rip magnus archives crew but I’m built different. if my boss was literally all-knowing and couldn’t fire me, I’d be in his office all day asking him questions about everything. I wouldn’t use google anymore. I’d be like “what’s the rarest kind of tree frog” and he’d be like “shut up please shut up” but he’d tell me the answer every time.

and then I’d go home and immediately call him and be like “hey elias I forgot what time I put the burekas in the oven, how much longer should I leave them in”

and he’d be like “I hate you so much. you put them in 12:42. they should come out at 1:12”

Elias Bouchard’s Observations of the Archivist’s Progress

day 23

I told the Archivist to get a follow-up statement from Sharon Menon. He began asking questions like “Who’s Sharon Menon?” and “How do I contact her?”

We have a long way to go, but these are hurdles we will overcome.

day 157

I sent the Archivist to buy more stationary from Monde du Papier, a store he’s never heard of in a neighborhood he’s never been to.

He managed to navigate there successfully, but paused frequently as if unsure of himself.

day 202

At the start of our quarterly meeting, I asked in Swedish for the Archivist to retrieve my Montblanc pen from my office. I intentionally left it in the bottom drawer rather than in the cup on the desk.

The Archivist returned in four minute with the pen.

postscript: Upon his return, Mr. Blackwood asked him what language I spoke in, to which he appeared confused.

For someone who has made such progress in Knowing, he seems to remain rather unaware.

tim: I feel like I’m being watched

elias: ehehehe I have nooo idea what you mean!! that’s so weird who could possibly be watching you?? eye would never 🤭

jonathan sims, though the walls of his office: SUPPLEMENTAL: tim had 12 eggs for breakfast. that’s too many eggs. I don’t think he’s human.

elias: …

tim: …

elias: OH you meant– yeah jonathan’s definitely stalking you. you should probably confront him about that.

love how everyone draws the archives squad with glasses because it implies elias is playing the dangerous game of hiring a bunch of people who already have impaired vision

he makes them all get monthly eye exams to make sure their vision isn’t getting any worse

he probably enjoys the thrill of having another risk factor involved in his schemes