schitt’s creek au where simon fairchild defrauds peter and elias of their fortunes and they’re forced to fall back on their one remaining asset, the tiny middle of nowhere town of Lonely, NL that elias bought peter for his birthday as a joke
The only reason why elias isnt the slaughter is because he’s too fucking smug and likes to lord shit over people and the slaughter didn’t want to deal with his weasel ass. Thats it.
Sure jon you rip statements from peoples heads but have you ever gone fucking ape shit after peter said “well they are to me” during a debate on if a turtle was an amphibian or not like it was an actual fucking argument after both beholding powers andgoogle proved him wrong and broken his nose and then tried to beat him to death with a paperweight? No? You’re not feral then
One time he shot simon fairchild in the thigh during a debate over “balancing the powers” and they didn’t talk for 20 years. Another time he dumped his cocktail on peter at a party and then broke the stem off and used it to stab him in the chest (because elias is 5’4 inches of BARELY repressed rage and could not reach his throat). No yelling or really visible anger preceded these moments just 0-60 pure violence. Peter called him “eli” to annoy him one time at a budget meeting with the fairchilds and elias stabbed him through the palm with a letter opener and pinned his hand to the table. Jon is a little fucking baby in the woods compared to elias/jonah who used to use his beholding powers to blackmail his way out of prison on assault charges until he discovered the meditative powers of budgeting and microsoft excel. He’s hideously fucking boring until the rabies switch gets flipped and he fucking kills someone with a plastic fork because they cut him in line at a cafe.
I need more violence from yall when you write jonalias “microbursts of homicidal rage” magchard mf has 100% broken a wine bottle over peters head during a funding dispute. Peter was fine of course but it was still a fucking insane thing to do and elias refuses to acknowledge that it happened. Yall call jon feral but elias pipe murdered a dude and then called it an “overreaction”. Hes a rabid fucking animal masquerading as the most boring occultist in the world in a Dolce&Gabbana suit.
in the tma sitcom au there’s an episode where jon tells the others about the beholding and basira’s like “you got beholdinged?” and melanie’s like “it’s beholded” and they go back and forth and it gets super heated and everyone has to pick a side it becomes a whole thing and it lasts all day and elias is in his office watching the feud go down and then when it reaches a fever pitch he sends them all a mass text that just says “beheld.”
elias really is the funniest motherfucker in tma. like he doesn’t do jack shit for two thirds of the show and then suddenly he brutally murders a senior citizen with a pipe. and then he continues to do absolutely nothing™️ only now more ominously. and then he gets thrown in prison and he CONTINUES to do NOTHING except troll his ex employees.
