2025-02-23 7:14:36 ¶ ● ⬈

skiesandcandy:

> Today I offer jon putting some of the cameras back in his room in sci fi au and not saying anything. Not all of them but some. Today I am thinking about Jon tired from a long day with the crew and just. Curling up next to the cameras. Not asking for praise but clearly needing it. Today I am thinking about Jon touching himself sadly. Today I am thinking about Jon so lonely and missing what he and elias had so badly. Wanting it back. Wanting it back so bad it hurts. Today I am thinking about Jon crumbling and calling elias something he hasn’t called him since his transformation. Maybe dad maybe something else idk. Maybe sir. Idk yet. Who knows. I’m just thinking about. Sad masturbation. Jon should be curled up in his bed whimpering for the man that ruined his life to make him feel better to make him feel like hes not a monster and he deserves to feel good

Jon was tired. It was so hard to just be angry and upset all the time, to cling onto that bright little flame nested in his chest. It hurt, and there was no one he could go to. The rest of the crew avoided him when they could and Elias, god Jon just wanted things to go back to how they were. Maybe Jon could pretend just for a little bit.

He was surprised how many of the cameras were still intact after he had torn them from the walls after…well after he woke up. It wasn’t hard to reinstall them, not all of them, he still refused to offer Elias his former no blind spot view of himself, not now, not when it still hurt so much. So it only took a few minutes to place a good amount back on the wall, tiny red lights blinking on.

Collapsing in the bed Jon turned on his side facing the cameras, watching as they shifted, adjusting, all pointing toward him. Before that had been so flattering, made him feel warm and safe, now he didn’t know what he felt, other than tired. He wiped at his face, no tears, but sometimes the motion was just instinctive, a tiny bit of humanity to cling to. Apparently having finished their adjustment, the cameras had settled, staring like so many eyes, all focused on him.

“Jon-,” Elias stopped as Jon held up a hand, interrupting the ship. He couldn’t deal with Elias commenting on the cameras, they were back it was fine, no acknowledgement needed.

“I miss you,” Jon whispered softly staring at the cameras, he can practically hear the smug response Elias wants to give, but instead the ship seems to understand, that’s not what he wants right now.

“I miss you too, my little engineer,” Elias’s voice is soft, the undertone of static, gentle and familiar. Jon gives a very small smile sliding a hand down his chest, trying to recapture how it used to be, when he would lie on his bed, the cameras staring as he touched himself however Elias asked him to. He winced as his fingers met metal, a reminder of why this was so hard now, but quickly moved past this sliding between his legs.

“My lovely Jon,” Jon blushed, difficult circumstances aside, this was still always a little embarrassing, even if he knew Elias liked it. For a brief second Jon felt another sensation pressing against his chest, he stopped his fingers immediately his expression sharpening.

“Don’t, just, let me pretend,” The sensation vanished, Elias offering an apologetic hum, and Jon resumed fingering himself. It wasn’t some grand show or anything, just letting himself get lost in the sensation, pretending that this was before, that he was human, that Elias was still someone he could trust. He let his eyes slip close, increasing the pace, until he couldn’t hold back his own small gasps.

“You’re doing so well, just like that my little engineer,” Elias’s voice resumed its soothing tone, encouraging Jon. Jon wished, just for now he could pretend, could pretend this was all it was. With his eyes closed he couldn’t see the wires that snaked through his skin, he was just himself again. Not a monster, not an abomination of metal and flesh, he could be just Jon again.

“P-please, sir please, I’m so close,” Jon pressed his fingers deeper, remembering how Elias used to tell him exactly how to touch himself. He ground his palm into his clit as he chased the feeling. He just wanted to pretend just for tonight, just that it was all better.

“You can do it go ahead, come for me little one,” Jon moaned softly, it wasn’t the bright overwhelming feeling, just a warmth spreading through him, making him go limp as he rode out the feeling. Jon lay there basking in the after glow, his eyes shut tight. For just a few more minutes he could pretend that he was human, and everything was still okay.