August 2021

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Martin says something about how he and Jon would have never fallen in love if they hadn’t gone through what they had. And Jon is stricken. 

But then…then the Eye shows him a thousand thousand universes and a thousand thousand Jons and a thousand thousand Martins. In one Jon works in a library and in another Martin works in a bakery. Or vice versa. Maybe they work in a coffee shop, or Jon is a frequent patron of a coffee shop. Maybe they are old and have adopted a daughter. 

They are monsters and selkies and in a thousand worlds dreamt up by authors: woven into works of Tolkien and L. M. Montgomery and a steady stream of Keats tying them together. In old, old fables made new or in new settings made old. 

They are in so many different worlds, and they are always, always in love. 

Jon cannot believe the Beholding would give him something so glorious and hopeful. 

Oh. There it is. The thing that will make him terrified and miserable. 

They will never have that, he Knows. 

He does not say any of this to Martin. 

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Me: what’s the quickest way to easily reach British people? The TMA fandom

Anyway, how precisely do you note someone’s height? Do you say 1.7 meters? 1.72? Would you say your own height more precisely than estimating someone else’s? 

(I need this for a fanfic. I’ll probably never even post it online; but still. I want accuracy.)

Edit: (sort of) answered! The (of course subjective) answer is keep it in feet and inches since it matches the writing of the show. 

I do want to know the actual answer though, just for future reference. 

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“Waving Through A Window” is Martin in the Lonely in MAG 159. 

And “I See You” by MISSIO is Jon’s response. 

(Those lyrics really do fit! Go look at them!)

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Okay, I need the TMA fandom’s help to find a fic again. 

I think it was all one chapter but may not have been. In any case, it was very long. I still read it all in one go. 

Anyway, it was Jon season 4 (I guess? definitely a canon divergence) and he sort of gives into his avatarness and gets all eldritch-y and then the Instittute blows up or burns down or something. And then he leaves and just…gets more eldritch-y. He eventually meets Oliver who’s like “you have a choice”. He also wanders around and possibly goes to America and tries not to be too openly eldritch. (Just realized eldritch was already an adjective, no need to say eldritch-y.) 

He writes poems on himself (I think he was also writing statements on himself) and the poetry…leads him to Martin? Who was also writing poetry somewhere? I’m not entirely sure, since I was reading this all in one go on my phone and getting a bit tired of it at the end. 

He goes to Georgie’s house first though to be like “yeah okay I have to stop being too eldritch and I gotta go find Martin”. It had lots of quotes of poetry, including Keats. There was definitely “Bright Star” in there. 

The fic definitely had a dark/melancholy tone to it up until Jon and Martin reunite and then they’re happy. So it has a good ending. 

I don’t know why I don’t bookmark things…

Edit: I’ll have to actually read it, but it seems to be https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696520/chapters/67781791

the stars apart by supaslim

And the one before as well! Did I really read 30K in one day?

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This is something I noticed from the season 5 episode where we see Basira again. You know the one where Martin is used as bait that Trevor threatens to kill? 

Well, remember that scene where Trevor’s like ‘don’t talk you’re gonna use some word magic on me don’t do it’ and then like ‘okay fine you can talk just don’t compel me’. (Side note: it’s really funny that Trevor gave in and let Jon talk after like, five seconds of silence. Jon must have been so chatty when they kidnapped him that non-talkative Jon is unsettling.)

But anyway, Jon doesn’t compel him. He doesn’t even Know things about Trevor. But he keeps talking, distracting Trevor, putting him on edge, just talking to him. And it works. Trevor doesn’t hurt Martin, and he’s able to be used as bait. 

I like this scene because Jon doesn’t even use his powers, and he’s still got Trevor trapped. He’s smart enough to keep Trevor distracted. He’s calm and in control of the situation because he can’t be hurt. (HIs calmness probably unsettles Trevor too.) It’s almost scarier than if he had used his powers, that he can do that without them. 

Word magic indeed. 

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I feel like Season 5 Jon is the closest to his true character out of all the seasons. Because we have Season 1 Jon, who isn’t very nice to Martin, and we know that’s out of character for him. And then Season 2 Jon is paranoid, Season 3 Jon is a pinball in the trauma pinball machine, and Season 4 Jon is alone. 

But Season 5 Jon is safe, for once. Almost nothing can hurt him anymore, and out of the things that still can, he could stop them. He has Martin, and they are both safe, especially by the standards of the apocalypse. He is getting terror pumped through him constantly, so, you know, he’s probably still stressed, but he sounds so at ease. He’s just very Jon there. 

And the crazy thing is it’s still a bad time for him. He’s in this new world he accidentally created and never wanted and doesn’t want, and he has to see it and dictate it for the Eye. But he can’t be touched by the horror for once. Only a few people could possibly hurt him, and they’re mostly his friends. (Marginal for Daisy. Not anymore at least.) He has Martin, and he can hardly be hurt, and he has all of knowledge at his fingertips. 

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“I was going over some budgets in my office, as I normally do on a Tuesday, when the fire alarm started going off.”-MAG 40: Human Remains

image
image

???

I did think of a canon explanation, which is that July 29, 2016, did simply fall on a Tuesday in this universe. 

But based on the general mess of TMA’s timeline, I doubt that was Jonny’s intention. Maybe! But probably not. 

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WTNV 51: Rumbling

[”CARLOS]

…but I do know two things:

CECIL:
What is that?

CARLOS:
I love you.

CECIL:
I love you too. What’s the other thing?

CARLOS:
You just said it.”

and

MAG 183: Monument

“ARCHIVIST

If you’re sure.

MARTIN

…I’m sure I love you.

ARCHIVIST

I love you too.”

and making me almost cry at the sweetness

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The funniest part of Mag 182: “Wellbeing” is when Dr. Jane Doe is giving the tour and Jon’s like “thanks for the tour” because he needs to make a statement and Jane’s like “no there’s more” and Jon’s just like “oh. okay then.” 

Jon: the embodiment of all knowledge, omniscient, can see the edges of reality

also Jon: still too awkward to tell a tour guide of a hellscape he needs to go to the metaphysical bathroom

The second funniest part is “don’t ask about the canteen”. 

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I never noticed that Jon had a different voice for female statement-givers until they listened to MAG 3 on the bonus episode and now I’m like: oh. 

His voice is so tender lol

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Me, trying to figure out how someone will get marked by the Dark in a fanfic I’m working on: Manuela just comes to the Archives and punches Jon, giving him a black eye. 

Get it?

I’ll show myself out. 

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Okay, I don’t know what was going on this morning with regards to Mike Crew, but here is my objective-as-possible report on some of the things talked about. Here’s the overly comprehensive report no one asked for.

Mike Crew’s Character, aka Would I Have Strangled Someone For Thirty Minutes?

I draw on the wiki for this, as 1) I don’t want to do it myself and 2) I might bring my own interpretation into this. The wiki (we can only hope) does its best, as a creation of many people, to only state the facts of things that happen. There is a personality section for many characters, but not for Mike.

“He bound the creature pursuing him to it and devoted himself to The Vast, becoming an avatar.[2] In 2005, he walked by Stephen and Grant Walker’s house and watched their attempts to enter through a window using a ladder. In 2006 he encountered Stephen and Grant again on top of the Tour Montparnasse, the tallest public building in Paris. Using the power of The Vast, Michael transported Grant to a reality where he was alone at the top of an infinitely tall building and had to climb down a ladder, one of his greatest fears.“

We can see that he has already used his powers to essentially create a domain for someone. As we know from Jon’s many statements on actual domains, those are not fun. Evidently, he has already given into his powers and into feeding his patron. Mike even tells us so in his statement: “In the end I threw myself into the arms of that vast emptiness, and I bound my tormentor to the book.“ (MAG 91)

Now, reading the transcript, we see that Mike has already let Jon into his home and given him tea. Only when Jon asks about the scar does he mark him with the Vast. This hardly seems like something a reasonable person would do. (As, of course, if it weren’t done to a half-formed avatar, it would be at least attempted manslaughter if not actual manslaughter.) Mike was being civil, and then apparently Jon was too nosy and Mike strangled him.

Now, this is in character for an avatar. No one appears to like the Eye very much, nor did they like Gertrude, the former Head Archivist (c.f. Jude, Nikola I think?, other Stranger manifestations). So. What Mike did is not reasonable or kind or legal, but it is in line with avatars’ sense of schadenfreude. He wanted to shock Jon, to add to that fear by letting him relax a bit. (Probably. Pardon my subjectivity; I’m a humanities person, not a science person.)

Jonah knew he would do that: “Then it was just a matter of feeding you statements to lead you to a few Avatars I thought were likely to harm you – but probably would stop short of actually killing you. Jude served her purpose exactly as I had hoped, as did our dearly departed Mr. Crew, marking you for the Desolation and the Vast.“ (MAG 160) Which does back up my analysis.

And Jon did not deserve to be strangled for half an hour by Mike. While that is subjective, I don’t really mind.

The Cause of Mike’s Death

Someone said that they thought Mike’s death was caused by beating with a blunt object, á la ‘extended sounds of brutal pipe murder’.

I believe they are thinking of

“[MIKE]

Can I hel– UGHH!

[SHORT-LIVED SOUNDS OF ALTERCATION]” (MAG 91)

Which does sound like Elias’s murder of Leitner and like someone being beaten by a blunt object. Probably Mike was. But he does not die from it. Later we have:

“DAISY

Okay.

[ADDITIONAL SOUNDS OF KICKING]

Doubt he can do it in a coma. Now turn that off, and help me get him in the car. Don’t try to run.” (MAG 91)

Daisy, I think, would know if she had beaten him to death or merely coma. After all, she is Hunt enough to mark Jon here:

“[GURGLES MORE AS DAISY GRABS HIM ROUND THE THROAT]

DAISY

Stop… asking… questions!

That’s how you want it? Fine. You brought a knife. So we go through the voicebox.” (MAG 91)

“…in the hope that having a Hunter in the mix would eventually lead to a confrontation, and setting you up as a killer certainly hastened that.” (MAG 160)

Now, Jonah also says that Mike is dead (MAG 160, see above). So we can assume that

“[GUNSHOT]“ (MAG 91) is Daisy shooting Mike.

We have both the transcript and the content warning (”gun violence”) agreeing that this was a gunshot. Someone has claimed it was a car trunk closing. It certainly sounded more like a gunshot, although I have not heard many. However, we have the murder of Gertrude Robinson (which by Word of God is done with a gun; also a gun cocks very clearly) on tape in MAG 158. We also have other gunshots, too, which sound a bit different from the 91 one, like there’s more space around them.

The gunshot in 91 sounds similar to that. We have a van door closing in MAG 99 when Jon gets kidnapped by Breekon and Hope, which definitely does not sound like a gunshot. We also have a trunk opening in MAG 107, which admittedly doesn’t help much, but we also have more gunshots, which sound similar but not so echo-y.

Also, why would a trunk close when it never had cause to open? Daisy does tell Jon to help her get Mike in the car (see above), but the gunshot comes up in a different recording, to show time passing. The trunk has already closed; it sounds like Daisy is driving them somewhere.

The Ability of Daisy to Hurt Mike

Daisy is, as established, powerful enough as an Avatar to hurt a half-formed one and mark him with the Hunt. We also have instances of many avatars dying by mundane means.

Gertrude Robinson, who, while she did a lot to stop her transformation, was nevertheless under the watch of the Eye for fifty years, got shot. Simple as that. Agnes was hanged; Daisy was shot; Jonah and Jon were stabbed. And while in all if not most of these cases there was a bit of dream logic involved what with death and life and avatardom and emotional bonds, the mundanity level is high. Nikola, who was almost never human herself, was exploded during the height of her ritual. It stands to reason that Daisy, a powerful Hunt avatar, could hurt, if not kill, another.

Someone has also pointed out that we have Adelaird Dekker in MAG 113 saying that “As you know, I am not by any means a Hunter, and if Justin Gough was as far gone as he appeared, it was likely he was no longer human enough for me to remove him without the aid of one.” Implying that at some point in a transformation, you can only be killed by a Hunter. (Which is interesting considering Nikola’s death, actually. Dream logic?)

Please don’t yell at me for this post. I tried to keep it as objective as possible; I hate disproving people like this, but I felt like it had to be objectively researched.

(Do tell me if I can do better or point out something I said wrong; don’t yell at me. Two different things.)

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Is the Magnus Institute being founded in 1818 a nod to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein being published in 1818?

Edit: I won’t change the actual post itself, but I meant something like ‘it’s cool that those two things match up’ and didn’t really execute. I do, however, appreciate the answer to my question.

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PJO Characters As TMA Avatars

Percy: Slaughter! No, not Vast for the ocean. It gets pretty clear by The House of Hades when he straight up murders a goddess by causing her to choke on her own blood and tears.

Annabeth: Web. Okay, I know knowledge is the Eye, usually, but she does always need a plan for everything. The Eye is a bit more impulsive (in its avatars; Web-marked don’t have to be). Also, she is deathly afraid of spiders.

Leo: Desolation. Not just because fire, but it certainly helps. (I would say Lonely, but Desolation is Lonely + fire, so…)

Jason: Vast? He can fly, after all. Not sure.

Piper: Hmm…the Eye bc charmspeak, maybe. Or Web since sort of the thing is people underestimate her, and Annabelle says to always let people over- or under-estimate people. Yeah, you know what, I’m going Web, even though Annabeth and she are somewhat foils.

Frank: Stranger or Flesh. This sort of shows that gray area between them. He’s said he doesn’t feel comfortable in his own skin, which is more Flesh, maybe? But he can also shapeshift, so Stranger.

Hazel: Spiral for the Mist magic? Or, oh! Oh! The Buried since it’s both the earth and financial debt, and Hazel summons cursed gems. I’m going Buried.

Nico: End.

Reyna: Slaughter? Not entirely sure.

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There was a really old post here (I’m guessing it’s old, I dunno) that I saw on Pinterest (that is how I discovered Tumblr btw), and it was Percy Jackson characters letting their powers, well, corrupt them. They became more inhuman, kind of more godlike but also…just more inhuman.

That post is basically TMA avatars. Like, if Percy Jackson were in TMA, yes. That is. Yes. That was what the post was.

I wish I could find it again. :( possibly the Percy Jackson fandom can help? What’s their maintag?

Dark!Percy = avatar of the Slaughter :)

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Every Scottish Safehouse fic is a mini-tragedy. Every safehouse fic, even if it’s not implied that Hello, Jon is coming right away or just stated, ends in the world ending. We know it every time. And we make so many of the little bit of peace that Jon and Martin get.

As someone said (I have no idea who), we watch a tragedy and say, no, Romeo, don’t drink the poison; no, Orpheus, don’t look back, etc. We all know the tragedy at the end of Jon and Martin are safe in their house. We just redo and redo the good part. We want to see the part where Romeo and Juliet are getting married and they’re happy.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, because I was going to be sad that each fic is a mini tragedy, but I think it’s actually really happy. We write about the hope, knowing that the end is bad. Again, and again, and again, we write, “Look, here, Jon and Martin are happy”, and again, and again, and again, we read it.

With all that fanfiction, you can stay forever where there is hope. And I think that’s beautiful.

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When Jon (wait, does this count as Jon if it’s the titles; is it Jonny?) said “processing line” I though he said “process of lime”.

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MAG 177

This is just…all one post about what I was thinking in this episode. 

This domain: fear of gaslighting, subtle manipulation and denial, very insidious

Also this domain: “useless little brat”

Also also this domain: Jon’s weird little giggle

In all seriousness, this is probably a very personal episode for a lot of people. Not just mental health, other disabilities, as well as LGBTQ identities, can get dismissed like that.

“living your best apocalypse”-Helen

I noticed that Jon will start just narrating random scary things outside of statements. He did it with Daisy’s victim and how she killed him, and with the bone garden too. I’m not sure why.

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This is the sort of…idea I had for a Sasha Is The Last OG Assistant Standing AU. In one of those list story post things because I don’t really have enough for full prose. This gets really long, sorry.

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By the time Hello, Jon, apologies for the deception rolls around and time is meaningless and Jon doesn’t sleep almost at all, he’s dreamed of Naomi Herne and the Lonely just over a thousand times. (1008, apparently)

A thousand nights spent watching. A thousand nights spent having nightmares.

:(

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It’s cool that I was able to get such a good picture of Sasha from the few appearances she makes. It’s lucky she makes a statement.

I feel like I like her more now. She’s clever, optimistic, quick to cheer her friends up, quicker to rush into danger if there’s something mysterious happening, and will protect her friends no matter what. I like the way she’s optimistic about things where it’s less like “of course things are going to get better, they just are” and more “yeah it might be bad but this part is good so I’m fine”.

Now I want a “Sasha is the last OG assistant standing” AU. Jon and Sasha don’t even need to fall in love or something; just…wouldn’t it be a cool idea if Sasha was the one with Jon at the very end? Would they just end the series three seasons in by dying anyway? What would happen?

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Part 3!

Mahhhhhhhhhhhhtin

:)

-usually does field research, but not always

-so I guess he’s good at talking to people

-Jon has Martin research something and then has Sasha double-check it. See, this makes sense. This should be happening if he doesn’t think Martin is good at research, since he hasn’t done any. This seems reasonable.

-Jon was relieved to have him out of the Institute for an afternoon

-but, see. That’s weird. Because Jon is in his office. Is Martin being annoying in some unintentional way? Why would Jon care, even if he dislikes Martin?

-Martin speaks Polish to some unspecified degree. wypalać means to burn out (like be used up), to bake, to brand. I think that’s a somewhat advanced word. I don’t know the Spanish for burn out, bake, or brand, and I took three years of Spanish. Jon is suspicious of his Polish as his Latin is bad, but he never went to college, so how much Latin could he learn? I don’t know; I may need more info on this.

-he’s somewhat claustrophobic

-didn’t expect Jon to take him seriously about Prentiss trapping him in his flat

-he lives in the archives for 4.5 months

-Martin is showing Tim his tongue to check if it’s infected. This isn’t actually important, just funny.

-brave enough to talk to these random supernatural delivery men (Breekon and Hope, delivering the Web Table)

-advises Jon to destroy the table and get some sleep (so that’s not just Jon’s idea there)

-lectures Jon about spiders’ importance to the ecosystem

-thought of the idea of using a corkscrew for worms

-a quote from my notes: “Oh, it was the tape recorder that Jon was going for. Sasha wonders why. Jon doesn’t want to become another mystery, that’s why. He says that only an idiot would stay in the job. Martin chuckles and says wouldn’t that make you an idiot. Wow. Jon says yeah Martin, that was the point.”

-Martin is very done with Jon’s apparent skepticism

-Martin hasn’t quit because he feels trapped here

-not in denial about what’s natural and what’s not, like Vittery being encased by webs (not natural)

-thinks tarantulas are cute

-has learned his lesson about coming back from research without doing his due diligence, oof

-has good instincts about what’s spooky and whether he should be careful, so I think his self-preservation skills are actually higher than Sasha thinks

-persistent in doing all he can, because Jon is apparently really harsh about it

-lies to get into Vittery’s apartment

-I think he also has a strong sense of duty to his job

-watches enough nature documentaries about lions eating things to know what the sound of a lion eating things is

-his first thought when a flesh hive attacks is to take a picture for proof. Wow, Jon, what have you said to this poor man?

-not good at running

-kind of catastrophizes the encounter with Jane in the basement the next morning

-has the instinct to look in the peephole when he hears the knocking, in case it’s Prentiss

-eats a lot of canned things and ready meals. Either he can’t afford more or can’t cook, or both.

-owns a few print books, but not many

-now they both have knocking-related trauma

I didn’t really compile much on Jon, but he seems to be very harsh about getting real proof, which I guess makes sense. That would be reasonable, even. But I think the problem is that he’s being so harsh about it, especially to Martin, although he’s curt to Tim as well. He seems to be just fine with Sasha, although she wants to get proof as well.

He also, of course, “tears apart statements”, which isn’t really true of the real ones, so they must be referring to the fake ones. Which makes sense. I feel like it would be very cathartic.

He does call Martin a “useless ass”, which is probably the meanest thing he ever says about anybody. This is after he chats with every Angela in London and has some nice chats about jigsaws.

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Part 2!

Sasha

-Sasha does everything computer-y, including hacking sometimes

-manages to “access hospital records” (MAG 12), whatever that means. Did she hack? also accesses personal financial records. Sash, I think that’s, you know, illegal?

-Sasha listens to Jon make statements sometimes? Based off the calliope one (MAG 24) Also, she feels comfortable enough to interrupt him to discuss the pronunciation of calliope.

-Also also, she absolutely could not wait until the end to correct him.

-Sasha refuses to take time off, saying she’s fine even though she got attacked by worms and stabbed by Michael. (Jon eventually gets her to.)

-she thinks she should quit but she doesn’t want to since she’s too curious

-finally does one interview, which implies she only ever does one in her life

-Sasha does not judge Jon hitting a spider with a chair and breaking a shelf. She even commiserates with Jon about cheap shelves. I suppose that, yes, (I’ve seen this in another post), they are both scared of spiders so Sasha has done the very same thing.

-Sasha, corkscrewing worms out of Jon’s leg: you know, I didn’t scream as much

-runs out to save Tim from Prentiss, putting herself in danger. It’s reckless but it worked. She saved Tim. Then she went to Elias about the worms, saving everyone. Then she died.

-wait a minute. What if Tim had died by Prentiss AU…someone might still get eaten by the Not!Them.

Anyway.

-despite underreacting about the worms, she is upset with Elias for underreacting to the worms

-very ready to do risky things. Clearly.

-didn’t like Artifact Storage. Didn’t give a reason. Too creepy? We know she doesn’t like horror. 

-originally skeptical of Prentiss because if she was really that dangerous, Martin would have died due to apparently low self-preservation skills

-I think I disagree. Anyway, she suspects Prentiss has weakened a lot.

-She lives near Finsbury Park

-likes to look at people’s distorted reflections in the windows for fun. She’s also good at seeing the bright side of things. For instance, it’s too expensive for her to get a taxi in Chelsea (where TMI is), so she takes the long walk. So she says, hey, it’s pretty and I can stop and get coffee.

-doesn’t like horror media or roller coasters

-working at the Institute has made her more skeptical, for some reason

-I wonder if it’s because so little seems to be actually really supernatural, less than what people think, since there’s fake statements. I wonder if there’re also fake artifacts.

-she drinks coffee. What is she, an American?

-she references a saying from a James Bond book as an old saying. So she reads James Bond. The saying is “Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action”.

-ah, some good old Sasha humor ““Are you secretly a monster?” probably would have been a great opener.” “tall, blond and monster”

-defends Martin against Jon, which is good! maybe he’ll listen to you!

-curiousity overcame her nerves

-also because something might happen to the others otherwise

-also she kind of wanted some proof for Jon (which she technically didn’t get)

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All right, *cracks knuckles*, here’s everything we know about the archival assistants from Season 1.

Tim

-apparently appears more reputable to Jon than Martin, probably because they know each other

-also seems to have bribed some filing clerks, so we know he does that when researching statements

-almost always does field research, like interviews

-trusted not to do a prank like write a fake statement. He did do a big April Fool’s joke. So I think it’s that a) Jon knows Tim better than Martin (if not Sasha too) and b) he is, like, a mature adult. He might mess with Jon or other archival staff, but he wouldn’t write a fake statement. Jon hates those, as everyone knows.

-Tim accesses camera footage through means that Jon, future avatar of knowledge, would not rather ask about. Hacking? Bribes? Natural charm? You decide!

-Tim knows that Ny-Alesund is a small town in Norway. He just up and knows that. Also he did a lot of research on circuses. I suspect he likes gathering random knowledge. If he didn’t have some affinity for the Eye, he wouldn’t be in the archives.

-a little apprehensive when correcting Jon’s errata. Is he nervous Jon will snap at him? At any rate, Jon kind of does, so…but he does understand that Jon has been under pressure.

-Tim is again nervous while talking to Jon. Is he just being harsh to everyone? I feel like yes, a little. Although, Sasha seems comfortable talking to him.

-will make fun of his boss’s Archivist voice (what appears to Tim to be) behind his back

-Tim is being lighthearted about the worm thing and it just makes me sad because even then, that’s regular Tim, and then it just slowly changed

All right, more is coming. I don’t want to make this too long.

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I have made so many posts today.

Anyway, I saw @dathen’s tags on one post on how Jon in fanon gets made into BBC Sherlock and I thought that that kind of happens with canon Sherlock as well. (Wait, that’s not quite what I mean. Keep reading; that didn’t make much sense.)

Canon Sherlock and canon Jon are both very smart, a bit weird (maybe more in the case of Sherlock, although there were more conventions back then too), and can come across as a bit cold or rude sometimes.

But BBC Sherlock seems completely uncaring and very superior (from what I remember from watching it a year and a half, or rather ten eons ago). He makes people feel dumb. Canon Sherlock does not do that. He always explains everything to Watson. He’s actually really modest about it and says “oh you’ll think it was so easy when I say”. He’s never mean.

I guess both Sherlock and Jon kind of got twisted into this cold, uncaring, just-intelligent character where they’re not. I don’t know what the common thread is here or why? (I know both of them are often read as neurodivergent, and Sherlock is readable as asexual, while Jon is ace, and there is the stereotype of being unfeeling for both those characteristics, so I’ve a certain sinking feeling.)

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“SASHA

Tim’s April Fools’ joke and everything.

ARCHIVIST

Don’t remind me.”

I stand corrected?

Okay, wait. I think it’s that Sasha and Martin would be more likely to do some kind of prank, just, at any time? And Tim can do a good prank, but he also knows when to do work and saves his pranks for the Day of Pranks.

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Statement 13 is the first live statement. After it, Jon gets nightmares every night of the Lonely.

Statement 14 is one in which Jon calls Martin a “useless ass”, the meanest thing he’s called anybody. (Or at least the top, like, five? Since he’s not usually mean. Rude, but not mean.)

:(

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“But as I told Martin earlier, he was there for over a week, so there is very likely a perfectly natural explanation for the fact that his body was completely encased in web.“-MAG 16

???

Martin: Jon, he was encased in webs!

Jon: Yes. And?

Martin: He was encased in webs! Do you think that’s normal?

Jon: He was there for a week. Spiders will crawl all over dead bodies.

Martin: Jon, that’s, like, ants or something. 

Jon: Mmm. Completely normal. *does not say that he does not think so and he’s scared that that could conceivably happen so he’s denying it*

Martin: Oh-kay then.

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Long story why I was looking through Season 1 transcripts, but look:

 “[Jon] had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives.“

He’s the one Jon trusts not to do a prank.

While I love fanon chaotic Tim, I guess this will have to be of note in the more serious fanfiction.

●

So I got to the MAG 173 “NIght Night”, which is, you know, called that, and I thought “How is Jonny going to say the title in his Ominous Title Voice with a straight face?” I mean, he probably could, but I like how he circumvented the problem.

Because he kind of has two different pitches when doing a statement. There’s the regular kind, which is lower, and there’s the “this is especially eerie” higher tone, which he kind of uses to accentuate stuff. (I feel like he uses that tone more in Season 5 and that’s why these sound more…intimate. Besides them also being in second person a lot of the time.)

So he used the second tone for the title, which he doesn’t usually. And then he didn’t have to do it in his Serious Voice and he made it sound creepy since that’s the Especially Creepy voice.

*claps for Jonny’s voice acting skill*

(In other news of Jonny’s voice acting skill, I was listening to 169: Fire Escape while folding laundry so I had something to do while listening to the podcast, and then I couldn’t do the laundry because I was concentrating so much on the podcast. I don’t even know how he did that. Again, *claps*.)

●

The fact that I can see a spider and now be like “okay Annabelle watch me I guess”

A spider appeared beside me on the closet door (appeared is only slightly dramatic here) and I was like ew a spider (for me I just don’t want them on me and what if they get on me). Anyway I was just like “Annabelle why are you feeding on my fear I don’t appreciate it” and the spider just. Walked away.

Well, it’s still there, just a few feet away on the other end of my closet, where I’m less afraid of it. Actually, now that I think about it, that’s kind of nice of it.

Update: It is. Gone. I cannot find it. Weird how the absence of a spider can be just as creepy as its presence.

●

The Heartbeat of Fear

I wrote a thing! (Do read the tags afterwards to get your maximum mileage from this story.)

Martin watches Jonah float, his eyeholes glowing green, although there are no eyes in cavities twain. Eyes revolve around him, orbiting in rings; above him there a great green eye stares down forever at him. He is chanting endless streams of terror:

the dark that crawls and spirals down the man runs in and does not die and all is not is all is not your face is not your face is not your eyes don’t blink the eyes don’t blink they never blink

On and on and…It’s iambic, Martin ponders. Shakespeare’s playwright style, like a heartbeat: da-DUM. Fear runs through him; Jonah’s blood is fear now. Terror Jonah’s heart pumps; horror Jonah’s lungs breathe.

Stars, hide your fires;/ Let not light see my black and deep desires.

But there is no more of that neath Ceaseless Watching. Stars not; stars became eyes. Hiding not; the eyes watch always. All desires are black and deep in this new world.

Jon is raptured by the chanting and the glowing and the terror. Martin sees the awed and jealous look on Jon’s face. Somewhere deep inside, he knows Jon does not want this, even if the Archivist does; but still Martin fears that Jon will be the

king of a ruined world.

That is, too, iambic. Is the whole world that way? Is the world a heart and fear its heartbeat?  Is fear poetry now, terrible yet beautiful, or is poetry fear now, plagued too by the same unrightness everything else still is?

Jon ascends the tower, lone, betraying Martin, who betrayed him also.

O, what a tangled web we weave,/ When first we practice to deceive.

It’s not Shakespeare, but it is iambic nevertheless.

Jon tells Martin do it, do it. Do it while his heart beats blood still, fear not. Martin tries to think of something fitting, beautiful, poetic.

to die, to sleep—blood will have blood—out, out, brief cand—full of sound and fury—out, out, damned spot

All there is, is love for Jon and so he says I love you. And he does the deed. Jon’s life is extinguished like a spot of blood or washed away like a brief candle.

Jon sends one last thought as their eyes meet and he dies. Jon must have at some point Looked in Martin’s thoughts while Martin rhapsodized internally about iambic verses. But it does not matter now, no. All that matters now is further:

Fear may be ever iambic, but “Martin Blackwood” is trochaic.

Trochee. DUM-da, the reverse of all those iambs.

Martin, so trochaic, stopped the beat of fear, iambic.

●

Everybody who wants to, uh, do that with Elias because Ben’s voice is (apparently?) seductive,

did you hear Jon say papillon in the beetle sex guy statement?

(I do mean this as a joke? Like there is a point here. But it is, also, a joke.)

●

I love that in fanfiction, even Somewhere Else, Jon looks very tired. He is just Always Tired. He has been Always Tired since uni and he will not stop now.

I suppose if he does have Beholding still it’s pretty tiring having to constantly close the door (pun intended :) ) on the endless knowledge.

Jon, seventy years later, a very old man who has gotten a good night’s sleep for the past fifty years: looks like he hasn’t ever slept

●

Me, adding honey to a red wine and vinegar salad, out loud: Emulsifiers!

Later, I told my mom that there was honey in the salad because it was an emulsifier. She asked me what that meant. I got to infodump about emulsifiers.

(Is it infodumping if it’s only 5 minutes’ worth?)

But anyway, it was great.

Wikipedia is really bad at explaining emulsifiers, so here’s the article I learned from: https://www.aocs.org/stay-informed/inform-magazine/featured-articles/emulsions-making-oil-and-water-mix-april-2014?SSO=True

●

As a hard of hearing person, I would like to thank Jonny Sims for his ridiculously enunciated accent in TMA, especially in Season 1 when I was still getting accustomed to his voice. Just, thanks. Thanks for making the clearest podcast I’ve ever listened to.

(Night Vale takes a close second, actually! Thanks, Cecil!)

● ⬀ ⬈

dudeiwannasleep:

oh yeah! some sleeby jom doodles from last night

●

I was trying to remember which statement was the one where the kid loses his jump rope to the Spiral. So I typed in skipping rope (the only reason I remembered, being an American, to do that is I was reading a fanfic using that term for it) to the TMA wiki.

It came up. Not even in the longer search results, either. Just right away. I typed in skipping rope and it gave me MAG 146: Threshold. Wow.

MAG 1 also came up? I don’t know why.

Blanket gives me the, uh, the blanket statement, along with the Dark, the timeline, and Locked In for some reason? I need to try more of this.

Update: the sky ate him brings up MAG 21: Freefall. Clearly it’s mostly just an in-article search like when you do Find in your browser. But it’s still cool!

●

TMA GBBO AU Chapter 3

Okay, it’s finally written up. It…may not be as good? It was written over a long period of time, sorry.

Chapter 3: Bread Week

           “Welcome back, bakers! It’s time to bake some bread, because this week is Bread Week!” says Helen, cheery as ever. Today, she’s wearing a yellow crop top that says “YOLO? ILAMTAIW!” over a violet dress and waist-high boots that are white with tomato stains all over them. Jon cannot figure out what, exactly, ILAMTAIW means. (Weeks later, he will realize it stands for I Live As Many Times As I Want, and will be able to sleep a full night for the first time since today.)

           Well, the first time since the night before last. He didn’t sleep well last night; he had a nightmare about those horrid worms. It had been a year or so, but that horrible squelching sound they made, and their white, writing, slimy bodies crawling over the floor…It still made Jon shudder to think about.

           “Bakers, you will have to bake twelve rye bread rolls. Remember, rye takes longer to bake than wheat. You have three and a half hours. Don’t cry; make some rye!” says Michael, to groans and chuckles. He is wearing a straw hat with a brim that stretches out a full two feet on either side, as well as three T-shirts (one pink, one orange, one green) and jeans so ripped that the denim spirals up his legs like candy canes stripes. Jon wonders if that’s too much skin, as this means it does show Michael’s underwear. No, that’s not underwear. Those are simply shorts. Jon still thinks it’s too much skin, but then again, he’s somewhat touch-repulsed. The thought of touching skin in general is…Jon thinks of the solid pressure of a blanket around him, trying to dissolve the feeling.

           Then, he realizes he should really start baking sometime soon.

           Melanie mutters to herself as she kneads her dough. She doesn’t like rye bread and is, for some reason, annoyed she has to make some. A rational voice in her head knows that makes no sense and that she shouldn’t be annoyed, but she is. She’s just…ready. Ready to fight and struggle and be annoyed about rye. Ready to buckle down and turn inwards and push outwards. Ready to hunt ghosts and yell at bosses and lose friends. Ready to get her hair dyed and push her parents away and tell herself those friends were toxic and pulling her down.

           She knows she is too ready. Somewhere deep inside her lies the quiet knowledge that life is not a war. But there is no rest for the wicked, as they say.

           “Hello,” says Elias, breaking out her out of her annoyed reverie. “What are you making for us?” Melanie sighs angrily.

           “Haven’t you learned your lesson about sneaking up on me? Just…” she sighs again, tired now. “I’m sorry. I…that was disrespectful. I guess I’m in a mood today. Um, I’m making cranberry and walnut rolls.”

           “That’s fine, bad moods happen to all of us. Those rolls sound delicious, Melanie.” Melanie allows herself a small smile. They would have to see about that, but she certainly hoped they would be delicious.

           Daisy can hardly bear standing at her station for so long every week. She wants to run and jump and get moving. Her hands itch, as if longing to grasp and tear. Folding and kneading dough into pretzels helps the itch go away, at least a little. She’s making bread knots with poppy and cardamom, her large hands deftly twisting the bread.

           She first got into baking when she was a teenager as a sort of joke, a way to surprise people that this tough girl liked to bake. But she grew to like it a lot, unironically now.

           It’s a way to do something with her hands, kneading dough or stirring a mix or chopping vegetables, and she loves the different smells that rise from a baked good as it cooked or a pan as it sizzled away. It helps stem the urge that arises sometimes, the urge to chase, to hunt. To find and catch and—and apprehend. Daisy shakes her head now, almost unwilling to admit that—that, yes. Back when she was a police officer, she had done some truly awful things.

           Eventually, Basira had quit the police force, saying she ‘couldn’t do it anymore’. And that was what had made Daisy realize how far she’d gone, how low she’d sunk into…brutality. She’d been so ashamed of herself when she’d realized that, and she quit, too, without even giving a two weeks’ notice.

           But she is getting better now. Her hands still itch almost every day, and sometimes, on particularly bad days, she wants so badly to hunt and grab and kill. But she knows what to do with it. Sometimes she’ll bake or cook, and sometimes, on those really bad days, she’ll simply run. She’ll go out into the hills of Northern England, off into wild brush, and run for hours. It helps.

           She looks over at Basira now. She’s Daisy’s North Star, her fixed point. Always so steady, Basira. Not like her, acting on instinct, fighting what shouldn’t be fought. No, Basira’s always by her side, and Daisy is forever grateful for it.

           Agnes walks over to a cupboard to get a baking pan and opens the door. As she does so, there’s a sound rather like wet pasta, and dozens of worms spill out, writhing, white. Agnes screams and runs back to her table.

           Quickly, a crowd forms, only for murmurs of disgust and shock to be broken by a shout of “Run!”

           Everyone turns to look at Jon, who has gone pale and trembling. Agnes isn’t feeling so great herself, but she wonders if he’s had experiences with these worms before. Jon falls backwards onto an alarmed Manuela, who, despite being Jon’s height, is able to support his weight just fine. She must be stronger than she looks, Agnes thinks.

           Jon does seem, though, to actually have fainted, and Agnes watches from atop her table in bleary shock as Manuela passes Jon to Martin, who carries him to the grass outside.

           Agnes hears Gertrude, sharp and efficient, ordering everyone out. She feels a hand on her back as she’s led away by her table partner, Annabelle. She sees those deathlike larvae spill out of the cupboard and swarm towards the tables. She smells her cider and walnut rolls in the oven and vaguely hopes they don’t burn. This is all, though, through a hazy lens, like she’s about to fall asleep and the world is muffled.

           And then she does. She vaguely remembers being carried (who would do that? Annabelle?) just before she really falls asleep.

           A few hours later, the bakers’ tent is quarantined off. Gertrude and Elias save what rolls they can and bake them for longer in a couple of large ovens. No one will be judged on how well their rolls are baked today. It’s fortunate that everyone got their bread in the oven, and even more fortunate that no one was hurt.

           The bakers move inside today, placing their bread baskets all next to each other on the dining table of the house (owned by Gerard Keay. Or was it owned by Mary Keay and haunted by Gerard Keay? No one could keep it straight). Once everyone is rested and calm, they proceed with the judges after a quick announcement.

           “Hello, bakers. You deserve to know exactly what happened back at the tent,” begins Michael, deadly serious for once. Helen looks eerie without a huge smile on her face. “A few weeks ago, Jane Prentiss was eliminated from the show. We received threatening letters from her saying that she would make sure we all paid for what we did. We did not take it seriously until recently.

           “A few days ago, she sent a box to us, filled with worms like those. When opened, they immediately began to crawl on the assistant who opened it. It is with great regret and sorrow that I say they did not survive the incident. The worms are highly aggressive parasites that will burrow into your flesh quickly and painlessly. Obviously, they are extremely dangerous.

           “That cupboard had not been opened since last week. It appears that Jane must have let some worms into the cupboard, and they multiplied.

           “I’m sure it is apparent, but no one was hurt. The worms are all dead, as it seems they are vulnerable to carbon dioxide gas. However, the tent is still quarantined, but it should hopefully be usable by next week. For this week, though, we will have to use…unconventional methods. I will explain those tomorrow, when you make your technicals.

           “Elias and Gertrude have graciously baked your rye bread, so no one will be graded on the baked-ness of your rolls. If you are all ready, I think we can start judging now. Unless anyone has questions?” Everyone shakes their heads. They all look a bit more subdued now but otherwise calm and not too shaken.

           “Hello, Agnes. Are you feeling quite all right? It must have been quite a shock to see those worms. A ghastly sight,” says Elias, shuddering. Agnes nods. “Well, it’s time to taste these rolls. They look very nice. They taste good, too. I like how you’ve brought the orange flavor through. I think these are a bit overbaked, which is my fault.” Elias chuckles. “But you have done very well.”

           “Basira,” says Gertrude. Basira greets her in return. “This is quite…simplistic. No real flavors.” Basira frowns. “I like traditionality to some degree, but I think that these are a little too bland. I’m afraid I can’t truly give high praise or high criticism here, which is unfortunate really.”

           “Well, hello again, Melanie. Don’t stab me this time!” Elias says teasingly, and somehow smugly. Melanie rolls her eyes. “Mmm, cranberry. This tastes quite good, especially since I love cranberries. However, it is still a bit messy. Much better, I think, than some of your previous work, but not quite totally appealing.”

           “Jon, these look very nice. I’m very pleased, especially since I saw you struggling a bit with kneading the dough. These really came through nicely, and the pear-cider combination is a perfect blend. One of the best rolls I’ve seen and tasted today.” Jon beams at Gertrude’s words.

           “Well,” says Gertrude after the bakers have left, “that was quite a trying day. I am glad no one got hurt by those worms. I’ve never seen worms like that before.” The judges and hosts are sitting around the Gossip Table. Helen nods.

           “Me neither. I think they were actually parasitic wasp larvae. They were so gross. Even worse than Michael’s clothing style. Anyway, who do you think did the best and worst today?”

           “It was a little challenging to tell, as we couldn’t grade anyone based on baking, but Jon did very well today, as usual. Melanie’s tasted good, and, for her, looked splendid. She is improving steadily. Martin’s bread was also very tasty, but a little messy,” says Elias.

           “I was disappointed in Basira today. Her rolls were…unimaginative. On the other side of things, Daisy did very well today, as did Agnes. Both created nice-looking rolls with great flavor balances. As for Manuela and Annabelle, the flavors they used didn’t come through right. Annabelle’s even ended up not tasting good at all,” says Gertrude.

[this is a good place to stop]

           The next day, Jon feels—well, not better, exactly. Not all better. But a little bit. He’d gone to Georgie’s flat to rest and commiserate. Melanie had also done this, leading to a slightly awkward meeting. It worked out fine, though, in the end. They were all able to talk it out.

           He looks at Helen’s weird clothes. She is wearing a rainbow dress made of yarn (like a knitted sweater) that drapes down and trails behind her for several feet. Michael is wearing a giraffe-spotted muscle shirt over a zebra-striped parka, for some reason. He’s also wearing white jeans with little spirals on them in all colors.

           “Hello, bakers!” says Helen. “You may have noticed that we are inside today. For this challenge and the showstopper, we’re going to do things a little differently than normal. What a twist! I just love a good twist. Though, I suppose not when it’s at the expense of others getting scared.

           “Anyway, your task today is to make four perfect ciabatta rolls. There are four ovens inside, so four of you will have to cook in the morning and four of you in the evening.” Jon wonders why any house would need four ovens. “Two of the ovens are in this kitchen, while two are upstairs in the other kitchen.

           “This is Elias’s kitchen, so, Elias: do you have any advice for us?” They all look at Elias, who pauses dramatically.

           “Be patient,” he says, then leaves the room.

           “Great! Be patient,” mimics Michael. It’s a weirdly good imitation. “Be patient. You have three hours. Go, bakers, go!”

           Jon was never good at being patient. As a kid, he’d wake up at 5 AM on Christmas and wake up his grandmother to open his presents. When his grandmother didn’t get up, he simply opened them all. By the time she came to the living room, he’d already read all his books.

           He makes his dough and puts it in a little box. The recipe says to let the dough prove at room temperature. There is a proving drawer, or he can simply place it on the counter. He looks around at all the people putting it in the drawer and decides to put his on the counter. Whether he is right in doing so or not, he will get to see which works better that way.

           As he waits for his dough to prove and the yeast to activate, he thinks about the worm attack. Someone had put those worms there on purpose, and they could have hurt Agnes. He should have been there instead. He knows what these worms are like.

           He wonders who they were trying to hurt. Maybe it’s him. It can’t be a coincidence that Jane had sent the very same worms he’d encountered after him. But who could have known? He hasn’t told anyone here. Has someone been spying on him? He needs to rule out possible candidates.

           He stares at his dough, thinking. He has to suspect everyone. But one of the judges or hosts wouldn’t want to eliminate him from the competition. It must be one of the contestants, Jon thinks. He puts his rolls in the oven.

           Martin watches his dough rise in the oven, turning golden-brown. He knows better than to prove his dough in the drawer, as the dough will rise but not activate. If it’s underproved, it will be flat. The proof is everything here, really. It’s like the saying the proof is in the pudding. A little bit, at least.

           He thinks about the worms. They were repulsive. He wonders how Jane could’ve done such a thing. She didn’t seem like the type, but it goes to show, he ponders, that you shouldn’t underestimate people. For instance, Annabelle was plotting something. Good or bad, he wasn’t sure, but something.

           She had backed out of the way of Jon’s fainting spell, letting Martin catch him, even though she was a larger woman and could feasibly have supported Jon’s slight frame. And then she had carried Agnes away. It was intriguing, but not what drew Martin’s thoughts the most.

           No, it was the angular structure of Jon’s cheekbones and the weight of his shoulders in Martin’s arms. It was the way loose silver hair spun out of the little bun on top of his head.

           Martin blinks and quickly removes his ciabatta rolls. They are almost overcooked, but he hopes he removed them in time. He can’t risk getting distracted here.

           The bakers line up their ciabattas on the long table and the judges come out to sample them.

           “This roll is quite good. This person was very patient and the bread is just right,” says Elias. “Lovely browning and a good strong dome on the bread.” This is Annabelle’s.

           “Hmm. This one is a bit too heated up; it’s more like a pita.” Gertrude frowns as she shows the bakers the offending bread. This is Melanie’s. She was not patient.

           She got last place, while Annabelle got first place.

           “Time for the gossip, ladies and gents, or rather, one lady and one gent,” says Helen, plopping down in a chair. “Who’s looking hot and who’s looking not as the week goes on?”

           “Well, I thought Annabelle did just splendidly. I was surprised that Manuela hasn’t brought her usual physics-defying stuff to the table so far, but perhaps she will stop the show with her showstopper. I am also concerned for Basira, who has to make her dishes a bit less bland if she wants to progress much farther,” says Elias.

           “Yes, yes. Jon did wonderfully, as usual. Ever since that first technical, he’s performed well in them. I think that Jon and Annabelle are proving their spots as the top bakers in this competition. Meanwhile, both Basira and Daisy are towards the bottom,” says Gertrude. Helen rubs her hands together.

           “Ooh, don’t you just love this gossip, Michael?” she says.

           “Not as much as the Eye,” he mutters. The camera hears it. The camera hears all.

[this is a good place to stop]

           The next day, it is time for the showstopper. The bakers have to make any kind of bread centerpiece, and it must be filled. They have four hours.

           Gertrude advises that they will be judged on appearance, crust, and design. It should also be well-baked on the inside.

           Manuela thinks about what to make for a minute before deciding on a stuffed sunflower loaf with apricot and mango chutney inside, alternating. As she makes her bread, she thinks about those worms. Even two days later, they are still vivid in her mind. So is Jon falling on her. She keeps being annoyed every time she remembers that and reminding herself that he couldn’t help it; he fainted. Manuela guesses that that kind of worm had attacked Jon before. She can’t imagine seeing them attack a second time. She can hardly look at the closet now. Neither can Agnes.

           Or anyone else, for that matter. Everyone had stood around the closet awkwardly until Daisy had grunted in irritation and opened the closet, taking what she needed and simply leaving it open.

           She is vaguely intrigued by the notion of dissecting and studying the worms, but she wasn’t that into biology. It’s a bit too gross and hands-on for her. She shudders at the thought of field work. She does, though, wonder what the worms were. She’d vaguely heard of parasitic worms as in wasp larvae or referring to tapeworms and things like that.

           Annabelle is making a Stromboli filled with breakfast foods, such as bacon, eggs, and mushrooms. It’s a bit like an omelet in a roll. Meanwhile, she considers her plan. Although she’d felt a little bad about sabotaging Jane when she was already doing so poorly (it was just…unnecessarily unkind), her elimination had been useful. She had written a letter, saying it was from someone anonymous, telling Jane to take revenge against her.

           The fact that someone else had opened the closet door couldn’t be helped, she supposed. As soon as Agnes had started walking to the closet, she had, though, told Gertrude immediately that she’d seen a weird worm-looking thing by the closet. She hadn’t. But she didn’t want anyone to get attacked by worms.

           Basira is making a strawberry cheesecake brioche. No one will expect such a sweet dish from her, but she has a sweet tooth.

           Elias comes by as she’s mixing strawberries into her bread.

           “Oh, make sure the bread doesn’t get too wet if you’re doing a fruit filling. I’m excited to taste it though; I do like strawberries.” Basira thinks she remembers hearing that Elias liked cranberries, too. Perhaps he simply likes all fruits. Or all berries. Or all red fruits. Basira shakes her head and continues baking.

           “All right, bakers! Time to stop baking and stop the show with your showstopping bakes!” says Helen. Jon notes that she’s made that joke already. Today, she’s dressed in a light green dress with lightbulbs attached to it, which are blinking on and off randomly. She is also wearing pink knee-high socks and cowboy boots.

           “Bring your breads up to the front! I hope you filled them with something good,” says Michael. He is wearing the letter M. It appears to be a foam M with places to stick your arms and legs out of. Jon briefly wonders if he’s wearing anything under it. He can’t decide which is more likely, but if he is wearing anything under there, it’s something weird.

           “Hello, Jon,” says Elias. He seems to be fond of saying that, even though it is just a greeting. “This flavor balance of figs and cheese is quite delicious. And this pinwheel you’ve made looks fairly good. It could be a little neater, though.” Jon nods. He knows that.

           “Ah, this looks as good as ever, Annabelle. However, it’s a bit…overfilled. I think you got a little overambitious. The flavors are a bit crowded as well.” Gertrude eats another bite. “Yes, I think there are a few too many flavors.” Annabelle looks sideways at it and nods. Fair enough.

           “Basira, this looks good. However, it’s a little bit soggy. I do appreciate that you tried something new, though. It does taste well enough,” says Gertrude. Basira frowns. She’d tried to take Elias’s advice, but apparently it wasn’t enough.

           “Melanie, this looks impressively neat.” Melanie frowns a little at Elias’s backhanded compliment. Elias cuts into it, and his eyes widen in shock. “Oh dear. Melanie…this seems to be completely raw. I’m afraid I can’t taste it, regretfully for both of us.” Melanie looks surprised. Everyone looks a little surprised and embarrassed. Melanie scowls and walks away.

           “Time for the gossip!” says Helen, leaping into a chair. Michael sits down more calmly beside her.

           “Right. I am a little shocked at the fact that Melanie’s bread was raw. It was also her best presentation to date, I believe. I don’t know how longer she will be able to advance in the competition. I believe that she, Daisy, and Basira are our bottom three,” says Elias.

           “I agree. I think that Jon, Annabelle, and maybe Manuela are our top three. They have consistently done very well throughout the competition,” says Gertrude.

           “I have the sad duty of saying who will be eliminated this week, bakers,” says Michael. “This person, unfortunately, just never wowed us. Basira, unfortunately you have been eliminated.” Basira sighs. Her one attempt at creativity had gone wrong. She didn’t regret it, though.

           “And I will tell you who is our shining star today! This person again wowed us with their skill, baking bread at an extremely high and extremely tasty level. Jon, you are again our Star Baker!” Jon again looks surprised, wide brown eyes gleaming. Martin can’t take his own eyes off them.

           Later, Michael reads from a paper.

           “Bread Week is at a tasty end. We’d like to thank our sponsor, Nikola Orsinov! Come see her shows with the Circus of the Other at the Grimaldi Theater bimonthly. Yes, both every two weeks and twice a week, every Saturday and Sunday at 7:00 PM.

           “As always, we’d also like to thank our editor, Miss Sasha James, and our producer, Mr. Tim Stoker. And a big thanks goes to Mrs. Georgie Barker for letting us use her haunted land. Make sure to check out her podcast, What The Ghost?!

           “Thank you for watching! This was made possible by viewers like you. Remember, it’s the Ceaseless Watcher, not the 9-5 Watcher with Weekends Off!” Michael smiles directly into the camera.

● ⬀ ⬈

sunflowers-and-frogs:

ahumaninbakerstreet:

If Annabelle was curating the tapes and putting them all together, did she also make the intro music? Was she sitting in Hilltop Road playing a cello? Did she get Nikola to imitate Jon and announce the episode number and name? This is very funny to imagine.

did she specifically record and keep martin’s poetry as the only non-fear content? did she play clown music instead of the theme for 119? did she add various sound effects to Jon’s voice for fun.

One of her favorite spiders really liked the poetry, so she let it record some. You know when the calliope got moved from the house in the its first episode? It was going to Hilltop Road so she could play some. The This Is The Creepy Part noise? That’s just a lot of spiders. (I will not elaborate.) The static was Annabelle going WSSHHHHH until Nikola couldn’t take it any more and got her a white noise machine.

Someone please make a fic of this. I probably will, but there are better writers than me in this fandom.

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I listened to MAG 170 and I’m just imagining Jon looking for Martin that whole time. Every time Martin remembers his name, maybe he can hear it and he thinks he’s close—and then Martin’s far away again. And he wants to See where he is, but he won’t let himself, because Martin said not to, and he’s not in physical danger.

Maybe it’s like another domain for Jon, one where he’s lost Martin. Where his only choices are to go against Martin’s wishes and find him again (which Martin would probably want, really) or let him be lost. And both of those choices are awful.