Sorry for the JH kick they suddenly grabbed me by the throat.
Two victims making each other worse accidentally and then on purpose egging each other on into becoming perpetrators and fucking nasty about it. Sometimes I think it’s not really a dom sub thing more so just. Two awful awful people so so curious about each other…Jon trying to explore her figure her out make sense of her clearly inhuman form but it just gets more confusing the more he tries until he’s all whiny and frustrated and helens laughing at him and saying she told him so, she thought he would’ve learned by now. Jon being sooo stubborn <333 idk I think it’d be very fun for jon to be confused by whatever the fuck the distortion got going on. And i think it’d be very fun if helen began to be fascinated by his own eye bullshit, not becaude of the eye but because it’s Jon and it’s a little odd how it shaped the man who comforted her all that time ago…idk. weird fucked up intimacy. I want love confessions that sound like death threats. Love confessions hidden under layers of detachment and monstrosity. I want Jon to say “you don’t make me a good person.” And Helen to laugh and say she could say the same about him. I want Jon to wonder if how she turned out is his fault. And I want him to decide he can’t ever lose her, not again. Okay? Okay.
I WANT!!!! I want Jon to not want to end the world but stop caring about being human. About morals. He’ll try to keep the world in tact but he’s done and he’s tired and when the guilt is too much he opens her door and steps inside where everythings too much to even begin to worry about it. He asks when the guilt stops and she tells him when he chooses to stop it and I think he should tell her out of nowhere “I believe you.” because he was thinking of how he didn’t believe her before but now that he’s This. This thing. And yet somehow still Jon. He thinks he understands now. How you can be eaten alive by something and become the thing eating other people alive. How something can kill you and claim you as a part of it and yet you somehow still remain You. I’m thinking about Jon after a fight in the archives hearing a door open and immediately let out a sigh of a relief before remembering oh god it’s helen she’s gonna be annoying and groaning and she should laugh her ass off about it. Kiss all over his face and make fun of him. She should say he makes it hard not to keep him in her corridors forever. He should be scared shitless one day she will yet he can’t help but open that door when sometimes it’s just so easy there. When nothing makes sense. When he just. Embraces not being able to comprehend, having something deeply wrong with him, when it’s not safe but secure. When it hurts too much to think so he can just shut down in her walls. Submit to the overwhelming sensations. Do you think she ever desperately wants it to be understood what parts of her are helen do you think she ever lets him See them. Do you think his eyes get intense and she wonders if he’s about to go back on believing her and he just has this … awe. The same guilty awe he has of so many monstrous things as he murmurs “You’re beautiful”, as he runs his hands along her changing confusing body so intent on understanding it, on somehow figuring it out, even though she knows he never will. Never will fully understand her because it’s not in her nature, and yet now it seems he’s committed himself to doing so. I just. I’m thinking