“I would’ve raised you better” but it’s elias saying it to jon,,, jon could be normal about it. He could’ve raised him better. He could’ve kept an eye on him. He could’ve guided him into the fears lovingly and carefully instead of letting him trip and fall into them, like he was doing now. He could’ve held him when he cried and made him feel so special, so wanted. He could’ve raised him better. I need tk be put down
Finished reading a fic that ended in a disclaimer about how terrible it is that people are writing noncon and “filth” and I’ve decided to finish that incest fic <3
Please picture incest au Jonah and jon seeing canon jon so depressed and angry at himself and so miserable and on top of all that he’s so so hungry and just being like. Hmmmm. Both going a mix of I can use this and genuine sympathy. Please picture them slowly bullying him into being their family / pet <3 ok?
I just think. Jon should get nonconsensually babied until he gives in and acts like the monster they both know he is. Ok? <33
I love Jon being treated like a baby monster by monsters. He’s just a kitten who doesn’t know you don’t show your claws to someone stronger than you. He spits and hisses, trying to be scary but he doesn’t have the teeth yet to back up his bark. He will, once he lets go of his pesky little humanity but for now he’s just sort of pitiful. I just need Jon to be treated like a baby monster who needs to be taught what’s good for him.
One of Jon’s first sexual experiences being with Helen in her corridors <3
Jon entering and getting lost and confused and running into Helen who’s so… who’s touching her, on the arm. Kissing her (and her teeth are so sharp and Jon’s sure that they pierce her lips, but when she runs her tongue over them the skin is unbroken…). Jon asking Helen to help her stop thinking. Helen helping her get all hazy and confused. Slowly losing touch with what’s happening to her body but it feels good. Slowly losing all sense….
There’s something pressing against her cock, something pressing inside her, she’s not sure where or what it is just that it’s filling her and it’s so so good and warm… Helen should threaten to breed her <3 maybe worrying over whether or not Jon’s on the pill. Jon not sure but shaking her head (she doesn’t think she is. Isn’t she? She doesn’t need it, but… but Helen sounds so certain, and she barely knows what’s happening to her body these days and especially not now with Helen grinding against her and inside her and all around her, scrambling her brain). Helen cooing about what a shame it would be, Jon’s a bright young woman, the future ahead of her… and here she is risking getting knocked up by monsters. Jon panting and moaning, barely coherent enough to understand the words but she’s cumming anyway, spilling over them both, and then there’s a rush of heat as the thing inside her twitches and pulses and spends itself.
Stumbling a little as Helen guides her out of the corridors, confused and lost and shaky and sated. Falling right asleep. She remembers it in bits and starts the next day. That it felt so good, so strange. Worrying about pregancy even though she knows it isn’t possible. Spends weeks terrified that she’s starting to get pregnancy symptoms…. <3
I want young uni student Jon to have a fling with a much older woman. It would be good for her. Or bad for her but in a fun way. Please she needs a woman twice her age to forcefem her it’s the only way to crack that egg. Please.
Maybe Gertude. Maybe an AU where Helen distortion starts haunting this poor sad curious student <3 it’d be so much fun actually please. Get her a much older girlfriend with nefarious intentions. Please.
I don’t think Jon frequently uses the internet especially not anywhere even remotely resembling kink spaces, which is a shame because I think seeing anything about someone locking you up in your basement and forcefemming you could change her as a person. Especially in this. Like would she realistically be in a position to see that. No. But like she SHOULD. And she should think about it everytime helen forcefully insists she’s a woman and squirm a little thinking about it. Ok…
Helen SHOULD treat jons brain like a toy. The first time jon told her to make her stop thinking she was like oh I’m going to LOVE this one. Jon and her massive dumbification bordering on mindbreak kink , especially in this. Like I mean cmon. If ur a somewhat willing avatar of the spiral that shit is like. Ur jam. Yknow. Jons sense of reality shoukd get all blurred Jon should start losing touch with what can and can’t happen Jon should be left sooo confused and lost the spiral should have such a strong hold on her mind. Ok. Helen should bat her around for fun and profit. Jon exhausted after another fight after another horrible mistake just needs to not think not know anything for nothing to be real. For nothing to make sense to be so overwhelmed and helpless her brain just goes blissfully silent and all that’s left is what she wants to do. Jon spending a couple days in the corridors getting fucked stupid without realizing it <3 because she’s just having such a nice time !!! Jon who’s started bitterly viewing the corridors as a refuge. Away from anyone who hates her. The rooms are all strange and odd and Wrong but Helen tailors some just for her. Please imagine Helen messing with her while she’s sooo confused and lost and offering to let her stay the night and she shouldn’t but she’s sooo tired and looking at helens shifting face makes her brain even more tired and she doesn’t wanna go back to where nobody wants her. Being shuffled into a room that’s Wrong and Strange. A bed that feels a bit like she might just sink into it and never leave. But it’s so comfortable. So soft. So warm, even if it almost feels like the corridors might consume her like this. The food here makes it hard to think. Makes her body look. Strange. Different. (Right.) Everything in this room is strange and wrong and it’s so comfortable even if she can barely even think. Can barely register anything. Feels like she’s unraveling. Like helens pulling at the very threads of her being. Should it feel so freeing? Like such a relief?
She knows she’ll be back here. She knows she’ll let Helen take her while she watches her reflection that Isn’t what she looks like. That makes her entire being burst with happyhappyhappy that she Cannot think about ever. That makes it feel like all of that js really happening as long as she doesn’t look away.
I’m gonna think so much more about college student jon/helen btw. It’s so fun. Such a specific flavor of Horrible. The power imbalance of it all…a stressed repressed college student and the embodiment of insanity that’s feeding off of her denial and downward spiral. What could go wrong <3
I love. That one concept of college jon + helen it’s SO fun. Helen should mess with Jon and unravel her mind slowly and make Jon lose her grip on reality and slowly lure her into the spiral. Jon should be horrible to all her friends as she gets worse. Jon should start spending more and more times in the corridors and it should have Consequences. She should lose her humanity in a way that’s so confusing and hard for her to keep track of. She should nuzzle into the crook of helens neck and tell her she could at least TRY to be actually helpful and Helen laughs so loud it hurts her brain, but the sound is oddly musical. The pains oddly pleasant. And it’s confusing, and she wants nothing more than to understand it. The more she tries to understand the spiral, the more confused she gets. The more her own mind seems to confuse her. The more she needs to understand. The less she understands the spiral the more she Understands it yk. Why someone would fall. The appeal of it. Of giving up being human or being liked or trying to do good completely. Idk. Helen should unravel her ok. Jon should be aware she’s coming undone but the spiral is singing so loudly and the corridors feel more at home than she’s ever felt anywhere. She wanders them for hours trying to understand. Knowing she can’t. She’s always loved a challenge and there has to be some common thread somewhere. Helen giggling over how hard she keeps trying. Telling her it doesn’t make sense and that’s the point. Jon all whiny and confused and her brain isn’t working :(( barely knows up from down anymore, but the corridors are warm, so warm, and Helen has a nice room for her prepared for when she’s tired. It’s confusing too. Everything’s so confusing. She could stay in this place forever, trying to solve every little mystery, entertained by chasing her own tail, thinking she’s making progress, solving one and immediately slamming headfirst into the other. So endlessly, blissfully confused. Not a single painful thought again.
She always makes herself leave. But she always has to remind herself. That she can’t just stay in this place forever. That she can’t just curl up in Helens arms and let her reach deep inside of her and rewire her as she pleases. Can’t take up her offers of seeing what they could do about the body she hates so much. Always reminds herself she has to leave eventually.
She always is a little disappointed when she hears a door open and it isn’t Helen. She’s so angry around her friends all the time, so exhausted and snappy. People don’t like her anymore. She doesn’t want to be here. She’s so angry all the time and.
And the spiral is singing so loudly, asking aren’t you tired? Aren’t you tired? And she can’t let herself answer
I need to start thinking about Jon timetravel selfcest again. Need future!jon to Watch past!jon and elias having sex and be forced to see a version of themselves having every single one of their secret sexual fantasies fulfilled. Past!jon is pleading for his dad to breed him and future!jon is watching from the corner with a hand down their pants feeling soooo guilty and disgusted and seen and envious. That could’ve been them.
Both versions of Jon should also be huge pervet creeps btw. You KNOW those two freaks are spying on each other. Future!jon should get suspicious of past!jon and follow him home and watch him masturbate. And past!jon should see them while he’s fingering himself and cum immediately.
Whoops. I will now be chewing on the concept of blissfully confused forever. Sorry. I think being so overwhelmed by sights and sounds her brain just shuts down and leaves her just curious and able to enjoy trying to understand and not comprehending any of it, so lost and so eager to know, thoughts slipping through her fingers, so peaceful and happy and carefree wouldn’t fix jon but Helen should do it anyway. Cmon girl put her in your corridors till she’s so disoriented and can’t form a proper thought. Put her in her crate when she’s being disobedient and in denial and watch how long it takes for her to forget that she’s supposed to be angry about this when you talk to her like that….ok….
Adopted incest pet play is just so fun <3 Jon so Very normal about the idea that he might fail/disappoint his father (the only adult who ever seemed to really understand him. To want him) and developing a fetish about it. What if he was just Elias’ treasured puppy who didn’t need to be smart or worthy or feel constantly at risk of losing the one and only person he has. What if he didn’t need to feel guilty or ashamed about how badly he wants Elias to have sex with him (or think about how he specifically wants Elias to desire him). He’s just a dog and it’s ok if he needs to sit in Elias’ lap and hump his leg. He’s just a dog he doesn’t know any better.
I sort of want Elias to be a little blindsided by this development too btw. Obviously he’s already aware of Jon’s fears and insecurities and Issues but the kink part should be a surprise to him. Maybe he was very busy at work and Jon was off at uni, so he doesn’t expect it when, on Jon’s first holiday back, he is near-constantly thinking about how awful and disgusting it is that he wants Elias to put a collar on him and call him a dog.
Needless to say, Elias finds this new development fascinating.
Tbh an ace Jon interpretation that i’m Very Fond Of is that Jon has zero interest in having sex himself but he really really wants to Observe it happening to other people. Like his Ideal Sexual Encounter is one where he stands in a corner and watches as other people fuck (ideally without acknowledging his presence). And he’s maybe kind of horny but he’s not actually getting off because this isn’t about that.
He’s never actually Asked anyone to fulfill this desire out of awkwardness and a vague sense that other people would find the idea Strange. He’s tried porn but it’s too scripted and fake. He’s curious about sex, the intimacy and vulnerability and the reactions.
I think Sasha would share a very similar sentiment, and Elias would be more than happy to put on a show for him, and Gerry (in the incest au) wouldn’t have any problem indulging her brother’s curiosity <3
no matter how terrible my day is. i can always end my day in bed imagining fictional characters making out sloppy style and fucking raw. and that’s beautiful. there’s some good in this world mister frodo and it’s worth fighting for
I’ve been thinking a lot about aus where Elias is Jon’s father recently. I think it’s a pretty easy thing to apply to their canon relationship. Elias shaping Jon, that line about “leaving the nest” and “my, you have grown.” Anyway I think it would be very hot if Elias was actually Jon’s father. Slipping off during galas to fuck in an unoccupied room and Jon is protesting but at the same time he’s unbuckling Elias’ belt and reaching for his cock. I also think it’d be hot if Elias did something to mess with Jon’s birth control. Jon pregnant with his father’s child….
Oh my god anon, I am ALWAYS thinking about jonelias incest and how that would work with Elias’ canon treatment of Jon as something that he created and owns in a way.
The idea of Jon still working at the Institute is so delicious though, like canon-adjacent jonelias is scandalous enough but Elias giving an important job to his underqualified son? Showing very clear bias to Jon over other employees? Can you imagine how Jon’s coworkers would react? It would just make him even more isolated and push him deeper into Elias’ control. And that’s not even getting into the risk of them sneaking around and potentially even being caught. Elias would never let anyone breathe a word about their relationship but maybe Jon doesn’t actually know what his father is capable of.
And the babytrapping. Elias seeing Jon interact with his coworkers and build real relationships as an adult for maybe the first time and realizing how quickly things could go wrong if Jon ends up closer rhan anticipated to someone else. It makes complete sense for Elias to replace Jon’s birth control with placebos, right? Doesn’t it just make sense for Elias to take steps to ensure that his son will always be with someone who can keep him safe, who knows what kind of monsters lurk in the world, who will stand by Jon’s sides as he becomes one of those monsters? Jon will understand one day.
I honestly think Elias telling Jon he was a good boy wouldn’t have like. Made him throw away his morals but by god would it have made him consider it for a good few minutes.
I need je far closer in canon with elias being such a warm steady presence so experienced so comforting not controlling happy to let Jon sort things out and ask questions. I need Elias hands to slowly drift lower and lower on him as he talks to him and Jon so caught up in his presence and his warmth and his praise that it all just feels so natural, all feels so so good and he needs it so bad. Please imagine Elias coming into document storage and gently undressing jon and seeming so self assured, so unworried, so completely content to be here. Please imagine Elias seeming very pleased with himself inside of Jon and Jon just squirming and whimpering cutely. Take my hand. The views beautiful over here guys.
read all your stories on ao3 and was wondering if you have any thoughts on desolation! Tim with Jon? because Jon heals fast and Tim likes to burn him
Oh I have very many thoughts, please enjoy whatever this monstrosity I managed to write. Also I think Tim should get to feed on Jon and Jon should get to feed on Tim because mutual self destruction is fun. Can you make fourth degree burns sexy? Today we find out.
The first time Tim had burned him it had been an accident, growing pains with his new abilities. He had apologized, even as Jon’s skin immediately returned to its former state. Only it kept happening, little touches, nothing even close to the damage Jude had done. Burning fingertips that left little round burns, like someone was putting cigarettes out on his arm. Jon didn’t mind it much, but well he was curious, so finally he decided he had to ask Tim as he was leaving his office.
“Are you doing this on purpose?” It was meant to be lighthearted, just a joke, but too late Jon heard the static on his tongue.
“Yes,” Tim’s response was too fast to be anything but a product of compulsion. His expression morphing from horror, to anger as he continued speaking, clearly trying to fight it. “It takes the edge off the hunger, and it’s not like you’ll stop me.”
“Sorry I di-,” Jon broke off into a yelp as Tim shoved him back pinning him between his body and the desk. Jon was reminded again how much taller than him Tim was, as he practically loomed over him, eyes flickering with an unnatural glow.
“I want to do so much worse to you,” Jon could feel the heat radiating off Tim as the words continued to be pulled out. Part of Jon was terrified, the other was feasting on every word he ripped from Tim, it wasn’t exactly a statement, but the Eye still seemed pleased. “I think it would be better sometimes, at least then I’m not hurting an innocent person, and it’s not like I could do anything permanent.”
Jon couldn’t even argue that point, it was true, Jon was a monster, and better him than someone who couldn’t heal. That fact didn’t stop him from whimpering as Tim ran a burning finger down his cheek, even as he couldn’t look away. Part of him wanted to flee, to run, but instead all Jon could do was continue listening, even as his eyes watered in pain he couldn’t stop staring.
“And you would let me wouldn’t you? You’d probably like it. Sometimes I wonder if you make me angry on purpose, just so I’ll snap. ” Jon managed to hold back a yelp as he was lifted, so he was now seated on top of his desk, it didn’t correct the height disparity much. If his heart still beat Jon wondered if it would be pounding in fear, or anticipation. “I could burn you down to your bones, and you’d just keep watching.”
With that last sentence Tim snapped out of it his eyes narrowing, the unnatural glow was still there, but it seemed his pseudo statement was over. Jon resisted the urge to dig further to know more, Tim still had statements that Jon hadn’t taken yet. It was like taking a bite of a meal, then being whisked away from the table before you had even swallowed.
“What the fuck boss?” Jon flinched, apologies flooding onto his tongue, but he was almost scared to speak, worried he’d compel him. Tim didn’t let him sort through his thoughts grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him. He looked horrified and angry again, but underneath it all Jon could now see the hunger burning beneath everything.
“You could,” Jon was careful to keep his words static free as he stared up at Tim, he wanted to help, needed to do something. But the last thing he needed was to compel him again, who knew how’d he react. Jon felt like his own words were being pulled out now, the Eye urging him on, feeding his own curiosity. “Use me for that I mean, let me help.”
“You’re insane,” Tim muttered but didn’t let go, and Jon could feel the heat spreading from Tim’s grip on his shoulders, still bearable, more like a mild sunburn. Painful, but nothing compared to most of what he had experienced recently, nothing that would fill the emptiness of Tim’s hunger was anything like his own. Jon could practically see the thoughts churning behind Tim’s eyes, not literally, the Eye didn’t seem to want to impart that information, but it was clear Tim was going to refuse, to run away, and Jon, and the Eye, couldn’t have that.
“Hurt me Tim come on,” Jon grabbed onto the front of Tim’s shirt with his burned hand, pulling him closer. He barely managed to fight back the static itching the back of his throat. “It’s not like I haven’t been burned before.”
“God you’re impossible,” Tim released his shoulders to instead take his face in his hands. The contact with bare skin was a lot more painful than his shoulders had been, though still nothing worse than a first degree. If he could see his face he wondered if it made him look like he was blushing as Tim’s thumbs lightly stroked his cheeks leaving a stripe of pain.
Jon would have responded, maybe to antagonize him more, to push him to lose his temper. He was terrified, but the feeling was almost drowned out by just how much he needed to know what would happen. Only as he opened his mouth Tim chose to lean forward sealing his lips over his. If his hands had been warm his lips were searing, it hurt, and Jon tried to pull away immediately a scream bubbling up, but he was held tightly. His scream turned to a choked off whimper into Tim’s mouth as the part of him that remembered that this was a bad idea suddenly was no longer drowned out by curiosity.
Jon could feel his skin start to blister, a second degree burn the Eye offered as tears started to flow down his cheeks, sizzling away as the water contacted Tim’s skin. That seemed to get his attention as he pulled back, releasing his face to change his grip to his waist instead, skin once more partially protected by cloth. Tim’s pupils were blown wide and Jon could see nothing but fire behind them, he could even see his reflection, the burns already healing, leaving him unharmed and panting with only the memory of pain.
“Does it hurt Boss?” Jon flinched as Tim’s hands slid beneath his shirt, bypassing the scant protection of the cloth. He didn’t seem to actually want an answer, digging his burning fingers into the smattering of worm scars in the space between his ribs and his hips. Jon not wanting to scream, not knowing if anyone would hear him in the rest of the institute immediately fastened his teeth into his hand, blocking any sound other than a muffled whimper. He could taste blood, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of fingers sliding through his skin like well, like a hot knife through butter.
The thought almost made him laugh, perhaps the pain had already made him a bit delirious. He wondered if the Eye could put back everything that was being destroyed as Tim’s hands sank deeper. He wasn’t bleeding, the heat searing any damaged vessels shut immediately. Jon had thought shaking Jude’s hand was the worst a burn could feel, but it had only hurt for a few moments until all the nerves in his hand were destroyed. Now though, now he could feel them repairing themselves as the heat passed over them, burning them away again as soon as they formed.
Jon was surprised he hadn’t passed out, but well the Eye clearly wanted to see what was happening, it wouldn’t let him close his eyes. It was a struggle for him to look down, to see just what Tim had done, but he knew he needed to see. He didn’t know what he had expected but the sight was certainly worse. His skin was blacked in places, though the rapid healing had those places sealing up again, crusting over, only to be seared again as Tim shifted his grip.
The sight of something white inside had him freezing, thoughts immediately flashing to Prentiss’s awful parasites, but no, that wasn’t larvae that had missed, that was the bone of his hip, skin peeled away like clay, as Tim’s thumb rested on the protrusion. Jon wondered if he’d have an indentation there as even the bone couldn’t stand up to the heat, his thumb sinking in, marking him. It didn’t hurt, there were no nerves there, but it still felt wrong, and that was the point the Eye seemed satisfied, no longer forcing Jon to stay conscious to watch his own pain.
Starting to lose his fight with consciousness he slumped forward into Tim, who caught him. Hands no longer buried inside him, now held his shoulders gently, the heat warm now and no longer burning. His nerves now seeing their chance started to not back together with flesh and bone, each second agony as his body erased any trace of what happened. Of course it wasn’t until he was fully healed that his eyes began to droop, making him feel every agonizing second as Tim held him close. Jon he felt a gentle hand press his sweat soaked hair out of his face, before feeling himself lifted up. He let his head rest against what he was fairly certain was Tim’s chest, no longer silent, but instead occupied by a steady heartbeat.
“Did it help?” His voice sounded cracked and painful, and if he weren’t on the edge of consciousness he would have probably asked for water. Jon flinched as he was jostled as Tim let out a short bark of laughter, before Jon felt himself being set onto something soft, probably the cot in document storage.
“Get some rest idiot,” Tim’s voice was softer than it had been since the stalking incident. Jon wanted to ask if he would stay with him, would just hold him for a bit, even if he was t getting anything out of it. But Jon bit off those words, he had no right to ask Tim for anything, especially not comfort.
“Fine,” Jon mumbled burying his face into his pillow as he finally let his consciousness fade. Tim’s footsteps as he left the room the last thing he heard before plunging into one of his victim’s nightmares,
Oh no I'm gonna be thinking about jh forever now. Jon becoming progressively more and more spiral as she loses touch with reality...Jon who knows she should stop going into the corridors before it's too late but she doesn't want to, she's stubborn and she's curious and it's the only thing she has that feels good, Jon watching her reflection shift and change memorized and seething with envy because she wants it so bad. Jon sleeping in helens room for her more than she does in her actual dorm. Jon soooo hungry and prowling around her girlfriend's corridors for something nice to eat. Jon getting lost in her corridors recreationally. Always exploring them because they're always changing. Don't worry about how sharp her hands are, or about how all her bones look wrong, or about the fact her eyes are just Not Right, or about how her hair is all spirally, or about how her laugh hurts your ears, or about how she's clearly always looking at something that isn't there <3. Just. Jon unraveling rapidly <3 Helen having such a vice grip on her brain and having sooo much fun seeing what she can do to it. Maybe Helen should say what the HELL is it going to take for her to admit she wants this. Jon tells her to break her, in a rare moment of vulnerability, because can't she see she's sick of pretending too?? She's miserable and trapped and she wants out and she's tired of being human and she's so fucking guilty about it. And helen goes aight. Bet. College student having a mental breakdown over repressed emotions meet the physical embodiment of them. I'm sure she won't shed her humanity and become the happiest she's ever been while ruining peoples lives
-skiesandcandy
So turns out I have thoughts…look if Helen can’t make Jon into her cute little baby monster what the point. Jon should get to be a pretty little monster girl and toss her humanity aside as a treat,
Jon wanted to crawl out of their skin, it wasn’t a new feeling, in fact it had become all too common lately. Sometimes when they went do enough into Helen’s corridors they could almost see the seams, places where skin could be peeled back, giving them a body that didn’t fit wrong. Jon considered calling for Helen, they had ended up deeper in the corridors than usual, following one of their twisted reflections, the ones that looked like Jon wanted to. Each time they caught a glimpse of their mirror selves their reflection would smile, mouth almost twisting right off her face, before beckoning them further.
Jon had finally collapsed muscles refusing to move any further, watching their reflection disappear this time seemingly to run deeper into the mirror instead of to a separate one, as they tried to crawl after her. Their fingers brushed against the blank surface, but the girl in the reflection had vanished completely. Jon wanted to sob, they hadn’t thought of why they were chasing that particular reflection. Maybe a small part thought that if they caught it something would happen, something that would make them the girl in the mirror.
It didn’t of course, they were the same as always, and they hated it. Sometimes they thought it would be better if they never made it back. They had already screwed up with their schooling, it was hard to pass a class when reality never seemed to stay still, and time seemed to jump and spin like wind chimes in a whirlwind.
It also didn’t help that it was so hungry, and not the normal type of hunger that could be solved with simple meal. No this was the type of hunger that made it feel like a monster, like something that should be put down to keep others safe. It shuddered remembering the first time it had realized that the feeling it had watching Helen feed wasn’t disgust, but instead was like the first bite of an extravagant meal, then the shame had nearly swallowed it, like a black pit.
Helen had laughed of course, the sound like knives in its ears, but comforted it still, curling her too long fingers around it, cradling it to her chest. It had cried saying it didn’t want to be a monster and Helen had crooned at it, had asked why being a monster was so terrible? Jon had tried to explain but its thoughts had twisted around each other. Helen hadn’t stopped pressing and pushing asking at what point was it better to just let go?
Jon wanted so much to let go, but they clung to their humanity, with bloody broken fingernails, because if they let go? Would they still be Jon? The tired snappy college student, who nobody really liked, and whispered behind their back? They didn’t want to be that person, but what of the person on the other side was worse? What if they changed and they still hated themselves?
“That’s what you’re going with?” Jon hadn’t noticed Helen until she was carding her fingers through their hair, somehow no longer on the floor but instead laying across her lap chin resting on the chair’s arm. Jon blinked and now they were pressed against her chest, their face buried into their too curly hair. “Better the devil you know? That’s why you’re clinging to such an ill fitting form?”
Jon was too tired to speak even if they could form sentences, instead they just nuzzled into Helen’s arms. Only Helen didn’t let them drift off cupping their chin to look into their eyes. Suddenly everything was sharp and painful and real and Jon could feel tears collecting in their eyes. They heard an anguished cry and only realized it was their own when Helen pressed their mouth closed.
“I’ve been so patient with you little one,” Helen’s grip on their hair was no longer gentle instead using it to keep them still as they forced them to look at her. “What will it take to stop hurting yourself? To just let go, and be what you want? To be my pretty little monster?”
Their other self in the mirrors were back staring at them from a thousand places, the twisted smile now a frown with eyes that weren’t right. Jon recoiled from the disappointed looks, even to their reflections they were disappointing.
“I wish I knew,” Jon snapped, their voice cracking as the last word came out more as a sob. “I hate this, I don’t want to be this anymore, I want to be her,” they gestured wildly about at their reflections, each now looking surprised, no longer frowning, but more…anticipative? “I want you to force me to break me and make me something better, dig into those seems and make me not feel like this anymore!”
The room was silent as Jon’s tirade came to an end, tapering off with a choked cry as they collapsed against Helen sobs racking their frame. They waited for Helen to decide finally that they weren’t worth it, to throw them from her corridors forever, one more person realizing they weren’t worth the trouble.
“Oh Jon,” Helen didn’t sound upset, instead her voice was a gentle croon in their ear. It wound through their brain, almost like a cat, until it noticed a stray thread tugging on the loose thought. Jon didn’t dare look at their skin, scared to see nothing change, but also scared to see the seams opening up. Jon could almost see their grip on the shreds of humanity they had left, slipping as their thoughts unraveled, “All you had to do was ask.”
Jon’s world was alight with confusion, it was as though the fabric that made them was unraveling, but only to wind with something else. Something that reminded them of Helen, but instead of doors, it tasted distinctly of mirrors. And wasn’t that about odd thought, their sense of self melting together and tasting of glass and hallways and Helen.
She felt lips on hers as Helen kissed her, tongue much longer than it should be winding down her throat, and she couldn’t breathe. Did she need to breathe? She wasn’t quite sure she had lungs anymore, that should terrify her right? Was she finally having her long awaited breakdown? She didn’t think breakdowns were supposed to be like this? We’re supposed to feel like too sharp hands prying her fingers out of her grip in her own humanity. Guilt falling away like a too big coat, why should she be guilty?
No one had ever tried to help her before Helen, and if she liked Jon as her little monster? Well why should she try to please anyone else. Part of her screamed that she should want to stay human for herself, but that part felt like it was being peeled off too be replaced with a sense of belonging.
She was pulled back to her body as Helen pulled away just enough to let her breathe again. She blinked up at Helen, knowing her eyes now glittered in unnatural jewel bright tones that spun like butterflies. She was pulled close feeling her skin fitting different than before. Whether it was just in her mind or a real physical change she didn’t know, it didn’t really matter.
“Such a lovely girl,” She wondered when her clothes had vanished, but that idle thought was pushed aside as she craved her neck to get a better look at herself in the mirror now in front of her with Helen at her back. A blush spread across her cheeks, only the color was all wrong, her smile twisting off her face like the reflection she had been chasing. Helen caressed her chest and Jon couldn’t help but make the most embarrassing mewling sounds which had Helen poking at her even more laughing at every new squeak she could yield. Eventually Jon could feel the energy that had flown through her ebbing and the hunger creeping back in and she could only whine, words bringing her but Helen seemed to know what she needed.
“My little monster let’s get you someone to eat, becoming can be rather exhausting after all.”
There’s plenty of Jon kneeling under his desk to suck him off, and that’s all well and good, but please consider Elias kneeling under the table for Jon during a meeting to eat him out.
Maybe pregnant Jon, who is tired and a little sick and definitely Does Not want to be at this meeting, arriving first with Elias, only for him to slip under the table and slink over so he’s between Jon’s legs. Hissing under his breath and demanding to know what the hell Elias is doing but he still spreads his legs so Elias can kneel between them. Can kiss and lick at the new stretch marks, the slight bump from where Jon’s womb sits full of his child. The other employees file in and someone is filling in for Elias (who was just to busy to make it today, you see) and Jon knows it’s a terrible idea but he’s unzipping his slacks and hooking his legs over Elias’ shoulders and biting the inside of his lips so he doesn’t moan when Elias starts lapping up his slick. Elias worshipping his folds while Jon tries so so hard to keeps still and not give them both away….
I think Jon tried on a skirt exactly once out of curiosity. Felt a complicated and undefinable wave of Something about it. And then hurriedly took it off and decided very firmly to never. EVER touch those feelings ever again. This is fine :) everything is Fine :)
UR WRITINV IS SO GOOD IM WAITING UNTIL I HAVE BRAIN TO REVLOG BECAUSE ITS GIVING ME SO. SO MANY THIUGHTS. BUT OH MY GOD. I WANT TO CHEW ON IT. I AM CLAWING AT THEBWALLS. EXPLODES?
I think a formative part of incest au Jon coming to terms with his sexuality should be an all-out obsession with his dad. Over time he gets better and better at hiding it until he’s convinced he’s over it and normal now but there’s a good few years where he’s constantly thinking about and obsessing over and creeping on Elias. And it’s incredibly formative to him.
His kinks and fetishes and understanding of sex and relationships is like. Hugely informed by the fact that he spent several years wanting his dad to bend him over and fuck him soso bad. And maybe nobody would ever guess on their own but if anyone who knew him ever found out it would genuinely explain So Much for them.
I think Jon should work his ass off to get into Oxford in the vain hopes that being away from Elias for a prolonged period of time will help him get over his deeply inappropriate feelings and prevent him from doing things like “snoop through Elias’ collection of sex toys” or “creep into his room to spy on him while he’s asleep” or “hide in his wardrobe to watch him.” And it sort of does work! The feelings cool, he gets a romantic partner who he doesn’t really care for but who at least isn’t his dad, a few months of distraction and he thinks he’s finally feeling settled enough that he can spend winter break back home <3
And of course there’s this odd tension between them winding higher and higher and higher and there’s something possessive in Elias’ eyes and all those feelings are bubbling up brighter and sharper than ever and Elias is kissing him and Jon is kissing back and grinding against his thigh and fumbling to unbuckle his belt and-
Well. It’s going to be a very interesting break for Jon <3
in need of……..something. to be bent over? doted on? teased and edged? to have my hair brushed and braided? cooed over how cute I am when my brain is turned off?
Elias only feeding Jon with small statements, not filling by any means, but enough to leave him wanting more. Enough to make him come back again and again until Jon can only rely on Elias to give him what they both know he needs.
Elias: “He’s my little guy, my small tiny fellow, my little sopping wet kitten, he could be killed by a passing summer breeze, my most favorite employee, the most fragile traumatized little mind in reach, he’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, he’s the coughing baby to my hydrogen bomb, the sickly Victorian child to my plague, my little discord kitten, my blorbo whom I must put through the horrors, he’s never had a day of rest in his life and if it was any other way I would be miserable, he’s a stress ball to me, my little archivist must be put in Situations so I may thrive off his suffering and moral confusion. He is a dark mirror to my brilliance, cut of identical cloth but the very model of weak qualities I left behind, the becoming and undoing of my being and my most precious arbiter of fear in 200 years.”
Jon: “Elias, the mannequins wanted to skin me, I’m scared.”
