man, i will never get used to the emotional toll of being disabled. was meant to go to a thing tonight which i’ve been excited about for six months, but i’m so tired i don’t think i have it in me to leave the house. self-forgiveness is really tough when it feels like the world is just taking things from me all the time and never giving back. i suppose the upside is i’m hanging out with some friends online tonight instead which can be done from bed. still. it isn’t fair and it never will be.
and now i have a supervision on wednesday which i am in no way prepared for whatsoever.
lo and behold, my supervision went much better than expected and now i just have to get through therapy without feeling like i’m shattering into a thousand pieces.
told my supervisor how apathetic i’ve become in regards to the thesis and she was like oh cool how did you manage that. and i didn’t have the heart to tell her that i’m actually just putting way more emotional stock in writing gay fanfiction now (which she would have found cool because i know she knows what fanfic is and is a fiction writer herself) so instead i just said i’m so tired that i don’t care about the end product any more. which i suppose in a way is true. the thesis is temporary, my fanfiction will be on ao3 for (i hope) forever.
can’t sleep thinking about elias in a prison uniform. like you just know he looked good. and was probably fucking smug about it too. anyway I think something might be wrong with me.
today i am unending frustration and it’s not even 9am yet.
okay, whatever im feeling is here to stay, so it’s time for some tma s4 action to get me through some more work. i need to remember how peter talks for. reasons.
something something jon and elias wearing each other’s clothes to work after they start seeing each other but they both dress in such similar outfits all the time that it takes virtually everyone in the institute a few months to realise that they don’t just buy clothes from the same brands or anything.