The other day, I went to Home Goods with my sister, and I like looking at the furniture and judging the items. So we were in the lamp section, and we saw one of the ugliest lamps I’ve ever seen in person.

It had, what I think are meant to be, oysters all around it, but I was immediately like “ that looks like a ton of vaginas, right?” And my sister agreed. So then, out loud, I called it the lampussy, I said that out loud in a store, where other people can hear me, and I don’t know how to feel about that.