2021-09-20 1:28:03 ¶ ●

Jon: “No-one ever believes me when I tell them my age. I don’t know if it’s the already greying hair or something in my demeanour, but they always act surprised when I mention being a child in the Nineties.” (MAG 81)

1995:

An Adult: How old are you?

Jon, 8: *stares off into distance* ‘old enough to have seen horrors beyond your comprehension’ *continues staring*

An Adult: *slowly backs away*

2005:

Georgie: What’s your favorite band?

Jon: *has only listened to his grandmother’s records*…Glenn Miller. I mean, if you want a band, probably…the Andrews Sisters. *tries to think frantically of a normal band* Oh, and the Spice Girls!

Narrator: Jon did not know that the Spice Girls broke up in 2000. Technically, neither did the author until now.

Georgie: …how are you 18?

2013:

Tim: Jon, I need your password. What year were you born, 1964?

Jon: *as dry as humanly possible* 1987.

Tim: Wait, what? So, you’re like…25?

Jon: *sighs* I try not to think about it.

About six months after October 18, 2018:

Jon: Annabelle, did you have anything to do with Mr. Spider?

Annabelle: Perhaps. Wait, what? How could I? Wouldn’t that have been before I was born?

Jon: …no. It was in 1995. Are you less than 23 years old?

Annabelle: Wait.

Jon: …What?

Annabelle: Wait a minute. Are you saying you were a kid in the nineties?

Jon: …good lord.

Annabelle: You’re a MILLENNIAL? *starts laughing*

Jon: *sighs* I’m too old for this, millennialism or no.