Showing posts with label top ten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label top ten. Show all posts

## Monday, July 6, 2009

### Help me serve you better!

It's no secret that I don't generally get a lot of cooperation from the civilizations I obliterate. Razing cities is, by and large, a thankless task; I put in the hours, but does anyone appreciate my hard work? No! The indigenous peoples I encounter flee in terror, mount a resistance, or - in the best cases - sit around and watch apathetically. It's sad, really.
But with Earth, I have a chance to make things different. I have a voice here, and a following. With Earth, I have a chance to get something I've had precious little of so far: cooperation.
Top Ten Ways You Can Help Make Earth's Incineration a Little Easier For Me
10. Think green. Recycle! Drive a hybrid! Ride a bicycle! Anything you can do to clean up the planet makes it that much more fun for me when I destroy it. Nothing worse than swooping down to lay waste to a landscape that's already, well, wasted.
9. Leave the lights on. The brighter your little blue marble is, the easier it will be for me to find it in the vast darkness of space. Of course, these should be energy-efficient lights (see #10).
8. Spread the news. A surprised populace is a panicky populace. Tell your boss there's an "extended holiday" coming up. Give your aunt the news that you might not make the next family reunion. It's all about awareness. (Warning: this may require social interaction outside of Vent. Do your best!)
7. Get a Twitter account. I want there to be lots of happy little tweets when the sky starts turning red. "omg its teh apocalypse!" "RT All has become meaningless." "@CubsFan48 Can't make the game tomorrow, lol u can guess why"
6. Make cookies for me! Some people may assume that because I'm evil, I can't appreciate cookies. Well, that is hurtful stereotyping. The truth is, evil folks enjoy the warm gooey and/or crunchy goodness of cookies as much as anyone else, if not more! C'mon, guys. Help me feel like a giant burning deranged Santa Claus.
5. Buy my merchandise. How will purchasing my blatantly overpriced gear help me blow up your planet? Well, um. It's hard to explain! Actually, that's a good segue into my next point.
4. Don't question me. The last thing I need when the 'splosions get hot and heavy is for someone to decide their voice matters too. Look, let's be logical about this: if your voice mattered too, would I really be dropping a comet on it?
3. Arrange your bodies so that you spell out messages. I just think this would be fun. For me, I mean. Probably not so much for you.
2. Be my friend on Facebook. That way, when the end does come you'll get advance notice! My profile message will say "I think a little burnin' sounds Terra-iffic!" or something equally clever and informative. Plus, my Facebook page is now easier than ever to access: just go to facebook.com/cwsargeras!
1. Watch this video. Completely, utterly, and absolutely unrelated, but damn if it isn't funny!

## Wednesday, May 20, 2009

### Ask Sargeras! In which I reveal my personal soundtrack.

I'll start by drawing your attention to the poll in the upper right. Your feedback is appreciated!
Okay, moving on...
How does Blizz contact you to inform you of plot occurences or alterations they feel you should be aware of?
Do they send mail, or just whisper you?
Are there even Mailboxes in the void?
How do mail gnomes deliver mail to your hypothetical mailbox in the void?
~ Dazer (Nordrassil)
Michael Morhaime, the president of Blizzard, dons the Cloak of Rabelais at 3 AM, draws a pentagram on the eastern wall of his bedroom, and chants his message to me six times. Then he sprinkles hog's blood on his shoulders, dances about chortling like a jackal, and finally rends his garments and sprints nude across the vast meadows of his mansion, screaming "Alea iacta est!" to anyone who will listen. They find him three days later, working as a stable hand named Jose in a nearby ranch, and the process begins anew.
No, really.
Sometimes he e-mails me.
Dear Sargeras.
I have seen several people offering to be your left hand. I want to throw my name out there.
I, Sunetra the disgruntled Blood Knight can be your left hand, even if that includes Bum Scratching. I mean, bum scratching seems a small price to pay for getting to kill things right?
Salary Requirements: 1 Naaru to yank the light out like the good old days. I was so bummed when Kael'thas stole the last one, and then Lady Liadrin went all Hippie on me and wants us to use the light willingly. Tell me, Do you have tabs on where Kael'thas is? I mean, could you bring him back from the dead for me? I'm not done kicking his teeth down his throat.
Mission statement: Well, Currently it's: I want to smash things, Kill Yogg-Saron, Dance on his corpse in my twilight cultists outfit with my Skullflame shield and Quel blade screaming about how I will be the end of Azeroth.
Once I have done this, I will farm said boss until the next raid, where I will smash the raid, Dance on the corpse of the last boss in my twilight cultists outfit with my Skullflame shield and Quel blade screaming about how I will be the end of azeroth. I will continue to do this until I. Sunetra. The Blood Knight. Have sundered Azeroth and sit atop Hyjal and smell the decimation as it clings to my nostrils. Once I have re-created azeroth in my own vision, I will hop on a ship, fly to outer space, meet up with dr. weir, have my eyes removed and scream "DO YOU SEE!?" At Lawrence Fishburn until he blows me to hell.
It could easily be changed to: I want to smash worlds, kill beings, dance on their corpses in my Twilight Cultists outfit (it's quite roomy) with my Skullflame Shield and Quel Blade (think you could make it all... 'flamey' for me?) screaming about how the Burning Legion will be the end of everything. I will destroy worlds and dance like this until I. Sunetra. The Blood Knight. have sundered the Universe in the name of Sargeras and sit atop a piece of debris and smell the decimation as it clings to my nostrils. Once Sargeras has re-created the universe in his own vision, I will hop on a ship, fly to outer space, meet up with Dr. Weir have my eyes removed and scream "DO YOU SEE!" at Lawrence Fishburn until he blows us both back home.
Qualifications: I get the job done. You tell me to go kill something? I'm going to come back successful. The only thing to elude me was Killie, and that's because i didn't have enough time to get to him before I needed to move on and kill some scourge. (I'm a paladin. They said scourge, and I said I'm SOOOO fracking there).
Thanks for your consideration,
One angry Blood Knight.
No.
Greetings. First off I concur with you abandoning the titans and going off on a rampage on your own. They can be lousy employers, for sure. But also,
wat r ur keybinds n macrows dude? i mean i cna use my own but u do liek craizy damage an its hawd dpsing sometimse so i thout i shud ask!
My thoughts go out to you, hopefully Azeroth shall crumble in due time.
Sincerely, bored dude. :)
Thanks for the question! However, I must sadly repeat what I have said before - neither I nor my webservant actually play WoW, so I must confess I am quite ignorant in these matters. I'll get back to you when I know more of macros than a novice in a nunnery.
Dear High Lord of Terrorness,
you are so cool (well, not literally) we named our server after you. It runs under linux and we decided to use it as a file server for our cat content (photos etc).
In the last few days I wondered which superuser you'd prefer? And is "kill all humans" a good password, or is that too short-sighted?
greetings
a mortal
Can't say I know much about Linux, as I run Windows Vista at home (spare me the comments - I am evil, you know). As far as logins, though, I've always been partial to "Sargerat0r" as a user name, or perhaps "MakingLightOfDark" if you don't mind a little extra typing. If all else fails, a simple "SARGERAS" works nicely.
For a password, yes, I must say that "kill all humans" is a bit myopic. Why leave out the dragons, or those delicious elves? Besides, a password should be something hard to guess. Why not "LaughingBunny" or "LavenderHyacinth"? Or, for added security, you could use something I haven't posted on the web for thousands of people to read. ;-)
Oh great and mighty lord of darkness and destruction,
I was listening to a song (Titan, by Brave Saint Saturn) and it occurred to me to wonder whether you have any song(s) that you like to crank up whilst going about the business of decimating worlds and destroying solar systems. What are they? And what sort of music-playing devices are there to be had in the Twisting Nether?
Hoping you don’t destroy me before I find out the answer!
Alastriona
Azuremyst-US
Excellent question. My top ten world-destroying songs appear below.
1. We Will Rock You (Queen)
2. Summer Overture (Requiem For a Dream soundtrack)
3. Breaking the Habit (Linkin Park)
4. Liberi Fatali (Nobuo Uematsu)
5. Hymn to Red October (Basil Poledouris)
6. I'm Henry the Eighth I Am (Herman's Hermits)
7. Neodammerung (Matrix Revolutions soundtrack)
8. Rockstar (Nickelback)
9. Second Movement, Symphony No. 7 (Ludwig van Beethoven)
10. What a Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
As to how I play them, I, uh, put them on my iPod. ;-)
Have a question for Sargeras? Send it in! I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
LOBSMAARP: 97%

## Friday, April 10, 2009

### Top ten things to do as I'm destroying Earth

10. Roast marshmallows by holding them up to the sky.
9. Make out.
8. Rock out.
7. Watch Requiem for a Dream.
6. Go up to the guys with "End Is Near" signs and yell, "No shit!"
5. Run Molten Core with your Level 80.
4. Create and consume THE BURNING LEGION SUPER SPICY ULTIMATE MEATLOAF.
3. Call your friends and be like "Hey what do you want to do tomorrow oh wait"
2. Post on Twitter. "sky is turning red" "ground is shaking" "I'm fixing myself a sandwich"
...and the number one thing to do as I'm destroying the Earth:
1. Keep hitting Refresh on this blog because I'll be giving you an up-to-the-minute play-by-play!
Other ideas? Post 'em in the comments! Have a great Easter weekend, everybody!
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