Jon: “No-one ever believes me when I tell them my age. I don’t know if it’s the already greying hair or something in my demeanour, but they always act surprised when I mention being a child in the Nineties.” (MAG 81)
1995:
An Adult: How old are you?
Jon, 8: *stares off into distance* ‘old enough to have seen horrors beyond your comprehension’ *continues staring*
An Adult: *slowly backs away*
2005:
Georgie: What’s your favorite band?
Jon: *has only listened to his grandmother’s records*…Glenn Miller. I mean, if you want a band, probably…the Andrews Sisters. *tries to think frantically of a normal band* Oh, and the Spice Girls!
Narrator: Jon did not know that the Spice Girls broke up in 2000. Technically, neither did the author until now.
Georgie: …how are you 18?
2013:
Tim: Jon, I need your password. What year were you born, 1964?
Jon: *as dry as humanly possible* 1987.
Tim: Wait, what? So, you’re like…25?
Jon: *sighs* I try not to think about it.
About six months after October 18, 2018:
Jon: Annabelle, did you have anything to do with Mr. Spider?
Annabelle: Perhaps. Wait, what? How could I? Wouldn’t that have been before I was born?
Jon: …no. It was in 1995. Are you less than 23 years old?
Annabelle: Wait.
Jon: …What?
Annabelle: Wait a minute. Are you saying you were a kid in the nineties?
Jon: …good lord.
Annabelle: You’re a MILLENNIAL? *starts laughing*
Jon: *sighs* I’m too old for this, millennialism or no.
via suffering-raisin: #youre telling me annabelle is a zoomer#what the fuck I meant to imply that she’s not Gen Z, since Jon’s Web encounter was in fact after she was born. She was also apparently in post-graduate study (that spider experiment) in 2010, so that makes her an older millennial. However, my new headcanon is that she is, in fact, Gen Z (making her 24 or less) and she was in that study as an eight-year-old.