2025-12-08 12:14:10 ¶ ●

man, i will never get used to the emotional toll of being disabled. was meant to go to a thing tonight which i’ve been excited about for six months, but i’m so tired i don’t think i have it in me to leave the house. self-forgiveness is really tough when it feels like the world is just taking things from me all the time and never giving back. i suppose the upside is i’m hanging out with some friends online tonight instead which can be done from bed. still. it isn’t fair and it never will be.

2025-12-08 12:28:50 ¶ ●

and now i have a supervision on wednesday which i am in no way prepared for whatsoever.

2025-12-10 14:31:00 ¶ ●

lo and behold, my supervision went much better than expected and now i just have to get through therapy without feeling like i’m shattering into a thousand pieces.

told my supervisor how apathetic i’ve become in regards to the thesis and she was like oh cool how did you manage that. and i didn’t have the heart to tell her that i’m actually just putting way more emotional stock in writing gay fanfiction now (which she would have found cool because i know she knows what fanfic is and is a fiction writer herself) so instead i just said i’m so tired that i don’t care about the end product any more. which i suppose in a way is true. the thesis is temporary, my fanfiction will be on ao3 for (i hope) forever.

2025-12-20 10:58:44 ¶ ●

today i am unending frustration and it’s not even 9am yet.

2025-12-20 13:22:23 ¶ ●

okay, whatever im feeling is here to stay, so it’s time for some tma s4 action to get me through some more work. i need to remember how peter talks for. reasons.