Here’s a Keay family headcanon:

Mary Keay had red hair. Eric Delano had brown hair.

Gerard Keay had red hair that looked brown under certain lights.

“Mr. Spider wants more.” It’s not just the main sentence in “A Guest For Mister Spider,” it’s also a sentence that sums up Jon as a character.

Jon is a character who always wants more.

He starts reading statements, then he wants to learn more about how they all connect. He learns more about how they all connect, then he wants to learn how they work. He learns about how they work, then he starts to become a monster himself.

And when he starts to becomes a monster he also end’s up accidentally ending the world. But unlike other avatar’s who would be satisfied at that point, Jon decides that he wants more than to be the harbinger of doom. He wants to be the one to reverse the mistakes he made.

And he does…right after betraying his friends plan because, despite everything, he still wanted more than the ending he and the universe received.

No in TMA understands what’s going on less than The Desolation cult members.

They never seem to realize the irony in burning other people’s lives down in an act of “worship,” only to then do nothing but whine when their own plans go up in flames. The entire series is them going: “Agnes wasn’t the chosen one like we thought she’d be! How did this all go wrong?? What did we ever do to deserve this??!!” without a hint of awareness.

Like, they’re just objectively bad at this whole “worship the God of destruction” thing.

And look. You can say what you will about will about other Avatar’s, but at least they commit to the bit.

(From a story telling standpoint this is a really smart writing decision because who better to fed the Desolation with their despair then people who are supposed to worship it? However, the the sheer lack of awareness from the cultists is as insufferable as it is honestly kind of funny.)

What The Magnus Archives characters would do with “The Sims” headcanons

Jon - Jon gets stuck on the character design section. He ends up being worried about the Sim’s outfit going together and then he’s super indecisive about hairstyles and accessories. He end’s up being overwhelmed immediately.

Martin - Martin makes a sim couple with the intent of having very mundane gameplay. However, everything somehow spirals and he ends up with one of his sim’s mass collecting everything there is to find in the world and his other Sim making non-stop cups of tea to get rid of that stupid caffeine crash moodlet.

Tim - Tim makes himself then gets into antics. Sometimes he wohoo’s the entire town. Sometimes he tries to max out skills that he’ll probably never take up in real life. Sometimes he works more normal jobs for catharsis.

Sasha - Sasha plays with mod’s. She has so many on her computer that it runs hotter than a car engine, but her favorite is her mod settings menu. She’s practical about sorting her unhinged mods like that.

Melanie - Ironically, Melanie really likes Supernatural gameplay even after everything that went down with The Institute. She really likes playing as a witch or a werewolf and then having them have insane encounters like getting abducted by aliens or planting a plant sim.

Georgie - Georgie always starts out with the mindset of “I’m going to make a Sim and play them normally,” then within 30 minutes she’s enabled every cheat in the game because she gets bored with mundane gameplay. So what if she wants to make her Sim a millionaire who can afford everything in the game ten times over?

Basira - Basira is always doing some kind of challenge. Whether it’s a legacy run or a zombie apocalypse challenge she always enjoys the game the most when it has a clear set of rules.

Daisy - Daisy is a completionist. She has to collect all the things, and max out all the skills, and earn the rewards, and work all the jobs, and earn enough money naturally in the game to buy all the things. She takes The Sims very seriously.

Peter - Peter makes a version of the apartment complex he wanted to build and lives out the dream that Gertrude killed. That is, until Gertrude finds out what he’s doing on the game and calls the papers again to tell them that Peter is doing a “trial run” of his plan. Thus, the think pieces start up again.

Elias - Elias can’t play The Sims for more than a few hours without getting bored and making a whole new story and starting a whole new life. He’s never played the game for an entire Sim’s lifetime.

Gertrude - When The Sims was first released in the year 2000 Gertrude was the first person to realize that you can drown a Sim by removing the ladder. She’s used The Sim’s plenty to plot some of her most impressive fear related takedowns.

Gerard - He makes a little sim family and then plays a shockingly mundane game of their day to day. It seems like normal gameplay at first, but the more you think about the more you’ll be convinced he needs therapy.

Michael - Michael Shelley likes to make things in build mode. He spends hours making little houses and perfecting cozy rooms that he’d love to inhabit. Distortion Michael likes to build too. Though in a different way. It likes to make confusing, uninhabitable, hallways for his Sims to traverse through.

“The Subway” but it’s season 4 and 5 Basira and Daisy. Especially this section in particular:

“Made you the villain, evil for just moving on.” - Basira being upset that Daisy wanted to move on from being an Avatar of Hunt (or more specifically being her protector) at the cost of her own life.

“I see your shadow. I see it even with the lights off.” - Basira chasing Daisy’s monstrous form through the apocalypse.

“I made a promise” - Basira shooting Daisy because she promised too.

“If in four months this feeling ain’t gone, well, fuck this city. I’m movin’ to Saskatchewan.” - Basira helping to stop the apocalypse and having to move on with her life without Daisy afterwards.

Personally I headcanon Gerard Keay’s natural hair color to be red, but I have thought about what Gerard might have thought about his natural hair color and those thoughts can’t be restrained by just one color. So here’s some little snippet’s about Gerry and his hair:

More Undercut

————————————————————————–Gerry has always hated his red hair. It attaches the color Mary taught him from a young age meant “blood” and “violence” to his very being, and that’s reason alone for him to find it distasteful.

Yet, the reason he find’s his hair so distasteful is the same reason that makes applying his hair dye so powerful. With just a box of color he can cover up the color most associated with his Mother. Making him his own even if it’s just in a metaphorical way.

He tries not to think too hard about the fact that the red never seems to cover completely.

————————————————————————–Gerry has always hated his blonde hair. It’s far too bright, far too cheery, and far too contrasting with the dark aesthetic he claims as his own. Given his string of luck he guesses he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s never managed to get rid of it completely. His light roots still peak out through the black dye of his hair. In the same way his light still shine’s no matter how much his dark world tries to cover it.

The color is a bit more enduring when he thinks about it that way. But he still refuses to like it on gothic principal.

—————————————————————————-

Gerard has always found his hair color annoying. It’s a light black shade that’s barely not dark enough to blend in with his style. It’s like when he accidentally wears two different shades of black on his shirt and on his pants. It’s just obnoxious enough to grate on his nerves. He wants to have the shade of a raven, not a crow.

Not to mention the way it somehow never manages to be fully covered by dye. Despite the fact that it’s only a shade or two lighter.

—————————————————————————-

Gerard has many complicated feelings about his hair. Though it’s not the color he feels odd about. The brown color is a nice neutral shade that reminds him of clay used to sculpt or the dirt under his palms after a close encounter with a fear that reminds him he’s still alive with the Earth.

It’s a nice color. But he just can’t move past the way his stomach flips when he remembers that he has the exact hair color as the Father he’s only seen in photo.

—————————————————————————-

Gerard isn’t surprised that his hair has started going grey so early. He’s had a short yet stressful life that has left many lasting imprints on his appearance. He notices the eye bags, and the stress lines, and scars. But the thing that gets commented on most is his silver hair that throws off people’s guess of his age range.

It was a relief to dye his hair for the first time and find that the comments died the second he applied the black dye….and resurrected in the form of everyone commenting on his bad dye job.

Some Random Magnus Archive Headcanon’s

A: Michael Shelley had visual snow syndrome, which is a condition that makes you see static. It got worse when he became The Distortion.

B: After the apocalypse Rosie Zampano tries to use her limited (but still more than most) knowledge on Elias and The Institute to help people make sense of things. Any time she comes cross someone that’s frazzled she tells me as much as she can…and before long it becomes widely know that Rosie Zampano was the apocalypses secretary. This actually launches her into a bit of a fame and she get’s quite a few “tell all” offers in the form of book deals and interview offers. Though she’s very hesitant on whether she wants to take any of them.

C: The Admiral is a manx. And I headcanon this because the manx breed was popular as ship cat due to their skilled hunting abilities…So that adds another layer to his name.

D: Gerard Keay has missing and chipped teeth on the side of his mouth from running straight into a wall while chasing someone with a Leitner.

E: Agnes Montague didn’t even like coffee, but she was so unsure of as a person that she wasn’t totally sure what drinks she liked. Most of her life was a performance, just doing she thought others wanted her to be doing, and her food and drink “preferences” were one of those things. She would loved hot chocolate.

F: Melanie’s style takes a lot of inspiration from the 80’s grunge aesthetic. She also really likes 80’s new wave music.

G: Gertrude Robinson has massive burn scars all over her body from The Desolation ritual. And bonus headcanon about The Desolation ritual: It gave her fire resistance. She can still still get burned but it takes more to burn her than the usual person.

H: Jon’s hands are chronically cold. Martin’s hands are chronically warm.

I: Danny Stoker still made mix tapes. He made a lot of them on his travels and when he returned home he would give some personally crafted ones to his friends and family. Tim keeps his in a box on his dresser.

J: Anabelle Cane was the one responsible for posting the tapes to YouTube in-universe. It wasn’t necessarily her who posted it, but she had…contingency plans to make sure the new universe knew what they were getting into.

I think one of the underrated sad things about The Magnus Archive ending is Georgie losing Jon.

While they aren’t together anymore and are in better relationships, they still cared enough about each other enough at one point that Jon felt safe going to Georgie in a time of crisis and Georgie felt comfortable letting Jon stay with her despite knowing that something weird happened with him.

Not to mention that Georgie met Jon around a year after the dead women walking stuff happened when she had “started being able to actually live again.” which means that Jon was probably one of the first relationships (romantic or platonic) she had after a major traumatic incident. Which adds another layer to the bond they had because it probably took a lot for her to connect with someone again after losing Alex.

They clearly had a very deep connection even if it wasn’t meant to be romantic forever. And Georgie loses that in a way that A: Puts her in a partial position of responsibility for it (being one of the ones to blow the Panopticon) after she had already expressed guilt to Melanie about not doing enough. And B: Doesn’t give her a ton of closure. Especially after how complicated their relationship was at the end.

Anyways I was just thinking about how Georgie is the last person Jon has a one on one conversation with outside of Martin, and I got sad again. They really deserved a better conclusion to their friendship then what they got.

The shortest possible character analysis I could give Martin Blackwood is:

If Martin was forced to be an avatar of one of the fears, he would choose to be an avatar of The Lonely.

However, if Martin was forcibly assigned a fear based on his characteristics, he would be an avatar of The Web.

POV: You’re writing dialogue for Distortion Michael:

My very non-serious Magnus Archive fear theory:

If your favorite fear is The Corruption then you’re extinction coded.

If your favorite fear is The Dark then you’re end coded.

If your favorite fear is The Eye then you’re spiral coded.

If your favorite fear is The Desolation then you’re slaughter coded.

If your favorite fear is The Lonely then you’re stranger coded.

If your favorite fear is The Slaughter then you’re the dark coded.

If your favorite fear is The Web then you’re buried coded.

If your favorite fear is The Spiral then you’re hunt coded.

If your favorite fear is The Stranger then you’re vast coded.

If your favorite fear is The Hunt then you’re flesh coded.

If your favorite fear is The Vast then you’re desolation coded.

If your favorite fear is The Flesh then you’re lonely coded.

If your favorite fear is The End then you’re eye coded.

If your favorite fear is The Extinction then you’re web coded.

If your favorite fear is The Buried then you’re corruption coded.

This theory is based on nothing other than anecdotal evidence provided by my friends.

It’s an interesting writing decision that Mary Keay and Eric Delano are never referenced as sharing a last name despite being married. Of course, in real life there’s a thousand reasons why a couple might want to keep their last names, but from strictly from a writing and character analyst perspective I think the choice is really symbolic of how Eric was disconnected from his family.

One of Mary’s major goals is that she wants a legacy that rivals the Lucas family, yet her husband doesn’t share her last name. To me this symbolic of the fact that Eric was never really a part of the dynasty that Mary wanted to build. He might have envisioned himself as such, but there was always a difference between him and a Keay,

Mary always could have taken Eric’s last name as well. However, like I was just saying, one of the most important things to her was legacy, and in the end it was more important than her relationship with Eric.

Then we get to Gerard, who has Mary’s last name and a character arc that revolves around personal anatomy. He spends his life doing what his Mother figures want and never really finding a place in the world where he belongs before he dies. And I think him having Mary’s last name is a part of that tragedy. If he had his Eric’s last name then he would share the name with someone who wanted what was best for him. But since he has Mary’s last name he’s connected to a world of fears and a legacy that he never asked for.

So TLDR: Gerard having Mary’s last name ties into his themes of always being owned by someone. Eric NOT having Mary’s last name ties into his themes of never really being a part of her world, and Mary keeping her last name ties into her themes of wanting to intertwine her name to her the fears.

Something that makes me laugh in The Magnus Archive fandom is how every character generally has an agreed upon design despite the very little physical descriptions we get of them.

Expect for Tim Stoker. Who looks different in every fanart I see of him. Yet, still looks exactly like Tim Stoker.

Gerrymichal but Michael thinks it’s hilarious to joke that he’s dating a cryptid and has made one too many people wonder if he’s dating a vampire.

Doorkeay but Gerard keeps half-heartedly trying to rationalize to wait staff why his boyfriend just turned a spoon into a top hat in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Since we’re talking about Tim Stoker physical appearance headcanons: Based on vibes I’m going with the headcanon that Tim is a hat guy in a casual environment.

He just seems like the sort of person who’d like wearing baseball caps and beanies. Especially on days when he still wants to look decent but doesn’t feel like messing with his hair.

He thinks it adds a bit of “bad boy charm” to his look, but Sasha, Martin, and Jon all (lovingly) think it just looks like he’s wearing a tacky hat.

I’m bored so here’s a ranking of the Magnus Archive fears from my favorite to least favorite: (Except I’m mostly ranking based on vibes if I’m being honest.)

1: The Eye - To the shock of no one, the person who really likes overanalyzing the Magnus Archives and whose favorite characters are Jonathan Sims and Gerard Keay thinks The Eye is the most engaging fear.

What draws me to it personally is that it’s the only fear that I think I would be enticed by in TMA universe. I’m admittedly super nosey, and on top of that I’m 100% a “I enjoyed this thing. I have to know everything about it now,” type of person. The idea that there was a mystery just outside of my grasp would make me worse so fast.

I want to think I would make better choices than Jonathan Sims but I wouldn’t.

2: The Vast - I don’t think there’s a single Vast statement that I don’t love, to the point where when reading the series for the first time anytime the words “heights” was mentioned early on I would get good and settled in because I knew the statement would end up as one of my favorites. And I was always right.

Plus, I think Michael Crew is a super engaging avatar. My one and only complaint about him is that I wish we got significantly more of his character because he was such a weird little freak in the most enduring way possible.

3: The Web - The Web does a great job of scaring me and I love it for that regard. It’s so eerie that we spend so many hours thinking The Eye is the big bad, only to be slammed with “Jon was marked by The Web first and has unintentionally been weaving it’s web the entire series.” It’s as good as a twist at is eerie to know that the cast of TMA was much more puppets on a string then they knew.

Plus, Anabelle Cane saying “Or maybe I’ve never even been to a beach,” is easily a standout line in the series for me. And while I personally think her backstory was real, I love that we never get to know. Regardless if she’s manipulating with a truth or a lie, she successfully pushes Jon in the direction she wants him to go all the same. And that’s what The Web is all about.

4: The Spiral - I really love the sheer bizarreness of The Spiral. I really like having a fear that you can’t actually understand because it can be too many things at once yet nothing at all in the same breath. I feel like all the Spiral statement are really good at making you FEEL disoriented too. The one about “The Man Who Wasn’t There” does such a good job at making you feel like you’re understanding what you’re reading but also…not at the same time.

Plus, who doesn’t love Michael and Helen? I really enjoyed the “Kinda on your side but not really because I’m a liar” dynamic that they both had with The Institute. Also I could analyze about where Michael and Helen start and where The Distortion stops forever. It’s not often we get unwilling avatars who were put in that position fully against their will. (Expect for Agnes, but we don’t get to meet her so we don’t really explore that concept with her directly.)

5: The Stranger - The Not! Them is super creepy. The skin stealing is super creepy. Not being able to trust that you’re loved ones are your loved ones is super creepy. The clowns and circus aesthetic are super creepy.

But so engaging to hear about it. I love all The Stranger plotlines from the statements, to The Not! Sasha debacle, to Tim’s story, and to the gorilla skin plot that makes us learn more about Gertrude. If nothing else The Stranger knows how to set up a story.

6: The Extinction - It’s just one of the more unsettling fears for me and I love how unique all the (possible) Extinction related statements are. Yeah from here on all my explanations are going to be short because I’m going mostly on vibes.

7: The End - Oliver Banks is the love of my life and the way The End manifests compared to other fears is so interesting. Please tell me more about prophetic dreams and weird tendrils. I’m interested in hearing it. (Plus! I really like the role The End plays in The Apocalypse, but that’s going to be a long analyze at some point.)

8: The Hunt - The hunter’s instincts to hunt is just me when I’m hyperfixating on something.

9: The Slaughter - All in all I really enjoy slaughter based statements. But that’s not shocking considering I love history and slasher horror movies.

10: The Desolation - This is one is weird for me to rank because I don’t really care all that much about the cult stuff to be honest, but Agnes’s story is so good that it doesn’t really matter. The Desolation deserves to be in the top ten for being so connected to Agnes’s story. (Though I don’t really have a lot of feelings toward it compared to the other fears to be honest.)

11: The Corruption - I’m torn between really loving The Corruption, and being too disgusted to relisten to any of it’s stories. I was full on clutching my pearls during the story about picking up a body from a nursing home…but like, not totally in a bad way. More in a “This is a great but I never want to hear about it again,” type of way.

12: The Lonely - The Lonely is a weird one for me because without psychoanalyzing myself too much I really relate to the way Martin feels The Lonely and I can see from a personal level how it would draw someone in. But it still never really had that kick for me like the higher ranking fears did. Why? IDK. I think it almost felt too relatable to me to enjoy fully, and with that said I’m not going to think about it a lot more because I do not have money for a therapist right now.

13: The Buried - Yeah this one’s cool. I don’t have a lot to say outside of that.

14: The Flesh - This fear ended up being unintentionally funny to me a lot of the time. Apparently I find the concept of random meat really funny, which I can safely say is not something I would have learned about myself with TMA.

15: The Dark - Maybe I’m just not super into cult stuff but The Dark just never really connected with me as an entity. It’s not at the bottom because I don’t like it or think that it’s poorly written, it’s at the bottom because I’m pretty indifferent towards it and it’s stories TBH.

There’s both a tragedy and an irony that Gertrude couldn’t find peace from the rituals in death.

There’s a tragedy because Gertrude spent her entire life trying to save the world from becoming a living hell, only to be dug up and forced to assistant a ritual in what became her final involvement with them. This moment goes against everything Gertrude wanted. And also really shows hard it is to escape the fears once you’ve been pulled into that world. Even in death it’s not necessarily something you’re going to be able to free yourself from. Regardless if you’ve fought tooth and nail to remain as distanced as you possibly can, just like Gertrude did.

However, there’s an irony in it because using people as pawns in rituals is something Gertrude was a pro at. She sacrificed Jan and Michael to stop The Buried and The Spiral, and she talks about the idea of using Gerard to stop The Unknowing before he passes. She’s not at all above using other people like objects if push comes to shove, so there is an irony in her final involvement in ritual being a monster using her skin as a prop.

I love when the series backs up my complicated feelings on Gertrude with moments like these. Yes, it’s a tragedy that Gertrude’s last involvement with a ritual was assisting it against her will. But also …yes, Gertrude would have also been equally willing to use someone else’s skin for her own advantage. Ask Gerard.

Overall I prefer the concept that Michael Shelley knew something was going on in The Institute even if he didn’t know the details like everyone. However, I do find the concept that he’s just THAT unaware really funny.

Emma keeps coming in with a clump of cobwebs in her hair and Michael wonders to himself how he can gift a coworker anti-dandruff shampoo without coming across as rude.

Eric’s intimidating girlfriend keeps showing up to get him for dates with red on her hands, and Michael’s super excited about it because she’s clearly a painter and Eric would be great with someone creative.

Fiona keeps being brought back to The Institute passed out, and each time Michael just dims the lights and throws a blanket over her because the poor women clearly isn’t getting enough sleep. There’s one time he almost asks if she’s alright, but he doesn’t want to be nosey and pry.

James (Jonah) mentions a detail about Michael’s weekend that he didn’t bring up on his own, and Michael feels self-conscious because he must be REALLY predictable if James can guess the events of his off-time so well even despite the fact that weekend was the first time he went rock-climbing.

Gertrude comes back to the office surrounded by smoke and carrying a lighter in her hand. Michael is upset by the sight and almost says something about it, but then he thinks to himself “At her age a smoke isn’t so bad I suppose. As long as it doesn’t become a habit.” Then he goes back to filing statements thinking about the future “No Smoking” intervention he might have to throw at his job.

Jon and Tim will never not have an insane dynamic to me.

They aren’t even friends for 2/3 of the seasons of they interact, and yet when Tim dies it kills Jon’s humanity.

Not in a metaphorical sense either. In a quite literal sense as the events of the series are: Tim detonates off a bomb. The explosion kills him and mortally injuries Jon in a way that would have killed anyone else. Therefore, Jon has to give up his humanity and become an avatar to pull through.

Jon ending up as The Archivist is a direct consequence of him telling Tim to pull the trigger. It’s a direct consequence of him letting Tim go so he can keep an eye on him instead of leaving him back at The Institute.

It’s a direct consequence of him losing another friend.

Nearly everything that happens in Season 4 and 5 is because of the moment Jon and Tim’s arc come to end and their friendship ends for good. I know the phrase “haunt the narrative” gets tossed around a lot, but Tim really does haunt the rest of the series of the form of the numerus consequences that come from the aftermath of The Unknowing.

And quite frankly I don’t think Tim would want to haunt Jon is any other way.

I think early seasons Jonmartin is the funniest TMA ship to imagine the “only one bed” trope for.

Because Jon would be in full “I can’t sleep next to Martin! He’s suspicious!” mode and end up in some stupid self-inflicted scenario where he was sleeping in the elevator or on the roof.

Then meanwhile Martin would be back in the room going: “Its nice of him to let me have the bed. He can be a lot more considerate than he lets on sometimes.”

TMA characters but it’s just media that I’ve hyperfixated on before that I think they’d like:

RIP Jonathan Sims, you would have loved “Marble Hornets.”

RIP Martin Blackwood, you would have loved “Undertale.”

RIP Tim Stoker, you would have loved “Date Everything.”

RIP Sasha James, you would have loved “Gravity Falls.”

RIP Basira Hussain, you would have loved “Squid Games.”

RIP Daisy Tonner, you would have loved “The Wolf Amoung Us.”

RIP Georgie Barker, you would have loved “Scooby Doo.”

RIP Melanie King, you would have loved “Telltale’s Batman.” / RIP Melanie King, you would have loved “Bojack Horseman.”

RIP Gertrude Robinson, you would have loved “World Of Zoo.”

RIP Gerard Keay, you would have loved “Supernatural.”

RIP Michael Shelley, you would have loved the “Life Is Strange” franchise.

RIP Annabelle Cane, you would have loved “The Sims.”

Y'know that post that’s like “It’s okay to be a little unwell about the things you enjoy. If you thinking Naruto would be proud of you for brushing your teeth makes you brush them, then consider Naruto’s feelings all you want.”

Well I got my wisdom teeth out two days ago, and as someone with a medical anxiety I was very nervous about the surgery. So one of the ways that I helped keep myself together was unironically thinking “If flesh avatars can exist in TMA and not be whiny about it, then there’s no reason why I can’t get through a minor oral surgery.”

And then I did. So just so you know, there’s at least one person in the universe who thought about Jared Hopworth while actively being sedated for wisdom teeth extraction.

We know that The Distortion has a yellow door that can lead anywhere, including to it’s center.

And in “Killing Floor” we hear about a green door that’s supposed to lead outside but actually lead’s it’s victim deeper into a flesh dominion-eques slaughterhouse.

So. I’m choosing to headcanon that all the fears have a different colored door attached to them that can lead into their dominion. The Distortion uses theirs the most since “weird door that doesn’t lead where it should” is right up madness alley, but the other fears can utilize theirs as well in certain situations.

Gerrymichael AU where Gerard and Michael are trying to keep their relationship private from The Institute since Gerard is aware of all the ways the fears could use it to their advantage.

Which goes poorly.

Michael is a chronic talker and over explainer. All it takes is Emma asking him ONCE why he’s not doing over time as often for him to break and admit that he’s seeing someone. When she asks who he resists for only a few seconds before crumbling under her curious stare and guilt about lying. He says that he’s seeing a “goth guy” but can’t say names for privacy reasons. Not that it matters when everyone has noticed that Gerard keeps popping into The Institute for “no real reason.”

Then meanwhile Gerard has never thought about the words coming out of his mouth a day in his life and has verbally admitted to dating Michael on five different occasions without even fully realizing it.

So yeah. Gerrymichael AU where they think they’re in a secret romance while everyone and their Mother knows.

The Magnus Archives but it’s what I think a Not Them version of each character would be like.

A Not Them version of Jon would be a signifyingly worst Archivist but a better stalker. They’d ramp up surveillance on members of The Institute, both to monitor them on the circus’s behalf, and to increase Tim, Sasha, and Martin’s paranoia as they start noticing “Jon” lurking around their private lives more often.

A Not Them version of Martin slightly sabotages Jon in ways that increases his paranoia but aren’t overt enough to get on Tim and Sasha’s radar. They add a small amount of salt to his tea. They “accidentally” break some of Jon’s tape recorders. They stare at him for just a little too long. It sets Jon on edge and it makes Sasha and Tim even more distrusting of Jon because from their perspective he’s being overly suspicious of sweet Martin for no reason.

A Not Them version of Melanie King is extremely accommodating and kind to Jon. They bring him snacks unprompted. They help Jon tidy his desk before work. They bring him small gifts that they think he’ll enjoy. It freaks Jon all the way out because he knew how Melanie felt about him before her sudden shift in personality, but Basira, Daisy, Martin and Tim keep brushing him off because “Why are you scared and agitated that Melanie wants to be your friend?”

A Not Them version of Tim Stoker get’s really into clowns and circuses all the sudden. They starts decorating their desk in odd clown memorabilia and when their coworkers ask what that’s about they just shrugs and says it’s a new hobby of theirs. Jon wouldn’t think too much about it since Tim could be a bit excitable in the past, but he’s also noticed that they’re being FAR more open about Danny than they ever have been before. They even go into unsettling details about his death. Something that Jon notes as particularly weird after Tim spent years not mentioning that he had a sibling.

A Not Them version of Elias Bouchard sabotages the Institute workers jobs. Jon comes into work and finds a bunch of statements related to The Strangers have been misplaced. Martin goes to take a follow up statement on “Elias’s” request and finds himself at the address of an decrepit building, meanwhile Jon is getting himself into trouble. Sasha keeps finding things missing in artifact storage, and Tim has been demoted from doing anything even slightly important.

A Not Them version of Peter Lucas starts to hang around The Institute a lot. They’re always in Elias’s office to talk about “updates” on the circus situation, or just hanging around the break room trying to ask Martin how stopping The Unknowing’s going. They’re just this looming presence that no one in the main cast knows what to make of.

A Not Them version of Gertrude starts to send her assistants on more and more terrifying tasks. They ask Eric to stick his arm in the mouth of a flesh creature to “make sure nothing’s in there.” They ask Fiona to work in the dark because “studies have shown it increases productivity.” They give Michael conflicting and confusing tasks that he could never actually complete then act disappointed when he “fails.” They fed off the fear of Gertrude’s assistants like a five course meal.

A Not Them version of Daisy encourages Jon to add less security to The Archives since they’re there to protect everyone now. They don’t need all the sprinklers, or panic rooms, or fire extinguishers. All they need is good old reliable Daisy.

A Not Them version of Basira is extremely encouraging of Jon to put himself in danger to find answers. They tell him it wouldn’t be a half bad idea to explore the theater alone since, “less numbers mean less of a chance of getting caught.” They tell him that if they find the singing coffin he, Martin, Tim, and Sasha should consider going inside so “they know for sure what’s in there.” They tell him that he should handle the artifacts in storage more to make sure they don’t have any answers. They’re Jon’s worst enabler so they can fed off the fear that comes from his bad decisions.

A Not Them version of Georgie really wants to be involved with Jon’s statements all of the sudden. They start sitting with him while he reads, and asking him follow up questions because they’re just so nervous about what Jon’s got himself into. Jon is so happy to have the support that he would completely unaware that anything was wrong if The Admiral didn’t start hissing at Georgie all the sudden.

A Not Them version of Gerard Keay starts to collect Leitner’s instead of burning them. They tell Gertrude that they should rethink the way they view Leitner’s as they could be used if they were hoarded while they can’t if they’re discarded. Gertrude catches on within a day.

Putting “I pay a lot of attention to detail,” on my resume because I listened to The Magnus Archives and had to remember all the names.

I am a firm believer that Gerard Keay would be have the worst love/hate relationship with the show “Supernatural.”

On one hand: The way it treats monsters is very inaccurate to Gerard’s lived experience and sometimes the writing on the show is just downright bad.

One the other hand: The early seasons aesthetic is right up his alley and the shows themes about family get him. Not to mention that while the show can be bad it’s usually in a campy way that’s pretty enduring.

Basically if you ask Gerard Keay if he likes “Supernatural” he’ll sigh a long time and say “Yeah,” before admitting he’s watched all 15 seasons multiple time.