thinking about an AU where Elias is Jon’s father who isn’t directly responsible for raising him but who visits on occasion. The visits stop for about a year, and then Mr. Spider happens, and about a month later Elias is at their door again.
He’s slightly. Different now, and it’s strange, but Jon was never really that close to his dad before and now he’s taking a more active interest in his son’s life. Clever and charming and funny in a dry sort of way. And affectionate, when Jon’s very very lucky. He can’t raise Jon himself no matter how much he begs. Doesn’t have the time nor desire ti be a single father, but Jon is interesting, and Elias wants to keep him in his life. Guide him, maybe. He’s ripe for Beholding….
Of course Jon grows up feeling Very Normal about his father. It’s not romantic love, really (nothing ever really has been, for Jon). But it’s the closest he’s ever gotten and he wonders if it might be. It’s this quiet, aching desperation. He wants- needs his father in his life. Longs for his approval and affection. To be near him. It’s all messy and tangled and painful. When he was younger he used to imagine what it would be like to be held by Elias. To sleep in his arms. When he was older he started to imagine… other things.
The summer before he starts college he spends a few weeks with Elias down in London. It’s not the first time, he’s been allowed the occasional weekend or vacation once he was old enough. It’s always been intense. Difficult. Being so close to Elias yet feeling so far. Paralyzed by the wrongness of his feelings, the weight of them. Confusing and heavy and ill-defined. Wanting touch and affection and… and something. And perhaps one night Elias shares a bottle of wine with him. Sits ever-so-slightly too close to him on the couch. And perhaps Jon drinks a little too much, finds himself curled into Elias’ arms, warm and safe and secure. Body singing with the contact. And when Elias sways in slightly closer (maybe to kiss Jon’s forehead, maybe just from the drink (maybe something else)) it’s Jon who reaches up to cup his cheek and kiss him, awkward and sloppy and so, so hungry for everything his father can give him. He knows its wrong, knows he’ll hate himself for it in the morning. But right now Elias is kissing him back. Is going so easily when Jon tugs him down, heavy and strong and pinning Jon to the couch. It’s Jon who opens his legs, lifts his hips for his father to remove his trousers. Who shakily nods when Elias asks if he’s sure, so gentle and soft. Moaning and whimpering as Elias’ clever fingers begin to spread him open. Crying out when his father finally, finally pushes deep inside. Jon’s never had his dad so close. He feels like he’s drowning, he feels so good.