Thinks about that one thread of “most of jons kinks are just eroticized and actually Fun versions of things he hates/is insecure about” because they are so so right.
He hates having no agency in a situation where he needs to do something important, but he loves being helpless sexually with someone who knows the right things to do and isn’t just not listening to him.
(Being helpless is terrifying but like this, it’s a good fear. He’s small and defenseless and doesn’t know what’s best for him, and they’re going to give him everything he wants no matter how hard he struggles against it. He can whine and struggle and cry but they’re not letting him out. He can scream his throat raw, and they’ll still be pinning him down. He’s helpless. He can’t do anything. “Just give up.” They tell him, and he breaks.)
He hates being viewed as incompetent but he loves all the responsibility being stripped away from him.
(“Oh, don’t be so fussy, Jon. You’re alright. You don’t have to do anything right now.” Elias scolds lovingly, gently but firmly settling him under his desk. “Come on, now. You were being so good. Can you be patient for me?”)
(“You don’t have to be a person right now, Jon.” Elias told him once, and he crumbled so fast he barely realized he was shaking until Elias pointed it out.)
He obviously hates being in danger but hating and being scared of something that can’t kill him is a relief. He wants to be hurt and get out the Itch to be treated how he deserves without being in serious danger.
(Elias is strong. He’s reminded of this over and over again as he smacks him, until he thinks he might have to take a day off. Hurts so bad he can hardly think besides the knowledge he’s being good, nice and limp and repenting so beautifully, isn’t he perfect? Maybe elias is saying that. He can’t tell. He feels warm and loose and pliant. He’s taking it so well. He’s gonna make him proud he’s gonna make up for all of it he’ll be so perfect, he promises. Elias smiles so fondly at him he wants to burst.)
He hates being looked down upon. He wants someone to look down on him and adore him and want him anyway.
(Grinding so hard on Gerry’s boot, whining at every little insult and babbling out apologies. He’s sorry, he’s sorry, he knows he’s making a mess, he knows he can’t control himself, he’s sorry, he cant help it. Gerry laughs so fondly and says of course he can’t. “Poor baby. I bet it hurts, huh? Someone should be taking care of you.”
Jon whines when Gerry yanks him up by the hair. Nips at his tits and nipples, laughing at all his jolts and whines. “God, you’re a real whore, yknow that? So smart, right up until anyone so much as lays a finger on your cute little cunt.” He’s playing with his clit too roughly and he likes it. It hurts so bad. He’s scared he’s gonna squirt all over Gerrys hand and he’s gonna make fun of him and then Gerrys gonna make him cum over and over until he cant anymore. And even then he won’t stop. He hopes he does. It would be awful and he wants it.
“Where’s all that sass now, huh? Feel too good to think? Is that it?”
Jon whines.
“I asked you a question, Jon. What, you too dumb to remember what those are?”
Hes either gonna cum all over himself or shatter into a million pieces, and he doesn’t know which is gonna come first.)
You get it. His fantasies are often just. Things he hates but safe and sexier