2021-11-16 7:06:23 ¶ ●

You cannot know how much I want the later archive crew to apologize, be friends, and live together. I run apology scenes through my head every day. They sit on Jon’s couch and talk. Jon reads them nice stories in his soothing voice. They have movie night. Jon and Melanie bicker about everything and roast each other in a completely friendly way. Martin and Georgie fondly gossip about Jon. (Meaning they just go “the man forgot his tea until it was freezing cold. For six weeks straight. I love him so much.”)

2021-11-16 3:03:21 ¶ ●

The Magnus Archives is a horror anthology podcast and as such may be somewhere, farther north than you remember. Welcome to Night Vale.

2021-11-15 7:57:00 ¶ ●

I think the headcanon that Jon specifically doesn’t like Keats is a fanon thing (correct me if not), but there could be a good reason for that.

I mean, look at the way he writes:

“Bright star! would I were stedfast as thou art—
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,” (from the eponymous poem)

Keats uses really high language (also this is from 200 years ago, but still. You can read Jane Austen easier than this.) Jon is obviously smart enough to parse this out, but he does not have the longest attention span. He doesn’t want to take the time to parse out what Keats is saying, thank you very much. It’s not worth it to him.

2021-11-15 7:51:43 ¶ ●

Headcanon that Jon will try any media once.

This is somewhat surprising if you don’t know him too well, as that is not the case for surprise adventures (he needs to mentally prepare) or food, or most things.

But media? He’s up for trying it. He might absolutely hate it and rant about it for days, but he’ll try it.

2021-11-15 6:40:08 ¶ ●

Does anyone else think the spider in the spider play domain is Mr. Spider?

2021-11-13 22:41:13 ¶ ●

I’m bummed Jon and Basira never got to be friends because Basira actually thought Jon was funny. Imagine how happy Jon would be to hear that. Even Martin didn’t think he was funny until Jon figured out what humor he likes. But Basira likes his humor.

Now that I think of it, so does Daisy. Her attempt at humor (joking deadpan that she was going to kill someone) kind of hit too close to home for Jon, but still. It’s deadpan humor. Jon makes a joke about the worst thing about her job as a cop being the police brutality, and Daisy actually laughs.

2021-11-13 9:31:41 ¶ ●

I’m bummed the MAG 160 ritual isn’t technically the Watcher’s Crown only because crown is corona in Spanish.

2021-11-12 21:43:17 ¶ ●

ohhhhh it’s Mr. Spider wants more because the Web also presides over addiction

2021-11-12 21:20:07 ¶ ●

I saw a couple posts that said they were underwhelmed by the line ‘the moment you die will feel exactly the same as this one’, that it didn’t scare them—after all, if you’re feeling neutral, that’s not a bad thing to feel as you die. (Although Georgie was probably scared at the time.)

But that’s the point. It’s not supposed to scare you; it’s supposed to give you an existential crisis. (Which is what happens to Georgie.)

The moment you die will feel exactly the same as this one. As any other moment. You won’t go out in a blaze of glory. Your life won’t be a grand romantic tragedy. No, it will feel like any other moment of your life. You will be, and then you simply won’t be. Your death could come at any moment without you knowing. You will never know beforehand that you will die. But it will come. At some moment in the future. And you do know that.

2021-11-12 5:50:07 ¶ ●

“SASHA

I’ve just heard it more often as “ka-lee-o-pee”.” (MAG 24)

I can find no dictionary that has that pronunciation attested. It’s either ka-LIE-o-pee or KA-lee-ope. Sasha, what are you on about?

Maybe this foreshadows her being taken by the Stranger, I don’t know. /j, that doesn’t really make sense

Edit: I would guess she’s read the word if she didn’t say she’d heard it. It kind of seems like how you might pronounce it if you thought it was from Latin. The stress is, apparently, correct that way (ka-lee-O-pee). So I would think she read it as a kid and pronounced it wrong; it’s how I would’ve pronounced it anyway.

2021-11-12 5:43:28 ¶ ●

“I’ve only found one reference to any ‘Johann von Württemberg’ in any of the German history reference material we have available.” (MAG 23)

This implies that Jon went through all these books by hand. (There probably weren’t that many, but still.) I’m impressed at his dedication. I suppose he’s used to it from research, but dang.

2021-11-12 4:47:59 ¶ ●

“I’m reminded of a somewhat tasteless joke about loose tongues.” (MAG 14) Context: After the statement of Lee Rentoul (‘Piecemeal’), where he lost body parts (the jigsaw lady one). He got a tongue in the mail and that’s how he knows he’s going to lose his tongue next. Then he got in a fight with Institute staff and is implied to have lost his tongue.

What’s the joke?

Edit: the joke is the word 'tasteless’. That is right up Jon’s alley, self-referential puns so subtle you miss them.

Edit edit: hold on a minute, the way he phrases the joke seems unique. It’s somewhat possible he made that up on the spot.

2021-11-12 4:01:20 ¶ ●

How did Jon already know that Jane Prentiss was to be looked out for/even maybe supernatural, even as early as MAG 6? Did he read about her while in research?

2021-11-12 0:55:06 ¶ ●

The next three chapters of The Library of Alexandria are up!

Actually, it’s all of the ones I had already written. Feel free to binge it.

2021-11-11 23:20:39 ¶ ●

You know what, actually? I’m going to go ahead and give Jon kudos for being skeptical in Season 1. (I use ‘skeptical’ to mean 'cautious’, not 'indiscriminately disbelieving of the supernatural’.)

He’s a millennial, even if he may not look like it. He grew up with the Internet and all the misinformation on it. If history proceeded exactly as normal, Trump would’ve been president in 2018. And I know Jon’s in England, but dear god if that didn’t usher in a new era of misinformation on the Internet. And in general.

When he gets some random story about a ghost, he errs on the side of caution. Natural explanations are the norm even in the world of TMA. He doesn’t just believe everything he reads; he applies critical thinking. (With a side of denial, yes. But if he didn’t have a supernatural encounter, I’m sure he would treat the statements exactly the same.)

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And more often than not, he doesn’t get extraordinary evidence. He still has his assistants follow up, though! (If he didn’t actually believe in the supernatural at all, indiscriminately, he probably wouldn’t follow up. But he does. Because maybe it is supernatural. It’s just unlikely.)

So good job, Jon.

2021-11-11 22:55:19 ¶ ●

I know trying to put everything into Smirke’s 14 is doomed to fail but darn if it isn’t fun.

2021-11-11 7:00:04 ¶ ●

Show Chapter | Archive of Our Own

All right, I’m finally posting that fic I have hinted about. It’s a time-travel fix-it fic. It’s long but hopefully good.

2021-11-09 6:15:56 ¶ ●

Jon really catalyzed the apocalypse out of his own kindness, didn’t he? Instead of a fatal flaw, it’s a fatal virtue.

2021-11-09 5:17:59 ¶ ●

How would Jon and Martin have gotten Somewhere Else? Wouldn’t they have needed to be at the gap in reality and jump in?

Also, if the fears went into the tapes, wouldn’t someone need to untie the tapes and let them fall through? Did Annabelle go and do that? What if she didn’t? (Wait, if the first sentence is true, she must’ve; never mind.)

2021-11-09 4:19:25 ¶ ●

It is funny that, just in the normal aspects of their job, the archive crew have it really good. They get good pay doing white-collar work and so what if they can’t leave? If it were a normal job, they probably wouldn’t want to. And their boss would quite literally die for them, which is not a thing. Except with Jon, that is.

2021-11-09 3:52:53 ¶ ●

I have to know now, is there a John in 13 Storeys?

Edit: There is not. Darn it.

2021-11-09 3:51:52 ¶ ●

On a lighter note, I also love when Jon gets Jonny’s inability to name his character something that’s not his own name.

2021-11-09 3:48:50 ¶ ●

I love it when there’s a time travel fix-it fic, and they try to fix things, and it still doesn’t work. Helen still gets eaten, or Prentiss still attacks and gives Jon scars, or whatever.

It is inevitable. It’s like…trying to escape a prophecy, I guess. It’s like ‘it’s a sad song but we sing it anyway’, but in-universe.

And the fact that we’re writing this. We know how to fix it. But we write these characters, and we don’t let them fix it.

Wait—I thought of how it’s even better. It’s often described that writers (and a lot of artists) 'find’ their stories, they don’t create them. The idea comes into their head, the writers write, and the characters do what they will. So you let your characters do what they want, but if they come close to fixing it, you don’t let them.

We become the Web. We give the characters the illusion of control, but then everything happens anyway. Even when they know what’s coming, it still comes. And in-universe, you could say the Web did it. But we made it so.

2021-11-09 3:10:52 ¶ ●

Ooh, I just thought of this: I wonder if the reason the coffin sings in the rain is to draw you into being a Buried avatar? Like how the worms sing to Prentiss. The coffin sings to Joshua Gillespie. Only he was very not-Buried aligned.

2021-11-08 5:34:39 ¶ ●

So Jon likely joined the Magnus Institute to find out what exactly happened with Mr. Spider. But we don’t really…ever find out? I mean, all we know is why Leitner’s name is on there (and who he is) and that it’s affiliated with the Web. But that doesn’t really tell us anything. I mean, Jon already knew it was a cursed spidery book. We don’t really get that much further into the details. (Not that we do with most of the monsters or artifacts.)

2021-11-07 5:57:51 ¶ ●

I had this scene pop into my head fully formed like a reverse Athena, so here you go. (It’s probably Season 5, but ???)

“Listen to me, Martin,” says Jon, kneeling beside Martin. “Nothing will hurt you. I’ll make sure of it, I promise.” Martin stays curled up in a ball and does not look up from where his face is stuffed in his knees. Jon reaches out a tentative hand to touch Martin’s knee.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” says Martin, bitterly, oh so bitterly. Jon stops where he’d been stroking Martin’s knee slowly. He reaches out to touch Martin’s jaw, the side of his face, and gently guides his face upwards to look at him. All his eyes are closed now, and even his normal ones are brown again, only slightly flecked with green.

“I don’t,” Jon says.

2021-11-07 5:22:18 ¶ ●

I am once again asking for help finding a fic, for someone else this time.

via @trash-capable-of-sentience: “it’s incomplete, i think it’s over 40000 words, future jarchivist is an eldritch eye monster covered with skin, he hates his younger self, he and future martin are monster hunters that do monster hunting in return for stories and i think the latest update had A Cliffhanger”

tagging them so they can find it in the notes if someone finds it

Edit: They found it! https://archiveofourown.org/works/25828009/chapters/62744380

2021-11-07 3:20:13 ¶ ●

Wait, given that Georgie has no fear, would she startle when surprised?

Edit: it appears that it’s a reflex to startle/jump at a loud sound. Does this help, that it’s a reflex?

I feel like we need more info on this. Does she have a fight-or-flight response? Like, what does she do in acute stress (the other name for fight-or-flight is acute stress reaction)?

I need to take, like, a psychology course about this. Actually, you know what, that might be fun.

2021-11-06 22:48:57 ¶ ●

“As far as I could recall I had never seen Jared read… well, anything, really.” (MAG 17)

I don’t remember seeing a single ‘Jared, 19’ joke based on this line. At first I was surprised.

But to be fair I wasn’t around (the podcast, I was alive) for MAG 17 (wasn’t even around for the finale, technically), and perhaps it had gotten old after five years.

2021-11-06 22:02:45 ¶ ●

This might be the answer to my last post, but I feel like the one thing Jon will actually get angry about and not forgive or move on from is if you don’t feel remorse for the bad things you did. If you openly say, ‘yeah I like torturing people’. Like the Not!Them or Jude or Jared. They’re just like 'yeah it’s fun I like it and you’re all pathetic’.

2021-11-06 21:57:34 ¶ ●

I was relistening to Fire Escape, and it seems to frame Jon smiting Jude as revenge. But that seems very out-of-character for Jon. More likely, he’d just avoid her. He certainly wouldn’t go and kill her on purpose.

I think that he’s doing it partly because he thinks Martin would want him to. If it makes Martin happy, Jon supposes he’ll do it.

“ARCHIVIST

So why did you do it?

JUDE

Why d’you think? Because I wanted to hurt you.

[Martin coughs.]

JUDE

Because you were annoying and I didn’t like you, so I hurt you.”

Jon’s asking why, seeing if Jude feels sorry for burning him, for hurting her victims. But she doesn’t care. She likes it.

She does apologize under some duress. But then:

“JUDE

If I’d known, would I still have marked you? Yes. I would. I’m… happy in this world. I belong here.”

I don’t know, I just can’t see Jon taking revenge on people. And then this:

“MARTIN

The fires are still here. Doesn’t look like much has changed.

ARCHIVIST

No. I suppose not.” Martin wanted to see if that would change things, but it didn’t. I don’t know, but I feel like he’s doing this for Martin and definitely not for revenge.

I guess I’m just very confused. Because even Jon names it as revenge. But that just…???

2021-11-06 21:11:44 ¶ ●

You know how the Head Archivist for the Pu Songling Institute calls Jon the architect? I thought of a funny in-universe explanation.

Jonah is talking to her for some reason, and he says ‘Ah, yes, my archivist will be the architect of the new world’ and she thinks that Jonah (because he’d want to seem better than everyone else) instead of calling Jon an archivist, actually calls him an architect.

The Eye translates the word correctly for Jon. He’s confused, but he doesn’t mind because at least he’s not called the Archivist again.

2021-11-06 3:16:28 ¶ ●

There was a post about how there are so many quotes in TMA that it’s really hard to explain why they’re so good. Some even seem mundane without the context. (Now, I see you./That’s. Not. Funny./Perhaps I have never even seen a beach. etc.)

But really, the epitome of that criterion (meaningless/mundane without context) would have to be

Statement begins.

and

Statement ends.

2021-11-06 1:57:54 ¶ ●

Even though Sasha James’s name is pronounced Sasha with the a in trap and not the a in father, I still pronounce it the other way in my head. I guess that’s the way I originally thought it was pronounced. It’s just funny since she got taken by the Stranger, and I’m pronouncing her name the wrong way.

2021-11-05 23:16:14 ¶ ●

I have the headcanon that if Jon still has his powers Somewhere Else (this is already a headcanon in of itself, but bear with me), he learns to soften them in a way.

So if there’s something someone half wants to say, like they don’t want to say it but they need to, he can be like ‘do you want to talk about it?’ and it’ll come out easier. He gives them the choice, not compelling but just making it easier for them to talk about something. Using the Eye as something that eases instead of pulls.

2021-11-05 22:40:10 ¶ ●

I wonder how Jon’s throat never got sore from reading all those statements. I mean, I think he eventually stopped recording fake statements, but still. I suppose it was a) the Beholding and b) Martin’s tea.

2021-11-05 6:31:03 ¶ ●

Hey, for everyone that’s sad about the TMA feed ending:

The static is pretty loud, sorry about that.

[Transcript:

audio from MAG 197. Static, then Jon: ‘It’s okay’.

end transcript.]

2021-11-05 5:15:37 ¶ ●

The last time we hear Jon, the Archivist, in our timeline, is not MAG 200 but in one of Martin’s poem readings when he is in the background.

Jon’s last words, relative to us, are “Martin?”

2021-11-05 3:53:14 ¶ ●

So I was going on in the notes of someone else’s post that said to think of cursed ideas for the ‘future plans’ with TMA that Jonny told us about. And I thought of the cursedly cast TMA movie and moved my thoughts to my own post because it was a lot. (Sorry. Also, in advance, I a) don’t know very many British actors as I’m American, and b) know mostly actors from the MCU.)

Jon—Benedict Cumberbatch. (Playing just Sherlock again, obviously. *rolls eyes* and my OG idea was Chris Hemsworth)

Martin—Martin Freeman. (hee hee, but the OG option I thought of was Tom Holland. This is more cursed)

Tim—Will Smith.

Sasha—Zendaya.

Elias—Johnny Depp. (I am thinking of Willy Wonka and not PotC. Don’t ask. It might not be that cursed.)

Gertrude and Leitner are Meryl Streep and David Attenborough. I don’t really know that many older actors, like old old not Johnny Depp old, so this isn’t that cursed. Please put your suggestions in the suggestion box (the comments).

Basira—Zoe Seldaña. (Gamora in the MCU; the main alien lady in Avatar.)

Daisy—Gwyneth Paltrow.

Melanie—Reese Witherspoon. (I’m thinking of Legally Blonde.)

Georgie—Oprah. (I realize there’s a 22 year age gap between her and Cucumberman. It’s cursed. Also—Oprah is 67!)

Nikola—Jess Law. (She’s so cursed she uncursed her own role and she’s played by Jess Law.)

Helen the Distortion—Scarlett Johanssen.

Michael the Distortion—Chris Pratt.

2021-11-05 3:19:57 ¶ ●

I thought today would be a good day to tell everyone how TMA, a horror podcast, made me less afraid. (I have to feed the Beholding somehow, don’t I? Wait, that might not feed the Beholding…never mind. I do feel like I"m going to launch into a statement.)

Ever since I was little, I was afraid of going to sleep because it felt like I was going to die. (I’’d try to draw from the canon statements here to explain, but even ‘Roots’ doesn’t really cover it. We’ll leave it there. No reason to actually go into a statement.)

Anyway, you can plainly see what entity that falls into, right? The End, for both death and dreams—so, sleep. And that helped me think about my fear. I wrote a 'statement’ about it, actually, to do that. Having it written down makes it seem smaller, more manageable.

Honestly, by the time I started listening to TMA, I was close to getting over the fear, but not quite. I like to think being able to say, 'well, the End must have marked me’, to pretend that, helped a little. I think it did. (This seems cheesy to write down, like it’s kind of dumb or something. But I don’t really think it is.)

So, thanks, Jonny and Alex. I bet you never thought your horror podcast would take away someone’s fear. (I’m reminded of that shirt comic meme where it’s like no fear -> one fear, but it’s one fear -> TMA -> no fear.)

2021-11-05 3:07:55 ¶ ●

No disrespect to the bonus statement today, but I thought the train monster sounding like a train was actually kind of funny. Like, something opens its mouth and instead of growling it’s like ‘choo choo!’

2021-11-05 1:35:20 ¶ ●

I have the bad feeling that Jonny and Alex saying bye *for now* is like Jon telling Martin they’d end up Somewhere Else…to

2021-11-04 19:49:57 ¶ ●

I also wonder what the future Magnus things will be. I guess I’ll have to put that out of my mind and be pleasantly surprised when new things pop up on the feed.

It’ll be crazy especially for people who have been listening since the beginning. Every week, on Thursday, (almost?) without fail, for six and a half years, the Magnus feed has updated. Now, it will not.

2021-11-04 19:47:15 ¶ ●

It was so nice to have Jonny read this statement because there were so many people I couldn’t understand this time (this batch of fanon statements). And then we have Jonny. My ears literally relaxed upon hearing him narrate.

2021-11-04 19:45:27 ¶ ●

What do you guys think the entity for this bonus statement would be? (I realize that they’re noncanon so this doesn’t work as well, and that this doesn’t even work well for canon statements, but still)

I feel like Buried because a) there is digging involved, b) the statement giver’s actions remind me of Karolina’s, how she’s just like ‘okay might as well’, c) trains again, like Karolina’s statement, and d) while things being inevitable is just kind of an eldritch horror thing, feeling like you can’t do anything but wait and let the consequences fall upon you is a Buried thing (rather like Karolina’s statement).

And e) while these are not the best reasons, I’m not sure of a better candidate.

2021-11-04 18:20:47 ¶ ●

The last episode… it’s so sad… the last announcement…

Also I was hoping Jonny would narrate the last rusty fears and he did so there’s that.

But it’s the end :(

For now? I guess? But still I’m very sad

Not the theme song one more time I’m crying

Everyone else is focusing on November 5 while November 4 is sadder for tma fans

2021-11-04 6:55:43 ¶ ●

Interviewer: So, how did you get out of the Unknowing?

Jon: I, uh…well, Elias told me I had to use my Eye powers, so I just… squinted until I could tell that everyone was actually just mannequins.

Daisy: Killed everything that moved. Including that stupid coffin lid. Yes, I realize I moved the lid to get in. Don’t ask me any more questions.

Basira: Eh, I saw a bunch of crazy mannequins. Been there, done that. I got bored and walked out.

Bonus, Tim: Honestly, my life was already that chaotic. Fitting that my death should be too.

Interviewer: How would you have gotten out of the Unknowing?

Bonus, Melanie: Mmm. I’ve stabbed ghosts. Mannequins can’t be that different, right? At least they’ve got bodies to stab.

Bonus, Martin: I, uh, think I would’ve just burned the place down. I’m not letting some creepy clown murder me; I’m just going to set fire to the place and leave.

2021-11-04 6:28:21 ¶ ●

Basira in the Unknowing: Well, if everything is confusing and illogical, than logic will defeat it, so I’m going to reason my way out of it. It makes sense that that wouldn’t work here, as this is a place where reason doesn’t work; therefore, since that makes sense, that will not happen, and I’ll be able to escape using reason.

Nikola: You Have Managed To Confuse Even Me! I Will Let You Go Out Of Sheer Terror!

2021-11-03 7:11:59 ¶ ●

Continuing with the ‘Jon vs the sun’ posts:

Jon, in the safehouse: Wait a minute.

Martin: What?

Jon: *runs outside* *stares at sun* Ha! I can look at the sun all I want now, Mr. Richardson!

Martin: … Mr. Richardson?

Jon: Hmm? Oh. My third grade teacher. He warned me against looking directly at the sun. However, now that I’m an Eye avatar, my eyes cannot be damaged.

Martin: Huh. Okay then. Have fun…?

Jon, sincerely: I will.

2021-11-03 0:22:52 ¶ ●

Pretty sure Jon would be the type of kid to, upon someone telling him not to look directly at the sun, look directly at the sun. He also went and looked at the Dark Sun.

So, now I’m imagining:

Martin, to their adopted kid Somewhere Else: Don’t look directly into the sun!

Jon: Oh, it’s fine. I’ve looked into suns before and I was fine! One time the sun exploded.

Kid: Cool!