jaeden]: Start the occasional bonfire
[Killzone’jaeden]: Light a scented candle once in a while...every tiny bit helps
[Killzone’jaeden]: Why won't you serve me?
[theLichKing]: You mean aside from the hideous, horrific torture?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah besides that
[theLichKing]: Ok look. The whole Burning Crusade is stupid.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Why?
[theLichKing]: You have no endgame.
[Killzone’jaeden]: *cough*DestroyEveryLivingThingInTheUniverse*cough*
[theLichKing]: Ok, then what?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Then I dance on Aegwynn's corpse.
[theLichKing]: Um...ok. Then what?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Well, I'm going to be doing that for a pretty long time.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Like, three years.
[Killzone’jaeden]: I plan to really make the most of my corpse-dancing potential. I have sort of a gift, you know?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Plus Aegwynn is *such* a bitch
[theLichKing]: THEN WHAT
[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude, I dunno
[Killzone’jaeden]: Cross-stitch?
***User "Sindragosa1337" has entered the chat.***
[Sindragosa1337]: wh4t 1s up p33ps
[Sindragosa1337]: i h4ve a ?
[Sindragosa1337]: lets say hyp0theticaly, youd slaught3r3d somewhere in the neighborh00d of... lets say... 1,200 dwarves
[Killzone’jaeden]: Been there.
[Sindragosa1337]: and it was m3ssy
[theLichKing]: Done that.
[Sindragosa1337]: and now j00 cannot get t3h blood off ur talons
[Sindragosa1337]: r3commend a cleaning pr0duct for this hypothetical situation pl0x
[Killzone’jaeden]: Dwarf blood is notoriously difficult to remove. I recommend soaking in vinegar.
[Sindragosa1337]: o rly?
[Killzone’jaeden]: NOPE!
[Killzone’jaeden]: I WAS LYING! Vinegar will have NO EFFECT
[Killzone’jaeden]: See I DECEIVED YOU
[Killzone’jaeden]: Cuz I'm THE DECEIVER
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
[Killzone’jaeden]: *sigh* I have never known true intimacy.
[Sindragosa1337]: hey are j00 still cross-dress1ng these days?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh you know it.
[Sindragosa1337]: w4nt to borrow my l1pst1ck?
[Sindragosa1337]: i dont n33d it anym0re due to a lack of l1ps
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hells to the yes please.
[theLichKing]: WTF is wrong with you
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not actually going to wear the lipstick. I just say things like that because it's liberating.
[Sindragosa1337]: hes r1ght
[Sindragosa1337]: break1ng d0wn stere0types
[Killzone’jaeden]: "I loved Sex and the City."
[Sindragosa1337]: "i urin4t3 standing up"
[Killzone’jaeden]: Try it
[theLichKing]: NO
[Killzone’jaeden]: "I call up my friends just to talk."
[Sindragosa1337]: "i h4v3 a genuine interest in the 0utcome of footb4ll games"
[Killzone’jaeden]: "I honestly believe that lavender and mauve are different things."
[Sindragosa1337]: "burp1ng is rel3vant to my 1nterests"
[theLichKing]: I'm not pretending I'm a woman.
[Killzone’jaeden]: So just say something random then. It'll make you feel better.
[theLichKing]: Ugh... like what?
[Killzone’jaeden]: I don't know.
[Killzone’jaeden]: How about...
[Killzone’jaeden]: "At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes."
[Sindragosa1337]: rofl
[theLichKing]: What does that even mean? That doesn't mean anything.
[theLichKing]: I'm not saying that.
[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't have to say it...just type it
[Sindragosa1337]: wh4ts teh harm
[Killzone’jaeden]: It's just us.
[Sindragosa1337]: th3r3 is n0thing to ph33r
[Killzone’jaeden]: Do it
[Sindragosa1337]: do it
[Killzone’jaeden]: Do it
[Sindragosa1337]: do it
[Sindragosa1337]: d0 33t
[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't even have to type it. Just copy and paste. "At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes."
[Killzone’jaeden]: You *know* you want to.
[theLichKing]: FINE. Just to make you guys stfu.
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***
[theLichKing]: At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: TMIgeddon
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***
[theLichKing]: OMG
[Killzone’jaeden]: OMFG
[Sindragosa1337]: z0mg
[Sindragosa1337]: 3pic
[Sindragosa1337]: 3p1c
[theLichKing]: *WRATH*
[Sindragosa1337]: Th1s 1s a gr34t day 1n h15t0ry
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey you should probably get that fixed by the way
[Sindragosa1337]: wh4t?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Whatever it is about your keyboard that's making you sound like a fucktard
[Killzone’jaeden]: By confusing Arabic numerals with the effing Roman alphabet.
[Sindragosa1337]: its called 1337
[Killzone’jaeden]: What a coincidence
[Killzone’jaeden]: One thousand, three hundred thirty-seven is the exact number of dumbass script kiddies I crushed into oblivion yesterday.
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *eyes LK uncertainly*
[theLichKing]: *eyes Kelthuzad uncertainly*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: We will never speak of it again.
[Sindragosa1337]: hey k3lly i have a ?
[theLichKing]: *sigh* To remove dwarf blood, soak in hydrogen peroxide then sacrifice a goat to Aule.
[Sindragosa1337]: 0h tnx
[Sindragosa1337]: but th4t wasnt my ? this tim3
[Sindragosa1337]: im just cur10us wh4t its lik3 to b3 a fightable b0ss
[Sindragosa1337]: im kind4 nerv0us
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok remember when you died
[Sindragosa1337]: um yah
[Kel’Thuz4d]: imagine that, eighty times a day
[Sindragosa1337]: 0uch
[Kel’Thuz4d]: actually its not so bad
[Kel’Thuz4d]: its fun when raids wipe
[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah and you can always tell which guilds are going to suck
[Killzone’jaeden]: Rule of Guild Names: The more awesome the guild name tries to sound, the more the guild sucks.
[Killzone’jaeden]: If I see, like, "Lords Of Chaos And Darkness"... done
[Killzone’jaeden]: "The Right Hand Of God"... they don't even make it through the instance
[Killzone’jaeden]: But if I ever see, like, "Ain't Misbehavin"
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm like SHIT
[Sindragosa1337]: XD
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey sindragosa have you seen anub'arak
[Sindragosa1337]: n0pe
[Sindragosa1337]: i think he h4s a l1vej0urnal though
[Sindragosa1337]: try se4rching the web
[Sindragosa1337]: haha get it "web"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: you cant be making fun of him just bc hes a spider
[Sindragosa1337]: y n0t?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: weve been over this...remember ur sensitivity training
[Sindragosa1337]: oh i am s3nsitive...dr4gons are a pr0ud peopl3 with a rich cultur4l heritage
[Sindragosa1337]: r4cism is a srs issue
[Sindragosa1337]: phylumism is just hil4rious
[Sindragosa1337]: "hey look at me im all cool, >8< spider pride"
[Sindragosa1337]: "oh no something larger than a golf ball"
[Sindragosa1337]: "eeek ~8~ spider squish"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: :-O
[theLichKing]: Hey show a little respect for diversity
[Sindragosa1337]: "hmmm a complex problem, let me solve it"
[Sindragosa1337]: "oh wait i dont have a prefrontal cortex"
[Sindragosa1337]: "guess ill just twitch like usual"
[Killzone’jaeden]: OMG
[Sindragosa1337]: wyrms before worms amirite
[theLichKing]: Not appropriate at all
[Kel’Thuz4d]: like seriously
[Killzone’jaeden]: We were just joking before.
[theLichKing]: The Scourge does not condone this sort of thing.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Or the Legion.
[theLichKing]: At all.
[Killzone’jaeden]: At all.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: dont hate
[theLichKing]: I'm out of here.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah me too.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: 4 reals
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***
***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***
[Sindragosa1337]: *looks around*
[Sindragosa1337]: Whose woods these are I think I know
[Sindragosa1337]: His house is
[Sindragosa1337]: Fuck it.
***User "Sindragosa1337" has left the chat.***

## Wednesday, March 25, 2009

### Scourge Chat Log #1

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***
[theLichKing]: Hey
[theLichKing]: Anyone there?
[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***
[theLichKing]: Hey man.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: my liege
[theLichKing]: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me
[Kel’Thuz4d]: anything my liege
[Kel’Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste
[Kel’Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory
[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?
[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: y?
[theLichKing]: It's really really cold in here.
[theLichKing]: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne
[theLichKing]: Right
[theLichKing]: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.
[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.
[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen
[Kel’Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power
[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?
[theLichKing]: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?
[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then
[Kel’Thuz4d]: like a ring?
[theLichKing]: A ring?
[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.
[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: so what then
[theLichKing]: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: armor?
[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.
[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor
[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?
[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.
[theLichKing]: I have skulls.
[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out
[theLichKing]: No!
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its cool
[theLichKing]: No, don't...
[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.
[theLichKing]: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times.
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be important.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all
[Killzone’jaeden]: Warmer?
[theLichKing]: No it's really not necessary sir
[Killzone’jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah
[theLichKing]: No
[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah he does
[theLichKing]: I really don't.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that
[Killzone’jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire
[Killzone’jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you
[Killzone’jaeden]: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and
[Killzone’jaeden]: OH WAIT
[Killzone’jaeden]: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE
[theLichKing]: So sorry sir
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around
[Kel’Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff
[Kel’Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war
[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn't mention that...
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh yes. The "Spider War."
[Killzone’jaeden]: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid
[Killzone’jaeden]: OF SPIDERS
[Killzone’jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Didn't take me ten years
[Killzone’jaeden]: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT
[theLichKing]: Yes sir
[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.
[theLichKing]: I'm on it.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this
[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here
[Kel’Thuz4d]: sure
[theLichKing]: NO! That's not necessary
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hold on I'll go get him.
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***
[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY
[theLichKing]: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??
[Kel’Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right
[theLichKing]: ...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: horde?
[theLichKing]: *headdesk*
***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***
[An00b’arak]: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat
[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup
[An00b’arak]: sup
[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup
[An00b’arak]: sup
[Kel’Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap
[An00b’arak]: what are yoooooou doing
[theLichKing]: GUYS
[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY
[An00b’arak]: whats his problem
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hes cold
[An00b’arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn
[An00b’arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy
[An00b’arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved
[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!
[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff
[An00b’arak]: what is that supposed to mean??
[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh
[An00b’arak]: oh i get it
[An00b’arak]: bc im an arachnid?????
[An00b’arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs
[An00b’arak]: racist
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no no no
[Kel’Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work
[An00b’arak]: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid
[An00b’arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am
[An00b’arak]: >8< spider pride
***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god
***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god
[An00b’arak]: im lodging a formal protest
[An00b’arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer
[An00b’arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race
[An00b’arak]: and species
[An00b’arak]: and phylum
[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset
[An00b’arak]: omg
[An00b’arak]: dont apologize for him arthas
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.
[theLichKing]: Aw hell.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Precisely.
[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine...
[An00b’arak]: kiljaeden??
[Killzone’jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord.
[An00b’arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece
[Killzone’jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!
[Killzone’jaeden]: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.
[An00b’arak]: no im serious this is a real issue
[Killzone’jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?
[An00b’arak]: phylum
[An00b’arak]: ism
[Killzone’jaeden]: You best start talking some English
[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?
[theLichKing]: Precisely.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Don't get cute.
[An00b’arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition
[Killzone’jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?
[An00b’arak]: i dont have 1
[Killzone’jaeden]: What?
[An00b’arak]: im an arachnid
[An00b’arak]: >8< spider power
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job?
[An00b’arak]: what
[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do.
[Killzone’jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs
[Killzone’jaeden]: And then you were like,
[Killzone’jaeden]: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!"
[Killzone’jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?
[theLichKing]: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before.
[Killzone’jaeden]: That you're an idiot?
[An00b’arak]: ur horrible
[An00b’arak]: ur a phylumist
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.
[An00b’arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist
[An00b’arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though
***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god
***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god
[Kel’Thuz4d]: go back to your hole
[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here
[Killzone’jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider
[An00b’arak]: p
[An00b’arak]: h
[An00b’arak]: y
[Kel’Thuz4d]: lolwut
[An00b’arak]: l
[An00b’arak]: u
[Killzone’jaeden]: Shut. Up.
[An00b’arak]: m
[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.
[An00b’arak]: i
***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***
***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***
[An00b’arak]: sts
***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: Finally
[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras
[theLichKing]: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no he wants armor
[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*
[theLichKing]: Of power.
[Killzone’jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.
[Killzone’jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: hey everyone ^_^
[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!
[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol :)
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: i hacked admin :)
***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.***
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol lol lol
[Killzone’jaeden]: TIE fighters
[theLichKing]: What?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Nothing. Can't you kick her out?
[theLichKing]: I just tried
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: admin guys lol
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: :) ^___^
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out
[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies lol
[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!
[Killzone’jaeden]: ROFLMAO
[Kel’Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude
[theLichKing]: This isn't funny!
[theLichKing]: i play with dolls
[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy
[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha
[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room
[Killzone’jaeden]: NO!
[Killzone’jaeden]: We're waiting for Sargeras!
[Killzone’jaeden]: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not going to confuse him
[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout
[Killzone’jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious
[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned
[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny"
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there
[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dont get it
[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb
[Killzone’jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.
[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh now she's doing it to me too
[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to put on women's clothes
[Killzone’jaeden]: and pretend im a woman
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***
[Killzone’jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty
[Killzone’jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess
[theLichKing]: Umm she's not here anymore
[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...
[theLichKing]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: heeeeeee~
[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux
[Kel’Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run
[Kel’Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz
[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss?
[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much
[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
[Kel’Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hold on afk
[theLichKing]: You have a cat?
[theLichKing]: Seriously?
[theLichKing]: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and ok
[Kel’Thuz4d]: two things
[Kel’Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome
[Kel’Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??
[Kel’Thuz4d]: "freaking skeleton lord"
[Killzone’jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean..."you people"
[Killzone’jaeden]: What do YOU mean, "you people"?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: hahahaha
[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie.
[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to poop
[theLichKing]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time
[theLichKing]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her
[Kel’Thuz4d]: "this time"?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes
[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?
[Killzone’jaeden]: No, of course not
[Kel’Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer
[Killzone’jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.
[Killzone’jaeden]: And skulls.
[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??
[Killzone’jaeden]: Wait what?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject
***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***
[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1
[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!
[Killzone’jaeden]: oh god
[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!
[theLichKing]: You actually said that already
[Killzone’jaeden]: He spelled it different though.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve
[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Killzone’jaeden]: Right
[Killzone’jaeden]: But what we're going for is
[theLichKing]: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this
[Killzone’jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint...
[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties
[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg
[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[theLichKing]: hahahahaha
[Kel’Thuz4d]: pwned
[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111
[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now
[theLichKing]: Rule 34
[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from
[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*
[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SARGERAS]: !
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*
[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok I'm done
[Killzone’jaeden]: F this
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm outta here
[Killzone’jaeden]: I hate Azeroth
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: aw dont go :)
***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: byeee~
[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11
[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one
[Kel’Thuz4d]: missed a t
[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah
[theLichKing]: So close
***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok im out too
[theLichKing]: Ugh fine
[theLichKing]: TTYL
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ttyl
***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***
[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.
[theLichKing]: The worst.
[theLichKing]: The worst.
[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done.
[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.
[theLichKing]: *wrath*
***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***
[SARGERAS]: *looks around*
[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?
[SARGERAS]: ...
[SARGERAS]: I have eaten
[SARGERAS]: the plums
[SARGERAS]: that were in
[SARGERAS]: the icebox
[SARGERAS]: and which
[SARGERAS]: you were probably
[SARGERAS]: saving
[SARGERAS]: for breakfast
[SARGERAS]: Forgive me
[SARGERAS]: they were delicious
[SARGERAS]: so sweet
[SARGERAS]: and so cold
[SARGERAS]: ;-)
***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***
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