2021-10-19 5:06:44 ¶ ●

You know what? I will get myself started on Season 5. (this refers to the post I made about Jon’s trauma being too much for anyone to go through and still be functioning)

“ARCHIVIST

It’s so – (shaky breath) It’s so… loud, out there? The agony, the, the terror, I can see it all so much more clearly.” (MAG 161)

I don’t know that we get exact clues, but apparently he’s seeing all the fear. All the time. He can See everything now. Literally all the time.

I’m not sure I can truly encapsulate that any more than he does. The absolute terror of billions. That one statement that felt like Jonny personally reached into your psyche, but even worse and for billions of people. Over and over again. In all different ways. Forever.

I have to assume he figured out a way to shut out a lot of it, since he’s not just shivering in a corner crying the entire season. But still. How does he even…the mental fortitude to shut that fear out and to withstand all the terror that he does feel. An unyielding wave of it. How does he not drown?

Edit, slightly later: Wait, crap, that’s like, none of Season 5.

Going through all those domain statements was honestly probably like living them. We can only imagine it. Knowledge beyond all knowledge didn’t help with that. And yet it may have been a relief to feel a few people’s fear instead of billions.

Having Daisy hurt him (again! after he said Daisy almost killing him made him the most scared he’s ever felt! which. holy heck. This was by MAG 180-ish. This was while they were walking through hell that he said that.). Having her not recognize him, after they understood each other’s hunger and grief.

Being told his entire life was planned and puppetted out for him, after the whole thing with Mr. Spider. Seeing a giant spider monster, too, for heaven’s sake. Jumping down that ladder and feeling the Vast again, falling forever like what Mike Crew did to him. Being at Salesa’s house, dazed and confused, with Annabelle around, and Martin laughing at him for some reason.

And, especially if he did make it somewhere else, being stabbed by his boyfriend. Because, while it was willing, it was still being stabbed by his boyfriend.

Feel free to add more to this very depressing list of ‘Everything Bad That Happened To Jon, The Protagonist Of A Horror Tragedy, Which Is Almost Everything’.