hatersmad:

grad students who actually use the statements for research purposes listening to jon ramble into the tape recorder:

Oh my God, I forgot that there is canonically a group of researchers and grad students that listen to Jon’s recordings, and now I’m just trying to to think of which genre of post-statement is funniest to imagine them listening to. You’ve got:

“I fucking hate Martin”

“In unrelated news, I’m being stalked by an evil bug lady”

“I don’t know if I’m still human. I don’t really know what it means to be human, or if human vs inhuman is even a meaningful distinction, but I’m worried that I might become dangerous, and I’m terrified of hurting someone”

“I miss Martin, why won’t he talk to me?”