man, i will never get used to the emotional toll of being disabled. was meant to go to a thing tonight which i’ve been excited about for six months, but i’m so tired i don’t think i have it in me to leave the house. self-forgiveness is really tough when it feels like the world is just taking things from me all the time and never giving back. i suppose the upside is i’m hanging out with some friends online tonight instead which can be done from bed. still. it isn’t fair and it never will be.
and now i have a supervision on wednesday which i am in no way prepared for whatsoever.
lo and behold, my supervision went much better than expected and now i just have to get through therapy without feeling like i’m shattering into a thousand pieces.
told my supervisor how apathetic i’ve become in regards to the thesis and she was like oh cool how did you manage that. and i didn’t have the heart to tell her that i’m actually just putting way more emotional stock in writing gay fanfiction now (which she would have found cool because i know she knows what fanfic is and is a fiction writer herself) so instead i just said i’m so tired that i don’t care about the end product any more. which i suppose in a way is true. the thesis is temporary, my fanfiction will be on ao3 for (i hope) forever.
can’t sleep thinking about elias in a prison uniform. like you just know he looked good. and was probably fucking smug about it too. anyway I think something might be wrong with me.
today i am unending frustration and it’s not even 9am yet.
okay, whatever im feeling is here to stay, so it’s time for some tma s4 action to get me through some more work. i need to remember how peter talks for. reasons.
fruitzzone:
lonelyeyes are so aromantic to me you guys have no idea. i can’t imagine those two expressing any romantic feelings towards each other whatsoever. but putting the money aside does that mean they can’t have fun together? can’t have a strange kind of fondness for one another?
they love to fuck around making stupid bets and causing chaos (chaos is an understatement but you get the point). they love to argue for the sole purpose of getting each other riled up. it’s their love language. oh peter wants to be alone? too bad, i’ll pay him a visit and annoy him all day. as a treat. jonah is going to prison? hell yeah dude finally some peace and quiet. i’m throwing a party that i’m not gonna attend, he’s gonna watch.
getting married and divorced 17 times a year out of pettiness? why not! mind you they prolly have a nice fear snack tormenting all the people involved in the legal aspect of it every time.
and don’t even get me started on the homoerotic tension between those two. jonah magnus the manwhore you are. getting a kick out of teasing a lonely avatar and making sure he feels perceived and seen at the same time giving your patron dinner. truly poetic. and peter lukas not being able to resist that evil twink. annoying but hot, the audacity.
legends say every now and then when they get bored with the horrors and particularly touch starved they cuddle. peter disappears after a while and jonah curses him because now he’s cold and has to hug a pillow and wrap himself in a blanket instead. goddamn lonely.
something something jon and elias wearing each other’s clothes to work after they start seeing each other but they both dress in such similar outfits all the time that it takes virtually everyone in the institute a few months to realise that they don’t just buy clothes from the same brands or anything.
