Annotations for Cancer

Lyric: But counting down the days to go
 It just ain’t living
Annotation:
The context of this song very much leads to the notion that the protagonist is struggling with terminal cancer, whether it be references to a funeral or final goodbyes to family members. It’s possible they’re living in hospice, though the chemo mentioned in the previous line would be less to try and eliminate the cancer, and more just to ease the symptoms and decrease the amount of pain before the inevitable happens. Terminally ill cancer patients are shown to struggle with mental health and the will to live, but also with psychological affliction beyond depression. Some  scholarly articles discuss delirium in terminal patients. This, and other examples of psychological struggle experienced by terminal patients, incredibly decreases the quality of life, even leading some to commit medically assisted suicide. Basically, it’s a rough, bleak reality.

Lyric: Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo
Annotation:
In the first part of the second verse, the Patient lets his inner anguish slip through, but by the end of the verse, he’s dismissed himself, saying he’s “just soggy from the chemo,” as if it, and not the tragic situation, is making him maudlin. Before he stops himself, the Patient lets slip this unusually forthright lyric which directly expresses the “agony” of his suffering instead of carefully alluding to it through his description of his situation. It’s also a very short line that encompasses all of the Patient’s physical and psychological pain in the face of his illness. The depth of that pain is shoved into one word so as not to unduly tax his loved ones who are listening closely. His affected dismissiveness quickly takes over again.

Lyric: Now turn away
 ’Cause I’m awful just to see
 ’Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body
Annotation:
It is at this point that we get a much stronger sense that the narrator is dead serious when he says to “turn away.” This isn’t a suggestion. The main character in the song, known as the Patient, is going through chemotherapy for their cancer. This treatment targets fast-dividing cells in the body in an attempt to stop the mutated cancer cells from spreading, but the process also damages  hair follicles and the digestive tract. These side effects lead to the archetypical image of the bald and emaciated cancer patient. The Patient is featured on the album cover, quite noticeably without hair.  The main feeling the song exudes is that he doesn’t want to be seen by, or kiss, his loved ones. He’s become alien to himself and is self-conscious, but more importantly, he doesn’t want to inflict himself and his suffering on others.

Lyric: ’Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
Annotation:
This line arguably reflects  the most selfless expression we have seen from the Patient. He’s dying, losing everything he has ever gained and accomplished in life, and he finds it hardest to leave his friends mourning as he goes. The Patient values his brothers and sisters (presumably his loved ones) over himself given the self-loathing expressed throughout  The Black Parade.

Lyric: Oh, my agony
 Know that I will never marry
Annotation:
The Patient is in a state of despair and, like he says, agony. Seeing as he doesn’t have much time left, he knows he will never get to experience the rest of the life he should have had. He is nearing death, and it pains him.  The line, by itself, implies that the patient hasn’t been married, but has a partner.  Knowing this, we can take away that the patient had a whole life ahead of him full of plans, but lost all of that to a brutal disease. This line extends a hand out to the listener to help them understand how tragic the situation actually is, as the patient desperately searches for empathy from the listener. Something similar can be seen in My Chem’s  previous albums, where the protagonist of the album will never be with his lover.

Lyric: And I just hope you know
Annotation:
The Patient (or Gerard Way) is expressing his idea that surviving is not the same as living. This is a common idea, especially in the media culture surrounding disease – that you can survive, and have a pulse and heartbeat, but it’s not the same as experiencing new things and having a decent quality of life – commonly described as ‘living’.

Lyric: Call my Aunt Marie
 Help her gather all my things
Annotation:
Although the narrator is still alive, he talks about himself as if he is dead.  This alludes to the idea that the narrator has been metaphorically dead for quite some time, his spirit broken long ago. The patient requests his Aunt over his mother, reflecting the conflicts between the Patient and his mother in  “Mama,” another song on  The Black Parade concept album. “Aunt Marie” is more than likely an ironic reference to  Marie Curie, who pioneered research in radioactivity and died of the cancer which resulted from her dangerous work. Ultimately, her research has helped to develop treatments for the disease she died from, and organizations like the  Marie Curie Cancer Foundation work to develop better treatments and cures.

Lyric: Turn away
Annotation:
This could be interpreted two ways: He doesn’t want to be seen, since he views himself as hideous, which he explains  later in the song, describing his body as having no hair left on it. Since he has to leave this person, he doesn’t want them to remember him that way. Because of his appearance, he wants this person to turn away, in the sense of not being in his life anymore. He is ashamed of how he looks.

Lyric: That if you say (If you say)
 Goodbye today (Goodbye today)
 I’d ask you to be true (I’d ask you to be true)
Annotation:
If she says goodbye to him, he wants her to be sincere because he doesn’t want to die without giving her closure and a proper goodbye. This can also be seen as The Patient making a plea with his loved ones not to give a big, dramatic goodbye every time they leave after the visiting hours. He asks that they only say goodbye when it really does mean goodbye. This way, it will be  true that he is really dying, and the farewell will be sincere.

Lyric: If you could, get me a drink
 Of water ’cause my lips are chapped and faded
Annotation:
On the basic level, this could suggest that Way needs hydration, which is very important to cancer patients, because dehydration is a  side effect of the cancer.  However, this could be taken further and interpreted as The Patient asking a small favor of his loved ones. With cancer, even though family and friends want to help however they can, there is a limited amount that people can do. He likely also wants to give them the comfort of being “useful,” and help them avoid thoughts like “I could have done more” after his death.

Lyric: And bury me in all my favorite colors
Annotation:
He begins to plan his own funeral. He asks his family to gather his things and bury him in a way that shows how he used to look when he was “alive.” He sings as if he is simultaneously alive and dead—only living for the purpose of dying. He wants people who go to his funeral to remember what he was like before his diagnosis. This may be another moment of wry humor, as most people (especially men) are buried in black clothing.  Furthermore, My Chemical Romance have another song called  “Bury Me In Black.” This would coincide with the Patient’s dark outlook throughout  The Black Parade. Being buried in colors usually refers to being buried in a national flag; this could range from a veteran being buried in his national flag, or a member of the Black Parade being buried in that banner.

Lyric: My sisters and my brothers, still
 I will not kiss you
Annotation:
Even though cancer is not passable like a common cold, he still will not kiss anyone as he is ashamed of his weak state and considers himself to be somewhat pathetic.  While the narrator acknowledges his affection for those who care about him, he rejects their love for him. This rejection of that which makes him happy most likely stems from his knowledge that he is going to die soon. Indulging in the happy things makes it harder for him to leave them behind.

