thinking about an AU where Elias is Jon’s father who isn’t directly responsible for raising him but who visits on occasion. The visits stop for about a year, and then Mr. Spider happens, and about a month later Elias is at their door again.
He’s slightly. Different now, and it’s strange, but Jon was never really that close to his dad before and now he’s taking a more active interest in his son’s life. Clever and charming and funny in a dry sort of way. And affectionate, when Jon’s very very lucky. He can’t raise Jon himself no matter how much he begs. Doesn’t have the time nor desire ti be a single father, but Jon is interesting, and Elias wants to keep him in his life. Guide him, maybe. He’s ripe for Beholding….
Of course Jon grows up feeling Very Normal about his father. It’s not romantic love, really (nothing ever really has been, for Jon). But it’s the closest he’s ever gotten and he wonders if it might be. It’s this quiet, aching desperation. He wants- needs his father in his life. Longs for his approval and affection. To be near him. It’s all messy and tangled and painful. When he was younger he used to imagine what it would be like to be held by Elias. To sleep in his arms. When he was older he started to imagine… other things.
The summer before he starts college he spends a few weeks with Elias down in London. It’s not the first time, he’s been allowed the occasional weekend or vacation once he was old enough. It’s always been intense. Difficult. Being so close to Elias yet feeling so far. Paralyzed by the wrongness of his feelings, the weight of them. Confusing and heavy and ill-defined. Wanting touch and affection and… and something. And perhaps one night Elias shares a bottle of wine with him. Sits ever-so-slightly too close to him on the couch. And perhaps Jon drinks a little too much, finds himself curled into Elias’ arms, warm and safe and secure. Body singing with the contact. And when Elias sways in slightly closer (maybe to kiss Jon’s forehead, maybe just from the drink
(maybe something else)) it’s Jon who reaches up to cup his cheek and kiss him, awkward and sloppy and so, so hungry for everything his father can give him. He knows its wrong, knows he’ll hate himself for it in the morning. But right now Elias is kissing him back. Is going so easily when Jon tugs him down, heavy and strong and pinning Jon to the couch. It’s Jon who opens his legs, lifts his hips for his father to remove his trousers. Who shakily nods when Elias asks if he’s sure, so gentle and soft. Moaning and whimpering as Elias’ clever fingers begin to spread him open. Crying out when his father finally, finally pushes deep inside. Jon’s never had his dad so close. He feels like he’s drowning, he feels so good.I’m. Torn. on what happens next. On the one hand, there’s an Appeal in Jon and Elias continuing their affair. Just for that week, I think. A mutual (unspoken) agreement that they’ll be leaving it behind when Jon goes off to college. Jon spending his days exploring London or spending time with his father, and his nights cumming on Elias’ cock, pressed down into the mattress or trying to ride him.
But. Perhaps it was their last night together. Perhaps in the morning Elias drove Jon to the train station, dawn just barely breaking the sky. Cupped his son’s cheek. Pulled him in for a soft, slow kiss. Then… sent him back home.
Or maybe it’s just something neither of them talk about, in the morning. Elias smoothly sliding back into the role of Jon’s father (or at least. That’s how Jon wants to think of it. That Elias wasn’t his father, wasn’t acting like his father when they had sex), Jon clumsily trying to pretend everything is normal. Something stilted and strained between them in the last few days before Jon’s sent back home……
Either way he thinks that’s the last of it. Just one night (or a few) of everything he longed for for so many years. Feeling loved and pleasured and utterly adored, and now he has to carry this secret for the rest of his life. But it’ll be alright. Who’s even in his life to tell?
He gets very sick, just a few weeks after classes start. Throwing up at all hours. A fluctuating appetite. He doesn’t think about how he isn’t on birth control, about how neither of them could pull away long enough to slip on a condom. About how he rolled his hips onto Elias’ cock, whispered “inside, dad, please-“ he isn’t. He can’t be.
But the sickness doesn’t stop. And the fatigue is so heavy, so constant. His appetite fickle and strange. He waits, still. Drags it out as long as he can even as his grades begin to slip. Finally, after almost a month, he gives in and takes the test.
It’s positive.