My pitch for the tma Christmas special Jonny and Alex joke about in one of the Q and As is as follows:
- Annabelle is the narrator connecting the bits, rhyming “twas the night before Christmas” style
- Nikola posing as a mall Santa to scare children. Breekon and Hope are dressed as elves
- An eye-alligned statement about a child overcome with paranoia at the thought of Santa watching their every move to determine whether or not they are naughty or nice.
- Martin shopping for a gift for Jon but being unable to find anything that can’t be associated with the entities in some way. He is accompanied by the rest of the archival gang (aka Tim, Sasha) who suggests the worst possible gifts on purpose.
- A buried themed statement about the terror of Christmas shopping. both the pressure of finding the right gift and the literal sensation of being suffocated by crowds of shoppers
- a Christmas carol parody- in which Jon falls asleep at his desk after staying late at work, despite it being Christmas eve. he is greeted by the “Ghosts” of Gertrude, Gerry and…idk Leitner?? all of whom detail the miserable Christmases they’ve had, lost in their work on the entities
- Gerry cautions Jon to at least try and enjoy the holidays, Jon wakes up, realizes the true meaning of Christmas, throws his phone into the ocean and starts running towards the airport (or rather, martin), etc etc
- avatar holiday party hosted at the institute that goes horribly wrong, set from Rosie’s POV as she watches the chaos unfold.
- Melanie at a bar with Daisy and Basira getting Christmas drinks, with Melanie complaining about Georgie being busy. the bit is quick, ending when the trio realizes that the band about to do a cover of The Ramones “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight)” is in fact Grifter’s Bone. insert joke here about not getting a day off on the holidays
- The penultimate segment is an episode of What the Ghost! In which Georgie attempts her usual spooky fair, but laments not being able to spend it with Melanie, busy on the grind (mattress ads).
- speaking of ads, they’re egregious this episode, finally causing Georgie to break, ranting about how Christmas shouldn’t be the commercial juggernaut it is today, but an honest religious tradition, a simple time to spend with those you love. This last comment has Georgie trailing off, before signing off abruptly, audibly running out of the room
the finale is where all our unrelated bits converge:
- Martin, Tim and Sasha go shopping for gifts at the same shopping center where Nikola is terrorizing children
- the two statement givers from before are there as well (one is currently being crushed under a fallen display while the other is in line to meet Nikola Claus)
- Tim sees Nikola and it’s on SIGHT. the parents are horrified as he destroys the display and violently attacks what they thought was Santa Claus but the kids think he’s a hero
- the girls show up from the bar where they may or may not have made a row about a fake fire to get the bar to evacuate, which then escalated into a real fire
- Jon and Georgie burst in at almost the exact same moment, awkwardly acknowledge each other, respectfully giving the other the space to have their Big Romantic Hallmark Movie Moment
- martin realizes he still hasn’t found a gift for Jon, when Jon says he doesn’t care about trivial material things, he’d be happy if martin had just written him a poem, honestly
- martin, who has spent the last month writing about candle-lit windows and sparkling snowfall in the city and the orange glow of streetlights on his boyfriend’s face: uhhhh funny you mention that-
- martin’s poem blends in with annabelle’s narration as she addresses us, announcing how she set everything up to happen from the start, it was her all along, also maybe the non-canoncial aspect is explaine by her looking into other realities via the crack in hilltop road. she wishes us all a very scary christmas and launches the tape into the void, presumably to entrap more people into the web’s seasonal scheming
this post is too long and sincere to even constitute a joke and i’m ashamed of it. genuinely apologizing for putting this on your dash. happy holidays.