I love. That one concept of college jon + helen it’s SO fun. Helen should mess with Jon and unravel her mind slowly and make Jon lose her grip on reality and slowly lure her into the spiral. Jon should be horrible to all her friends as she gets worse. Jon should start spending more and more times in the corridors and it should have Consequences. She should lose her humanity in a way that’s so confusing and hard for her to keep track of. She should nuzzle into the crook of helens neck and tell her she could at least TRY to be actually helpful and Helen laughs so loud it hurts her brain, but the sound is oddly musical. The pains oddly pleasant. And it’s confusing, and she wants nothing more than to understand it. The more she tries to understand the spiral, the more confused she gets. The more her own mind seems to confuse her. The more she needs to understand. The less she understands the spiral the more she Understands it yk. Why someone would fall. The appeal of it. Of giving up being human or being liked or trying to do good completely. Idk. Helen should unravel her ok. Jon should be aware she’s coming undone but the spiral is singing so loudly and the corridors feel more at home than she’s ever felt anywhere. She wanders them for hours trying to understand. Knowing she can’t. She’s always loved a challenge and there has to be some common thread somewhere. Helen giggling over how hard she keeps trying. Telling her it doesn’t make sense and that’s the point. Jon all whiny and confused and her brain isn’t working :(( barely knows up from down anymore, but the corridors are warm, so warm, and Helen has a nice room for her prepared for when she’s tired. It’s confusing too. Everything’s so confusing. She could stay in this place forever, trying to solve every little mystery, entertained by chasing her own tail, thinking she’s making progress, solving one and immediately slamming headfirst into the other. So endlessly, blissfully confused. Not a single painful thought again.
She always makes herself leave. But she always has to remind herself. That she can’t just stay in this place forever. That she can’t just curl up in Helens arms and let her reach deep inside of her and rewire her as she pleases. Can’t take up her offers of seeing what they could do about the body she hates so much. Always reminds herself she has to leave eventually.
She always is a little disappointed when she hears a door open and it isn’t Helen. She’s so angry around her friends all the time, so exhausted and snappy. People don’t like her anymore. She doesn’t want to be here. She’s so angry all the time and.
And the spiral is singing so loudly, asking aren’t you tired? Aren’t you tired? And she can’t let herself answer